mistermr Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I'm being driven crazy by the want to contact her!! It's been just over a week since I initiated no contact. But I'm just like **** it, I want to talk to her, I want my friend back! I'm still angry though. I wish I wasn't. I wish that anger wasn't there because it's getting in the way of us being friends. I still have feelings for her, both love and anger (obv) but I'm just too damn inpatient. I want to be able to text her stupid **** again, just things that will make both of us laugh back and fourth. I know I can't and I know it will do us no good. But ****. This sucks. I ****ing hate the way I am suffering because she was a dumb skanky bitch who wanted to cheat on me and sleep with another dumb skanky guy. It's only been a few months, of course I'm not over it. But I feel life is too short to be ****ing about and holding a grudge until it goes away. ****, I want to tell her about the new girl I'm starting to see. It's not 100% to rub it in her face (haha) but she's the type of person (friend) I'd share this **** with before, y'know? We were good friends. On the same wave length with humour n ****. I don't want to get back with her but I can't deny that sometime in the distant future, maybe there is a chance I might, if she's grown up and more emotionally mature? ****, I don't know? This is just ****. How long do you think it will take for her to contact me? Last few times we spoke, we agreed upon a 30 days rule, but it got messy and I got angry and **** was said, so I don't know if she's still sticking to that or not and I can't ask her because of the damn no contact thing haha. But we did agree to be friends (this was way before I read all the backup plan BS). I know that's a possibility. But shiite, easier said than done. This **** is messed up!
TaraMaiden Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 ...... I don't want to get back with her but I can't deny that sometime in the distant future, maybe there is a chance I might, if she's grown up and more emotionally mature? ****, I don't know? When you have reached the level of benevolen Indifference. in other words, when there is nothing in your heart that cares one way or the other whether you contact her or not, because... meh, that was a while ago... so what? Then you can. To congratulate her on her wedding (and really mean it) To congratulate her on the baby (and really mean it) To congratulate her on her new home/puppy sports car he just bought her - (and really mean it.) Without any deep internal sigh or 'if only'.... How long do you think it will take for her to contact me? Hopefully, never. you don't WANT to hear from her. She's the last person you need to speak to right now. You have to pray you never hear from her again. it's called "Moving on". You don't get that, do you....? Last few times we spoke, we agreed upon a 30 days rule, but it got messy and I got angry and **** was said, so I don't know if she's still sticking to that or not and I can't ask her because of the damn no contact thing haha. You'd better hope she wants you to fall off the edge of the earth. Just like you should be hoping, for her.... But we did agree to be friends (this was way before I read all the backup plan BS). I know that's a possibility. But shiite, easier said than done. In the dim and distant, far-off future, yeah. not any time soon though... This **** is messed up! Not at all. This is as un-messed up as it possibly could be. YOU'RE messed up. And until you 'get' this NC thing, you always will be....
Author mistermr Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 You don't get that, do you....? It doesn't look like it ^_^ I have seen the difference between keeping in contact and no contact. Keep IN CONTACT was horrible, it really was. I felt a constant dark cloud over me and it was very depressing indeed. But that was when I was when I was trying to get her back. Keeping NO CONTACT is better because what I don't know, doesn't hurt me. I am learning to be an independent person and I am feeling better everyday. But it also means I am not talking to me best friends of the last 10 years and that ****ing sucks.
TaraMaiden Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I agree. I know, you're right, it does. And sometimes, it's that loss of connection which hurts most of all... But at the risk of using clichés, it IS for the best.....
Author mistermr Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 Thanks for replying, even if it's things I don't want to hear, it people like you who are genuinely helping me to recover from this. If you hadn't have replied, I might have given in and contacted her. Most of the day, I'm fine and I know it's for the best. But there are moments when I feel weak and just miss the **** out of her, regardless of what she has done. I know she hurt me and continues to do so, but she's only doing what she believes is best for her, the same as me not contacting her is what's best for me. As I've mentioned before, life is too short, I'm glad she got out of our relationship if that's what she wanted, it just ****ing sucks she took the cowards way out.
TaraMaiden Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Yeah... And the bits you miss, are the good bits that were. If you were to contact her, you'd also have to cope with remembering the bad bits.... It's nostalgia. And it is apt, if we do not recognise it as such, to hold us back. See it for what it is... the you that is, yearning for the her that was. "Was" and "Is" don't always make good mixes. 1
Mint Sauce Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I know it's not appropriate, but I loved your post MisterMr. It's good to know that other people are going through the same, and you formulated it so accurately, including all the swearing I think in this phase being angry is not so bad. NC is easier when you're angry, imo. TM, thanks for reminding us of the clear nature of the solution. At least intellectually it's all pretty straightforward.
Author mistermr Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 So I broke contact yesterday and had quite a long text conversation. It was quite interesting and I don't really regret it. That's not to say anyone else should break no contact (!!!!!!!). But I had no intention of trying to reconcile anything but our friendship. I wasn't quite getting much from her, she seemed more reserved I'm not sure if that was due to guilt, awkwardness or what?? But the conversation didn't flow like it used to. I suppose she didn't want to tell me details I may not want to hear. Plus, I made sure to have an undertone to my messages of "I'm doing really well without you" haha. I don't know if that was necessary or not but I didn't want the conversation to lean towards a romantic reconciliation so I steered it in the opposite way. I wish I could carry on the conversation today but I don't think it would be appropriate not that it would be too weird but I suppose the to 24/7 access to her has gone and now how to respect the normal friendship boundaries. I did sense remorse in what she said, although maybe I was looking for it? I don't know. But either way, I feel better doing this than being angry at her and fighting no contact like a drug addict going cold turkey. We live too far away to bump into each other on the street, so that's one aspect we don't need to worry about. Remaining low-contact will keep our friendship alive it's just learning what the appropriate amount of contact is. I'm not saying this is the right way and next week I could change my mind. But I really don't want to spend the next few months resenting/hating/ignoring the person, my ex. Will keep y'all updated. But I recommend no one try this if you're still feeling vulnerable. like I said, I'm still not sure if I'm doing the right thing.
TaraMaiden Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 ....the bits you miss, are the good bits that were. ... the you that is, yearning for the her that was. "Was" and "Is" don't always make good mixes. .....I wasn't quite getting much from her, she seemed more reserved ....But the conversation didn't flow like it used to. .....I suppose the to 24/7 access to her has gone and now how to respect the normal friendship boundaries. .....Remaining low-contact will keep our friendship alive it's just learning what the appropriate amount of contact is. ....I recommend no one try this if you're still feeling vulnerable. like I said, I'm still not sure if I'm doing the right thing. Your comments, make my point, above..... Had I been you, I would have stayed No Contact. I suspect you may regret this, sooner or later. But it is what it is.....
Mcnulty Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Playing with fire! I wouldn't dream of contacting my ex even though I miss her mind and our friendship so much...be very careful.
Author mistermr Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Playing with fire! Yes, the right term of phrase there. The fact that our paths are unlikely to cross is going to make this easier though. It's unlikely we are going to hang out for a good long time, so that leaves low contact email/text exchanges. The next few months we could drift apart naturally anyway.
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