....should i break no contact

[heartbroken26]

I dated my boyfriend for 10 years and he cheated on me for months and and left me for her. I started no contact for a month now and is still not over him. His mom's 1 year anniversary of her death is coming up and I was wondering if I should email him a quick 1 paragraph sending him my condolences. I was very close to him and his family and thought it would be a nice thing to do. I still care for him and I know her anniversary means a lot to him. Is it worth breaking NC?

[I'm nuts]

I would keep no contact, memories stay but pain fades.

[Mint Sauce]

I know this is very hard to hear, but quite probably the other girl is now providing him the shoulder to cry on. It's shocking how quickly we are replaced, but that appears to be the way it is in these situations (mine as well).

 

I would not break NC.

 

I can imagine a sentiment that this anniversary of her death is of "another category", and that NC is like a silly game in comparison. But the fact he left you for someone else is not something silly. It's a massive emotional event, especially after such a LTR. He will no longer be there for you when you loose someone close to you. That's the choice he made.

 

Be angry, not nice. If he wasn't happy with your relationship, he could have dealt with that in so many other ways. Possibly also leading to BU, but not in this way. He doesn't want or deserve your compassion any more.

 

sorry, i guess that's mainly the stage I'm at.

 

BUT: you could still send something to the family. I think that will be appreciated.

[heartbroken26]

I know this is very hard to hear, but quite probably the other girl is now providing him the shoulder to cry on. It's shocking how quickly we are replaced, but that appears to be the way it is in these situations (mine as well).

 

I would not break NC.

 

I can imagine a sentiment that this anniversary of her death is of "another category", and that NC is like a silly game in comparison. But the fact he left you for someone else is not something silly. It's a massive emotional event, especially after such a LTR. He will no longer be there for you when you loose someone close to you. That's the choice he made.

 

Be angry, not nice. If he wasn't happy with your relationship, he could have dealt with that in so many other ways. Possibly also leading to BU, but not in this way. He doesn't want or deserve your compassion any more.

 

sorry, i guess that's mainly the stage I'm at.

 

BUT: you could still send something to the family. I think that will be appreciated.

 

True. She's there for him now. She actually came into his life a couple months after his mom past, so she probably has been there for him all this year. And I am sure that he doesn't care if I emailed or not. He clearly moved on with her.

[geegirl]

I dated my boyfriend for 10 years and he cheated on me for months and and left me for her. I started no contact for a month now and is still not over him. His mom's 1 year anniversary of her death is coming up and I was wondering if I should email him a quick 1 paragraph sending him my condolences. I was very close to him and his family and thought it would be a nice thing to do. I still care for him and I know her anniversary means a lot to him. Is it worth breaking NC?

 

Keep the memory of his mother in your heart and remember her on that day. You could also send a card to his family addressing your care.

 

Granted it is a special day for him but he will share with those that are close to him and with his girlfriend.

 

Treat your break-up as a break-up and that means having no contact regardless of important dates. Your healing is dependent on you making choices that are healthy and beneficial for YOU, and YOU only. It does not take into account those that hurt and disrespected you terribly.

 

And if there is hidden motive, as in you want to reach out because you want to look like the nice guy, because you still care for him and need some sort of validation from him, let that go. I'm sorry this sounds harsh but when you are emotional, the heart wants to do things that are never in your best interest.

 

Stick to your healing. There will come a day when you are completely indifferent to him and if you still want to reach out and offer condolences, you certainly can. The thing is, he never cared for your feelings then, I doubt he cares about your feelings pertaining to his mom's anniversary or will be in any way affected by your failure to send him condolences.