My NC experience. Will be updating regularly. General ranting/venting

[Conzy]

Hey all, i've been reading a lot on here lately, but feel that me venting will help me more

 

Won't bother with the whole story, but some very brief background info. Both 18 years old, met when we were 16. Had the most amazing year and a half together, went out places together all the time, bought each other things, planned a holiday together, went to a festival together etc etc.

 

We were each others first for everything, though she was very very insecure and it took almost a year for anything to happen sexually (I didn't care much, I was in love) She always told me from quite early on that she knew she wanted to eventually lose her virginity to me, but had to sort herself out first because of her insecurities. Fast forward a year and we both feel ready, we were waiting for the 'perfect' time. Well, that time never came because I fell ill and I was contagious.

 

About a month prior to falling ill, she had just turned 18. We both finished with our studies and summer started. I was at home feeling like absolute sh*t for over a month, all this whilst she was out with a new 'party lifestyle'. She had a small-ish group of friends she went out with most nights, all started heavily drinking, always out til about 3am.

 

So yeah, I was better, I met up with her and I knew things were different between us right away. Things didn't really seem to get better so I asked her if she still wanted to be in the relationship. Won't go into all details, but I got probably the most hurtful things I'd ever heard. "You're so lovely and I care so much about you but I don't love you anymore" when 3 weeks earlier she wanted to take me to a festival, wanted us to go on holiday together during this summer and was constantly saying how she wanted me to be better because she 'missed me so much' (Oh, and also to mention her flirtier side where she was saying "Sucks you're ill, all this time we have off is being wasted ;)" )

 

Now, I don't want to just label this as GIGS, because to be honest, it seems like a lot of people do that on here, and really, it could just be anything. However, I do have to admit that a lot of the stuff do link pretty closely.

 

For example, she went from being the sweet, caring girl that I fell in love with, all of a sudden to a huge party animal with an ego bigger than this bloody world. Seems that her life now just revolves around alcohol and loud music, where as before she had so many goals. Especially during this summer, she wanted to do about 3 projects that would help her in the future. She's done none of it so far.

 

And when we broke up, she seemed so empty about it all, so heartless. This is coming from the girl that prior to all of this, used to get so insecure and think I would leave her "for someone better" and would cry to me about it saying "I just love you so much, you don't understand how happy you make me"

 

So yeah, I'm ranting a lot now, it's supposed to be a thread about NC! haha.

 

NC experience so far:

 

Week 1: After breaking up, I got home crying my eyes out, didn't eat anything, about an hour later texted her saying It's not what I want, etc. She didn't reply. This whole next week we didn't speak. I made the mistake of then texting her asking to meet up because I wanted to say some things. She agreed to meet up and gave me back my things. Spent the next hour with her just calmly saying I think we should give it another chance. She said she couldn't because she felt differently now. I said "Okay, i'll respect how you feel. I can't say no more" we both walked our separate ways home.

 

Roughly end of week 3: This was without a doubt one of the hardest things I'd had to go through. Since the very first text we sent each other, up until now, we texted CONSTANTLY. I mean, to the point where most people wouldn't even have anything else to talk about. Our conversations just flowed with ease, even when we were both busy we'd still text each other. To go from that to suddenly no texting was a hard transition for me, but I managed it. I was so proud of myself, even when I had to ignore one of her texts she sent me a week earlier. I got an audition and did a general tweet about it, she texted me "Well done on getting your auditions x" I almost sent back "thanks" but deleted it and ignored it. NC presumed until roughly the end of week 3.

 

Now, end of week 3 was hard for me and I crumbled. I was starting to get really irritated by the fact we wasn't speaking. I missed her. I wanted her to contact me. Bearing in mind this particular day would have been our 1 Year 6 Month anniversary (Yeahh i know it's supposed to be every year but we did something every half a year lol) Through out that whole day I was glancing down at my phone just hoping to see a text from her, I saw nothing. It got to about 12pm and I'd had enough, I felt like I was setting myself back a few steps so decided to call it a night and go to sleep. I woke up during the night and checked my phone to see the time. Low and behold I see a text from her, 2 missed calls and 3 voicemails. I saw it all and knowing I wasn't going to reply, felt this great sense of power to me and I couldn't help but laugh.

 

(paragraph is getting quite blocky, will just continue it here ) So yeah, I instantly woke up like i'd had a 12 hour sleep, looked at the message first. She sent it at 2:30am "Hi sorry I know it's really late but I just wanted to know how you are xxxx" (since the break up the texts i received before had no kisses, or only 1, so this made me be a bit like "hmm, 2:30am, more kisses.." I looked at when she tried phoning me, one was at 2:34am, the other was 20 minutes later. I discovered that the voicemails were by accident, the first two were blank, and then the last one I could just hear her quietly mumbling, "Yeah i'm trying to contact him.." then something else which was un-audible, then "No I can't say that" then just some other mumbling, then she realises it's recording, says "****" and turns it off.

 

I'll admit this threw me off a bit, I felt 'power' but at the same time it was eating away at me. I didn't respond though. The next night I went out to a club, got home at around 4am, checked twitter on my phone to see a general tweet from her saying at like 2am "I'm such an idiot for listening to adele and the script right now #i'mstupid" (both artists use depressing break up lyrics lol) so once again, I felt power and went to sleep happy that night.

 

This is then where I went downhill, fast forward a couple of days. It was eating away at me, I wanted to know why she wanted to speak etc. (if only I found out about this forum before that!) I couldn't sleep and it was near 3am. I thought what harm could it do, sent her a text "Hey" I was also on twitter at the time, literally within 2 mins of sending it, I see her name pop up, she tweeted "Well, I didn't expect that! #surprised" (bear in mind none of these tweets are directly at me, they're just general tweets y'know?). Minute later after that I get a "Hi" back. We spoke very briefly, I brought up her voicemail and said it made me laugh. She responded with "What voicemail?" (As if she didn't know. She saw it recording and said "****!" then instantly turned it off. If that was me, I'd be like "OH WOW NO WHAT HAVE I DONE, HOPE THEY DIDNT HEAR ANY OF THE PAST 5 MINUTES OF ME MUMBLING!!" But yeah, we didn't really speak any more after that until the next day.

 

So, it's the next day and I've got about 50 different things going through my head, she tried contacting me, she did the thing about adele and script KNOWING i'd see it, blah blah. And then I did the killer of all texts, the one thing I said i'd never do, the one thing I regret so dearly. That's right, I sent her "I still love you" OH WHY DID I DO IT?! Like, looking back, how could that have possibly helped anything? It couldn't, but at the time I thought it would solve everything. As soon as I sent it I looked at my phone as if it turned into a rat, threw it on the desk and looked at it like o.O then said "you absolute ****ing idiot" I got a reply from her, in which only set me WAY back to what felt like week 2 all over again. "I don't know what you want me to say.." I mean, at the time I was fully expecting to get a "I love you too, i've made such a mistake i'm sorry" Nuh-uh, none of that in this town!

 

At this point I was angry, replied back with something like "Don't have to say anything" then another text with "I'd just prefer it if you didn't try contacting me at 2:30am, how do you think that makes me feel, you know how I feel, it just messes with my head" in which she replied with the a load of BS "I didn't mean for it to come across in that way, I just wanted to know how you was that's all. I want to be your friend but maybe i'm trying to soon" - She FULL WELL KNEW, that the way she tried contacting me would not look like a 'friend to friend' conversation. Especially at 2:30am. then trying to phone me 25 minutes later when I don't respond. Maybe if she sent it at a reasonable time during the DAY, then it could have been more fitted to the 'friend' category.

 

So yeah anyway, she said that, and I asked her "I want to know, why did you try phoning me then and leaving a voicemail?" she claims to know nothing about the voicemail. But then 5 minutes later she owns up and she says "it was our year and a half, I was thinking about you okay" Then she sent another one which sounded moody, saying: "I'm sorry for trying to contact you maybe I just won't do it from now on" I replied with "I can't be friends with you, I want you to delete my number, throw out everything you have that's related to you and me and never contact me again. This is the last time you'll hear from me. Goodbye" She's said on more than one occasion that she isn't throwing any of the stuff to do with us, and she even said she still looks at the photo's of us together (lol, weird i know). She replied "No i'm not deleting or throwing away anything. Goodbye x"

 

And that is where my strict NC started. I deleted everything of her from my computer, deleted phone numbers etc etc and i've now currently been NC forrrr about 1 month and 2 weeks.

 

I'll admit, since doing that and not contacting her at all, things did get easier every day, but i've kind of hit a little wall at the moment and I don't like it. I've started wanting her to contact me more, keep expecting to wake up and see texts from her again etc etc.

 

I'll tell you why this happened. That text I sent her telling her to never contact me again etc, straight after that I stopped following her on twitter so I wouldn't see her name pop up every day (which helps a TON) 5 minutes after I stopped following her, low and behold she stopped following me. Fair enough I thought, that's fine. Now fast forward a month (about 2 weeks ago) I get a random email from twitter "You've gained a follower!" it was her. This took me by surprise and obviously my natural instincts was to click her name and have a look. First few things I see kinda made me think "hmm, could be about me" tweet from her saying "How do I always get myself into these situations :/" 5 mins after that was when she followed me. Then another 2 mins later from that, I feel like she was maybe covering herself by saying "Hate when twitter unfollows people on my behalf" I had a look, only new follower she gained was me. Now, I dunno, but out of the millions of people using twitter, out of all those people that twitter could have had a technical issue and unfollow someone, it happened to be her unfollowing me, 5 mins after I told her to never contact me again and I unfollowed her? I don't think that was just a coincidence lol. I think she was just covering herself somehow, maybe she expected me to follow her back so she could then think "Yeah, he still likes me, he followed me back. power" I dont know.

 

I'm hoping this little phase will fade away real soon, It keeps getting the better of me. For example i'll always be looking at my phone, I sometimes look at her twitter, or even her facebook (I never use facebook) and doing all those 3 things really does set me back a bit. Not by much but it does.

 

Though i'm not pining for her now, and things are looking much bright than they did a month back, I feel happy again and even though I still miss her and want to hear from her again, before if she contacted me wanting to get back together (I don't expect this at all, I know it's rare and will never happen) I know for a fact she'd be up on that pedestal and I'd be saying "omg yes i've missed you so much" but now if she did, I truly believe that it would probably be a 70% chance of me saying no. She would really have to prove herself to me and do something special for me to consider it. And I do truly believe this has made me so much stronger..

 

So yeah it's now a month and 2 weeks and this is how i'm feeling. It's been a huge rant/vent, I don't expect anyone to sit through and read it all but I feel like this is just something that will help me out a bit.

 

I'll be doing lil updates whenever I feel I need to really, when I think it'll help me out etc.

 

Thanks for listening! Speak soon

[strongnrelaxed]

You need counseling.

 

When you say you are "ill" and "contagious" it makes it sound like you have HIV. If this is the case, you have to consider that she is perfectly reasonable in wanting to get away from you. Right? Think about the enormity of this.

 

If it is something else, like Herpes or some other STD, then I am missing something. How did you get "contagious"?

 

Either way, you seem desperately insecure and you should get some support for that. You should also get counseling for your "illness" asap.

 

Good luck

[Conzy]

You need counseling.

 

When you say you are "ill" and "contagious" it makes it sound like you have HIV. If this is the case, you have to consider that she is perfectly reasonable in wanting to get away from you. Right? Think about the enormity of this.

 

If it is something else, like Herpes or some other STD, then I am missing something. How did you get "contagious"?

 

Either way, you seem desperately insecure and you should get some support for that. You should also get counseling for your "illness" asap.

 

Good luck

 

 

Haha, what?! I'm a virgin, I'm STD free. I had glandular fever. What makes you think I'm desperately insecure?

[Ugh1]

you aren't desperately insecure. you are just young and in love. your reaction is normal when you deeply care about that first person. it is devastating. try to keep yourself busy and know that it gets easier with time and you will eventually find someone that you won't compare to her and it will be awesome for you.

[Conzy]

Yeah I thought my reactions were pretty normal to be honest. Thanks

[Conzy]

So, the whole purpose of me making this really was just for me to generally vent about how i'm feeling because personally, it helps me. Also hope that if anyone is in the same sort of shoes as me, or feels how I did a month back, I hope to I dunno, ease it a little bit, even if i'm not very inspiring lol.

 

So yeah basically, generally nowadays I feel pretty good, some days are far better, some are far worse. I know for a fact i'm healing because each day does get easier (even if some are worse than others, I still know deep down it's getting easier). Though, I still miss her obviously, and it stills feel like I have a big void in my life but it's something I have to deal with and get over.

 

Just thought i'd come on here to say that today is a pretty low day. It started last night whilst I was out at a club. Everything was going great and I was having an amazing time with my mates. I look over to my side and see a girl that reminds me SO much of my ex. Same hair colour, same hair style, same eyes, same lips, same fashion sense, same body (I know for a fact it was NOT her by the way, incase some of you may be wondering) but yeah this girl was with her boyfriend, they were both dancing together, kissing eachother etc. And all this did was just put images of my ex being with another guy. Worst possible thing to think of.

 

It put a downer on my night for about 15 - 20 minutes but I snapped out of it and tried to think positively about it. Buuutttttt, I'd had a bit to drink, and the club didn't shut until VERY late, I didn't get back home until 8am this morning, so right now i'm very tired too. And something I noticed is when i've been out and had a little bit to drink (I don't even drink much btw, just 1 or 2) but having that drink with the combination of being tired ALWAYS puts me into quite a depressive state.

 

I'm tired now, thinking about her constantly and it sucks but i'm dealing with it, and i'm NOT going to contact her. I know that tomorrow I'll be back to being really positive again. Early night for me tonight, wake up early, work out, go out blah blah i'm ranting too much now haha.

 

Peace

 

Later edit: P.S gonna just be brutally honest with every post I do really. Hopefully this will enable to show people that struggles still do occur but it IS still getting better. Right now i'm feeling awful. Haven't actually felt like this since it was around week 2. I guess it's kind of a shock to me too as i've been doing so well recently. But right now I'm just in a phase where everything is looking down. I kind of feel worthless to put it bluntly, feel like i'm holding back tears now too. All i'm doing today is telling myself how much I miss her, how much I want her to just contact me. It's getting kind of pathetic now, it's been over a month now and I feel like I should be past it by now.. i'm young, I have my whole life ahead of me yet right now I feel like this. It's ridiculous, I know tomorrow i'll look back on today and think "Jeese, what happened there haha" I guess it's natural to have down days though, it'll make me stronger. Just looking forward to it passing by now.

Edited September 1, 2012 by Conzy

[Conzy]

I was right about the drink + tiredness. I had a good 11 hour sleep. Woke up feeling fresh and quite happy. Can't wait for my killer chest workout later today, I love working out - makes me feel real good!

 

Got things I need to do today so i'm going to bail. Will be back in a couple of days, maybe sooner, maybe later.

 

Take care, peace!

[Conzy]

Woah. Actually feels like i'm really starting to get somewhere now. I remember back in about the second/third week. I used to see on twitter/facebook posts from her talking to her girl mates about 'finding someone' and i'd always see pictures posted by her of male celebrities, and she'd mentioning how she 'needs' to find that etc. All this whilst she still told me she thought about me everyday, cared about me and "worried about me everyday". I used to look at photos of her and get this weird feeling in my stomach, I used to see these posts from her and it'd almost bring me to tears (Which is I why I then removed her).

 

But now after strict NC I finally feel like i've gotten somewhere. I was talking to a friend yesterday on twitter, and I see someone retweet one of her posts (So I couldn't avoid it, I didn't look at her profile) and yet again it was one of these posts where she adds a photo, then mentions her need to find it. Before these used to bring me pain, and i'd sit there thinking "omg no, need me instead" But I saw it yesterday and for the first time since the break up I looked at it, smiled and for some reason I felt quite sorry for her. It didn't make my stomach turn over, it didn't depress me, all I thought really was "Wow, she's still posting those after a solid 2 months" and I genuinely felt bad for her because I read some more (To see if I'd be affected) and she just looks so desperate.

 

Like, she honestly just sounds like a desperate girl begging for some celebrity-like man to come along. I read through more and I wasn't affected, so I thought "Hang on a minute, this isn't affecting me?" So then I looked at photos of her (Full well knowing it could have gone horribly wrong and set me back) but it didn't, I looked at them and instead of thinking "Wow she looks beautiful" like before, I felt a sense of nothing-ness towards it. I mean yeah she's a pretty girl, but I know for a fact something felt very different. I didn't get any "Omg I need to see her" feelings like I used to, in the end I couldn't even be bothered looking at the rest, I got bored and wanted to do something else haha (Before when we was going out I'd look at them constantly..)

 

Also something i've noticed, when she turned 18, that group of friends I mentioned she went out with. The group that I believe she dumped me for. Apparently according to her they were all her best friends for life now, because they used to go out at nights and get drunk lol. Well, I'm mates with half of them and they used to talk to her a bit everyday on twitter. Recently though I started to notice they didn't talk to her at all, they all made plans together but her name was never brought up. Then, when I looked at my ex's page (same time I mentioned as above) I noticed that she'd been mentioning staying in a lot, and that she wasn't going out with them anymore. Which has now caused her to start randomly talking to really old mates "Hey long time no speak, we should go out somewhere soon"

 

^^ Which yeah fair enough, but it all seems to me that her perfect little summer life of drinking, dancing and 'best friends for life' may be coming to an end a lot sooner than she expected. Looks as though she'll be back to the lonelier girl she was before summer. She didn't have many friends, only 1 or 2. Perhaps that's why she's sounding so desperate now

[Conzy]

Today my mind is a bit all over the place. I thought I'd took a huge step forward, but now i'm slightly doubting it. Obviously summer is now coming to an end and i'm starting to think about all the times we spent together in winter and at Christmas.

 

Starting to think about our new years together, the kisses we shared at 12 etc. It sucks to be thinking like this again.

 

I won't lie, i'm getting increasingly desperate to hear from her. I don't even know if I'd reply, I probably wouldn't. It's just something about it that would make me feel happy, perhaps the feeling of not replying to her, knowing she'd probably get annoyed by it. I don't know. It's cruel I guess. Heck, life can be cruel sometimes.

 

The feelings/emotions of winter etc are all fresh, I know it will fade down soon and it'll all be fine again.

 

All the best, take care.

[Gab09]

Hey Conzy,

 

First of all I'm really glad that you are starting to "go places" with this break up situation. I can really tell by the way you talk that things are getting better, of course with the occasional small bump in the road, but you seem to continue going strong!

 

It really motivates me and I think we'd all really love it if you would keep updating all of us on what happens.

 

I'll be subscribing to this thread man, best of luck, from one broken heart to another.

 

Peace

[Calico]

And something I noticed is when i've been out and had a little bit to drink (I don't even drink much btw, just 1 or 2) but having that drink with the combination of being tired ALWAYS puts me into quite a depressive state.

 

Alcohol is a depressant, that's why that happens. Stay out of the bottle.

Alcohol is a pretty tricky thing. On one hand, it affects the pleasure center in your brain, so it seems to help the feelings of sadness and loneliness, and gives that comfort that you want from the girl who doesn't provide it (and things seem a little more manageable). On the other hand, it's a chemical depressant and thus puts you down and amplifies your feelings.

 

Years ago I went through a break-up and numbed the pain with alcohol, and that eventually became a bigger problem than the break-up itself (and really prolonged the healing). I dealt with that and learned from it. In retrospect, it was a valuable lesson, but it's one that I don't wish on others. There are quite a few parallels between drug withdrawal and "love" withdrawal after getting dumped. On a psychological level, it's surprisingly similar.

 

I know, it's "just" one or two drinks. But I wanted to chip that in, because even large trees start out as a tiny sapling.

[Conzy]

Hey Conzy,

 

First of all I'm really glad that you are starting to "go places" with this break up situation. I can really tell by the way you talk that things are getting better, of course with the occasional small bump in the road, but you seem to continue going strong!

 

It really motivates me and I think we'd all really love it if you would keep updating all of us on what happens.

 

I'll be subscribing to this thread man, best of luck, from one broken heart to another.

 

Peace

 

Aw, thanks man. Means a lot! haha

 

I don't really want to update it daily because it might get a bit repetitive, though knowing me i'll probably do it every 2 days or so. Or just whenever i'm feeling really good or really down.

 

Take care

[Conzy]

Alcohol is a depressant, that's why that happens. Stay out of the bottle.

Alcohol is a pretty tricky thing. On one hand, it affects the pleasure center in your brain, so it seems to help the feelings of sadness and loneliness, and gives that comfort that you want from the girl who doesn't provide it (and things seem a little more manageable). On the other hand, it's a chemical depressant and thus puts you down and amplifies your feelings.

 

Years ago I went through a break-up and numbed the pain with alcohol, and that eventually became a bigger problem than the break-up itself (and really prolonged the healing). I dealt with that and learned from it. In retrospect, it was a valuable lesson, but it's one that I don't wish on others. There are quite a few parallels between drug withdrawal and "love" withdrawal after getting dumped. On a psychological level, it's surprisingly similar.

 

I know, it's "just" one or two drinks. But I wanted to chip that in, because even large trees start out as a tiny sapling.

 

 

Yeah this is really true. To anyone reading this in the same sort of shoes as me, stay away from the alcohol. I've actually stopped having it now because everytime I drink it I regret it. When it first hits you everything feels great, but as soon as it starts to wear of I come crashing down sooo low. Nothing I can do to cheer myself up once it gets to that stage either.

 

I'm on a fitness journey now anyway, doing a clean bulk. I really enjoy it. Cutting alcohol out ESPECIALLY beer.

 

Take care

[Conzy]

I find it kind of funny how every time I mention i'll update in a few days, I always end up back within a couple of hours haha.

 

Just went out for a little bit with a mate. Saw quite a few nice looking women. But I've had this annoying habit since even before me and my ex were going out (When we started dating) and it's kind of stuck all through our relationship, and I still have it now, which obviously is the worst time to have it. Basically i'll see a nice looking woman, the very FIRST thing i'll do after acknowledging her is compare her to my ex. It really messes with my head because to be perfectly honest, the first time I set eyes on my ex I knew instantly she was like my 'perfect' girl. I know i'll find better eventually but it's just something i've got to fight through now.

 

I'm beginning to feel impatient to hear from her again now too. I know I mentioned it yesterday, but then it faded a bit and I woke up this morning feeling good. Well, now it's back and it sucks.

 

I'm getting the urges more and more to contact her. I know I won't because i'm better than that, and I know that it won't bring me anything good. I don't even know why I want to contact her, I don't even know what i'd say.. "Hello" then i'll have nothing else to say after that lol. All i'd feel is ashamed of myself for breaking NC when i've come such a long way.

 

I know I mentioned this before as well about her contacting me, but like, I WANT to just see a text from her, or a missed call for some reason. Even though I know I wouldn't reply to it. I mean is my mind really that messed up? I don't know what it is, maybe I want to try get some revenge on her? I guess because I feel rejected, I'd want to do the same back. So when she texts or whatever, I suppose in a way i'd get satisfaction from just saying to myself "Yeah, I have the power now, she isn't going to get that reply she's expecting" - I know that's a bad mindset to have, guess I can't help it though :/

 

I don't suppose she's ever going to contact me again though. It's gone on for too long now. She could never 'lose' this NC. She's always been a very stubborn girl. I told her to delete my number and never contact me again, been in NC since. Can't really say I'll ever see the day when she tries to contact me. She's too stubborn to give in and say hey, to her that'll be a sign of weakness, which she does NOT like. She's always been a very strong minded girl. I assume she's probably expected me to contact her by now, or expecting me to contact her soon (Especially considering how often we used to speak - 24/7 NON-STOP) Oh how very wrong she is.

 

If my urges to contact her get any stronger, or to the point where i'm actually typing something out, then i'm gonna jump over to one of those 'Write here instead of to your EX!' threads and just spew out everything i'm thinking haha

 

All the best

[MW93i]

You sound exactly like me I'm one who constantly checked my phone just hoping to see a text. It was much worse in my first heartbreak because I was so young but 3 days after my breakup I have already took the course of deleting her number and straying away from Facebook(she hardly uses it now any ways). I dont know what shes doing in her life and I dont want her to know what I'm doing in mine. So I'm straying away from annoucing what i'm doing on Facebook and Twitter just so she feels how I'm feeling (What, where, who with, why) questions if I knew what she was doing. I know shes doing to go clubbing and what not guys will pay attention to her like they did when I was with her but hopefully shes not so heartless to go and see another guy so soon after.

 

Please keep updating, you're helping me.

[Conzy]

You sound exactly like me I'm one who constantly checked my phone just hoping to see a text. It was much worse in my first heartbreak because I was so young but 3 days after my breakup I have already took the course of deleting her number and straying away from Facebook(she hardly uses it now any ways). I dont know what shes doing in her life and I dont want her to know what I'm doing in mine. So I'm straying away from annoucing what i'm doing on Facebook and Twitter just so she feels how I'm feeling (What, where, who with, why) questions if I knew what she was doing. I know shes doing to go clubbing and what not guys will pay attention to her like they did when I was with her but hopefully shes not so heartless to go and see another guy so soon after.

 

Please keep updating, you're helping me.

 

That twitter/facebook thing is actually a good idea. I mean recently my life has changed quite a bit, i've been out a lot more etc, doing a lot more with my life, getting somewhere etc. So i've been posting a lot of these 'good' moments knowing she'll see it. But to be honest now I think of it, that's kind of immature, and could come across as trying to hard - I don't know.

 

I think from now on i'm gonna just leave my twitter alone, i'd rather she didn't know what I was up to.

 

Don't worry man I will, we'll all get through it together eventually

 

Take care

[MW93i]

That twitter/facebook thing is actually a good idea. I mean recently my life has changed quite a bit, i've been out a lot more etc, doing a lot more with my life, getting somewhere etc. So i've been posting a lot of these 'good' moments knowing she'll see it. But to be honest now I think of it, that's kind of immature, and could come across as trying to hard - I don't know.

 

I think from now on i'm gonna just leave my twitter alone, i'd rather she didn't know what I was up to.

 

Don't worry man I will, we'll all get through it together eventually

 

Take care

 

Yeah man best to just get on with it, she doesnt need to know what you're doing .

 

Together

[Conzy]

This is something i'm dying to get off of my chest. Ever since I first met my ex, she was always insecure, she hated photos being taken of her, the only photos she ever took of herself were the ones where she's makes everything look perfect for ages in her room, then sits infront of the camera finding that 'perfect' pose that makes her look good.

 

Any photos taken of her whilst she was out and uploaded to facebook, she'd remove the tag and be like "ergh" and she'd never upload photos herself of her from when she was out.

 

Well, since we broke up this seemed to have suddenly changed. Back in the first 2 - 3 weeks, I saw an endless amount of photos of her being uploaded from when she's out clubbing, dancing and drunk. She didn't remove any tags and I noticed she'd tagged herself in quite a few of them too. Strange?

 

Fast forward til now, i've been in NC for almost 2 months. She recently started following me again on twitter, my natural instincts was to click her name and have a little lurk. I noticed that she'd uploaded quite a few new photos of herself. They all seem to be the photos where she dolls herself up immaculately in her room, sits infront of her laptop and finds that 'perfect' pose. They're all just random photos whilst she's in her room, yet she's all dressed up, make up is pristine. Strange

 

She also went on holiday a few weeks back, I didn't look through all of them, but I noticed that she tagged herself in EVERY photo she uploaded. Every photo i clicked said she tagged herself in it haha.

 

I mean, I would LOVE to be able to sit here and say that i'm not looking into it , and that I think nothing of it. But if that was the case I wouldn't be bothering with this new post at all. I don't expect anything from it at all, nothing on that scale. But it just bothers me y'know? She went from absolutely HATING photos of herself then as soon as we break up, she's suddenly uploading every single photo (Oh I didn't mention, every new photo of her has a big smile, expressing her happiness..) I mean, I don't know if im looking into it too much, or just plain being stupid, but I kinda get the impression she's uploading to maybe prove something, I don't know.

 

When we were together, I used to always say to her that i absolutely LOVED the photos she'd take of herself in her room , despite what she said they'd always come out looking perfect because she spent ages making herself look 'perfect' for that one particular photo. These are the photos she keeps uploading now. Plus she knows full well that by her re-following me that i'm going to click her name, lol.

 

Just seems a little weird

[Conzy]

Ha, i've got into the habit of whenever I see a mate talking to her on twitter I can't help but click her name and look. So about 2 hours ago or so I posted that thing about uploading photos. Well, that photo she uploaded last she was all dolled up 'perfectly' that was this a coupla hours ago. Since then there's more, whole different outfit, and i've noticed she's actually pouting her lips subtly to make her lips look bigger (Ironicly, i've always had a mad love for angelina jolies lips rofl)

 

I know i'm in NC but I really feel stupid for this habit i've got into. I think the only way to break it is to just stop going on it altogether, just stop looking at any of her online things completely. Give myself a few months to really finally push past all of this so I can get over it once and for all.

 

Any of you guys think it's weird with the whole picture uploading stuff? ergh, I dunno

[barese1]

Stuff like twitter and fb, if you haven't got self control to not look at it (which does no good at all) just block and delete. It was the first thing I did after the BU and I'm so glad.

 

girls always look gorgeous and seem to be having so much fun on social networking sites

[MW93i]

I'm finding it weird that my ex hasnt uploaded to facebook at all :S.

[Conzy]

Stuff like twitter and fb, if you haven't got self control to not look at it (which does no good at all) just block and delete. It was the first thing I did after the BU and I'm so glad.

 

girls always look gorgeous and seem to be having so much fun on social networking sites

 

Yeah I already removed her a few weeks back, but we had a lot of mutual friends, so I still see her name pop up sometimes if they're talking to her. I think the best thing for me right now is to just give it up for a few months until i'm fine again, because you're right, since I started getting back into this habit i've noticed myself going backwards rather than forwards.

 

And yeah, that's so true haha. Especially with those photos she uploaded from her room, good lighting, spending ages making herself look good etc. I saw her in person the other day walking down the road towards college, she looked as though she'd been going downhill if i'm perfectly honest (Big difference between those photos and how she looked in the flesh)

[Conzy]

I'm finding it weird that my ex hasnt uploaded to facebook at all :S.

 

Yeah it's both strange I guess. I think I need to just leave it though, because right now i'm analysing it. Thinking that she's doing it to show ME something when in actual fact it's probably not even anywhere near lol

[MW93i]

Yeah it's both strange I guess. I think I need to just leave it though, because right now i'm analysing it. Thinking that she's doing it to show ME something when in actual fact it's probably not even anywhere near lol

 

yeah you just need to leave it . Block her maybe?

[Conzy]

yeah you just need to leave it . Block her maybe?

 

I blocked her facebook quite a while ago, and I stopped following her quite a while ago too, not sure if you can block on twitter? I mean, unfollowing her was fine and did the job, it's just that we both know SO many of the same people, I tend to see her name pop up occasionally if she's talking to any of them.

 

Buuttt, it doesn't really matter now though, i'm gonna just leave it for a bit