Brunettie Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 When my bf and I first started talking, he'd text me all day everyday. Once we started dating, he'd still do that, but sometimes he wouldn't text me and he'd just call me at the end of the day. But lately, he'll call in the morning and that's it. Or he'll send a few texts during the day but stop replying, even if I asked a question. Is that ok...? Why is that happening? In person he still acts normal. On the phone he always ends by saying he loves me. It just confuses me. I don't want to ask him about it and appear clingy or something, I just want to know what's going on... :/ Thanks
Greznog Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Men don't actually feel any sort of internal need for constant communication with their girl, they just do it to please her, after a while they stop making as much of an effort.
carhill Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Another aspect, perhaps hard to explain, is that his trailing off in contact is a feature of male psychology/personality which also impacts other behaviors which you, and other women, find attractive. If he was chatty kathy, sincerely and always, it's highly likely you would have never found him attractive in the first place. If you want to see where this ends, get married/cohabit. IMO, it's quality rather than quantity, in that the contacts are substantive and impel feelings of bonding and connection, with sufficient time between them to impel feelings of 'missing' the other person and 'looking forward' to the next contact. It's a natural part of human bonding IME. Instant communication has taken something away from that process IMO, but we each still have choices. Good luck. 1
Author Brunettie Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 He's no longer in pursuit mode. So because we are together, he has gotten comfortable enough where he doesn't think it's necessary to talk as often? Aka it's fine?
Greznog Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 So because we are together, he has gotten comfortable enough where he doesn't think it's necessary to talk as often? Aka it's fine? Yes, yes it is. You have to understand men generally only do functional communication, it's very rare for a man to call another man "just to talk". They'll call, but only if they have something specific to talk about, never to "just talk"
veggirl Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 ONLY talking in the morning and not responding to questions you text him is not the same as getting comfortable to leaving pursuit mode IMO. Esp the not responding to questions you ask him Where is he all after noon / night? 1
cclare Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I agree that it's most likely not a big deal that he's texting you less than he did before. He's still contacting you, which is good. As far as not responding when you ask a question--if it's not an urgent question, maybe he just has intentions of responding but gets distracted and forgets. Overall, I wouldn't read too much into it---from experience, reading too much into it has truly screwed me over.
Emilia Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Why is that happening? Thanks Why don't you ask him instead of asking us?
rocketman122 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 When my bf and I first started talking, he'd text me all day everyday. Once we started dating, he'd still do that, but sometimes he wouldn't text me and he'd just call me at the end of the day. But lately, he'll call in the morning and that's it. Or he'll send a few texts during the day but stop replying, even if I asked a question. Is that ok...? Why is that happening? In person he still acts normal. On the phone he always ends by saying he loves me. It just confuses me. I don't want to ask him about it and appear clingy or something, I just want to know what's going on... :/ Thanks your not happy because he doesnt communicate as much as he used to.. but what about you? do you contact him and he simply ignores you? so if he's not as active as he used to be then why dont you talk to him or you send him texts? do your part then complain..a relationship works both ways. why do woman expect men to do certain things but dont put their part in.
KraftDinner Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 How long have you been together? Personally I wouldn't be ok with that. Even if a friend acted that way I'd find it rude. I find people here (and I could be wrong, I dunno) seem to think women are too demanding in terms of the levels of communication they'd like. I disagree. We have to respect his need to be less communicative....but what about her need to have more communication? One is not more important than the other. Honestly OP, I'd ask him. TBH, I'd think he was losing interest. Don't be a doormat - if you need more, speak UP.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Not answering a question is not normal. I don't do it to friends, family or acquaintances...let alone SO.
veggirl Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Not answering a question is not normal. I don't do it to friends, family or acquaintances...let alone SO. Totally agreed. Yeah I would def read into it. Maybe people skimmed the OP or something cause yeah not texting constantly throughout the day--that is a normal thing to stop. But ignoring you all afternoon / night even when you are asking questions is not.
Greznog Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 How long have you been together? Personally I wouldn't be ok with that. Even if a friend acted that way I'd find it rude. I find people here (and I could be wrong, I dunno) seem to think women are too demanding in terms of the levels of communication they'd like. I disagree. We have to respect his need to be less communicative....but what about her need to have more communication? One is not more important than the other. Honestly OP, I'd ask him. TBH, I'd think he was losing interest. Don't be a doormat - if you need more, speak UP. If im the one with the higher sex drive I should be the one initiating it most of the time, it's ridiculous to expect otherwise.
The Way I Am Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I guess I'm like a guy in that I never feel like talking just to talk. My boyfriend texts me a lot. Sometimes he texts me questions that I'll glance at but aren't urgent. I put the phone down to finish what I'm doing but intend to reply in a couple minutes. Except I end up forgetting and don't get back to his texts until the end of the day when I actually look at my phone before I charge it. None of that is because I'm not interested in him. If you want to know if it means anything ask your boyfriend, but don't do it in a whiny or confrontational way. My most recent ex used to complain I didn't contact him enough and interpreted it as lack of interest. That's annoying and unattractive. And probably one of the bigger reasons I did lose interest in him. On the other hand, you should think about your needs. If it's not just that you're worried his lack of contact equates to lack of interest and you genuinely need to have more constant contact than your bf will give, you might not be suited to each other.
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