East7 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I just found a VERY interesting blog about A and love with someone unavailable : What Learning About The Special Effects in Apollo 13 & Titanic Taught Me About Future Faking, Fantasy Relationships & Why We Get Carried Away | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue It talks about how a potential for the future and the dreams we build in a relationship with someone unavailable can be a powerful impetus. We want so badly the MP that we already live in a dream not in the reality. Everything is wonderful because we imagine how the happily ever after will be with that person. The "high" is so high that it is much more powerful than a normal (predictable) relationship. A part I like a lot : When it comes to an end or reality bites, it can be incredibly painful and difficult to decipher between what was real and what was fake. It hurts because what we felt during those times were our emotions and they’re real even if someone is blowing smoke out of their bum or the situation and the possibilities aren’t as real as we think. Feel free to share your thoughts. 1
Spark1111 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Great site! So proud of you! Be proud of yourself. Love your tag line. You are so much further along than so many. 1
Spark1111 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 PS: Feelings are feelings. They are always real. Do not deny them. But whether they are based of fantasy or reality will speak volumes to how long they will last, because given time and the right circumstances, fantasy will ALWAYS yield to reality. You understand this now, yes? I think you do. 1
MissBee Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Love that site! She has some great articles. But yepp I can definitely relate to that.
Fitz Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Yes! It's funny that you mentioned this article, because I've been thinking about it all day! Her "movie special effects" metaphor is just brilliant.
suki1 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Wow thank you for sharing that article. Made me think. I'm gonna start another thread related to this because it's brought up some questions for me
Author East7 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 This is not directly related to the topic but the xMW still e-mails me time by time. 2 years after A ended ! She says she still loves me and I am the "love of her life". She is still with her H...oh well I guess fantasy still goes on for her. That might be sweet to cultivate it, no decisions to take, nothing to change and hubby who takes care of everything. Words are not a big investment
Leelou Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 What I got from the article, was the ability of some people (such as a serial cheating MM) to easily and quickly present illusory special effects of being in a Special Relationship, when it is all just smoke, mirrors, a tin can, and some ice... believe what you will... when you are an OW or a BS, then getting involved with such a man will allow you to 'momentarily' suspend your disbelief, so you can get involved, and stay with, such a man.
Got it Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I just found a VERY interesting blog about A and love with someone unavailable : What Learning About The Special Effects in Apollo 13 & Titanic Taught Me About Future Faking, Fantasy Relationships & Why We Get Carried Away | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue It talks about how a potential for the future and the dreams we build in a relationship with someone unavailable can be a powerful impetus. We want so badly the MP that we already live in a dream not in the reality. Everything is wonderful because we imagine how the happily ever after will be with that person. The "high" is so high that it is much more powerful than a normal (predictable) relationship. A part I like a lot : When it comes to an end or reality bites, it can be incredibly painful and difficult to decipher between what was real and what was fake. It hurts because what we felt during those times were our emotions and they’re real even if someone is blowing smoke out of their bum or the situation and the possibilities aren’t as real as we think. Feel free to share your thoughts. While I think this is applicable in many affairs, as well as many relationships, I caution against a sweeping generalization with all affairs or all relationships. There may be a propensity for it but I have not found that my feelings have changed that significantly from the affair to a more traditional relationship status. I have heard this sayings and feared that the relationship would lose its luster and appeal once he was divorced. I have not found that to be the case. It was the most challenging when we became LD after the divorce but now that he is moved back I am in the giddy stage all over again! All relationships are different so I can only speak for myself. But I was surprised to find that the beginning of my affair was extremely similar to the beginning of my relationship with my ex husband. It was giddy, and a lovefest, and completely encompassing. But that is my experience. My continued relationship with my dMM has continued to maintain pretty well with us weathering the storms continuing to communicate, love, and support. It isn't perfect but many of the stereotypes, in my case, have not appeared. Nor did I read that this blog/article was about affairs, I didn't see it referenced but I may have overlooked it.
Author East7 Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 While I think this is applicable in many affairs, as well as many relationships, I caution against a sweeping generalization with all affairs or all relationships. There may be a propensity for it but I have not found that my feelings have changed that significantly from the affair to a more traditional relationship status. I have heard this sayings and feared that the relationship would lose its luster and appeal once he was divorced. I have not found that to be the case. It was the most challenging when we became LD after the divorce but now that he is moved back I am in the giddy stage all over again! All relationships are different so I can only speak for myself. But I was surprised to find that the beginning of my affair was extremely similar to the beginning of my relationship with my ex husband. It was giddy, and a lovefest, and completely encompassing. But that is my experience. My continued relationship with my dMM has continued to maintain pretty well with us weathering the storms continuing to communicate, love, and support. It isn't perfect but many of the stereotypes, in my case, have not appeared. Nor did I read that this blog/article was about affairs, I didn't see it referenced but I may have overlooked it. Well, most of the time the married AP stay married. Those OM/OW who have a happy ending with MP are exceptions, not the rule. For those who have a "happy ending", when progressing from an A to a normal relationship there are no reasons why the passion should fade away. When the promises or expectations are backed up with actions, it is all good.
Miss Olivia Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Well, most of the time the married AP stay married. Those OM/OW who have a happy ending with MP are exceptions, not the rule. For those who have a "happy ending", when progressing from an A to a normal relationship there are no reasons why the passion should fade away. When the promises or expectations are backed up with actions, it is all good. Affairs are still mostly fantasy. You get all the sex and fun without the everyday family stuff ie. kids, mortgage, who left the toilet seat up, who forgot to close the garage, etc. You stay in an eternal honeymoon stage. Yeah you have to go through emotional roller coasters and jealousy and what not, but somehow the excitement, sex and intimacy is worth it all. If you end up with your affair partner in the end, eventually it could settle into a "normal" relationship except you could carry emotional baggage of knowing you broke up yours or someone else's marriage for quite a while. No thanks, I'll pass. Temporary bliss is not worth years of emotional torment.
Got it Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Affairs are still mostly fantasy. You get all the sex and fun without the everyday family stuff ie. kids, mortgage, who left the toilet seat up, who forgot to close the garage, etc. You stay in an eternal honeymoon stage. Yeah you have to go through emotional roller coasters and jealousy and what not, but somehow the excitement, sex and intimacy is worth it all. If you end up with your affair partner in the end, eventually it could settle into a "normal" relationship except you could carry emotional baggage of knowing you broke up yours or someone else's marriage for quite a while. No thanks, I'll pass. Temporary bliss is not worth years of emotional torment. Being someone that has experienced the above a couple things. One, the things stated above, some were dealt with in the affair. We had everyday family stuff come up, who left the toilet seat up, who forgot to lock the house. There is this believe that affairs are this amazing honeymoon time, and while some might be like that, many are not. They do deal with the every day life issues. We are a number of years out of the affair and those things aren't any different from in the affair. We had doctor's appointments, shared errands, etc. It really wasn't all roses and candlelight dinner. Shoot the man mucked many a stall for me as well. There is nothing romantic about shoveling manure! The biggest myth is the "eternal honeymoon stage". I never experienced it. Maybe I got jibbed?
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