lunat1ccc Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I met my girlfriend during Army training back in February. We've been together for a few months, until she got stationed in Europe a couple months ago. She'll be stationed there for 2 years before her contract is up. I am discharged now and back in the States, trying to find a job to start my career. The reason why I am considering breaking up is not because I don't love her. I just feel that with the separation, it'll just be harder. I feel that we met at the wrong place, at the wrong time. Also, she's 19 and I'm 24. She tells me she still needs to "experience" the party lifestyle to get over it. It's not that she parties 24/7, but it's because she mainly hangs out with her guy friends. Her unit is mostly males and very few females. I've noticed that she seems to be more "vulgar", mainly because I feel it's due to her exposure to her guy friends. Also, I feel in a LDR, we can't really "grow" together and make the relationship progress. We Skype about every other day and the talks are pretty much routine. She doesn't really tell me much about her day at work and we usually Skype right before she goes to bed. After work, she'd go hang out with the guys and then Skype me when she's back in her room. Maybe it's just me, but if I were her, I'd be excited to talk to her after a hard day's work. But, I feel neglected when she doesn't really prioritize me, not that she should Skype with me immediately after work. Sometimes, I think that 2 years isn't so bad, when we can both visit once in a while.. but she's not sure about re-enlisting or not. This will obviously result in another LDR, which I'm not willing to do. I'm at an age where I need to settle down and I sort of hinted this to her, and she felt pressured, as she just got stationed to her first duty station. I know it's not fair for me to tell her if she's going to re-enlist or not, because she just started her actual job after her training, but I just feel that she should already know if she wants to re-enlist or not, especially if she wants to be with me. I'm just frustrated because I do like her, but she's just so far away. But, this whole long distance relationship just makes everything feel like it's on hold with no progression. Skype is usually the same talk and texting "I love yous" and "i miss you" only gets so far. And I being unfair for feeling and thinking like this? I just need some advice and would really appreciate it before pulling the trigger.
Scott68 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Insert any ARMY joke here so I can get it over with-I'm a Marine. Now on to your question. There is no way under the sun that an LDR for two people so young can possibly work. Even if you don't end it, it will end. It's all over but the shouting.
weallfalldown Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 do it first mate.........make the move.....
Author lunat1ccc Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) We Skyped today and when I brought up breaking up, she started crying. She keeps telling me that 2 years isn't that bad and when we do visit each other, everything will be a lot better. Honestly, my girlfriend seems really into the relationship and tells me that she really wants to be with me and make it work. She even offered to buy me a plane ticket to go see her. I also want to work it out and she tells me that she'll get out after serving her contract so that she can be with me. She feels that I'm giving up if I break up, which is partly true. I guess I just need reassurance once in a while, although every time I bring up the topic of breaking up, she tells me that she's in love with me and nothing will change that. It's been two months since she's been there and I do love her, just not sure what I should do. People tell me that it's not going to work out because we're young/2 years is too much, etc. Any feedback? She suggested taking a break for a few days over me trying to break up. Edited August 31, 2012 by lunat1ccc
january2011 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) You have it especially tough because she's active military and it's an LDR. Plus you're both young and presumably don't have a ton of relationship experience and knowing yourself under your belt. From experience, it is not necessarily true that she would want to talk about her day, for a number of reasons: security protocols, she's compartmentalising and would rather her army life didn't intrude on her personal life, she's had a tough day and would rather deal with it by unwinding and talking about non-army subjects with you, she's had a mundane SSDD kind of day and has nothing of note to talk about. And remember, she's probably tired due to her demanding role and may not be able to give you any more time than her schedule allows. You can be her cheerleader, confidante, sounding board and link to the outside world. Her stress relief away from army life. From your latest post, it really does sound like she needs you to be there for her. Being a military spouse/partner/SO is not easy. Sometimes, you may feel that you are the only one holding up the relationship. This is where having your own life and interests can help - use these as topics to start conversations with her. Or you can decide that you need more bonding time with an SO and her lifestyle is not conducive to that, so you need to look elsewhere. Edited August 31, 2012 by january2011
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