cassie88 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Hello I've been going out with this guy for about 8 months now, we're both 23 but he's actually my first ever boyfriend. Now he is a great guy; he's funny, alternative, arty and very good looking though he can be really immature but I know he's still very young so that doesn't bother me too much. What really gets me is his gaming and always putting it first before anything. I would always come back from work absolutely exhausted and he's been gaming all day so I'd have to cook and clean, then he would say that I never want sex and tries to make me feel bad but the truth is I'm knackered! We're now long distance and when I travelled 6 hours by coach to see him he's later gaming and I just sit there having to watch. I've mentioned this loads of times and he makes an effort to limit it but then he just slips back into gaming 12 hours a day. Whenever I call him on Skype after I've stayed awake for him he's gaming and just ignores me. This happens all the time and just now after I haven't spoken to him for ages he tells me to wait half an hour so he can watch true blood, so he also puts vampire porn before me for god's sake! I pointed this out and he just said yes he had and that was it, so I just signed out, was so angry. Another issue is the put downs; he likes to jokingly call me a b**ch because he knows it annoys me (I've been called a feminist because I don't like it) and 'tap'/hit me on the cheek which I really get angry about. This could have something to do with how immature he is but I've known other guys his age who actually seem to respect women! But he does have issues; his father died last year and his mother and sister are very promiscuous and put him down constantly and ostracise me. I helped him finish his degree and I've tried to boost his confidence by getting him out the house and reminding him that he is really clever (he is a genius but his mother calls him a moron a lot). He's told me he loves me and he would have killed himself if we hadn't met which is awful thing to say and I'll probably never leave him because of that...I think also as he has a bad relationship with his mother and sister he probably doesn't know how to act with women...which I've tried to help him with but I getting so tired...oh dear I'm crying now, feels so good to get this all out... Btw I do game with him, but because I'm not particularly good he gets annoyed and plays with his friends instead. I'm just so tired, I've never been in another relationship so I don't know if this is normal or what? I just want some affection and respect... I'm sorry for the long post but this has been bottled in for 8 months...
oldshirt Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 you have a female version of what is called "oneitis" in males. And that is that you don't think you have the "market value" required to get anyone else and so you settle with someone that is substandard and doesn't treat you well and with whom you are not satisfied with. Even though he does not satisfy you and you are not happy with him You think this is your one shot at love and that if this tanks you feel that you will die miserable and alone. you are putting all your eggs in one defective basket because you dont think any other baskets will have you. that's all a crock of $h!t of course. there are billions of men in the world that aren't addicted to gaming and who aren't basket cases. You just need to get your own act together and get out and realize that better men will be interested in you. The cure for this is multi-fold and they will all work together. First do some nuts and bolts things that will improve yourself and improve how you feel about yourself. lose some weight, do something different with your hair, update your wardrobe to something a little more stylish and flattering. Take some kind of class or something instructional and learn a new talent or skill. Pursue some professional opportunity to advance yourself professionally. Take some steps to improve your social skills so that you can engage and interrelate to people better. And all the while you are doing that, look people in the eye, smile, and engage them in light conversation. Flirt with them and be open with them. Do those things to the letter and in a suprisingly short period of time you will need a secretary to manage all your suitors and Mr Addicted-To-The-Computer won't even be able to get himself squeezed in between your 4:30 and 5:30 Tuesday afternoon dates. 1
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