Erectile dysfunction & Performance anxiety...how do I cope?!

[volatile.]

Hello everyone!

 

I've been with my current boyfriend for about 8 months, and sexually active with him for about 5. As happy as I am being in this relationship with him, we're experiencing really severe setbacks in the sex department and it's definitely taking it's toll. He has difficulty getting erect and staying erect during sex every single time we try. He has struggled with anxiety for most of his life and his sexual history is fairly limited so I wouldn't be surprised if this is a result of performance anxiety. In the beginning I thought that it was just a matter of time before he would start feeling more comfortable around me and be able to let go and enjoy the moment but that hasn't really happened at all. We talk about it and I have tried to be understanding and patient but it's obvious that it's destroying his confidence and mine. There is an extreme amount of pressure being put on both of us because we care so much about eachother and we want this relationship to be succesful but lately i've been feeling almost hopeless. I have never had to deal with an issue like this in any other relationship I have been in, and I really have no idea how to move forward. Would it be best to just take a break from sex and see if it will take the pressure off? Just accept that we're incompatible in that department? I'm so lost! Any advice would be helpful

[johan]

Not sure what you should do, but I have a suggestion. Hang in there and show him that you accept him regardless. Show him he's valuable to you and you won't let this get in the way. Hopefully he can also deal with this on his end by getting treatment and learning how to handle the anxiety. No quick fixes, I guess. But then you have to decide whether you can have faith in him. If you can, then have faith that one day the problem will disappear. Put the doubts in the back of your head, if you can.

 

Eight months isn't so long. Would it be worth it to you if you knew for certain that in a year or two after you started dating, the problem would be gone?

 

Guys aren't robots.

[Greznog]

Not sure what you should do, but I have a suggestion. Hang in there and show him that you accept him regardless. Show him he's valuable to you and you won't let this get in the way. Hopefully he can also deal with this on his end by getting treatment and learning how to handle the anxiety. No quick fixes, I guess. But then you have to decide whether you can have faith in him. If you can, then have faith that one day the problem will disappear. Put the doubts in the back of your head, if you can.

 

Eight months isn't so long. Would it be worth it to you if you knew for certain that in a year or two after you started dating, the problem would be gone?

 

Guys aren't robots.

 

Eight months isn't long but a physically healthy ( im assuming ) young male shouldn't be having these problems for this long. There's either a physical problem going on or he has some deep psychological issues.

 

If all else fails, Cialis or Viagra might be the solution.

Edited September 2, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Sauron]

How old is he? If I was him I would go to my doctor and have blood work done to test, total testosterone, free testosterone, Estridol levels and prolactin levels. Any of those out of whack will cause the symptoms you metioned. I think the younger males have low testosterone levels, high estrogen levels for a number of reasons, diet, activity, environment. Maybe he could get some ED medicine to help his confidence if its perfromance anxeity. Plus if he is on anti-dpressants, benzo drugs or other psych medicines that could also be casuing the issues. Good luck.

[JohnM]

What is the frequency of sex per week? Or attempts if it is indeed a non starter each time.

 

If you are trying quite alot then maybe lower the number of interactions a week so that there are less attempts and pressure on him.

 

How do things go when you are doing other sexual interactions such as oral on each other or just using hands? Do you get more of a positive result?

 

Can he get hard and finish when he masturbates alone?

[TaraMaiden]

....There is an extreme amount of pressure being put on both of us because we care so much about each other...

By whom?

 

 

Would it be best to just take a break from sex and see if it will take the pressure off? .....

...Off whom?

The only one under pressure is him...

 

Who has put pressure on you?