I am having a hard time breaking up with my boyfriend of 5 years

[mexicaligirl]

I have been in an on-again off-again relationship with my boyfriend for the past five years. It's been a pretty rocky romance, which started out with us doing a lot of partying together, but now I am not really into partying that much, I rarely go out and I hardly drink alcohol. We continue to have a lot in common and I have helped him out a lot in his business, handling emails and marketing for him because he doesn't have a head for business. I am going through some things right now, my parents are getting a divorce after 30 plus years of marriage and looking at my relationship I realized that we have not advanced very much from where we started out. I was completely in love with my boyfriend in the beginning, where as he had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and saw us more as just hanging out and having fun. We tried living together but that didn't work out as I fell into the desperate housewife role which pushed him further away and he started to party more and spend more time away from me. We haven't lived together now for a couple of years but he spends a lot of time at my place because I actually turned my apartment into a home whereas his place is kind of a dump. I really care about him, but I feel like he depends too heavily on me financially and is also jealous of the amount of travel and fun things that I do since I have more financial freedom than he does. Also, whenever things get difficult between us, he falls back on drinking and partying with his friends, (previously he had been completely clean and sober for the last six months or so), and then gets very depressed about his situation when he sobers up after a night or so of drinking. Of course then I have to come to the rescue and tell him everything is ok, which I feel like it's not because I am also going through my own $hit and would like to be with someone that can actually take care of me for a change. He says that he loves me very much and wants to be there for me, and he has been there for me when I've needed him, however I am now in the same position having to lend him money because he doesn't have enough to cover his expenses or his rent. A few days ago I had pretty much had enough of all of this BS and told him that I really needed my space to deal with all of my emotions about my parents divorce and that I just cannot be there for him right now. Since that day, he has gone out drinking (of course) and has called me a few times just to say hi and make sure I'm ok. I keep telling him I'll be ok but that I still need my space from him. I have not called him, but I do answer when he calls because I don't want him coming over to my house just to "check in" on me. Thankfully I am leaving for a month on a trip, so at least we will have this time apart. I don't want to continue in the relationship with him, but I have known him for seven years and I would like to at least remain friends. I think that will be harder for him than for me since he is still very attached and I am one of very few people that really care about him and that he considers part of his family. I know its probably not the best thing to do but I am using my parents divorce as a way to keep him at bay. Its true that I am having to deal with a lot of pressure and anxiety but more than that I just am tired of having to take care of him and need him to get his $hit together for me to actually want to be with him at some point in the future. I guess I just would like some reassurance that I am doing it the right way and that a breakup is the best for both of us.

[cexxiboy615]

I believe its good for the both of yall

[I'm nuts]

Paragraphs are most helpful in situations like these.

[Agni]

Life can be so hard. I'm glad you are getting a break to clear your head.