FitChick Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I think she makes points that are valid for both men and women. Going out with a few Mr. or Ms. Wrongs can help you recognize Mr. or Ms. Right. Men may think, sure she can get a hundred dates so she must be hot. Well, she clearly got rejected many times. Everyone gets rejected. Instead of dwelling on this, learn from it. You may have a happy result to make all of your searching worthwhile. 3
threebyfate Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Something about this article read like a romance novel. So I googled the name and found this freelance writer with the same name, who coincidentally, was a technical writer who got laid off and began writing romance novels. Anne Marsh - Hot Books and Sexy Heroes 1
carhill Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Regarding the premise, that 'wrongs' teach what's right, the breadth and length of that process would necessarily depend on the individual's ability to absorb and process and learn from experiences. We're all different in that regard. Though I've experienced far beyond 100 rejections in my life, I doubt I'll ever date 100 people or anything even close to that. Some of us have to learn from fewer data points. Different strokes. 2
Author FitChick Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 She probably used some of her dating experiences in her books. I doubt every guy she dated had a glamorous job. Literary license. She also probably didn't want someone suing her if they recognized themselves. Years ago, when OLD was somewhat new, a British journalist friend wrote a story about my OLD adventures for a UK newspaper. She changed my name, their names, occupations and what had transpired on the dates to make it more entertaining. It wasn't flattering to the men, which bothered me. It practically bordered on fiction. I recall thinking, I'll never believe anything I read in a newspaper again! 1
threebyfate Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 She probably used some of her dating experiences in her books. I doubt every guy she dated had a glamorous job. Literary license. She also probably didn't want someone suing her if they recognized themselves. Years ago, when OLD was somewhat new, a British journalist friend wrote a story about my OLD adventures for a UK newspaper. She changed my name, their names, occupations and what had transpired on the dates to make it more entertaining. It wasn't flattering to the men, which bothered me. It practically bordered on fiction. I recall thinking, I'll never believe anything I read in a newspaper again!Yeah well, it's obvious that it's fluffed up beyond recall. Most of what she states can be summarized in a paragraph. "Hi, my name is Anne Marsh. Dating all these men validated my self-worth and taught me to set boundaries and not be afraid to assert them. The End." But all she did was attempt to tap self-esteem from her readers. Annoying.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I don't think that dating 100 men in 6 months is that much...If she uses OLD and is not too picky, it's easily done, even for girls that are not drop dead gorgeous. 1
Later82012 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Regarding the premise, that 'wrongs' teach what's right, the breadth and length of that process would necessarily depend on the individual's ability to absorb and process and learn from experiences. We're all different in that regard. Though I've experienced far beyond 100 rejections in my life, I doubt I'll ever date 100 people or anything even close to that. Some of us have to learn from fewer data points. Different strokes. I think the smarter ones learn and get better while with most the more they date the more negative they become. 1
Imported Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 She probably saved a lot of money on her food expenditure. 1
Dreamless Sleep Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I liked the read. I'd like to think I had the fortitude to do the same. But I doubt it. It sounds like a full time job to search for each 'date' follow up with chat or calls and pass onto the next one. It's not organic but neither is OLD. A complete lack of physical contact is interesting. Again, I'm not sure I wouldn't slip into the same trap she describes previously encountering from the physical contact. It's definitely food for thought. 1
Radu Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 A man is not a trophy, or something that necessarily has to look good in your Manhattan penthouse, a man is supposed to be your friend and pillar of strength, many of these men don't necessarily come in models such as doctor or a millionaire. Sex and the City dissagrees with you.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 When done full force, OLD feels like a full time job to me. 4
Greznog Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 This is a fairly common timeline for women, sleep around during your teens and twenties and then using your last years of semi decent looks to hook a good man.
Emilia Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Maybe it's the definition of 'dating'. Have a coffee and a drink with someone for a chat doesn't count as dating in my book. She had a lot of meetings with strangers. 3
carhill Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 That's a good point. My definition of 'dating' is when I ask an otherwise unknown or platonically known woman to join me specifically for the purpose of getting to know her better for romantic relations. This would preclude any meeting over business and/or shared interests. If there isn't a specific 'reason' (outlined prior) for the invitation and I find her attractive, then it's asking her on a date. The rejection tally prior was based upon that definition. Amongst female friends/business colleagues, there have been countless (thousands) times where we had conflicting schedules or a meeting didn't work out. Those don't count (as rejections) because there is no romance intended nor inferred. Since the article's subject apparently responded to approaches on internet dating sites, I would consider her experiences to be 'dates', from a man's perspective. 1
joystickd Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I have always thought dating was for the purpose of getting to know someone so it maybe could transition to a relationship. Everyone has these definitions of dating to fit their own ego. I mean mention multidating people have a fit. I just always considered that dating. Then some scream about dating exclusively but to me that is a relationship. So many egos created this thing to where dating is now like being in a relationship and being in a relationship is like being in a marriage. It's no wonder some men push for sex early hell you want them to be tied down when you are only dating. 2
SmileFace Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 This really doesn't seem like a good idea to me. I couldn't pick up and drop people so easily.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Jesus Christ... As a statistician, I was determined to play the numbers game. The more men I go on dates with, the better my chances. It hasn't quite worked out like that. It has desensitized me to romance, rejection and just about everything else, which may be a good thing. Nowdays, if a guy doesn't call after a date, I barely notice. Few years ago, it used to hit me deeply. 2
Emilia Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Since the article's subject apparently responded to approaches on internet dating sites, I would consider her experiences to be 'dates', from a man's perspective. I suppose my point is that having that first meeting with a complete stranger from an OLD site isn't necessarily a date. Some people aren't even on those sites because they are looking for a relationship or even sex, some are just trying to fill out whatever void they have in their lives. OLD is a huge database, resumes with photos. Picking someone off it to meet up doesn't seem to have sufficient depth to it to call it a date. It's just my definition though. To me a date has sexual and romantic connotations, first meeting off OLD doesn't seem to have that. 1
Emilia Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 As a statistician, I was determined to play the numbers game. The more men I go on dates with, the better my chances. It hasn't quite worked out like that. Of course not. Quality over quantity any time. You miss the good ones in the rush. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Of course not. Quality over quantity any time. You miss the good ones in the rush. You may have a point. They are all "numbers" to me at this stage and I can't differentiate between them apart from looking at stats: job, age, height etc. I may be missing on some genuine connections... 1
Forever Learning Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Thanks for this article FitChick! I thought it was a great read and very insightful! I learned alot. I don't see any harm, and I do see alot of benefit, for anyone of either gender to do what the author of the article did. She screened guys online, found guys she was interested in. I like the idea of a brief daytime meeting for coffee or some other non-alcoholic drink, that doesn't involve anyone paying for more than that. I also like the idea of meeting with alot of people, over time. This is really a great way to get to know the opposite sex, and get a feel for who you are compatible with, and who you aren't, without any physical contact involved in the equation, to make things confusing via brain chemicals (oxytocin, the bonding chemical she mentioned). It's a real problem for women who don't know any better. And even some who do! It makes things confusing for women, in my opinion (getting physical too soon). I think that is part of the point the author is making in the article. I really enjoyed this article. Awesome! 1
CptSaveAho Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 You may have a point. They are all "numbers" to me at this stage and I can't differentiate between them apart from looking at stats: job, age, height etc. I may be missing on some genuine connections... LOL Looking to "settle" Looking for the cardboard cut of out of the man instead of the actual man... See you on the separation and divorce forum in a few years
Anela Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 This is a fairly common timeline for women, sleep around during your teens and twenties and then using your last years of semi decent looks to hook a good man. The more I read this here on the forum, the more I wish I'd actually done that. I might be less awkward around men, for one thing, and I would have at least had some fun. I'm one of the "good" girls who has had no luck finding a match. A good man won't only be concerned about my "semi-decent good looks". 1
Anela Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 LOL Looking to "settle" Looking for the cardboard cut of out of the man instead of the actual man... See you on the separation and divorce forum in a few years If she was looking to settle, she could have already done that. 2
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