M30USA Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Just wondering if you can always go by your feelings during a separation/divorce. I have experienced an increase in my personal peace and contentment since separating from my wife 7 months ago (see my previous posts for history). I'm just wondering if this is normal and if it's a sign that I should remain separated. Has anyone ever felt positive feelings from a separation and STILL reconciled? Do my positive feelings mean that I should defintely remain separated--or could the positive feelings just mean that I've needed a break from her? Thanks.
GuyInLimbo Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 If you are happier now, more than ever, why would you even entertain going back to a situation that made you unhappy? 1
Author M30USA Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 If you are happier now, more than ever, why would you even entertain going back to a situation that made you unhappy? It's not that I'm happier now. It's more that I can think clearly now. Like I have time to breathe and take a survey of my life--which was something I don't think I did once in the last 5 years.
worldgonewrong Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 It could be a sign that you realize you're a much healthier, happier person without her. That's where I'm at, personally. 1
Author M30USA Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 It could be a sign that you realize you're a much healthier, happier person without her. That's where I'm at, personally. I agree. But it's still hard to forget 5 years of someone you were married to and had children with. 1
worldgonewrong Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 It's not that I'm happier now. It's more that I can think clearly now. Like I have time to breathe and take a survey of my life--which was something I don't think I did once in the last 5 years. That's called 'happiness'. You've been so far in the mud, face-down, that you forgot what happiness looked like.
worldgonewrong Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I agree. But it's still hard to forget 5 years of someone you were married to and had children with. Try this on for size: I'd been with my someone for 20 years; our 15th anniversary just rolled around in July. And we have 2 kids. So, I completely dig where you're coming from. Believe me. But there comes a point where that other person is so mean-spirited, almost demonic, that they become unrecognizable and toxic. They will kill you by degrees if you allow them, and your complicity becomes a kind of suicide. 3
Author M30USA Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 Try this on for size: I'd been with my someone for 20 years; our 15th anniversary just rolled around in July. And we have 2 kids. So, I completely dig where you're coming from. Believe me. But there comes a point where that other person is so mean-spirited, almost demonic, that they become unrecognizable and toxic. They will kill you by degrees if you allow them, and your complicity becomes a kind of suicide. Yes. What I'm working now is finding a healthy balance of not allowing her to trample me anymore, yet making sure I don't harbor any negative/hateful feelings towards her. I just need to accept that she is who she is...and I have no control over that. 2
Gaprofitt Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Yes. What I'm working now is finding a healthy balance of not allowing her to trample me anymore, yet making sure I don't harbor any negative/hateful feelings towards her. I just need to accept that she is who she is...and I have no control over that. Trample me anymore, man do I know how that feels.
Author M30USA Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 Trample me anymore, man do I know how that feels. Ever hear the Pink song called "Don't Leave Me"? I can't believe she actually has the gall to say, "You're my perfect little punching bag". How sick. Sick. And she actually expects him to stay with her?
worldgonewrong Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I can't believe she actually has the gall to say, "You're my perfect little punching bag". Pink? and/or your wife says this?
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I have understood you to be already divorcing from a profoundly sociopathic, chronically physically abusive criminal with a serious personality disorder. Of COURSE you will feel more serenity out of that mess. Are you in divorce proceedings now, or just separated? I had no idea that there was any question of reconciliation. From your description of your wife, she sounds like she will soon be in prison or institutionalized.
Author M30USA Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) I have understood you to be already divorcing from a profoundly sociopathic, chronically physically abusive criminal with a serious personality disorder. Of COURSE you will feel more serenity out of that mess. Are you in divorce proceedings now, or just separated? I had no idea that there was any question of reconciliation. From your description of your wife, she sounds like she will soon be in prison or institutionalized. Divorce final hearing is coming up soon. The irony is that SHE is the one who filed for divorce. I'm guessing her lawyer advised her to do this so that it would sort of "level out" the psyschological playing field after she was arrested for violence. I also think she had to file for divorce in order to attempt custody at the kids because they wouldn't have allowed it otherwise with her protection order still active. People who've been advising me tell me that she has taken the guilt off my hands because she is the one who filed. Edited August 31, 2012 by M30USA
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