tigressA Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I've been talking with someone new and I'm feeling very comfortable and confident about it. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am the initiator. For awhile I thought I'd try to let go and let the guy(s) steer the course, but it gave me less-than-optimal results. I don't feel comfortable, and it makes me insecure. I don't like following someone else's lead. I've decided that I feel most confident, comfortable and secure when I am the one leading the delicate dance. I like to initiate phone calls and texts; I like to be the one to inquire about availability and make plans. Looking back, I'm usually the one to initiate the first kiss and first-time sex as well. If I want to go out with a guy, I'll ask him if he wants to go out. If I want to say something to him, I'll say it when I want. I'm not going to wait for him to get in touch with me. If I want to kiss him, I'll tell him so, and pucker up. If I want to f*ck him, I'll straddle him and say "I want you in me." I figure there's really no use trying to fight this like I have been. Time to embrace it. 8
SmileFace Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 So you want to be the man? Lol. Jk Relatiobships and dating works differently for different people - always remember to do what works best for you t.
Author tigressA Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 Hmm It seems you are trying a different approach. I will tell you a secret. If you want to be the one that takes the initiative you need to learn how to flirt and use body language. This will get you a whole lot more than this aggressive pursue of men. The only exception would be an extremely shy super Beta man that needs the woman to do 100% of the work. Otherwise, acting like you are the guy may only work for players that just want ppussy at all times and will approve your moves. They may even say you burp in a sexy manner. They will also tell you the adore assertive women that ask men out. Anything to get laid!! Not a different approach. I've done it before and it's what makes me feel most comfortable. And I flirt as easily as I breathe, have done for years 1
threebyfate Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Instead of looking at your actions, consider the results: If you want a dominant man, taking the lead and being in control all the time, this tactic won't work.If you want a passive man, then this will work.If you want a man who wants a 50/50 arrangement, this tactic won't work since he'll want to lead part of the time. As the guys love to say, what kind of man makes your panties wet?
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 The biggest problem with this is a lot of guys that are half-interested will take the bait because It's going to feel easy and available...once they feel you are the aggressor they can just kick back and let you do all the work, why not go along with it? Additionally that's not going to make these men feel very manly, they're going to feel like the woman and that might be a turn-off to some...not saying you need to conform or change for these men however. Also when I see women with this guy of attitude they tend to be of the sort "I'm a confident girl, I can get who and what I want"...even though from my point of view they're still being taken for a ride because that guy might not even been that interested, in fact a lot of times they weren't, they just saw an easy situation...because let's face it, most men know that If a woman is interested and pursuing you she obviously isn't going to give you that much of a challenge, she's just taken the hunt away. When men pursue, they feel like they've got something to lose...like their pride, ego, and they're unsure of how the woman feels or interest level until she makes it obvious or he sleeps with her of course, then he knows he's got it in the bag...then he sees the shift in power at least to his eyes, even If you feel like you're still pulling the strings on him. Otherwise a man just can go along for the ride, getting what he needs then start disconnecting and back-pedaling out of the situation when he's had his fill. Personally I think you'll be happy with a man that can take over and take the lead, rather than the men you feel secure with and that you can to an extent, control. I think you'll see a major difference as well in the men who are willing to pursue you rather than the men you pursue, you likely pursue men who you have assessed as "safe" and "attainable" with some here and there that pushes the envelope a little more...but then just kind of building your ego and confidence all the more. But that's just my assessment In the end it's going to take a mutual interest and effort to maintain a relationship but I'm sure you already know that.
Author tigressA Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 Instead of looking at your actions, consider the results: If you want a dominant man, taking the lead and being in control all the time, this tactic won't work.If you want a passive man, then this will work.If you want a man who wants a 50/50 arrangement, this tactic won't work since he'll want to lead part of the time. As the guys love to say, what kind of man makes your panties wet? Ultimately I want a 50/50 arrangement. I don't really like to do ALL the initiating ALL the time; my OP is a little misleading in that regard. And it's not in a super-direct way, either. I'll say, "So there's a concert Friday night that I'll be at, want to meet me there?" when asking a guy out. If I want a kiss, I'll flirt/joke around it and will only come right out and say it if the guy seems shy/oblivious. Usually they're not. Basically, it's making my desires known in a flirty, lighthearted way, and seeing what the guy does. The guy who picks up on it and takes the lead from there is my ideal. 50/50. I like guys who don't get freaked out when a woman shows proactive interest. In my experience, the 'really confident' guys who are used to doing all the pursuing don't like this. I am not a fan of men who are all about the hunt and assume that a woman is obsessed with him because she initiated a couple of phone calls.
mortensorchid Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Best of luck to you in this. I'm glad you are trying a new tactic, but ... Don't be disappointed if you don't get the best results. Not to say that the old fashioned way (man asks woman) is the best of the best, but ... I guess I am just overly frustrated and bitter over my own history.
Author tigressA Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 Again, it's not 'new'...I wouldn't be able to say that I feel most confident and comfortable being the one to express interest and initiate if I hadn't already done it before...just want to clarify that. 1
ThaWholigan Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 It makes sense, given everything you've posted thus far. I think you would be best with a man who meets you halfway really, a "match" so to speak. I think it is probably the best mode of seduction for you - and likely if you are selective enough, it will work for you in most cases. 1
Author tigressA Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 It makes sense, given everything you've posted thus far. I think you would be best with a man who meets you halfway really, a "match" so to speak. I think it is probably the best mode of seduction for you - and likely if you are selective enough, it will work for you in most cases. Exactly. This is what I want. Someone who isn't super-dominant or super-submissive. Just able and willing to meet me halfway, match my efforts. I like to take the lead sometimes, particularly early on (to avoid confusion--like "Is she really interested?" because I know, particularly from my most recent fling, that if I let the guy do everything, I become cold) and it'll be nice to meet someone who isn't freaked out by that, or just start expecting me to do everything. 1
ThaWholigan Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Exactly. This is what I want. Someone who isn't super-dominant or super-submissive. Just able and willing to meet me halfway, match my efforts. I like to take the lead sometimes, particularly early on (to avoid confusion--like "Is she really interested?" because I know, particularly from my most recent fling, that if I let the guy do everything, I become cold) and it'll be nice to meet someone who isn't freaked out by that, or just start expecting me to do everything. Basically, a balanced man. I get that. One who isn't likely to bullsh*t either. It might take some patience though, you like to state your position from the off. While that will be very attractive to certain guys (like me ), guys like the last one will get jittery and you'll likely get bored and try to force it or something equally rash. I won't say to be too cautious, but you will have to be a sniper in this game to get the kind of target you want. Guys will fall into an extreme mode of behavior by accident or force of habit and mess it up. You want the balance, the dude who doesn't cause confusion, he's interested, he knows you are, he proceeds from there and matches your rhythm. You gotta check his whole dance, if it don't mesh with yours, the balance won't be reached. You've already taken a very positive step by recognizing your own dance, now you just have to find someone who matches it . 2
carhill Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 OP, all I can say is, if that's your authentic style, go with it. A compatible man will embrace it, and you; the synergy will feel right, even if not 'traditional'. Good luck. 2
Els Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Hey, there's someone for everyone. Be true to yourself - the people who mind won't matter, and the people who will matter won't mind.
RedRobin Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 (edited) Basically, a balanced man. I get that. One who isn't likely to bullsh*t either. It might take some patience though, you like to state your position from the off. While that will be very attractive to certain guys (like me ), guys like the last one will get jittery and you'll likely get bored and try to force it or something equally rash. I won't say to be too cautious, but you will have to be a sniper in this game to get the kind of target you want. Guys will fall into an extreme mode of behavior by accident or force of habit and mess it up. You want the balance, the dude who doesn't cause confusion, he's interested, he knows you are, he proceeds from there and matches your rhythm. You gotta check his whole dance, if it don't mesh with yours, the balance won't be reached. You've already taken a very positive step by recognizing your own dance, now you just have to find someone who matches it . Some good advice here... ... especially in bold. This has been my experience too. ... Take a lesson from me, Tigress... I'm pretty outgoing and forceful... I'm learning to be more patient and (trying) to be kinder with the well-intentioned attempts by decent guys (and myself) not to f it up with me or them because of some bad habits or well channeled grooves we've both developed. I've lost a couple of really good ones due to impatience. ... and I agree with Ninja regarding the 'players'... your forceful nature will be viewed by some dishonest and mean men as an even bigger challenge... one they must overcome. I know you won't fall for their BS... but their antics can be a bit draining... There are some benefits to flying below the radar yourself a little. Not to take advantage or be mean yourself... but to give you the time you need to make an accurate assessment. Even tigers have camouflage... ... and with that... Hunt safely and with good intent... We don't want any of your lovely targets to be hurt... just want you to find someone you are compatible with. Edited September 2, 2012 by RedRobin 1
carhill Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 The affirmation of another female is not useful in this instance. I agree, which is why I gave her my opinion as a man, even if I might not find such a style to be synergistic. 1
youngskywalker Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Tigress- I think you are on the right track and I'm willing to bet your dating experiences will go much easier. Personally, I like girls who take some initiative. The only problem you may have (which was brought up already) is you may turn off the assertive men and turn on the quiet, shy type. If that's your taste then cool deal!
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I agree with Els that you should be true to yourself. A man who likes your assertiveness is a man who's likely to like and accept the real you. But in all cases, I do think it's wise for us to challenge our comfort zones. I'm sure you don't want to be with men who are just going for you because you made it clear that you were available to them. Or with 100% passive men. Also, I think that if you need to be in 100% control, it is something that you need to look at - not because you are a woman; I'd say the same to a guy who needed to call every single shot. So, I hope you will find ways to allow for give and take. 3
kaylan Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 (edited) I've been talking with someone new and I'm feeling very comfortable and confident about it. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am the initiator. For awhile I thought I'd try to let go and let the guy(s) steer the course, but it gave me less-than-optimal results. I don't feel comfortable, and it makes me insecure. I don't like following someone else's lead. I've decided that I feel most confident, comfortable and secure when I am the one leading the delicate dance. I like to initiate phone calls and texts; I like to be the one to inquire about availability and make plans. Looking back, I'm usually the one to initiate the first kiss and first-time sex as well. If I want to go out with a guy, I'll ask him if he wants to go out. If I want to say something to him, I'll say it when I want. I'm not going to wait for him to get in touch with me. If I want to kiss him, I'll tell him so, and pucker up. If I want to f*ck him, I'll straddle him and say "I want you in me." I figure there's really no use trying to fight this like I have been. Time to embrace it. Hot lol. I love assertive women. Its a shame you kinda girls are so rare...and sexually assertive women are even more rare.Instead of looking at your actions, consider the results: If you want a dominant man, taking the lead and being in control all the time, this tactic won't work.If you want a passive man, then this will work.If you want a man who wants a 50/50 arrangement, this tactic won't work since he'll want to lead part of the time. As the guys love to say, what kind of man makes your panties wet? I disagree. Im a generally dominant guy, and I love an assertive girl who can go toe to toe with me. Only one girl Ive been with has made the first moves....everyone else I generally lead when it comes to planning hangouts, initiating contacts, and moving towards sex (and most leading during). Passive women and good girls bore me to death. Theres no fire in them and I need that in a woman. Edited September 2, 2012 by kaylan 1
threebyfate Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I disagree. Im a generally dominant guy, and I love an assertive girl who can go toe to toe with me. Only one girl Ive been with has made the first moves....everyone else I generally lead when it comes to planning hangouts, initiating contacts, and moving towards sex (and most leading during). Passive women and good girls bore me to death. Theres no fire in them and I need that in a woman.If you read further, you'll find that tigress acknowledged that her OP didn't reflect true to her needs. In the OP, she quite clearly outlined 100% dominance which wouldn't work with a dominant and particularly a domineering man. But she's subsequently backed off that claim.
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