Always picking the wrong men

[Eternal Sunshine]

I tend to be attracted to this type as well, and then they become disinterested/move on because:

 

1. They're convinced they can do better since they snapped me up.

 

2. They feel I'm so much better than them and they need to find someone who is 'beneath' them so they won't be intimidated.

 

They appear confident and nice and fun and they hook me that way, then I find out about their insecurities and sometimes instead of bailing I want to 'rescue' them. Then after not too long I can see through it all and I ultimately bail, if they haven't done so first.

 

These guys can't keep up the facade for very long, I've learned. Eventually, their true colors show. In my experience, they will make offhand comments about dating and relationships that reek of bitterness and/or insecurity (quite often passed off as a joke); they'll badmouth exes, etc. Looking back, I can pinpoint at least one early sign from each 'nice guy' I've fallen for that indicated a red flag.

 

Same, I want to comfort them and reassure them.

 

And I am SO convincing that they start getting GIGS :/

[Mme. Chaucer]

I do agree that you probably are picking the wrong guys.

 

I think that maybe you need to look at your true motives for picking them, and maybe re-assess the trajectory of what happens with these guys.

 

I feel like you REALLY liked guys who had "edge," confidence and who maybe were unattainable in your past. This is what I got from your posting history here over the years.

 

These left you feeling like crap, so maybe you are picking the "nice" and unthreatening because you think your ego will be safer from harm.

 

But they're not what you really like.

 

And this starts to be revealed as you go along. Maybe they react to that - and then your insecure behavior may kick in, which is pretty destructive to a relationship.

 

And … voila.

 

I still think that there is a disconnect between parts of who you really are and what you really want, and how you present yourself. Could this be true?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I do agree that you probably are picking the wrong guys.

 

I think that maybe you need to look at your true motives for picking them, and maybe re-assess the trajectory of what happens with these guys.

 

I feel like you REALLY liked guys who had "edge," confidence and who maybe were unattainable in your past. This is what I got from your posting history here over the years.

 

These left you feeling like crap, so maybe you are picking the "nice" and unthreatening because you think your ego will be safer from harm.

 

But they're not what you really like.

 

And this starts to be revealed as you go along. Maybe they react to that - and then your insecure behavior may kick in, which is pretty destructive to a relationship.

 

And … voila.

 

I still think that there is a disconnect between parts of who you really are and what you really want, and how you present yourself. Could this be true?

 

MC thanks for this post. I would actually pay you to be my therapist.

 

Yes, my boss who I considered "my dream man" was the polar opposite of what I described. He is assertive, confident, somewhat arrogant and a go-getter.

 

Shadow has actually told me what you said. That I am somehow picking the guys that I perceive as "safe" now. I feel like if no woman wants them then for sure I have a chance. Because I can't actually have a chance with anyone that is desirable. And then I am unhappy with them and it shows and hence the doom-cycle.

 

And yes, at 33, I am still trying to just BE MYSELF. I do know who I am but I have difficulty finding the courage to be just that.

[SmileFace]

Never mind.......

Edited September 1, 2012 by SmileFace

[Radu]

1. I am 33.

2. They are 27-35.

3. No kids and usually no marriages.

4. Not much of a dating history, one or two relationships at most. Not very experienced at all.

 

I think you are confused [after reading the thread and this answer].

You are not going after nice guys, you are going after safe guys.

Major difference.

 

Do you know that in this thread you pretty much described the AFC class of men to perfection ?

AFC means Average Frustrated Chump, and it's a term from PUA.

 

These guys are safe because they have low self-esteem and because socially they are beneath you. [get Mike Pilinski's Without Embarassment - this is a book usually recommended to guys who are trying to improve themselves but i want you to read it too ... at least the first few chapters]

Once they get some confidence, their first thought is 'well, i guess i could try for better], so they get GIGS shortly after.

In effect you are causing an early mid-life crisis in these men, and they will stay with their mistress [take it as dominant related], untill they challenge her control.

 

I think you need to remove the fear of confident guys, get good boundaries, get a good selection of red flags, and try to find a confident, secure guy who is also a nice guy.

Because nice guy doesn't mean doormat, it just means that he isn't a dick.

[mesmerized]

For the most part, there is no such thing as "nice guy". There are men who can afford to treat women badly and get away with it (due to other qualities that they have) and men who can't afford that (due to lack of other qualities).

[Titanwolf]

For the most part, there is no such thing as "nice guy". There are men who can afford to treat women badly and get away with it (due to other qualities that they have) and men who can't afford that (due to lack of other qualities).

 

Curious as to why you have this view?. I know a few "nice" guys who can afford to treat women like poo, but choose not to because it's against their morals to treat a lady like that, if the lady in question is undeserving of that treatment. I am one of them.

[ThaWholigan]

For the most part, there is no such thing as "nice guy". There are men who can afford to treat women badly and get away with it (due to other qualities that they have) and men who can't afford that (due to lack of other qualities).

That's quite a cynical way to look at it. Understandable, but I don't think I could attribute that to most guys. Maybe a large minority rather than a majority?

[veggirl]

Lesson Learned From LS:

 

All men are jerks, even the nice ones.

All women are bitches, even the nice ones.

 

Got it

[veggirl]

ES from your threads, you try so hard at the beginning and it is not genuine. You put on a facade and an act that you think the man wants. You attract men who do the same. Once both of you show your true colors, you realize you are not compatible. The fact is if you and the guys were truthful from the beginning, you'd know they aren't right for you and vice versa right away. It has nothing to do with "nice" because the type of nice you and these guys project to one another is fake.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Any guy can...

 

- Be a "nice" guy in the beginning

 

- Give you lip service like.."you're the most amazing kind of woman, I would never leave a woman like you!"...I mean really how many times has a woman heard that one from a "nice" guy only to see him do the same crap a "jerk" would do eventually?

 

That's an in the moment line, a surge of emotions or attraction that's worth only a thank you at best instead of a devotion of emotion and possible potential of a relationship...It's easy to say anything without having to prove it.

 

A compliment is a compliment and just a compliment.

 

- Play the victim, and act like his ex GF treated him badly and hurt him so much...kind of a funny coincidence to enable you to let your guard down isn't it? hmmmm! Yet conveniently leave out all the crap he did in the relationship.

 

I've seen this one so much It makes me almost want to slap a ....men love to omit truths, and twist around their last relationship to make them look like the victim..honestly, I just don't buy it, and I've seen the guys in these situations...they know what's going on, don't believe they were that stupid, cmon now.

 

It's a sad attempt to feel sorry for themselves and connect with women...even if they were treated badly they know it resonates with a woman's experience and can be such a twisted report of the past relationship...in fact ladies, don't be surprised if your ex who treated you like dirt is doing the same line to wheel in potential naive women eager to trust a mans word like it's gold about his past.

 

- Act like they're broken and just need a "good" woman....like hey...how about you?! to help them put the pieces of broken glass together that was once their heart. (And I mean really...who isn't broken in some way!)

 

People who are broken don't need a relationship...they need a therapist, and self work.

 

What do women really expect from a "nice" guy?

 

More chivalrous behavior?

 

More respect?

 

More security?

 

This may what appears to be on the surface, but give it time...the true colors and treatment will come through.

 

Less confidence, self-esteem, aggressiveness means more control and comfort for you knowing this guy won't do anything "bad" to you?

 

You know what the difference between a "nice" guy is and a guy who is "confident"?

 

One guy has the confidence and attitude that he doesn't need to pine and struggle to gain and keep a woman's attention and interest by having to do all the things they "think" a woman wants to hear and needs to charm her or "sweep her off her feet"...he can come to her genuinely and open, and show what he has and put in effort but not roll over for anyone, but a "nice" guy does this because he feels he has to..ladies, not because he "wants" to...who wants to feel like they've got to bend over for someone just to keep their interest and affection? I mean really you think these guys pull out all the stops because It's completely genuine? They may really like you and feel it's worth it, but It's their way of courting you or even putting you on a pedestal.

 

You know what a lot of the "nice" guys do? they watch romantic comedies like you do and try to be that guy that in the movie to win over the lady, that is their mentor. If only they could figure out how to give you that truly romantic and passionate experience.

 

A confident guy doesn't need to use the angle of "woe is him...please help me, I'm a birdy with a broken wing, will you be my doctor?"

 

He doesn't have to pretend to be your friend, or just out to make you "happy", or try and be the perfect guy you've always wanted. He's looking to see If you're compatible and willing to treat him well and make him happy just like he wants to with you. He wants to see If you're worth the investment as well, he doesn't want to be used or strung along either.

 

Men are men at the end of the day...many of these so called "nice" guys are simply bitter and resentful for not having the qualities that they would like to have in order to become more confident jerks.

 

You think these "nice" guys wouldn't change If their looks turned into supermodel status, they had a sudden spurt growth to the desired height, and money to blow like It's tissue paper, and women with the biggest fake tits money could buy just started throwing themselves at them? ha! they'd be the biggest Dbags of them all...they wouldn't know what to do with themselves! they'd soak it up and be like pig in mud rolling around in all the attention.

 

And really, those are the guys who become those jerks..the nice guys with no self esteem and always pitying themselves and telling a sad story because that's the way they've learned to gain attention and confidence and once they get it....from you! then they become just like any other @hole out on the street because they don't know how to handle it and run with it...It gives them such a high and boost that they think they're on top of the world now! which means...hey guess what? they don't have to settle for you average you!

 

So they take you for granted, acting like they got their ***** together now (which they always knew how it would work anyway) and start acting like they're entitled and deserving of this or that now...then they leave you filled with this high and go for the "hot-stuckup-bitchy girl, with the long legs, big breast and petite figure" but get shot down! Then they tuck their heads back between their legs and start the whole process over again with someone in their league...looking for another woman who's low on self esteem and confidence who can be controlled, and trusts far too fast, that's willing to be their little vile of superman juice so they can go out in the big world and feel like a big man...because ultimately that's what most men want.

 

There are good guys who really want to give you a relationship and there are selfish guys that come in all shapes and forms. But don't assume these qualities or traits that you deem to be of "value" aren't worth sand when you go to cash the check.

 

Don't fall for the tactic that these so called "nice" guys play just to wheel you in and make you feel safe. It doesn't mean they are good guys or even nice, it just means a lot of them are weak and filled with self pity. Meaning that this is all about them...not you. Once they get their fill on attention and external validation they will treat you like the guys you are actually trying to avoid.

 

Many use it as a cover, every guy has his tactics to try and win a woman over (however feeble or non-existent)...the "nice" guy tactics are just a adaptation to the circumstances and reality that is theirs because of their inability to attract the women they desire orrrr this is what they've developed as their skill set to attract some women willing to stop and listen to their tale. Women who are not confident and lack self esteem of course will find much more security in that than a man who is confident, assertive and not afraid to put himself out there. But you'll be surprised you won't necessarily find any more clarity and transparency in many of these "nice" guys. Even thought they claim to be so much more emotionally available, some will be guys you can toy with, others will be the jerks you didn't see coming.

 

No "nice" guy I've ever met wanted to be a nice guy, which essentially means a lack of self esteem for most of these men...they just didn't know how to be anything else. You'll be surprised to find a lot of the "nice" guys to be the most anal, bitter, self-loathing, resentful and pessimistic men you can find.

 

The gig is up "nice" guys! But don't worry, you're not that much different than a lot of these women...so don't be too upset

 

There are people who have good intentions and people who mean to use you, everyone will claim not to want to do "bad" to another person, but with everyone walking around so broken people are bound to be used and hurt for their own needs and desires...that's just the way it is.

 

Assuming you can judge a mans character, integrity, morality and ethics just by whether he's an Alpha, beta, confident, nice, shy, or outspoken is absurd..you need to dig deeper and find out what makes the man because these are simply personality traits and what's on the surface...what makes him tick, what does he care about, how does he care and love, how does he show this and express it without having to tell you. How does he talk about other people, how does he treat you, and most important how does he feel about you, how does he show that he really means it and do you trust him and what he does and says.

 

Otherwise you're just trying to judge a book by it's cover and tell yourself the things that you want to believe...even If it isn't working for you :S

[El Brujo]

The type that never had much luck with women and are insecure as a result.

 

I've never had any luck with women, maybe because I'm a little too secure. I know what I like, and if some woman doesn't share that with me, then I ignore her because she's not worth my time.

 

It just sucks that in today's world, all the wrong qualities are valued. What happened to modesty and humility being positive traits?

 

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! Promiscuous people turned the tables on those things.

[ThaWholigan]

Any guy can...

 

- Be a "nice" guy in the beginning

 

- Give you lip service like.."you're the most amazing kind of woman, I would never leave a woman like you!"...I mean really how many times has a woman heard that one from a "nice" guy only to see him do the same crap a "jerk" would do eventually?

 

That's an in the moment line, a surge of emotions or attraction that's worth only a thank you at best instead of a devotion of emotion and possible potential of a relationship...It's easy to say anything without having to prove it.

 

A compliment is a compliment and just a compliment.

 

- Play the victim, and act like his ex GF treated him badly and hurt him so much...kind of a funny coincidence to enable you to let your guard down isn't it? hmmmm! Yet conveniently leave out all the crap he did in the relationship.

 

I've seen this one so much It makes me almost want to slap a ....men love to omit truths, and twist around their last relationship to make them look like the victim..honestly, I just don't buy it, and I've seen the guys in these situations...they know what's going on, don't believe they were that stupid, cmon now.

 

It's a sad attempt to feel sorry for themselves and connect with women...even if they were treated badly they know it resonates with a woman's experience and can be such a twisted report of the past relationship...in fact ladies, don't be surprised if your ex who treated you like dirt is doing the same line to wheel in potential naive women eager to trust a mans word like it's gold about his past.

 

- Act like they're broken and just need a "good" woman....like hey...how about you?! to help them put the pieces of broken glass together that was once their heart. (And I mean really...who isn't broken in some way!)

 

People who are broken don't need a relationship...they need a therapist, and self work.

 

What do women really expect from a "nice" guy?

 

More chivalrous behavior?

 

More respect?

 

More security?

 

This may what appears to be on the surface, but give it time...the true colors and treatment will come through.

 

Less confidence, self-esteem, aggressiveness means more control and comfort for you knowing this guy won't do anything "bad" to you?

 

You know what the difference between a "nice" guy is and a guy who is "confident"?

 

One guy has the confidence and attitude that he doesn't need to pine and struggle to gain and keep a woman's attention and interest by having to do all the things they "think" a woman wants to hear and needs to charm her or "sweep her off her feet"...he can come to her genuinely and open, and show what he has and put in effort but not roll over for anyone, but a "nice" guy does this because he feels he has to..ladies, not because he "wants" to...who wants to feel like they've got to bend over for someone just to keep their interest and affection? I mean really you think these guys pull out all the stops because It's completely genuine? They may really like you and feel it's worth it, but It's their way of courting you or even putting you on a pedestal.

 

You know what a lot of the "nice" guys do? they watch romantic comedies like you do and try to be that guy that in the movie to win over the lady, that is their mentor. If only they could figure out how to give you that truly romantic and passionate experience.

 

A confident guy doesn't need to use the angle of "woe is him...please help me, I'm a birdy with a broken wing, will you be my doctor?"

 

He doesn't have to pretend to be your friend, or just out to make you "happy", or try and be the perfect guy you've always wanted. He's looking to see If you're compatible and willing to treat him well and make him happy just like he wants to with you. He wants to see If you're worth the investment as well, he doesn't want to be used or strung along either.

 

Men are men at the end of the day...many of these so called "nice" guys are simply bitter and resentful for not having the qualities that they would like to have in order to become more confident jerks.

 

You think these "nice" guys wouldn't change If their looks turned into supermodel status, they had a sudden spurt growth to the desired height, and money to blow like It's tissue paper, and women with the biggest fake tits money could buy just started throwing themselves at them? ha! they'd be the biggest Dbags of them all...they wouldn't know what to do with themselves! they'd soak it up and be like pig in mud rolling around in all the attention.

 

And really, those are the guys who become those jerks..the nice guys with no self esteem and always pitying themselves and telling a sad story because that's the way they've learned to gain attention and confidence and once they get it....from you! then they become just like any other @hole out on the street because they don't know how to handle it and run with it...It gives them such a high and boost that they think they're on top of the world now! which means...hey guess what? they don't have to settle for you average you!

 

So they take you for granted, acting like they got their ***** together now (which they always knew how it would work anyway) and start acting like they're entitled and deserving of this or that now...then they leave you filled with this high and go for the "hot-stuckup-bitchy girl, with the long legs, big breast and petite figure" but get shot down! Then they tuck their heads back between their legs and start the whole process over again with someone in their league...looking for another woman who's low on self esteem and confidence who can be controlled, and trusts far too fast, that's willing to be their little vile of superman juice so they can go out in the big world and feel like a big man...because ultimately that's what most men want.

 

There are good guys who really want to give you a relationship and there are selfish guys that come in all shapes and forms. But don't assume these qualities or traits that you deem to be of "value" aren't worth sand when you go to cash the check.

 

Don't fall for the tactic that these so called "nice" guys play just to wheel you in and make you feel safe. It doesn't mean they are good guys or even nice, it just means a lot of them are weak and filled with self pity. Meaning that this is all about them...not you. Once they get their fill on attention and external validation they will treat you like the guys you are actually trying to avoid.

 

Many use it as a cover, every guy has his tactics to try and win a woman over (however feeble or non-existent)...the "nice" guy tactics are just a adaptation to the circumstances and reality that is theirs because of their inability to attract the women they desire orrrr this is what they've developed as their skill set to attract some women willing to stop and listen to their tale. Women who are not confident and lack self esteem of course will find much more security in that than a man who is confident, assertive and not afraid to put himself out there. But you'll be surprised you won't necessarily find any more clarity and transparency in many of these "nice" guys. Even thought they claim to be so much more emotionally available, some will be guys you can toy with, others will be the jerks you didn't see coming.

 

No "nice" guy I've ever met wanted to be a nice guy, which essentially means a lack of self esteem for most of these men...they just didn't know how to be anything else. You'll be surprised to find a lot of the "nice" guys to be the most anal, bitter, self-loathing, resentful and pessimistic men you can find.

 

The gig is up "nice" guys! But don't worry, you're not that much different than a lot of these women...so don't be too upset

 

There are people who have good intentions and people who mean to use you, everyone will claim not to want to do "bad" to another person, but with everyone walking around so broken people are bound to be used and hurt for their own needs and desires...that's just the way it is.

 

Assuming you can judge a mans character, integrity, morality and ethics just by whether he's an Alpha, beta, confident, nice, shy, or outspoken is absurd..you need to dig deeper and find out what makes the man because these are simply personality traits and what's on the surface...what makes him tick, what does he care about, how does he care and love, how does he show this and express it without having to tell you. How does he talk about other people, how does he treat you, and most important how does he feel about you, how does he show that he really means it and do you trust him and what he does and says.

 

Otherwise you're just trying to judge a book by it's cover and tell yourself the things that you want to believe...even If it isn't working for you :S

 

Ninja, you really have to stop making sense, it's a bad habit.

 

[Woggle]

Stop mistaking being a professional victim for being a nice guy. There are plenty of good men who are not angry at the world or at least don't blame all their problems on women.

[veggirl]

I have noticed a pattern in men I pick, and it somehow never works with them.

 

I like guys that are "nice". The type that never had much luck with women and are insecure as a result. I can relate to them (being the same) and I somehow am drawn to helping them. I like that they are humble and not full of themselves. They are usually somewhat shy and introverted.

 

I get burned by these guys, every. single. time. I am a nice girl that is sweet and kind to them. And it seems that they use me as a stepping stone to build up their ego and find something "better". They seem to be drawn to girls that are assertive, aggressive and somewhat bi*chy. These are the girls they pine for.

 

 

also, why even use the word nice? That doesn't fit the description you listed at all. why not start your post with "I always end up with insecure fixer uppers" since that's what you went on to describe. Shy does not equal nice. Insecure does not equal nice. Introverted does not equal nice.

 

Passive does not equal nice! Maybe that's your problem, you think those traits are synonymous with nice for some reason.

 

Aggressive does not equal confident. Assertive does not equal confident. Jerk does not equal confident.

 

I don't get why you even used the word nice.

[Mrlonelyone]

Nice has become a meaningless word now. Or at least it's not used correctly.

 

Dating world translations.

 

Nice - Guy who did nothing wrong in particular but you don't feel it for.

Creep - Guy who you don't feel it for but who made eye contact with you.

Stalker - A creep who dares to speak to you.

*itch - A woman who uses the above words for all men who don't look like George Clooney and have Mitt Romney money.

*ore - A woman who won't sleep with you, even for money.

 

Seriously EternalSunshine. Just keep picking men. Eventually you'll pick right by sheer luck and averages. Try to not get so tied up with every new man. Just enjoy the ride while it last.

[threebyfate]

It's really difficult for me to respond to this thread without a bit of irritation. It's so annoying when you auto-attach the word "bitch" to confident women, as if confidence and assertiveness are "unfeminine" traits and all your traits are "feminine".

 

Bitches like myself get what we want out of life. Do you get what you want? If not, perhaps lay off the stereotypes and really start digging down deep, why it is you feel you can't assert your needs within reasonable boundaries of behaviour.

 

Neediness is not attractive.

[Mrlonelyone]

A lot of b*tches tend to seem nice at first, while at the same time they're confident, extroverted and assertive. The b*tch part of a woman's character can reveal itself later in a relationship, when the mask comes off. Usually it takes a while to get to know someone.

 

Of course similar things are true about men. Prince charming Mr Right turns out to be a toad in disguise much of the time.

 

That's just what people do. Most people put up a carefully curated front. They want people to think they are nice and good etc.

[Anela]

Nobody is saying that confidence in a woman equals being a b*tch.

 

A lot of b*tches tend to seem nice at first, while at the same time they're confident, extroverted and assertive. The b*tch part of a woman's character can reveal itself later in a relationship, when the mask comes off. Usually it takes a while to get to know someone.

 

I haven't met a woman, who couldn't be a bitch when really pushed. Some can hide really surprising, nasty attitudes, just as men can.

 

In the past, I was praised for not hitting below the belt in arguments. Now? I could easily go there, but I do my best not to. I've been called a man-hater, just for establishing boundaries and defending myself.

Edited September 1, 2012 by Anela

[StrangeBehaviors]

Eternal Sunshine: Are you a freak in the bed?

 

I am seriously asking. Enjoy sex? Different positions? Dirty talk? Give receive all kinds? Often?

 

Reason I ask is that most men, nice, mean or in-between, won't look to step up or move on if sex is good, frequent, and the woman is not "nuts".

 

At least for a good while.

[threebyfate]

Nobody is saying that confidence in a woman equals being a b*tch.

 

A lot of b*tches tend to seem nice at first, while at the same time they're confident, extroverted and assertive. The b*tch part of a woman's character can reveal itself later in a relationship, when the mask comes off. Usually it takes a while to get to know someone.

Then your people picker is broken.

 

See, I can pull the b/s too.

 

The rampant passive-aggressiveness and solicitation for attention of this thread is teeth gritting.

 

ES, you know better than this. What you're selecting for begins on the surface. You look for hot looking men to validate yourself. Next, plenty of flattery so you feel secure. This is a "nice" man, a validator.

 

This methodology isn't the way to get a love connection going. If you want a man who loves you for who you are, better start looking for one who's not a passive-aggressive, fake it 'til you make it man. Look to underlying ethics. Does he adhere to his code of ethics? Does he view his partner as a partner and not someone to leverage his self-esteem off of? Can he communicate his needs in a reasonable manner? Once you start digging into these areas, do you meet the same qualifications?

Edited September 1, 2012 by threebyfate

[threebyfate]

Sometimes people tell you they have a decent code of ethics, then after a while you notice that their actions differ from their words.

 

So that advice doesn't always work in practice.

 

Another thing is that sometimes you don't pick the person, they pick you and you start to think they're pretty nice.

 

The problem in this regard tends to be the people who talk differently from they behave. They believe their own words, but don't see how those words don't match up with their actions.

 

I have rarely made mistakes in regards to which people I could trust, but I have made such mistakes. I wouldn't say my people picker is off, I'd prefer to say that it isn't perfect, simply because I'm not perfect and because some people lie.

This thread isn't about you. It's about ES. Focus there. She's not you. She's also not me.

 

That said, I have to rein in my irritation at her auto-ass-umptions. So I'm going to back off this annoying thread.

[Star Gazer]

This methodology isn't the way to get a love connection going. If you want a man who loves you for who you are, better start looking for one who's not a passive-aggressive, fake it 'til you make it man. Look to underlying ethics. Does he adhere to his code of ethics? Does he view his partner as a partner and not someone to leverage his self-esteem off of? Can he communicate his needs in a reasonable manner? Once you start digging into these areas, do you meet the same qualifications?

 

ES. Read this again. Compare it to our, um, "friend," and then aim for the exact opposite.

[carhill]

I have noticed a pattern in men I pick, and it somehow never works with them.

 

Presuming you are choosing amongst the men who approach you, what different choice could you make than you have been making? This presumes you are approached by a variety of men. What would be a simple change in choice that you could make?

[threebyfate]

I am a nice girl that is sweet and kind to them. And it seems that they use me as a stepping stone to build up their ego and find something "better". They seem to be drawn to girls that are assertive, aggressive and somewhat bi*chy. These are the girls they pine for.

 

I am not about to go and buy a book on "Why men love bi%ches". I am convinced that there is someone out there that will appreciate a truly nice girl.

 

It just sucks that in today's world, all the wrong qualities are valued. What happened to modesty and humility being positive traits?

Now, to refocus on the opening post. Consider this from a rational perspective. What part of bragging about how sweet, modest and full of humility you are, is sweet, modest and displaying humility?