Necris Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Charisma, some of us have it, some of us don't. I think that's probably the main problem many people have when it comes to just finding someone, those who can't like myself, probably just need charisma to do so. I've known charismatic guys some of them do not even need to approach women, women come to them , they are the type of people who can walk in a building full of strangers and come out with friends, and just generally good with people. But what is charisma? Can you obtain it and how or do some people just got it? For those of you who can't find someone do you feel that you are missing a skill or attribute that others have and you don't? These are the questions I have,and no I can't answer them because I'm pretty clueless myself.
USMCHokie Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 My simple, broad definition would be the quality of one's character that makes others want to be around him. It can certainly be trained, either formally through a course or informally through experience and trial and error. I think the most valuable trait one can possess to have charisma is empathy, or the ability to understand and appreciate others. When you show that others matter to you, then you will matter to them. 5
Pyro Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Emphathy is great but I would put confidence slightly ahead Same level. If one is lacking then it is a turn-off 1
Pyro Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 My simple, broad definition would be the quality of one's character that makes others want to be around him. It can certainly be trained, either formally through a course or informally through experience and trial and error. I think the most valuable trait one can possess to have charisma is empathy, or the ability to understand and appreciate others. When you show that others matter to you, then you will matter to them. I would like to add that generally a charismatic person has a high energy for life and enjoys every minute of it and shows it. They (for the most part) have an outgoing personality and are always smiling and making those around them laugh/smile. 1
Author Necris Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 My simple, broad definition would be the quality of one's character that makes others want to be around him. It can certainly be trained, either formally through a course or informally through experience and trial and error. I think the most valuable trait one can possess to have charisma is empathy, or the ability to understand and appreciate others. When you show that others matter to you, then you will matter to them. I don't know about the empathy thing, there are plenty of charismatic people who possess little to no empathy around, and some highly empathetic people with very little charisma.
Silly_Girl Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Most charismatic people I've met were pretty cheeky too, good sense of humour. And able to really ENGAGE those around them, whether intimate one on one, or group situations. 2
xra Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It's a how-to manual about the world of pick-up artists. While it definitely needs to be taken with a grain of salt, one of the most accurate aspects of the book is the premise that confidence and charisma are exactly what makes a man successful at making friends with strangers as well as flirting with/picking up women. And charisma can definitely be taught and learned - it's a matter of knowing how to best approach people in various social situations, using humor/teasing/sincerity to engage them and keep their interest, and so forth. Used in a well-intentioned manner (rather than as a literal guide to picking up women), it's actually a great tool for self-improvement.
monkey00 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 It's a combination of elements that make up the package. I think to me largely it has to do with confidence, friendliness, consideration for others (empathy), and including others (putting them ahead of you), being able to express yourself (emotional confidence). It's a a lot more complex than trying to dissect it TBH, but it's all the little nuances that make it whole. I also think success/successful people have a way of engaging those around them to come off charismatic too. It's just how you present yourself to others so they can see you in a special light. 2
GirlontheLam Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Charismatic people tend to have "presence" when the enter a room. Everyone turns around and notices. Charismatic people tend to be good at engaging people as well, in a myriad of settings. I don't know if it is something you can build on or improve. But becoming a better conversationalist/small talker is a good way to fake it. People with charisma also tend to be really memorable for some reason. You can cheat the system and make yourself more memorable by wearing something interesting. Interesting tie, shoes, accessories, haircut. Whatever you are confortable with. One of the networking tips I got from a super charismatic colleague, she is great at working a room, is to always wear something printed. People are more likely to notice and remember you, and it can be a great conversation starter in certain settings. I thought it was a great tip, and it allows you to stand out in a sea of black or grey. 1
EasyHeart Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I don't think you can define charisma anymore than you can define things like intelligence or attractiveness. But to me, the most important aspect of charisma is having a positive attitude. Negative energy repels and sucks the life out of people; positive energy makes people want to be around you. 1
Taramere Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Whenever I hear the word "charisma" I think of this artist I know. He's pretty old now, but still has tons of charisma. It's a combination of having that very strong presence when he walks into a room, and also being a genuinely lovely person. He's from the old school of good manners. Has what commonly is referred to as "class". Always polite, always kind...and when he speaks to people they have his full attention. Another one I recall is from a mediation I helped with once. This guy was very high up in the company...it was one of the blue chips, but whereas the more junior managers who were also present had that corporate shark vibe about them, this guy looked like he was at a barbecue (in his manner, not his dress). Very human, very laid back and likeable. Generally the kind of person who instantly puts other people at their ease. Female wise, one of the women who was involved in the mediation training I did was among the most charismatic people I've met. Just a tiny woman, but packed with positive energy and confidence...very bright and, again, absolutely lovely manner about her. With all three people, they just had/have that vibe where you like them instantly. 3
AD1980 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 My simple, broad definition would be the quality of one's character that makes others want to be around him. It can certainly be trained, either formally through a course or informally through experience and trial and error. I think the most valuable trait one can possess to have charisma is empathy, or the ability to understand and appreciate others. When you show that others matter to you, then you will matter to them. Well put except having charisma doesnt necassarily mean one has character..i know some charismatic dudes whoarent the greatest of people they just know how to make people feel comfortable in covnersation ..some are also just good bs artists and know how to say things people want to hear that they dont mean..
USMCHokie Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Well put except having charisma doesnt necassarily mean one has character..i know some charismatic dudes whoarent the greatest of people they just know how to make people feel comfortable in covnersation ..some are also just good bs artists and know how to say things people want to hear that they dont mean.. Character as I used above is defined in context as one's personality...e.g., his character; versus the more positive connotation, e.g., he has character...
AD1980 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Character as I used above is defined in context as one's personality...e.g., his character; versus the more positive connotation, e.g., he has character... oops my mistake:laugh: i think there was a line about that in pulp ficiton "just because you are a character doesnt mean you have character"
Author Necris Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 I agree with AD1980 charisma doesn't necessarily mean the person is a good guy/girl considering there have been quite a few charismatic serial killers and rapists, but I do think it has something to do with their presence and the way they make people feel. I had a charismatic friend that I tried observing to see what his secret was, unfortunately I found nothing besides the fact he certainly wasn't shy, he just acted totally normal but knew exactly what to say and when. From observation in regards to women it seemed like he was wearing some sort of woman attractant he could be acting totally normal and random women no matter where he is will approach him first, he doesn't even have to flirt or anything, which is pretty baffling to me. I know I'm not charismatic at all, and feel a bit socially inept so when it comes to the dating/relationships world I feel like I have a woman-repellant presence or at least an inability to attract women at all, and social interactions by themselves can be difficult at times. 1
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