Emson Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Hi, this is my first forum post here anywhere about this topic. So im sorry if i dont follow the standards or anything. Anyway, back on with my problem that im hoping somebody could help me with. I was best friends with someone for a long time. I had no serious crushes or anything of that nature, and neither did he. One day, i saw this girl. For like the first time at an after school activity that the majority of my friends took part in. Well i didnt actually see her for the first time, as i knew her for the 3 years prior to this event. But only as a classmate, i never actually knew/talked to her. Anyway, getting back on to the story. I started talking to her that night, at home via facebook as i was to shy to talk to her face to face. The problem was, she already had a boyfriend that i respected. I carried on talking to her, just not as a potential boyfriend, she knew my opinons on her, but also knew i wouldn't act upon my feelings. Anyway, i told my best friend. Sometime the next day. Anyway, a few weeks of me and her, (We'll call her Emson) Me and Emson, getting close together. My best friend, addmitted to me he also had feelings for her. Which was a big deal to me as it litterally was the first girl i ever liked. But, i didn't let this tear our (me and and my best friend) realtionship apart. Anyway, Emson and her boyfriend broke up. For reasons that dont really matter, but she said it had something to do with me and also not being satisfied with him. This was good news to me and also my best friend, as i liked her more than ever. Some time after the break up i addmited to her that i liked her, she also addmitted she had some feelings for me, yet not as strong. You would seem this would be sorted? Yes? well, it wasn't and the real problem hasn't come to play yet. Anyway, my best friend is currently aware of the situation. And after a few weeks of getting close between us. My friend, decides to admit his feeling to her. I dont know how to feel about this, but anyway. She and him went to middle school together, and she used to have a crush on him for the longest time when she was small. After he admitted his feelings to her, all her old feelings rushed back. So know she like two different boys and they both liked her and they were both best friends. To clarify, my best friend is taller than me, younger, more attractive, and about as smart as me. Anyway, her feelings for him grew, more than they did with me. Defeat. (i shouldn't really call it defeat, but he won right?) I'm a really competive person, so instead of acepting he got the girl and leaving her alone, i pretended my feelings for her, slowly dissapearded. They were still there, i just wanted here in my life so bad, i would accept her just to be one of my closest friends. And not more. Anyway, Emson and my best friends had lots of arguments about afew different things, and i was there for both of them all the way through. Anyway, Emson and my best friend didnt work out (to be clear, they never had a realtionship, this plays a big part in the story) and they "broke up" although they never went out. One/two months later, i pupliclly re-instated my feelings to her, she also addmitied she had feelings for me. After a few months of getting clsoe and close, the summer hoildays came up (about sixs weeks ago, so me and Emsons realtionship has currently lasted about 8 months at this point and i have had feelings for her the majority of the time.) Anyway, this is the first time i have ever been this close to a realtionship, and she was litterally the perfect girl. I mean perfect. She was everything you could ask for. Well perfect for me atleast. I had uncontrollable feelings for her, like i wake up everyday in hopes i'd see her. We got really close, and we kissed for the first time (and as it was my first time, not hers, i was really terrible and it was kind of akward) and went to the cinemas togther and i met her parents. But we never went out. I admitted to her, i loved her. Because i did. Or atleast i think i did, even though im only 14. I think i loved her, everytime i was with her i felt safe and happy and like my life was worth something. Anyway, out of the blue (yesterday, i believe) she told me that we, wasnt going to work out, yet we had no problem at all. Like at all. I honestly cant see any problem that was there. her reason was that if she had a seriously realtionship at our age (nearly 15) , which i was completly ready for, she wouldnt be able to define herself as a person. Which i think i stupid. How would she not? I know what i like and every single day my opinons change more and more, yet i loved her. And they still changed. I know what i like. I prefer dogs over cats, rock over pop, swimming over knitting, females over males, purple over green. I dont really have many answers as for why she did it. I knew we were both happy, with our lives 4 weeks prior. And now i feel empty, like there is no reason for me to live. I want to live, i like living immensly, i just feel no reason to do so. Not that i want to end my life, i dont AT ALL. I just feel hollow. Is this normal? does everyone feel like this after that? I know it was long, and im thankful for anyone who read it. Please, if you need to know anymore info, at all please just ask. Please, any reply and i would be thankfull. Thank you
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