Vinnieb Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Ok so here it goes. I have been in a relationship with my (ex)girlfriend for a little over 9 years. Out of the blue, she just ended it on 8/18. Her reason being because she doesnt see it going anywhere. Ok now let me back up some. I am 31 and she is 26. I met her through a friend then just started talking and stuff like that. Then we started seeing each other and you all know how that goes. Everything was good. I found love again and really loved her and still do. After 2 years into our relationship she broke up with me. She said I was too touchy and stuff like that. Yeah I like holding her hand while we're out shopping or something and like to wrap my arm around her waist or shoulder. I didnt know what to make of it so I just went with the flow. Then about a week later or so me and a friend of mine were at a mall and we saw her coming out of the movies with another guy. So yeah I got upset and mad and went to her and said wtf is going on, she didnt have anything to say so I just walked away. My friend and I left I took him home and decided to go to her house and tell her I was sorry for yelling at her like that and as soon as I pulled her she was just getting out of her car. She saw me and dropped to her knees and just started crying. I asked for a explanation but she couldnt give me one. So I got more mad and started to raise my voice more then her dad came outside and told me to leave and walked in. Then about 2 days later I send her a text if we could talk. She said yes and to come over so I did and we talked and she said she was sorry and he wasnt important to her and was just a guy to see and she swore up and down she didnt do anything with him. I believed her because she wasnt like most girls I knew. I met her in April of 2003 and started our relationship on June 11th of 2003 and we didnt have sex til September. So anyway we get back together and things were going pretty good, I even moved in with her at her parents house. She moved her bedroom to a smaller bedroom and we made the bigger bedroom like our living room where we spent time together. everything was going great. Well sometime in 2005 we broke up over something stupid but so easy to fix. She said I spent too much time on xbox and not with her. She said all the nights that I came to bed late were getting to her and she couldnt take it anymore. So I tried talking to her about it and telling her you should of told me this when it started bothering you and she just told me to leave. So I left and went back to my parents house. We still texted and stuff like that and then about a week goes by and I go to her house and see if shes there and she wasnt but there was another car parked in the driveway. It was her ex boyfriends car so I left and texted her that I know who she was with. later on she texted me that she was home so I went over there and asked her what is going on and she said she just wasnt with him that she was with her friend and his friend. so we talked over a bunch of stuff and agreed we would work on things. Now I was pretty close to her mother, not so much her father tho. I stayed over that night and the next morning her mother came to me and talked to me. Told me that her daughter really loves me and wanted to know if I really loved her daughter also. I said with all my heart. She asked me ok then what color are her eyes. I told her I can tell you more, and I did tell her more and certain things that only a mother would know about their child. Her mother teared up and said "you really do love her" she gave me hug and said she wanted me to be apart of the family. Well in 2008 her life was getting ready to change. Her mother went in for a heart and lung transplant which was a long process. endless trips to the hospitals. Sadly, she never recovered and she lost her mother. I was there for her through everything. Her mother battled cancer while she was a child and from all the radiation it really damaged her heart and lungs. I was there for her and she knew that and she even told me she was glad she still has me. We pulled through it and was starting to make some plans for us. Now I offered before to pay them for me living there but her mother told me she didnt want any money from me that all she wanted was for me to keep her daughter happy. After all that happened I started paying her father rent and so did she. We were looking at apartments before all this happened but this put a set back on everything. 2 years later, 2010 I planned a trip to Bahamas and wanted to surprise her with it. I wanted to get her away from everything that was going on and I wanted to ask her to marry me. So I booked the trip about a month in advance. I texted her at work and told her to call me when she goes to lunch. So she called and Im all happy and cant wait to hear how she acts. This is my 1st big trip and it was hers too. She called me and I told her what week to take off of work and she said why and I said because we're going to Bahamas. All she said was well I gotta see if I can get them days off. Not what I was expecting at all. I dropped 6 grand on this trip. Now we went on little trips a lot before to the local beach which is like 3 hours away and she seemed more excited about that then this. So anyway I come home from work and show her all the stuff from Sandals and she just says "it looks nice". Well that really did it for me. I called the jeweler and canceled the appointment. It wasnt til a week before our trip she started to show some excitement. She went out and got some photo albums and we went shopping for some nice clothes and was telling me how she cant wait to go. So then we get our passports and shes texting me all day at work stuff like shes really happy we're going and cant wait and stuff like that. Started making me feel better. Let me also tell you that a while ago she had wedding plans all wrote out, she had this little box in the bed room with some pictures of ring sets she likes and a piece of paper wrapped in a circle for the size of her finger. Shes been wanting me to ask her since 2006. I never asked her in Bahamas tho, we went and had a great time together and loved every second of it. So when we get back from Bahamas her father tells her hes getting ready to lose his job and needs to sell the house. So her and I start looking at houses for ourselves and he would be moving in with us for a while. Which I was fine with. We go and look at a few houses and he came along with us. It started bothering me when he was making plans and what to change in the houses that we were looking at. So I told her is it our house or his. It really got to me. So I started talking to my family about it and told them it bothers me but I do respect how things are and that her father is all she has right now. So my sister suggested to look at apartments for time being til he can get on his own feet again. So we did and we got a 2 bedroom apartment. I know it would be tough because everything would be close corners now. But her and I pulled though it together. She picked up a second job and I was working on getting my dept paid off. Everything was actually going pretty good. Expect she started picking up more hours at her second job and I hardly seen her during the days. She had a full time job and worked 3 to 4 nights and about 1 to 2 saturdays and or sundays a month. So yeah i was feeling kind of lonely. Her and I were best friends, we do everything together. Now its Christmas time in 2011. She didn't want to put a tree up this year. While she was at her 2nd job one night I went out a got a little 4 foot tree and set it all up. She comes home and just said "where did you get that". Well that just did it for me. I did have a Christmas with her and showed her no signs that things were bothering me. I stopped texting her as much during the days and nights. At work one day I downloaded this chat app and just started talking to random people, not about my situation. But just about stuff to get my mind off of all this. Well one thing lead to another and I started talking to this other girl. Not local or anything and no intentions on leaving what I have for pretty much a pen pal I guess you could call her. So I started talking to her about what was going on with me and she was pretty much telling me that Im too good for her and she doesnt appreciate me or the things I do for her. So I was kind of letting it get in my head. I mean me and this girl chatted alot during the days and the nights my gf was working. One thing lead to another and we exchanged phone numbers and started texting. I was hiding my phone and keeping it on me more. End of January my gf found my phone and the girl I was texting sent me a text that said good night. She flipped out and I dont blame her. I really felt bad and wasnt auguring with her. I just told her I had it and I got some clothes and moved back into my parents house. Well a couple days into February I decided to go up to her night job and when she got off to talk to her. So she got in my truck and I told her how Ive been feeling and that if feels like your not there anymore. I told her what I was going to do at Bahamas and told her the Christmas tree thing bothered me and told her how I started talking to that other girl and never had any intentions what so ever with her. She cried her heart out to me. She never cried that much infront of me, not even when her mom passed away. She told me we were meant to be and she wanted to be married to me by now and she just wants to know if my intentions and wants with her are the same. I told her of course they are. She told me she doesnt want to throw away 8 years and I told her I didnt want to either. She asked me why I left and I told her because I felt really horrible about what I done. She said she wanted to work this out, she said she would cut back her hours from her 2nd job and make more time for us. I asked her if she could live a life with just me and move on without her father and she said yes and she wants to. So we agreed we would work this out but I was still living back with my parents. So our first date from there was this past Valentines day. I picked her up and took her out and it was great. Everything was going great. Since that talk I had plans lined up. I had a motorcycle, I just sold it yesterday. I planned to sell it at the end of this year. My plan was to get engaged with her, move back in get out of dept get married and buy a house together. Its now May and everything is going great. she now only works 2 nights a week and maybe a saturday or 2 a month. Ive been spending the nights on friday nights and some saturdays. My birthday comes up, june 1st and she gives me a really nice bday. I loved it and just couldnt wait for my plans to come through. Well now in my life I found out Im losing my job. Ive been there for 13 years and I was having a hard time handling it. I lost my job June 28th. Yeah my attitude changed but I never took anything out on her. It seemed like it put a set back on my plans. So I have a hard time finding a job, I did get a severance package which got me by. I was really depressed about it all. I get two interviews with this one company and thought I really had the job and I was getting happier because then I though I get this job, I use the money I got from my package and pay my bike off and my credit card and get the ring. So I thought things were looking good for me again. Well I get a call that they arent hiring at this time. So now Im back to being depressed. Well about 3 weeks ago I get a call from a vendor I use to deal with a work about a job. So I went to some interviews with them and got the job but cant start right away. I was happier again. Things were still going good with me and my gf. Well my buddy is getting married next week and Im in the wedding and my gf was coming with me. So my gf made plans with her aunt to go shopping for a dress. Her and her aunt are pretty close. So friday comes around, fridays are our date nights. I come over when she gets off. She cooks us dinner we eat we go to the bed room and I ask if she wanted to see a movie. She says we can just watch something on tv. so we did but we both fell asleep. So saturday comes, 8/18 and she goes over her aunts around 8am. Around 5pm I text her asking when shes gonna be home. She said she doesnt know. I said ok I wanted to take you out to dinner and go see that movie. She says I should of said something earlier. Well 10pm comes around and she still isnt home. So yeah Im getting a little upset because shes never over her aunts this long. Her aunt does live about 45 mins away. She doesnt come home til around 11:30 and she has no dress. She said she didnt see any she liked and that they watched a movie together. I asked her whats going on and she just says shes done with this she doesnt see it going anywhere. She said she doesnt see me ever asking her to marry me. I laid everything on the table for her, I told her all my plans and intentions and losing my job upset me and she just said I should of told her this before that its too late. Now since then I have been trying to get her back. I didnt just sell my motorcycle to get her back, I sold it to get on my own feet right now. Selling my bike was already part of my plan. She still says she loves me and she cares for me. I asked her if she fell out of love with me. She says no that she still loves me and she doesnt want to end this on bad terms. She swears and promise there isnt anyone else. I went and seen her this past Thursday at her 2nd job when she got off. I spilled my heart to her and to see if she gave any thought about us. She said she still thinks of me but right now she doesnt want me. I brought up the we had a few months ago and they it all seems like it was BS. She said she still thinks I'm the one but she doesnt feel it right now. I texted her the day after and told her I'm accepting her decision and I dont want to talk about it anymore and not to be a stranger. She texted me back saying I care about you but this is just how it is. Sorry for the long story but this isnt a 2 year relationship. I really dont know what do to.
angelickricket Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Wow....okay, if she knew you were busting your butt to get things in order to ask i dont get it! A ring on your finger is symbolic of feeling, not the feeling its self. Be careful a sheet of paper can really be exspensive.
knowledge14811 Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Do not be clingy or needy for her. Womens feelings change over time. In the current moment she does not FEEL you as a person, let her be.... If u are persistent toward her against her feeling u will push her farther away. A person should rely on their own HEART and self LOVE within Not anything without. If u rely on ur own heart u will be happy and attracted her back into your life possibly. But if u persist with anxiety u will push her away because ur anxiety and desperation will make her FEEL bad. If u feel good, then others will feel good. Wait for the moment to change and stay lightly available for her contact. Never need any person outside of u
KatZee Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Well, I mean she has a point. 9 YEARS and no engagement? I wouldn't see a relationship going anywhere either if I was with someone for 9 years and nothing came of it. It's like, sh*t or get off the pot, what exactly were you waiting for? Because she didn't do back flips and cartwheels all over the house when you told her about the Bahamas? People have bad days. People get into moods, they may be in a funk, bad day on the job... she eventually came around. All I see here is that you two had a very long relationships, have gone through the up and down's of life together... and she has absolutely nothing to show for it. "She said she doesnt see me ever asking her to marry me." Agreed. It's 9 years. It's always something. Yes, I get that you lost your job, and the economy sucks, and this happened, then that happened... but that is LIFE. Something is ALWAYS going to happen. Life isn't going to miraculously be smooth sailing, with loads of cash, and no issues or problems... there will ALWAYS be something. And it looks to me as if you're just WAITING for this perfect opportunity to present itself... you'll be waiting for the rest of your life to propose if that's what you think. Honestly, you should have communicated all of this to her AT THE TIME it was going on. Hinting at rings, keeping her in the loop... because now, she's telling you she doesn't see you ever proposing, and you're coming out telling her all of these "plans" and to her it could be coming off as complete BS to keep her from walking. She has no clue about all the other times you were "trying" to buy an engagement ring. All she knows is that she's pretty much been with you 9 years wasting her time. I think it's just a situation of "you took too long." The relationship has been going on for 9 years and never going anywhere. Not really growing and progressing to the next level. This causes feelings of being stagnant, she may feel resentful for not getting a ring, and honestly, she waited about 6 years too long.
Author Vinnieb Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Well it's been almost 5 months. I've been trying to keep myself busy. Been hitting the gym getting myself back in shape. Hanging out with friends and made some nice new ones. Even joined a bowling league recently. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I just really can't let go. I have been seeing someone but I'm not into her. I gave it a chance but I just don't see her being right me. It really sucks because she really likes me but I had enough heart to tell her it wouldn't be fair to her to hurt her since I'm not over my ex. She said she understands and we still continue to chat every now and then. Anyway, I have talked (texted) to my ex a little while ago. Right after Thanksgiving. I texted her asking how her Thanksgiving was, she said it was good and then we just had some small talk. Asking how each other has been and stuff like that. Well, I told her that I miss her and then she replies with "please stop you're making things complicated for me to move on." I texted back with I'm sorry and that was the end of our conversation. That Monday comes around and I sent her a text, I get back an auto replay that she has blocked me. This sharp pain goes through my whole body and I just lost focus for the rest of that day. Anyway, I was trying to stay strong but then kinda lost my temper a bit. I get a hold of my mother and told her what happen. I asked my mother to call her or text her telling her that I want my name off the lease to the apartment. Well she told my mother that it's already in the works since shes moving and that she would pay all fees and whatever else she had to pay for getting out of the lease early. Right before Christmas my family and I went to a Casino. A couple hours goes by and guess who I see? My ex and her father. I didn't say anything to her, she saw me and I saw her. I think my heart either speed up or just stopped. All I know is when I saw her I got really hot and started sweating and had to sit down. I got real light headed. I met up with my parents like 30 mins after that and told my mom "guess what?" She said I know she sat down next to me and didn't even know. She said they talked for a little bit and my Mother asked her if she was really moving. She said yes she found a place a little cheaper. My mother asked her if her dad was coming with her to the new place or if he is going on his own. She said yes hes coming with me. Well now, just this past Friday I get a text from my buddy. Haven't talked to this guy in a couple months since I sold my bike. This is my buddy that owns a motorcycle shop. Anyway, I actually texted him Thursday night asking how hes been and hows business and if he needs a hand on the weekends. He didn't text me back until Friday morning. He pretty much just said that business has been ok and he doesn't really need any help on the weekends. Then he said I've been meaning to talk to you. Well to make a long story short, he has been seeing my ex. I was really shocked. I mean, this guy had a girlfriend for 13 years. She left him because he straight up told her that he never wants to get married or ever have kids. He's also pushing 40. He gave me a story that they ran into each other a while back and he asked for her number. He said he made sure I was out of the picture for good before he took it any farther. I didn't really know what to think. I mean she left me for the reasons this guy isn't. Maybe she really did change her mind on marriage and kids? I mean I know this guy, he cheated on his ex girlfriend multiple times. Even slept with one of his friends wife while he was with her. Anyway, late on that night when I got home from work I get a call from Comcast. My name is still on the bill so anyway they call me to verify them picking up the equipment. I just said sure. Then he tells me the address his picking up the stuff from to confirm. I said thats correct. Then he wants to verify the new address. So he tells me and I just say yep. So then I google the address, well its not a cheaper place then where we/she use to live. It's in the same area where my so called buddy lives tho. It's also not a cheaper apartment complex, more expensive. Anyway, I just don't know what to make of all this. I've know him for about 12 years now. It just all feels like a knife in the back, kick in the guy. Another knife and a kick while I'm down.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Wow that was a really long story. And I can clearly see you are trying your hardest. My ex just gave up on me, I was probably too hard to try for. 9 years is such a long time to give up. I don't know what would make her throw that away. It's just a ring. Your spending your life together without the ring anyways so who cares about the ring. Would she have been happy with a cheaper ring? just to have one. Personally I would want a ring. But if I can see his trying for me and spending his life with me. I don't need a ring to justify that.
Author Vinnieb Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Wow that was a really long story. And I can clearly see you are trying your hardest. My ex just gave up on me, I was probably too hard to try for. 9 years is such a long time to give up. I don't know what would make her throw that away. It's just a ring. Your spending your life together without the ring anyways so who cares about the ring. Would she have been happy with a cheaper ring? just to have one. Personally I would want a ring. But if I can see his trying for me and spending his life with me. I don't need a ring to justify that. She always told me a twist tie would of done just fine. She didn't want a big wedding either. She said a court house with just family and close friends and a small reception would of been perfect. Sorry about the long read. I posted that a little after we broke up about 5 months ago. I'm taking it that you didn't read my follow up post? It's right about your reply. Gets even worse for me.
newmoon Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) the new guy/old friend in the picture might be her match, you just never know. you had 9 years and couldn't get it done. she probably only wanted a twist tie from you because that was your budget. most girls do want a ring and family and she had every right to move on. you should keep doing that too :-) Edited January 14, 2013 by newmoon
Author Vinnieb Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 the new guy/old friend in the picture might be her match, you just never know. you had 9 years and couldn't get it done. she probably only wanted a twist tie from you because that was your budget. most girls do want a ring and family and she had every right to move on. you should keep doing that too :-) No, that's not what was in my budget. When her mother was living, she even told me that she never wanted a big wedding. She always said she just wanted a small simple wedding. Anyway, yes I know it's true that you just never know. I just really don't see how he is her match.
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