How do you deal with someone who has an attitude problem?

[SpiralOut]

The main part of the problem is this person has no awareness of how he comes across. He asked me one time to tell him if he sounded sincere or cheerful, but he just sounded sarcastic. I told him so and so did someone else. He tried to see what we meant, but he didn't get it. He also told me that someone tried to explain voice inflection to him because he didn't understand why he doesn't sound cheerful to people. He has a very flat voice. He seems to have trouble understanding the concept of tone of voice.

 

I have to deal with him temporarily, basically teaching him things. Today did not go very well. He asked me to show him something. I said okay. He was extremely sarcastic, angry, rude. I think he's mad that I wasn't teaching him anything difficult, but the thing is that he hasn't learned the basic stuff yet and it's important that he learns that first. He kept trying to skip ahead and ignore things that I say to him and if I explained one of his questions in depth instead of simply saying yes or no, he became angry and muttered "that's all I wanted to know." Whoa!! I'm explaining things to help it make more sense, that's what I do with everyone. That's how I was taught too. Anyway, I get the impression he thinks he is too smart for the work that we do. Which doesn't make sense because he has done so many things that causes problems. He's not incompetent but he doesn't pay attention. Plus, there are tons of smart people doing this job who don't act the way he does.

 

I finally lost my temper and said "I haven't finished explaining everything yet," in the voice I use when I am angry and trying really hard to remain polite. I did not raise my voice. I don't get angry like that very often. Most people I meet are afraid of that voice. I wasn't trying to scare him, I was just pissed off. He was just like okay well you don't need to get angry. He basically just dismissed the fact that he pissed someone off, acting like he'd done nothing wrong. It just seemed so arrogant to me.

 

What would you have done? I just did not know how to handle this guy. The way he was acting was completely out of line.

 

Not sure if this is relevant, but last week he said some things to me that I felt were too personal (I hadn't even asked him about it) and I have backed way off. I avoid talking to him now. And he sometimes makes jokes or comments to me that are loaded with sarcasm. Sometimes he tries to be friendly with me and sometimes he's really rude.

[threebyfate]

Step back for a second from your annoyance and consider the concept that different people learn different ways.

 

Some learn in a linear fashion where others prefer more of a global approach. There are also learning styles of audio, visual and kinesthetic (hands on).

 

From the sounds of it, you were teaching in an audio-linear fashion, step by step approach. Might he learn a different way? My learning style is global and visual, where audio linear teaching drives me batty.

[SpiralOut]

Well yeah, but I mean, he yelled at me. And was really sarcastic. If he doesn't like the way I teach, he shouldn't have asked me to explain. He was the one who came up to me and asked me to please show him something. He didn't need to be so rude to me. He kept interrupting me to say things like "that's REALLY easy," and "that's ALL?" I have trained lots of people and none of them flipped out at me the way he did.

[threebyfate]

From the sounds of it, there's something very wrong with his social skills even to the degree of being mildly autistic or having aspergers. But it's impossible to say with the one incident.

 

Are you obligated to train him? If not, you don't have to do it.

[SpiralOut]

From the sounds of it, there's something very wrong with his social skills even to the degree of being mildly autistic or having aspergers. But it's impossible to say with the one incident.

 

Are you obligated to train him? If not, you don't have to do it.

 

No I'm not really obligated to. I didn't even have to show him anything that time, I could have told him no, which is why I didn't understand why he was being so rude to me. I will be avoiding him next week, letting someone else do it. I'm not putting up with that crap.

 

Somebody told me she saw him throw something onto the table that should not have been thrown. I do understand his frustration but I mean it's not okay to act that way.

 

He sometimes forgets things that you said to him like 5 minutes ago. Like, will completely forget that a conversation even took place. And one time I had given him some work to do, but when he was done he wanted me to give him more. I did not have to give him anything to do. He knew that. I had just done it to try to be nice so he wouldn't be bored. But I had no time to teach him anything else because I was behind in my work and I would have had to stay really late if I did that (I got stuck working late anyway) so I kept telling him that I'm sorry I cannot give him anything else to do but he can watch if he wants. He didn't take the hint. He just kept asking and asking and asking if I had anything else for him to do. I told him no, sorry, I don't. No, sorry I don't. I have to do my work. I have to do my work. Oh my god. Why is that so hard to understand? He said that he understands. Then two seconds later is asking me can I show him how to do that? No! I don't have time today! Sorry!!

 

And he did something odd when he asked my coworker if he could borrow money from her so he could go to our staff dinner. She told him no.

 

One time he joked to my coworker (whom he had only just met that day) about how boring he thinks my department is. He knew I was in the same room as him because he saw me walk in. So of course I heard him. Later that same day he asked me if I was happy to be back in my department. He didn't sound sarcastic but I'm pretty sure I know what he was thinking in his head. I mean, how do I answer a question like that when it's pretty clear that he doesn't think highly of where I work.

Edited September 1, 2012 by SpiralOut