Stoo Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 Me and my girlfriend have been together for about two years now. My parents know that we are together, her parents do not. She tells me that her parents just wouldn't like me if they knew and would treat me differently. I've been going through a depression after my exams, and everything has built up and is causing me to be extremely sad. She has said the past few months that she has been trying to help me, but I haven't notcied her trying at all, she doesn't offer to take me out anywhere, or even see me that often, maybe twice a week if that. She has said that me going through a depression is making her miserable, and that she is extremely reluctant to see me. Over the two years we have gradually fallen in love, and we've both told each other these things. She is away on holiday at the moment for three weeks, and she text me telling me that she doesn't know whether she loves me any more or not. She says that we have both changed over the years. people always change, but that doesn't mean your inner person changes does it? I love her for who she is inside. The past few months she hasn't really been making much of an effort to cheer me up, or come and see me. I have said to her if she wants to split, its ok, i'd rather it now not later, but she has said she wants to stay with me. I just don't know what to do, can someone please give me some advice? Thanks.
The_Analyzer Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 Tell her you think you all should split for awhile until she can make up her mind what she really wants and whats important to her. She sounds kinda wishy washy to me. Good luck.
Stoo Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 I split with her yesterday, telling her that she has got time to make up her mind like you suggeseted. However, I love her so much, its so hard to know that she is basically messing me around. I just won't know what to do if she tells me she loves me or not. Thanks for advice by the way.
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Hi stoo, I know this is hard and I'm sorry you're going through this. However, just know that I think you have done the right thing. Maybe this time apart will make her realize what shes had. If not, maybe you never really needed her anyway. I know you might no want to hear that right now, but just know that you should be in a situation where you are wanted and loved in return. You weren't really getting that from her. Best of luck and keep us posted as to whats happening.
Stoo Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 The only upside of all of this, is that at least its happening now, and not when we leave to go to uni in 2 months time. Shes going to Exeter, im going to Reading. If she does come to realise she loves me, which im not banking on, won't this whole doubt thing causs problems in uni? I'm so gratefull for everyones advice, it's so comforting to know that people can understand what im going through. I will let you all know how the situations changes, for better or worse.
Stoo Posted July 22, 2004 Posted July 22, 2004 She has rung me, and we started having a normal conversation, she than started talking about how she doesn't fancy me as much as she used to, and she not as sexually attracted to me as she was. I don't understand, what does that mean? Anyone?
pretty_petal Posted July 23, 2004 Posted July 23, 2004 sounds like shes just explaining herself to me... like she said that she doesn't think she loves you any more, you said lets try n split for a bit, she tells you why she doesn't think she loves you any more... ? It sounds like she doesn't think she loves you due to her not fancying you or finding you as attractive, this being because shes just become too used to you. I think. That probably didn't help much. petal x
Stoo Posted July 25, 2004 Posted July 25, 2004 So a long split is needed? I really don't know how I'm going to get over her if this all goes wrong I've cried enough lately as it is.
Stoo Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 For those who are bothered or concenred, she has told me that if she were to get back with me, she might suddenly the next day fall out of love me again, and that if could happen. WHat should i do? Anyone?Please?
Stoo Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 IT seems i have had to sort this problem out myself, I told her if she is gong to tell me she loves me when i saw her, she would have to mean it, or dont sayit at all. And she said it. And i beleive she meant it. We are now back together, any advice on how to carry on? Or total silence likebefore.
Debster Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 I didn't respond earlier because I can't even comprehend why someone would be with someone for two years and let them keep it a secret from their family. The fact that you were, and the fact that you are accepting whatever crumbs she throws your way speaks volumes for your self esteem. I say dump HER and work on your self esteem and start learning what makes you special.
Stoo Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Her parents would stop her from seeing me if they found out. They would also not pay for her to go to uni, THEY WOULD DO THESE THINGS. What you mean 'crumbs' she is throwing me?
confusedmind Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 g'day. i think you should break it off with her. do you really want to be with someone who has doubts about what they feel towards you? c'mon, you can do better than that! If she can go one day loving you, and then the next day not loving you... she obviously has no idea what she is talking about or shes playin you... i'm sorry bro, but i really think its best for you if you lose her. i know that you feel that you love her, but you are better off this way... i know how hard it is to love someone but being with them is not the right thing, i'm going through that right now... but just imagine how much happier you would be if you had no doubts about what the other person felt for you!... hope this helps.
Stoo Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 The reason she has being having doubts, i beleive, is because of my depression. I've been extremely down the past four months, and i've been making her miserable, which is why i think she wasnt sure she loved me, as she didnt know whether her not being able to cheer me up meant we werent in love. you say to split off totally, but she means so much to me. Its so hard, am I falling for a game, or does she really love me. (By the way its about this time that I have over come and gotten out of my depression) Thanks for advice, hope there is more to fcome! I know i'd be happier knowing that the other person definately means what they say, and has no doubts, but I think I can start to know that she loves me over the next few months. Of course im not expecting anything either way, if it goes well it goes wlel, if not, i will get on with life. But surely my love for her is enough to give it one lst go?
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