SugaPuddin Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Hello!! My boyfriend and I met online 4 years ago. We talked every day almost all day for two years before I finally flew out to Georgia and met him in person. I lived in Oregon at the time. We flew back and forth for about a year and we decided it was time to make it finale. I moved to Georgia a year ago and I have never been happier. We live together, I love his family and we're trying for our first child. I can't imagine my life with out him. The only thing is, recently, he has told me he doesn't want to get married. He says that marriage is pointless and he doesn't believe in it. I was raised in a religious household and I have certain standards and morals that I live by. Living together is fine by me but having children out of wedlock isn't something I want. It makes me think he doesn't want to stick around for the long run and doesn't need to make a commitment to me. When I try and talk to him about it and how I feel he tells me I'm nagging him and pressuring him to get married.... also when we first started dating, marriage was something he wanted as well.... but not so much now. Should this be a deal-breaker? I've invested so much moving back east and I love it here. I just don't know if I should resign myself to dating forever or if I should move on. Help!
Woggle Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Why is he so cynical about marriage? I am happily married myself but I do understand people who look at the current state of marriage and want no part of it. Maybe you can try and convince him that he won't end up like so many men he probably knows but if you can't do that then decide what you truly want and if he can offer it. 1
Author SugaPuddin Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 He doesn't even want to talk about. I've tried telling him things won't change, that this is the normal progression from dating and starting a family. He won't have any of it. I gave up so much for him and made so many changes in my life for him. I don't want to end up resenting him years from now. Because I'm only good enough to be his girl friend and not his wife.
SoMovinOn Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Whatever you do, DON'T have a kid with this guy unless/until this issue is resolved! 3
oldshirt Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Sit down and tell your grandmother what you just told us. Tell her you met a guy clear across the country on the computer. Tell her you flew across the country to meet him. He seemed nice to you so you packed up and traveled across the country to move in with him. You are now living with him without any legal or social commitment and he is banging you regulary and trying to knock you up but he says that he doesn't want to enter into any kind of binding commitment to you or your future child. What will your grandmother say about all of that??????????????? (here's a helpfull hint, Grandmothers have been around a long time and have seen lots of people bull$h!t each other and pull the wool over people's eyes lots and lots of times. Grandmothers are pretty smart) 1
2sunny Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Since your life goals are to far apart - I suggest ending it and making effort to meet a man with the same goals as you = marriage. I find it difficult to believe YOU didn't understand him before moving to his area - considering all the talking you two did before the move. 1
Author SugaPuddin Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 I really thought I did understand how he felt about our relationship. I figured that we would eventually get married and he knew from the start that I wanted to get married. I'd like to think we've been open and honest with each other from the very beginning, and on my end I have. I really love him and I'd hate to end something that so far has made me happier then anything else. Just going to take a lot of thinking and maybe I need to sit down and talk to him even if he doesn't want to. I'm committed and I'm going to try and make this work.
Krytie TV Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 What you want doesn't matter so much anymore. He's getting what he wants out of the relationship and you just moved across the country to live with him... you're stuck. 1
BetheButterfly Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I really thought I did understand how he felt about our relationship. I figured that we would eventually get married and he knew from the start that I wanted to get married. I'd like to think we've been open and honest with each other from the very beginning, and on my end I have. I really love him and I'd hate to end something that so far has made me happier then anything else. Just going to take a lot of thinking and maybe I need to sit down and talk to him even if he doesn't want to. I'm committed and I'm going to try and make this work. I am sorry. Basically, it's human nature. There's a saying that goes something like this... "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" That's pretty crude I know, but many guys don't tend to want to get married if they already have what they want without getting married.
BetheButterfly Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 What you want doesn't matter so much anymore. He's getting what he wants out of the relationship and you just moved across the country to live with him... you're stuck. Sad but basically true. I would give the advice of separating from him and telling him,.."If you want me, marry me, or I'm gone." However, that would be basically forcing him to marry her, which could cause a lot of resentment in him. That's no good. Basically she's stuck. Hopefully he will eventually decide to marry her on his own accord.
BetheButterfly Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Sit down and tell your grandmother what you just told us. Tell her you met a guy clear across the country on the computer. Tell her you flew across the country to meet him. He seemed nice to you so you packed up and traveled across the country to move in with him. You are now living with him without any legal or social commitment and he is banging you regulary and trying to knock you up but he says that he doesn't want to enter into any kind of binding commitment to you or your future child. What will your grandmother say about all of that??????????????? (here's a helpfull hint, Grandmothers have been around a long time and have seen lots of people bull$h!t each other and pull the wool over people's eyes lots and lots of times. Grandmothers are pretty smart) Grandmothers are awesome!!! I miss my grandmothers. They both died awhile back; neither met my husband. However, I believe that both would really love my husband! It is true that grandmothers have a lot of wisdom. Grandfathers do too!!!
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