caligirl88 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years. When we first started dating I thought that he was "the one" but up until a year ago, I started questioning the relationship. I started thinking "what if he isn't?" and that perhaps I would be happier with someone else. My boyfriend is a very nice and kind person. He's very handsome and enjoys similar interests as I do such as yoga and eating healthy. He also loves cuddling and spending as much time as we can together. He likes to hang out just us most of the time and when we're in large groups he doesn't talk much. It's hard to hold a conversation because I'll ask him a question and his answers are very short. He also asks me a ton of questions like what did I do throughout the day, who did I talk to, etc. For some reason when I talk to other people I refer to him as my friend instead of boyfriend when I mention him. He's not very sociable and doesn't crack jokes often. He doesn't bring up stories that happened throughout the day or his opinion of different things. I feel as though it's always me having to carry the conversation or bring up topics to talk about. Something that makes me upset is that he isn't a very driven person. After 5 years at the community college he is now transferring to a 4 year university. He hasn't had many jobs so a lot of the time I feel obligated to pay for things. We haven't gone on many dates at all and I can't recall one present he's given to me besides the occasional flowers or candy. One of the main things we fight about is sex. He's my first and also first serious boyfriend. I just can't seem to get myself in the mood to want to do it with him. It has been like this for awhile now. We've tried many things and it just isn't something I'm into at the moment. I like it here and there but not on a daily basis like he does. I feel obligated to give him BJs or hand if I don't want to and sometimes I'll give into it because I know it'll make him happy. He feels bad for asking because he knows that I don't like to do it much but continues to ask. It makes me uncomfortable and I'm dreading it the whole time- I don't know whats wrong with me! I feel like I would be very sad if we broke up. I would miss him so much! His smile, doing the things we used to do, pictures of us together would all make me sad. The fact that he wouldn't be there anymore scares me. I also don't want to hurt him. I broke up with him for the same reasons for a few months about half a year ago. It was SO HARD. He cried and said that he would change. It makes me so sad thinking about it and how he looked and us saying our final goodbyes at the time. Right now in the relationship I feel secure because I know that he is there but deep down I feel like I'm not happy and don't want to realize it. I've been having crushes on other people and think about what it would be like to be with someone else. I really need some advice about what to do :/
aliceb1987 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 If he was the one for you the things you mentioned wouldnt bother you.Its always terrifying thinking about being alone but sounds like thats what is keeping you there rather than your feelings for him.If you are already liking other people sounds like you are on the way to moving on anyway.And as regards his feelings-you will hurt him alot more in the long run if you stay with him when underneath you know its not right.
Joaquin Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 A 3yf bf being introduced as a friend. You don't seem so into him. What do you think you should do?
yamyams Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 It sounds like you've already made a decision on what you think you should do. What kind of advice are you looking for? Are you trying to find reasons to stay with him? or trying to ask what you should say to him? If its the latter, be upfront with him and tell him the truth about everything. Don't sugar coat anything. If its the former, shouldn't you know these reasons? I mean, there must have been positives to stay with him for so long besides just security. Was there any other positives of staying with him? I have a feeling something happened to change your mind about him other than wandering eyes. What are you afraid of exactly? being lonely? or wanting him back after leaving him?
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