oh anxiety....

[catluvr2]

So my boyfriend is 3 hours away at college. He's actually at one of the top party colleges and its a top engineering school. Call me crazy but I can't help but think of crazy scenarios in my head of him drinking and all that. I honestly find it stupid that people go away to college just to party and drink all the time. Its like is college about education anymore??? He told me one night that he and his friend went to a frat party just for a couple minutes and people were passed out out the lawn (this stuff just makes me nervous!) I do trust my boyfriend but I just hope that he's making good decisions and the fact that he's majoring in computer science that he can keep up his high GPA. He's been telling me he's been making new friends and I'm happy for him. He has been going to a low key bar with some of his friends. How do you guys deal with your significant other going out to bars without you?? Obviously I can't control him and tell him to not go.

[justwhoiam]

By the way you described the whole scenario, he's not acting any different than any random single guy. Except he's not single. But he's acting like one. So no, it wouldn't go with me. Therefore, I understand how you can't stand it.

 

I have no suggestions for your case, it takes two for a couple to work.

[TMichaels]

Call me crazy but I can't help but think of crazy scenarios in my head of him drinking and all that. I honestly find it stupid that people go away to college just to party and drink all the time. Its like is college about education anymore???

 

The more important question is how does *your b/f* feel about it?

 

If he is of the same mind, then you're twisting yourself into knots for no good reason.

 

He told me one night that he and his friend went to a frat party just for a couple minutes and people were passed out out the lawn (this stuff just makes me nervous!) I do trust my boyfriend but I just hope that he's making good decisions and the fact that he's majoring in computer science that he can keep up his high GPA.

You sound like his mother instead of his g/f. If you truly do trust him and he's got a good head on his shoulders then you need to give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

Sounds to me like, he's simply sharing with you what he's observed and experienced. He just as easily could be doing so as he's as "bewildered" as you are at the outrageous things he's seen or heard.

 

The time *to worry* is when *he isn't* sharing such information with you.

 

Use the opportunity when he brings up such stories to ask him what he thinks/feels about them. That will give you a good idea whether he's adopting a lifestyle to be worried about.

 

When you're discussing his latest, there's no reason why you can't put your two cents in about how you feel -- but do so without lecturing or sounding like you're paranoid/insecure.

 

 

He's been telling me he's been making new friends and I'm happy for him. He has been going to a low key bar with some of his friends. How do you guys deal with your significant other going out to bars without you?? Obviously I can't control him and tell him to not go.

Glad you realized the underlined part, because if you start harping at him all the time he's going to clam up and not tell you anything because he knows it leads to you being stressed out and the conversations you do have will become something *he doesn't look forward to* which means chances are he'll think twice before he bothers to make contact.

 

College is a time to experience new things and be exposed to different opinions, behaviors and outlooks and see how they sit with your own.

 

Going out to the bar with a group of friends is part of being social. If your b/f sat home in his room because he doesn't drink that would be one thing. But for him to beg off all the time because his g/f would be mad at him for going or didn't trust him to behave, he not only is going to start to resent it, it's likely he would do it more often because of peer pressure and the need to "fit in."

 

You just need to chill out about the whole thing and keep the lines of communication open and resist the temptation to project all your angst on to him.

 

The other thing I suggest is that if you haven't talked about it already, see if you can plan a few trips to visit him. It will give you both something to look forward to and will give you a much better opportunity to size up the situation.

 

Plus, if/when his friends meet you and get to know you, they'll be much more aware/understanding that he's in a relationship with a great girl that he doesn't want to mess up -- and will cut him some slack or even look out for him (and you).

 

HTH,

TMichaels