Deep_Feelings Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Greetings Everyone I've been looking for some answers and found this forum. This is my first post. Maybe one of you will have some insight for me. I have been married and faithful to the same woman for 22 years. We have two fantastic boys who are 11 and 15. Our relationship has not been good for a long time. She has been avoiding intimacy with me since the kids were born. For a long time we only had sex once a month or less. In the last year it has happened only two or three times. And when it did happen, it felt like she was just doing it to appease me. She seems to get one illness after another that keeps her unavailable to me. The last one was bugs in her underwear (a real turn-on for me). It was her way to get attention from her parents as a child. At this point, I have lost all attraction to her. I have no desire for her in any way. Most days I can barely tolerate being with her. I am a young 52 and take good care of my self. I feel like I am an attractive and desirable man. She is just not interested in me at all. She goes about her business with the kids and the house and pretends like none of this is happening. I am miserable and lonely sleeping next to her every night. We just pass each other in the house as if we were roommates. There is no touching or intimacy whatsoever! I am a man with deep feelings and am capable of a loving, connected, committed relationship with a woman. My wife is just not open to receiving this from me. And yes, I have talked to her about this over and over. I made a counseling appointment a couple years ago and she wouldn't go so I went by myself. I am reaching out to another counselor this week for another try. If she doesn't go this time then that will be it for me. I keep meeting such beautiful conscious women in the yoga community here where I live. It is hard for me not to direct energy towards them. Thanks for reading, can anyone help?
Radu Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 She seems to get one illness after another that keeps her unavailable to me. The last one was bugs in her underwear (a real turn-on for me). It was her way to get attention from her parents as a child. WHAT ? [ten chars] 2
mercy Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 "I keep meeting such beautiful conscious women in the yoga community here where I live. It is hard for me not to direct energy towards them. Thanks for reading, can anyone help?" uh, sounds like you are really enjoying yoga. No positives about your wife, huh? So, why stay? Are you stuck? Bugs in her pants? Please explain.
It's Just Me Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Holy. Sounds like it was over at least seven years ago. How very sad. Not sure I'm understanding the 'bugs in the pants' thing, either. Sounds like y'all need to have a talk (and I'm nowhere near close to being southern).
standtall Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 deep....no more talking now..action. Lay it down, and then do it.
veryhappy Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 What's with the bugs in her underwear? Sounds like something that's sexually transmitted. You are in a sexless marriage, and at the point where you are very vulnerable to an affair. If you don't see a life that works with her in your future, get divorced before exploring the yoga ladies. An affair complicates everything and makes for an easy scapegoat.
oldshirt Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Insight for you????? Do you really think someone has a magic spell that will make each of you fall in love and feel the passion and intimacy and excitement with each other again?????? You don't need insight, you already know all you need to know. What you need now is a good divorce lawyer so you can preserve your assets as much as you can. I do agree with you that you should see a counselor again. But DO go alone and lay it all out there for the counselor and have the couselor help you in organizing your thoughts and your goals. then the counselor can help you in bringing this up with your wife and the counselor can help you work with her so that your kids aren't negatively impacted any more than necessary and so that both of you can work together towards dissolving your marraige with the least amount of pain and turmoil to each of you. If she refuses to go to the counselor at that point then she pretty much deserves what she gets when she receives her copy of the divorce petition.
oldshirt Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Greetings Everyone . She seems to get one illness after another that keeps her unavailable to me. The last one was bugs in her underwear (a real turn-on for me). And BTW, those "bugs" are called crabs and you get them by having sex with people that have them. She may be sexually unavailable to you but she obviously isn't unavialable to others:eek:
BetheButterfly Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 What's with the bugs in her underwear? Sounds like something that's sexually transmitted. You are in a sexless marriage, and at the point where you are very vulnerable to an affair. If you don't see a life that works with her in your future, get divorced before exploring the yoga ladies. An affair complicates everything and makes for an easy scapegoat. I sadly agree. Getting divorced before exploring another relationship is very good advice. I wish all marriages were happy and blessed ones.
Grich283 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Yeah, sounds like shes given up or atleast doesnt know where to go for help either.
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