Ladydrib Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 It's a huge step in letting go. It is very hard to do, but it's incredible because the very act of doing something irreversable, is itself "letting go". It's funny, you jump that hurdle and get to the other side, not expecting it, but all of a sudden most of the work is done. If you want to let go, delete those pictures, emails, and texts! Who cares if you can't get them back if it means getting your dignity, self control, and life back?! Who cares how good reading them made you feel if you hurt from the mixed signals and indecision most of your time... You know, once you let go, everything starts getting better, pretty quickly! You'll be surprised, as well as proud and energized. Good luck! 9
Miss Olivia Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I can't agree with this. It usually gets worse before it gets better. Letting go is a long, painful process that can take years depending on the level of attachment and feelings. You can delete pictures, letters, whatever but it will take a while to delete heartache.
Author Ladydrib Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 I can't agree with this. It usually gets worse before it gets better. Letting go is a long, painful process that can take years depending on the level of attachment and feelings. You can delete pictures, letters, whatever but it will take a while to delete heartache. I guess everyone is different. For me it's been 1.5 years with him. And the fight to break free started six months ago. I've struggled and felt pain. Not all the time, it can change hourly. But I force myself to look forward and stay engaged in my life and my interests. Sometimes I don't feel like engaging, and sometimes I'll allow myself to moap. But most times I push through it. I've done NC before, but never did the delete until a couple weeks ago, along with a second try at NC (since I allowed him to break the first). Anyway, for me, deleting was very empowering. Have you deleted everything? But I have to say, for anyone out there struggling to let go, what do you have to lose by deleting this stuff? Seriously, even if you do end up together, do you really want to remember the dark side of your relationship (the affair). Give deleting it a try. What do you have to lose? :-) 1
mercy Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I guess everyone is different. For me it's been 1.5 years with him. And the fight to break free started six months ago. I've struggled and felt pain. Not all the time, it can change hourly. But I force myself to look forward and stay engaged in my life and my interests. Sometimes I don't feel like engaging, and sometimes I'll allow myself to moap. But most times I push through it. I've done NC before, but never did the delete until a couple weeks ago, along with a second try at NC (since I allowed him to break the first). Anyway, for me, deleting was very empowering. Have you deleted everything? But I have to say, for anyone out there struggling to let go, what do you have to lose by deleting this stuff? Seriously, even if you do end up together, do you really want to remember the dark side of your relationship (the affair). Give deleting it a try. What do you have to lose? :-) Why punish yourself? Right? Time to try to find some joy. Letting go of the past is always a good thing. You're doing what's right for you and that's all anyone can do. 1
Fitz Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 You can delete pictures, letters, whatever but it will take a while to delete heartache. Yeah, maybe... But deleting the pictures/etc. will keep you from ruminating on the past. In this vein, letting go of the past (by deleting) can be a step in overall process of "deleting" heartache. 1
Miss Olivia Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Letting go of the past is a good thing, but it's unrealistic to think it happens quickly. You can stay busy and focus on a better life, but you will fight memories and triggers for a while. You just have to be prepared for the waves. That's all I meant. 1
Miss Olivia Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Yeah, maybe... But deleting the pictures/etc. will keep you from ruminating on the past. In this vein, letting go of the past (by deleting) can be a step in overall process of "deleting" heartache. I agree! You have to start somewhere.
It's Just Me Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I've already said this a million times on here, and I'll say it again, because I believe in it: once someone is no longer in your life, they should no longer be allowed to occupy any space in your email, your phone, your Facebook, your pictures or your mementoes. Delete, delete, remove, trash and toss everything. Gone. Clean slate. 1
carhill Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Had the opportunity to do it (let go) twice, once at a young age (early 30's) and recently (around 50) and found the symbolism to be much more important at the younger age. Life evidently changed me a bit in the interim. The deletions were, of late, within my psyche and all the stuff in the world hasn't changed that. In fact, it feels far better than the past, more material deletions. YMMV. If it works for you, that's your path. 3
whichwayisup Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I can't agree with this. It usually gets worse before it gets better. Letting go is a long, painful process that can take years depending on the level of attachment and feelings. You can delete pictures, letters, whatever but it will take a while to delete heartache. It all depends on the person and how ready they are to move on. Some can work through it quicker than others. It can be a long process - But if it take years to work through and get over someone., then it's time to seek counselling to help process the grief along and heal in a healthy way. 1
hermione08 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I'm going to do quite the opposite. I have had a relationship with the same guy years ago, when he wasn't married. After it ended (badly) I deleted/burnt/got rid of everything and so after 15 years he managed to creep back in my life. Because I'd forgotten what he was like. Time tends to do this. This time I'm not deleting anything, so that I can exactly remember what a spineless, cowardly, two-timing bas.tard he is. Just in case. 1
East7 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I am very "conservative" I usually keep my exes pictures, gifts etc with exception of short and meaningless relationships. I consider those little memories as pieces of my life with which I need to be in peace and have no resent or regret. It took me a long time and some serious anger to delete tons of pictures I had with xMW. She had no problem to take pictures with me wherever we would go. Now if I'd look at those pictures (still have some on hard copy - paper) we looked so happy together and I think of how it was all based on cheating and fantasy. IMO, keeping or not memories of the past depends of how we look back at the relationships. I had some short bad ones which I have no trace on my shelves..I don't care about any of them. 1
wanting more Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Which is still in the very beginning of the " break up ". If I start to think about him or remember something from our past. I read BW text or listen to one of her voicemails It reminds me very quickly hes a lying, cheating spineless man. Who Treated me like trash. Maybe one day I'll be able to delete everything but now it's my reminder of what we were.
Summer Breeze Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 It's a huge step in letting go. It is very hard to do, but it's incredible because the very act of doing something irreversable, is itself "letting go". It's funny, you jump that hurdle and get to the other side, not expecting it, but all of a sudden most of the work is done. If you want to let go, delete those pictures, emails, and texts! Who cares if you can't get them back if it means getting your dignity, self control, and life back?! Who cares how good reading them made you feel if you hurt from the mixed signals and indecision most of your time... You know, once you let go, everything starts getting better, pretty quickly! You'll be surprised, as well as proud and energized. Good luck! I can see your point and I'm really glad it worked for you. I'm sentimental and I keep all sorts of things. I have ancient (cause I'm old) photos and gifts from boys I went to school with. I have emails and messages from all sorts of people. I have all of my letters and wedding photos from xH. I have everything from MM. That's just how I am and to me throwing any of it out would be like throwing out part of me and what got me here. It would crush me to not have those things. 1
Author Ladydrib Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 I can see your point and I'm really glad it worked for you. I'm sentimental and I keep all sorts of things. I have ancient (cause I'm old) photos and gifts from boys I went to school with. I have emails and messages from all sorts of people. I have all of my letters and wedding photos from xH. I have everything from MM. That's just how I am and to me throwing any of it out would be like throwing out part of me and what got me here. It would crush me to not have those things. I am the same way, and I enjoy looking back at things that were given to me from family members who I no longer have or boyfriends from when I was young. This is what made it so hard for me to delete everything. It's out of character for me. But I got really mad one day and was shocked by somethig (why? Not sure since he couldn't be a man and live only one honest life - huge clue!) but anyway I got angry and that's how I channeled the anger. I went on a deleting spree. I don't believe I could have done it without being fueled by anger. I was so scared to lose the sweet words he has said. Anyway, to my surprise once I had deleted, I found this strength that I knew I had but had wondered where it had went. It felt amazing. So I had to share for anyone else who feels they are being strung along, not getting what they want, but are struggling to let go and heal. 2
Summer Breeze Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I am the same way, and I enjoy looking back at things that were given to me from family members who I no longer have or boyfriends from when I was young. This is what made it so hard for me to delete everything. It's out of character for me. But I got really mad one day and was shocked by somethig (why? Not sure since he couldn't be a man and live only one honest life - huge clue!) but anyway I got angry and that's how I channeled the anger. I went on a deleting spree. I don't believe I could have done it without being fueled by anger. I was so scared to lose the sweet words he has said. Anyway, to my surprise once I had deleted, I found this strength that I knew I had but had wondered where it had went. It felt amazing. So I had to share for anyone else who feels they are being strung along, not getting what they want, but are struggling to let go and heal. I hear ya and I do understand what you're saying. We're all different and all need what we need to heal. I'm glad you shared it because there may be someone who feels that anger soon and may well remember reading your post and how you gained so much strength from it. More power to both you and anyone who's inspired! 1
frozensprouts Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I know how hard it can be to let go of hurt and anger...sometimes it's easier to hold on to those things than it is to face the painful task of facing the truth and getting better (healing)...there can almost be a sense of "comfort" in the pain and anger- it can give you something to hold on to.. The thing is that no matter what your role ( other man/woman, betrayed spouse or wayward spouse) eventually you can't hide behind the pain and anger anymore. You have to begin to heal...going round and round about a situation that is in the past and can't be changed serves no real purpose, so eventually, one has to begin the process of healing and moving on. deleting things can be a great way to do that for some, others find their own way. 1
rhw Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 today, while cleaning my room, i tossed out the first Christmas present he ever gave me, the last one and everything in between, hid photos of him and us where i wasn't likely to look for them (i just couldn't throw them away so they are now in a small box waaaay back in my closet, and i'm just too busy to find the time to dig them out) AND saddest of all, i had to throw away a present his kid gave me a long time ago. i just couldn't look at that and not be reminded how much of her life i missed out on and how i'll never get to give her siblings. i'd already deleted all his emails and blocked him too. i'm not quite sure how much better i feel right this minute, mostly cuz i never imagined having to do this at all. but seeing them in plain view was a constant torturous reminder and i wanted nothing. ... if only i could find a way to burn the reminder of his touch on my skin early this year or drown out his voice in my mind.
losingmyground Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Not only does it help you let go....but I keeps anyone from finding out.
SunsetRed Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 AMEN! Hanging on to MM or anything related is a waste of your life. It is hard and painful to let go, but once you do you feel like a huge burden has been lifted!
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