starla33 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I'm always confused in this regard as most of not ALL of my girlfriends will scream their heads off at me if I do this. Why is it not ok to text a guy and say Hi or something to that regard (not ask him out as he is doing all of that)? This makes him lose interest? REALLY?!
Maeva Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Would love to know as well! Everyone is always telling me DON'T TEXT!!!...Even after a few dates and knowing the guy has some interest... Well, except one of my friend who is always telling me to text/call and be upfront and she's actually the one who somewhat chased her BF, got married and are waiting for a baby, so I'm not exactly sure who to trust. 1
Maeva Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 From my point of view, at some point a woman would need to start reciprocating and initiating communication herself also, because if she doesn't, then I wouldn't feel wanted. It's okay to let the guy do the chasing, but not initiating any communication from your side would be a form of playing games. At some point the man then doesn't feel any reciprocation from you. There should come a point where you both start sharing the load and are on equal footing. THANK YOU! I always feel if we do nothing then I guess the guy will think we're not interested and move on... Not the best strategy, in my book. 1
musemaj11 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 What guys dislike isn't women initiating, its women smothering them. Calling or texting all the time is annoying. 4
Author starla33 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 What guys dislike isn't women initiating, its women smothering them. Calling or texting all the time is annoying. Also, don't you think if a guy is NOT interested any type of text will make him think the girl is needy (no matter if its just a hi?). I think this is the case in general that makes girls think they shouldn't text, but hey the guy wasn't interested in the first place!
Maeva Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 What guys dislike isn't women initiating, its women smothering them. Calling or texting all the time is annoying. Define all the time? 1x a day? 3x/day? Once a week? Like, how much is too much? (I know it depends on the situation, I'm just curious) I guess if the guy doesn't reply and you send him 2-3 more texts it would be annoying as hell.
Andy_K Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Why is it not ok to text a guy and say Hi or something to that regard (not ask him out as he is doing all of that)? This makes him lose interest? REALLY?! It doesn't make him lose interest, or anything of the sort. What it does do, is mark you out as being interested. Is this bad? Well let's put it this way... - If he's interested he's going to text you either way, so it makes no odds. - If he's not interested you get nowhere either way. - The only time it really makes a difference, is if he's lukewarm towards you. In this case, you've just marked yourself as a possible target to hit & quit if he's so inclined.
Author starla33 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 It doesn't make him lose interest, or anything of the sort. What it does do, is mark you out as being interested. Is this bad? Well let's put it this way... - If he's interested he's going to text you either way, so it makes no odds. - If he's not interested you get nowhere either way. - The only time it really makes a difference, is if he's lukewarm towards you. In this case, you've just marked yourself as a possible target to hit & quit if he's so inclined. Right and acting not interested makes him chase you aparently
MrCastle Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Initiating contact should be mutual. You don't have to set up dates or anything of the sort and let the man continue to be the one to do that, but a simple "heyyy" from your end goes a very long way. Good, quality men will move on if they suspect lack of interest on your part. 2
Jane2011 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 It's hard to gauge these things. I err on the side of caution and don't initiate texts with a guy much in the early stages, even if he's texting me. I just reply to his texts in a friendly way. When I do initiate a text (and it's like one to every four or five times he's initiated a text), it's still sort of all-business in nature. Like, "So, you said 7 right?" Or just a "how'd it go?" (related to some important matter I knew about).
oaks Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Right and acting not interested makes him chase you aparently Maybe that's what they say. Personally, if I think she isn't interested then I give up rather than chase. Why would I want to waste time on someone who isn't interested? That's crazy talk.
Lonely Ronin Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 If I'm asking you out, I'm interested. If I don't sense mutual interest after a few dates, I assume you're not interested, or at least not interested enough as far as I'm concerned. Thus, I'll just stop contacting you. 1
smellybelly Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 If I'm asking you out, I'm interested. If I don't sense mutual interest after a few dates, I assume you're not interested, or at least not interested enough as far as I'm concerned. Thus, I'll just stop contacting you. Sooo.... in this case would an initiating text from the girl provide re-assurance to you that she is still interested and give you fodder to continue to pursue in some manner?
Lonely Ronin Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Sooo.... in this case would an initiating text from the girl provide re-assurance to you that she is still interested and give you fodder to continue to pursue in some manner? Yes, as long as it has some substance to it.
smellybelly Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Yes, as long as it has some substance to it. Substance as in.....please explain further..... ? For example....? (BTW great thread!)
evangeline6 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I send the guy I'm dating one text relating to something funny we talked about or something about the day in a format he could respond to, semi question format. That's it. If he doesn't respond, I won't send another one. The comment about smothering was spot on. When people say they were so busy, they didn't see their phone, sometimes they are telling the truth. I've definitely been there, but I respond by the end of the work day. Sometimes they are lying. If more than a day passes with no text, then I know he's not interested. You're not going two days without looking at the phone. Or maybe he's a facebook person =)
Lonely Ronin Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Substance as in.....please explain further..... ? For example....? (BTW great thread!) some good ones might be: 1. What was the name of that Chinese restaurant you mentioned last Friday? 2. How was your meeting today, I know you mentioned it was an important one? 3. how was the game you went to? I caught part of it on TV, and it looked exiting. 4. hey, I just wanted to let you know that I had a lot of fun last night. Basically you need to show some kind of interest in my life, and or that you like being around me as a person.
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