irc333 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 In the past, when I was first meeting and getting to know women, everytime I were to ask them out....they'd have this TONE of unapproval. "Um, that sounds like a date" or "You mean, like a date?" When I'd ask them out, I think it would be pretty obvious....in fact, wouldn't yous a woman asking this, is asking a stupid question?" I actually somewhat sarcastically answered, "Um, yeah....what did YOU think it was?" I'm wondering why is it, when I ask out women...they have ask this question of me? Usually when I say "Yes, it's a date", they are like 'Um, no sorry, I don't think of you in that way, but we can go out as friends, right?" And then I'd say, "Sorry, no".
eleanorhurting Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 well I say that as a way of making sure I am not leading someone on. I want to make sure the person's intentions are romantic and if they are and I am not interested then I let them know. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 irc333 What eleanorhurting said is probably true at least half the time. The other half of the time the young woman may not have felt that she was date able and is surprised you would ask. Not everyone reacts positively to that kind of surprise. 1
crosswordfiend Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I hope this isn't the same woman you were talking about in your thread on chemistry.
coolboy113u Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Perhaps you have asking them too early.. Wait for a little, let the bond build.. And If you think she is interested in dates, go for it.. And if you get a NO, don't be upset. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you just need to find the right/compatible one.
ScreamingTrees Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Perhaps you have asking them too early.. Wait for a little, let the bond build.. And If you think she is interested in dates, go for it.. And if you get a NO, don't be upset. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you just need to find the right/compatible one. Sounds like a good way to make a lot of "friends" that "don't see you in that way"..
somedude81 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 well I say that as a way of making sure I am not leading someone on. I want to make sure the person's intentions are romantic and if they are and I am not interested then I let them know. Of course it's a date! Why else would you think a guy you barely knows would want to spend time with you alone? At least you have enough smarts to ask and not just assume it's not a date. Better than, she goes to the guys place, it's late, making out, she gets undressed, "Wait, this isn't a date is it?" He replies, "Yeah it's a date" "Um, no sorry, I don't think of you in that way, but we can go out as friends, right?"
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 When someone acts like this it shows you they really feel about you and by extension how dateable you really are (ie your dating marketability).
oaks Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I actually somewhat sarcastically answered, "Um, yeah....what did YOU think it was?" Last time that happened to me I think I answered, confidently, "Yes, that's right!" (but still got shot down)
Hawaii50 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I really don't like the term "dating." When I request someone's company it's because I'm interesting getting to know more about them on a personal level. To say or consider it a romantic endeavor is to over think it. There will most likely be no candles, mariachi band, or other intention than said "getting to know." 4
eleanorhurting Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I really don't like the term "dating." When I request someone's company it's because I'm interesting getting to know more about them on a personal level. To say or consider it a romantic endeavor is to over think it. There will most likely be no candles, mariachi band, or other intention than said "getting to know." I feel the same way. I feel like I can go and get coffee with someone and talk and have fun without it being a date. However, I recognize that this is not true for a lot of people. I used to do this all the time before. I would meet guys in internships I have done and they would invite me to grab something to eat after work or something and I would think "this person is nice, sure why not!" Then I realized I was leading people on so I like to make things very clear now.
oaks Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I really don't like the term "dating." When I request someone's company it's because I'm interesting getting to know more about them on a personal level. To say or consider it a romantic endeavor is to over think it. There will most likely be no candles, mariachi band, or other intention than said "getting to know." Fair enough. Can she bring a friend?
Hawaii50 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Fair enough. Can she bring a friend? Yes please. It would increase my chances, no one wants their toys played with, especially if they're not playing with 'em.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Well the word "date" has been very meaningless in my own love life. I have had dozens and dozens of relationships which were composed of hanging out, fooling around, etc but never a formal "date". Even when we met at an appointed time. I should add that to my relationship to normal talk translation list. date - a specifically romantic and ritualized appointment between people where human beings do a prescribed mating dance not unlike certain birds. "not a date" - when two people get to know eachother with no romantic expectations weather romance happens or not.
xxoo Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Perhaps you have asking them too early.. Wait for a little, let the bond build.. And If you think she is interested in dates, go for it.. And if you get a NO, don't be upset. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you just need to find the right/compatible one. Or just the opposite, you are waiting too long to show interest, and they've gotten to see you as "harmless nice guy" instead of "guy who is hot for me". iirc, have you expressed attraction prior to asking them on a date? Did they respond well? 1
Inflikted Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 The girl I'm (or I was? Honestly, I'm still not sure where I stand with her) into said that when I asked her out. She didn't have a "disapproving" tone or anything like that, though; I was actually shocked at how calmly and plainly she said it. "Like a date?". The question kinda threw me a little (I've never asked out a girl before), and all I could get out was "Sure...". I'm just so smooth with the ladies, aren't I? @_@
Mrlonelyone Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 The girl I'm (or I was? Honestly, I'm still not sure where I stand with her) into said that when I asked her out. She didn't have a "disapproving" tone or anything like that, though; I was actually shocked at how calmly and plainly she said it. "Like a date?". The question kinda threw me a little (I've never asked out a girl before), and all I could get out was "Sure...". I'm just so smooth with the ladies, aren't I? @_@ That to me sounds like she was surprised that you had asked her out. The question is did she agree to the "date"? If so where you stand is just fine, if not, you sound very young. Don't sweat it.
Inflikted Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Well, we work together, and she explained to me that she's had bad experiences dating coworkers in the past. But she said "Let me think about it", and that sounded pretty genuine to me (I could be wrong, though). Of course, I don't see her again for a while, so who knows if/ when I'll get a proper answer. I assume nothing will end up coming of it, which kinda sucks, because I like(d?) her a lot and had a good feeling about us, but what are you gonna do, right? On the bright side, I remember overhearing another guy we work with asking her out a few weeks ago, and she kept deflecting him by saying "I feel like that would be really weird...". So, I appreciate that she actually explained the situation to me rather than just saying "That would be weird". Oh, and for what it's worth, I'm 23, heh. I guess that's still considered "young", but eh.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Oh I'm sorry to say, "think about it" should be taken as a no until she actually says yes. I remember when I was 23, I felt so grown. Oh to be 23 again and know what I know now. No offense intended.
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