lauraryry Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 so i have recently started dating a guy who is 33, 8 yrs older than me.. and he is wonderful. a gentleman to the max. handsome, and charming. last night i was invited to join his roomates and friends for some beer at a dancehall. the guys were great they were tons of fun. then i heard his female coworker would be joining.. i have never met her but he had spoken of her a few times.. she is very pretty and newly 21. so we are all sitting there and they are just chatting it up. his roomates are looking at him like he is having sex with her in front of me.. they just seem to be in awe that he is talking to her so much with me sitting there.. and they keep exchanging glances with me.. like wtf. so i'm wondering if this is a warning sign or not. after a few minutes he looked at me and was like.. hey are you doin ok, having fun? i played it off and told him i was jealous of one of the girls friends. lol any way he told me what a great friend she is. idk if i should run now or wait and see how sneaky this gets.. ? any ideas? until then i didn't see him as sketchy..
Author lauraryry Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 i also forgot to mention that after a few beers he and i danced. i could tell she was jealous. and as i got drunker i flat out asked him if they had ever had a thing.. oops i let out the jealousy. not bad, just really sly.. and he played dumb said they've been good friends for years and nothing ever happened. so i am really nervous about this girl and him. what if i just let it go and end up being right all along.. can anyone tell me how to figure out without asking and snooping or anything?? help!
Author lauraryry Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 i like the "don't be anyones second choice".. thanks. i can tell you there was definately chemistry.. and she was making sure i noticed. i could feel her looking at me while talking to him.. hmm idk
Author lauraryry Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 well i think i'm more concerned on his part. I'm kinda freaked out to be honest. i think after seeing that i realize he has an a skewed motive. i'm so confused on how to get answers..
strongnrelaxed Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) Remember what I am about to tell you - you cannot say that you weren't warned - he is not for you. Leave now while your heart is unbroken. You should be confident enough to ignore such things. If you are worthy of his time and attention, there should be NO other woman who intimidates you in this way. Jealousy is a disgusting ugly thing and now that he has seen it he will always have this picture in his head. I promise you - it will NEVER go away. The only way for him to temporarily get this image of you being jealous out of his head is to sleep with another woman. Ignore my words at your own risk, but remember I warned you. You can listen to others who would say "don't listen to SNR, he sounds like an angry bitter man" or you can think hard on this. We elicit behaviors in others. Relationships are complex interactive systems. Not one way linear two-player games. Good luck. I would walk away now while you have the chance. I am offering this with the best of intentions as harsh as it may sound. Edited August 31, 2012 by strongnrelaxed Bad choice of words
salparadise Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I can tell you there was definately chemistry.. and she was making sure i noticed. i could feel her looking at me while talking to him.. hmm idk Women are competitive––especially head-turners who are used to being deluged with attention, the focus of all the men in the room. The belief that they can have any man they want becomes central to their sense of self worth. It could simply be that she's not happy about having to share the spotlight, that one man in the room has a new gf that just might be more desirable than she is. The tiara she's been wearing, which she has come to believe is rightfully hers, is being threatened. So she pulls this number where she engages the one guy in the room who isn't helplessly drooling over her in an effort to reassure herself that her tiara is safe. I've seen this kind of behavior too many times. It's related to the known phenomena wherein a guy becomes more considerably more attractive to other women when he has a stunning lady on his arm. If I were you, I'd have a little chat with the new bf. True, you don't want to come off as overly jealous, but you also don't want to be a doormat to every hottie in a skirt that wiggles her touche for him. I would phrase is along the lines of... I expect you to show me respect when we're out in public, and that includes giving me the lion's share of your attention and keeping your eyes in my direction when miss whateverhernameis starts playing us both for fools. Jealously gets a bad rap all the time, but the fact is that it exists for good reason and it's an instrumental and valuable aspect of the mating game in this life for anyone who cares about themselves and their partner. It's only when someone goes over the top with it that it starts making them look BSC. Establish your boundaries in this relationship, don't crucify the bf for what was probably an inadvertent mistake in this social setting, and keep an eye on the situation before you give your heart to him for keeps. 1
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