Missing my best friend

[jholtxo]

Me and my guy of almost 4 years broke up. Our relationship was really good, never been with someone that I get along with so well. We truly are best friends. We didnt fight often, and when we did, we made up a short time after. Everyone around us is quite upset with this because they all think that we were a really good couple. Everyone also thinks that we will get back together.

 

Now the problem. We had a difficult summer because he was working in another town 3 hours away. He would work 60 hours a week, so it was difficult to talk. We still talked everyday, and I knew he was making an effort too because sometimes he would text me first. To see him, I would mainly have to drive to see him on the weekends - I would come up Thursday to Monday. A lot of those days he was working, and he would start work at 6 am. He would have to go to bed at 9 pm or 10. He was also really sweet to me always. I also must mention that where he worked was the cottage.. it was so beautiful and relaxing there. Anyways, all was good for the first three months (May, June, July), but in August, I noticed that something was changing... I was changing. At the time, I had not figured out what was wrong, and I just continued on. In the end, I feel like it was all becoming too routine, like clockwork. I would come up on certain day and then go home on a certain day. As well, his family lives up at the cottage for the summer, so it was like I was part of the family (I am extremely close with everyone). It felt like we were married, and when I was up there.. we were living together. The cottage is really nice, and I still had so much fun this summer, but after a while it is kind of the same, got routine. Not a good environment for a young couple.. We are both only 21. It is a nice environment for maybe a couple weekends in the summer, but not every weekend.

 

When I think about it now, I wish I had realized what the problem was.. We needed a change of scenery, and I needed to miss seeing him a couple weeks. As much as I love seeing him and I would miss him like crazy the weekend i wasnt up there, it was what we needed to not make the relationship so "married". Anyways, last weekend, he asked me what was wrong, as he had noticed that I had changed over the past few weeks. I ended up telling him that I think we just needed to work more on our individuality and having our own lives - we are still young and we should not rely on eachother so much. I told him I was really really sorry for starting to act differently. He also said he felt like our relationship was getting too advanced for what we are. At the time, I didnt really understand this... but after thinking about this and talking to my dad, i know exactly what he meant! He says he wishes we had met when we were older. I guess this was because our relationship was becoming much older/advanced than we are in our stage of life. We agreed that we both wanted this and we were normal for 2 or 3 days. Then he called me and he said that he was thinking about it, and he said that he thinks we should break up. He said he really needed to be alone for a bit, and get his sense of individuality back. I was upset... because the summer was ending, he would be coming back home (to where I live) and everything would be going back to how it was before.

 

Now that I think of it, I also think i needed to be alone. The arrangement we had was much too serious for what either of us want from eachother right now. It became too intense.. coupled with how much we love eachother, it can get overwhelming. We were starting to get under eachother's skin. We are still young and have our whole lives to be together, we dont need to act like we are married right now. My attitude change over the past couple weeks proved that we really needed some time apart. I too think that I need to see what its like to be alone. So, I am taking this break up well. I miss him like crazy a lot of the time, because he is my best friend, but Im not upset because I know this is best. I really needed to just be on my own for a time. I really think we will get back together down the line.. just because I know how much we both love eachother and if we had almost 4 great years together, then it must mean that something is right between us. So for now, I am just going to go out with my friends more, and be independent! I forgot what its like since we were together for so long. I am definatly not looking for another guy, and I dont really think my ex is either. We just need to do things entirely on our own, fend for ourselfves! Will also give us time to miss eachother and get over what we were feeling this summer. I am actually happy for now. However, my biggest worry and fear is that we dont work out in the end, because deep down inside, I really want it too. I guess I should not think like that and just be positive, focusing entirely on me. I asked his best friend what he thought and he said that if we are good together, we will get back together for sure at some point, be it weeks or months. Do you guys have any advice at all? How to be strong through all of this? Do you think we will get back together after some time apart?

 

PS. we are now no contact. Its hard, and im sure he is having a hard time too.. but we need it.

Edited August 31, 2012 by jholtxo

[I'm nuts]

A true and faithful friend is like a dog, they always come back, infatuation fades and dies.

 

it's not easy being with someone 24/7/365, we all need our own space.