troubledhubby1 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 well my wife and I have been separated since October. Since she had our twins I haven't really been able to get along with her really since she got pregnant she changed. Well we haven't divorced. Because I am never sure and she isn't either. Well in the meanwhile I've been living with this other woman I met in March. Well she was fine but she did bring out why I missed my wife then I'd try to meet up with her again we'd end up arguing. Well it eventually ended recently with my gf. She has 2 other kids and ended up pregnant again. I didn't want to talk about my marriage predicament. So I kept it from her which she soon found out and broke up with me. And terminated. Now I feel so like I miss what I had with my W but I don't know if she just completely changed if it's even possible to repair our relationship. What should I do? Advice?
LadyElaine Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I'm assuming your wife hasn't cheated as far as you know. My advice, on that basis, is that it's YOU who has done the wrong thng here not her. If you talk to her about her changes and her being different then you can divorce right now. You were with another woman and you weren't divorced, you are good to be making it up to her for a long long time. If you still want her, and accept her for who she is, get counselling to deal with your resentment, and are completely remorseful for your cheating- then maybe you have a chance. It's just a fact that the betrayed person has carte Blanche. You just handed it to her. You just gave her all power if you are together, to negate any human frailty of her own. Because unless she tried to Jill you with a kitchen knife what you did was worse by far.
Author troubledhubby1 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 we both agreed on being separated therefore I'd have relationships outside of the marriage wasn't anything I was hiding from her.
suki1 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Have you spoken to her about how you feel? Do you know how she feels/what she wants? I sincerely hope you can find a way to happiness through this
LadyElaine Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 we both agreed on being separated therefore I'd have relationships outside of the marriage wasn't anything I was hiding from her. Ok well you know how she took that. I still wouldn't push that as making it ok. It's one thing to "separate" it's another to move into new relationships then come running back. Worse still not to come running back but actually play victim and expect her to change. I wouldn't stand for that. Your issue drove you away, go fix your issue. Then treat her like a queen for deigning to take you back. I wouldn't take my H back if he had had sex with another. I was lucky it was an EA.
hermione08 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 You gf "ended up pregnant"? Did she do it by herself???? Didn't think so. You don't seem a very responsible kind of person. If I were you wife, I'd stay well away. 1
Author troubledhubby1 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 You gf "ended up pregnant"? Did she do it by herself???? Didn't think so. You don't seem a very responsible kind of person. If I were you wife, I'd stay well away. yea she got pregnant by me... What's the point didn't kniw that was really wrong of me it's biology...
TigerCub Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 TroubledHubby, It doesn't sound like you really miss your wife. It seems like you just don't want to be alone. When you had the gf, sure, you missed the wife a bit, but found that you're still arguing a lot. Then when your gf dumped you for not disclosing that you're married (from I understood in your post), you all of a sudden "choose" your wife and just hope she'll change. I think you just don't like being alone. Maybe your wife did change - maybe being pregnant and having twins changes things about a person, and makes them more stressed out, and busy and tired (especially if the twins are babies) - but even if you go back to your wife, will you really be happy? The twins are a reality the stress of a hectic life is a reality the problems you had with you marriage are a reality. so maybe you need to work on the only thing you can really change - you. 2
hermione08 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 yea she got pregnant by me... What's the point didn't kniw that was really wrong of me it's biology... I rest my case 4
BetrayedH Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 yea she got pregnant by me... What's the point didn't kniw that was really wrong of me it's biology... Dude, you fathered a child (which is preventable, by the way) with a woman to whom you obviously weren't fully committed. Not exactly a rocket scientist move there. You obviously have issues within yourself that you need to resolve. If your wife was hesitant to reconcile with you before, she certainly isn't going to be in a rush to get back with you now. You haven't so much as listed one thing your wife did wrong. Oh, except she changed after she had twins. Did you not see that coming? Relationships, especially marriages, evolve. My vows were for life, not until things change. As other posters have said, this is sounding much more like the problem is about you, not your wife. 4
Author troubledhubby1 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 Dude, you fathered a child (which is preventable, by the way) with a woman to whom you obviously weren't fully committed. Not exactly a rocket scientist move there. You obviously have issues within yourself that you need to resolve. If your wife was hesitant to reconcile with you before, she certainly isn't going to be in a rush to get back with you now. You haven't so much as listed one thing your wife did wrong. Oh, except she changed after she had twins. Did you not see that coming? Relationships, especially marriages, evolve. My vows were for life, not until things change. As other posters have said, this is sounding much more like the problem is about you, not your wife. yea she was on mirena. She had an expulsion and had gotten pregnant. She wanted to keep it until she found out. And then I became this horrible husband and father in her mind. So she broke up with me eventually. She has two kids and 19 she obviously wasn't going to be able to have a third. So I was supportive towards althroughout the ordeal she just decided to dump me because it came out that I was married... the problem is like she stopped wanting to do anything even when we had spare time to get out like I miss the beginning of our relationship when she actually seemed to care I want to go out for us. Her focus is seemingly solely on the kids.
Emme Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I asked your age and my post did not go through. Why I don't know. How old are you? How long have you known your wife? Also age of wife?
Author troubledhubby1 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 I'm a lot older than my exgirlfriend yes but I date women despite age. Before my W I date a woman who was 62. To me we're all adults I happen to be attracted to women between 18 and 70. Never really older than 70 though. My wife's middle age nearly I'm 7 years younger so yea we've together as in friends for 17 years. That's actually since the time I fell in love with her. 10 years later we started dating. So yea...
Emme Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I'm a lot older than my exgirlfriend yes but I date women despite age. Before my W I date a woman who was 62. To me we're all adults I happen to be attracted to women between 18 and 70. Never really older than 70 though. My wife's middle age nearly I'm 7 years younger so yea we've together as in friends for 17 years. That's actually since the time I fell in love with her. 10 years later we started dating. So yea... Middle age is a large range. That tells me nothing. I'm trying to asses by age where she might be in her life. Why she's chosen to let go. I don't care about the ex girlfriend. You want to know how to get your wife back you have to give more so we can help you better. Middle age is defined 30-50's Your wife might have gotten what she wanted, her two children and have no use for you anymore. She might also be fed up with the choices you've made. Either way if the 17 years is worth something to you then I suggest you grovel. No shame in it if you want her back. Beg. Even if she is a changed woman.
Author troubledhubby1 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 I asked your age and my post did not go through. Why I don't know. How old are you? How long have you known your wife? Also age of wife? that's exactly what I feel like when I'm around her. We didn't even want kids yet but after she got pregnant and had our twins she seemed more grateful with the presence of the help than me. And when I said I thought we needed to fix things or that I didn't know how we could make it she said she'd be fine with me leaving. Like she didn't even want to put effort to try and everytime I had tried to explain how I felt we'd argue. So that I felt I was supposed to give up and it's why for so long I just never had much contact of being around her. she's 38 btw. we've been friends for 17 years. I knew since then even as a kid I'd end up with her and never once until last year did I doubt it would that she would change. I just wanted to know how can I get partially what I had even if it's not completely the same I can adapt. I guess I was wondering other people's personal experiences?
Got it Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Middle age is a large range. That tells me nothing. I'm trying to asses by age where she might be in her life. Why she's chosen to let go. I don't care about the ex girlfriend. You want to know how to get your wife back you have to give more so we can help you better. Middle age is defined 30-50's . Bite your tongue!!!!
Author troubledhubby1 Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 yea to me the middle ages start at 40 and end at 60...
Emme Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Bite your tongue!!!! :lmao::lmao::lmao: Seriously it's like age 35-45. I understand you though.
Author troubledhubby1 Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 but anyone can give advice?
Owl Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 So it SOUNDS like you're asking how to reconcile with your wife after what's gone on? I don't think you've really spelled out what's going on, other than she "changed" after she had the twins. What was the official "reason" for the seperation? Did you both agree to see others during that seperation? What are the actual, specific issues and problems that you had that led to all of this?
veryhappy Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Are you interested in your kids? Raising them? You sound a little detached. If you want your wife back, the angle is the kids. You have a chance if you want the family, raising them and all that. That's what she needs from you and can't get anywhere else. You are not the greatest man out there, getting a woman who assumed you were available pregnant, so whatever your W has to say against you, I am inclined to believe she would have a strong case.
nofool4u Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 well my wife and I have been separated since October. Since she had our twins I haven't really been able to get along with her really since she got pregnant she changed. Well we haven't divorced. Because I am never sure and she isn't either. Well in the meanwhile I've been living with this other woman I met in March. Well she was fine but she did bring out why I missed my wife then I'd try to meet up with her again we'd end up arguing. Well it eventually ended recently with my gf. She has 2 other kids and ended up pregnant again. I didn't want to talk about my marriage predicament. So I kept it from her which she soon found out and broke up with me. And terminated. Now I feel so like I miss what I had with my W but I don't know if she just completely changed if it's even possible to repair our relationship. What should I do? Advice? What should you do? You do your wife a favor, unless she for some gawd awful reason decides otherwise, and leave her alone. Move on, stay single. Because you only wanted to go back to the wife because things didn't work out with your OW.
darkmoon Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 "after she got pregnant and had our twins she seemed more grateful with the presence of the help than me" yes, she needs help < < i think that you should note this and be a better husband, helping his wife
John Who Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I say be alone figure you out stop jumping from one relationship to another.Once you have figured out what you really want then go for it.
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