Ex boyfriend in new relationship under 2 weeks after split...sound familiar?!

[aliceb1987]

Hi all

My ex (feels wierd calling him that!) and i split just over 2 weeks ago,and last week i logged into facebook one nyt and there is was,bang at the top of my news feed,saying that he is now in a relationship with another girl.My first reaction was intense hatred and anger-tried calling him to lay into him but luckily he didnt answer so sent him a nasty message and called his mate instead who didnt know (or let on) much.

 

The split when it happened was very amicable (he instigated it but i knew it needed to happen) but it was all just abit too 'nice' (my life doesnt run that smoothly lol) I was missing him like hell and wanting him back all the time because i was remembering the good...but when i saw the facebook status it made me see his true colours and a different side to him.Its a shame in a way it has had to end in hatred but i think it will be alot easier for me to move on now he has hurt me as i wont feel guilty or like im betraying him when i do find someone else, because i know he isnt the lovely person i thought he was.

 

I have been looking on the internet and speaking to friends and seems very common for men to move onto someone else really fast after a long term relationship to try cover up and put off dealing with the pain.Some sites also said the quicker someone moves on the more they are hurting.I know he loved me a hell of a lot in our relationship as i did him,we always had it one extreme or the other-were totally happy and perfect together or screaming and crying at each other,this went on for almost the whole 2 years of it, but in the weeks/months before the end it was like a slippery slope,constant arguments,and in the last few weeks i could see a real change in his behaviour towards me (making me wonder if he was in contact with the girl at that point)

I apologise for the length of this post! but would be interested to hear similar experiences and what people's take on this is who have been through similar.Thanks!

[Joaquin]

Yes, so familiar I've cut and paste something i said on another thread.

 

If he had emotionally moved on from you when he started with her, it is not a rebound for him. If it makes you feel better tho believing it is because of some terrible hurt He is feeling at the loss of you, then go for it.

 

It's not about x days or months, it's not a timeline, it's about what he feels.

 

Often when people are going through a breakup they start emotionally moving on before the final curtain comes down. They are good to go straight away.

 

You don't know what the situation is, and really, you should not need or want to know, you need to move on.

Edited September 1, 2012 by Joaquin

[aliceb1987]

Thanks for the reply,You are probably right...or at least partly,because i think he had started to withdraw himself and for while before we split up he was ill,upset,quiet,having trouble sleeping etc and the night he came round he was an emotional wreck.I think he had already greived for the relationship before we split up,and so by the time we did he was pretty much done with it and it provided the closure he needed.Just abit wierd about this choice of girl as she isnt the sort id see as long term material for him but maybe im wrong,they might work who knows...all i do know is that he has a lot of issues in his head and with anger and also relies on weed to much,and i doubt he will maintain a healthy relationship with anyone due to that.Admittedly i did cause alot of the arguments but that was because he gave me reason to get irritated...we were just too different.On paper i was the stronger one in the relationship,more going for me and a more positive life, and i always was the one to look after him,support him etc (lost count of the times i held him when he cried) but even though i stuck up for myself if i didnt like his behaviour,he always knew id never leave him so he knew he had that control ultimately i guess.

[I'm nuts]

Is it just me, but anyone who announces there relationship status through Facecrap has some kind of mental/emotional problem ?

 

Is it for the ego, or just to torture?

[aliceb1987]

Haha,right with you on that one!...think theyre trying to prove themselves, but just makes them look desperate.He also knew id see it,so probably rubbing salt in the wounds aswell.Didnt help that there were several well wishing comments including one saying 'about time lol' (the main reason why im wondering if this girl was on the scene when i was)

Facebook can be **** like that,sometimes u see more than you want to know about people,but at least ive deleted him now so dont have to worry about seeing any more of his news feeds.

[I'm nuts]

I find it most immature, but then again I'm a boring old fart.

 

Oh look at me, I'm in a new relationship....who cares

[k100danny]

It has nothing to do with MEN moving on fast or men rebounding more than women. as someone said, they can disconnect while still in a relationship and be ready to move on. I've even had it where we both know its not working but the fact the other instigates the break up can make you attached again,

 

Some people do rebound and feel the need to always have someone and be in a relationship wether it is right or not, you will have friends who seem to have ALWAYS been in a relationship, one after another and some who arent.

 

I tend to stay quite attached and know that Anyone else who came along would be a rebound after a relationship so i try to be honest and stay out of a relationship until i feel i can offer the person what they deserve. My ex and i broke up, she found someone quite quick, exactly 1 month after we broke up i saw pictures of her being very couply with a new guy saying how cute he was ect ect and i found this quite hard to handle. I don't know if she was in a relationship or just dating or if they are still together, From that point i wished her well and went no contact. 6 weeks later she contacted me trying to start a conversation, I was polite but also firm like I didnt really want to talk.

 

You just have to think that if this was THE one then all this wouldnt be happening and you would just be enough for each other and that will make it easier to move on. The hardest thing is trying to not take it personally or thinking you werent good enough but this is not the case (well most of the time unless you are a nasty abusive person) it's just that for whatever reason it wasnt work. stay strong