youls Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 So what I'm about to say may show that I was in an unhealthy, abusive relationship and that I am this hopeless victim, but I am finding it real hard to let go of this person and move on and I need some advice as to just how to do it or if I should even recontact the person. Many I tried to tell this story to, admit that I fell hard for this guy. Some say it's because it's my first love, but honestly I have had hard crushes on guys before. I'm in my late 30's and I never really had a boyfriend, but when I met this guy online with a long distance, we were able to chat online text and use the phone late into the early morning as our use to keep in contact. Most of the relationship was about sex to him. I wanted to get to know him more and talk about our day to day, but it always resulted to talking about sex though we never really had it. We met once briefly and it was to talk about normal things. Our time was very limited. This went on for about a year. For him, it is very likely he moved on within that year, but stayed in contact almost everyday. For me the relationship was like 3 long grueling chase of a one-sided relationship where he never really seemed to care about me, but abused the fact that I would always come back to him. I tried moving on knowing this was unhealthy - sometimes 2 weeks with NC, but I couldn't stand it anymore so would always text him. He finally put an end to wanting to know me anymore by saying now he was pursuing someone else and that he didn't want anything more to do with me. I was completely heartbroken and hurt and for 6 months of NC, I took revenge on him. Now it's been 8 months and I just want to see how he's doing. So I anonymously contacted him. But didn't say who I was. What's wrong with me?
Crila16 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Loss of control. The rejection. The bruised ego. It's not necessarily about being in love with him, because honestly...so much time has passed. The fact that you got so angry that you took revenge on him 6 months after the breakup...says that it was your ego, not love. When you really love someone, yes you can get hurt and feel angry and upset...but not to the point where, after only 1 year...you take revenge 6 months after the breakup. It also sounds like you never really saw this person. Was it internet only?
Author youls Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) Loss of control. The rejection. The bruised ego. It's not necessarily about being in love with him, because honestly...so much time has passed. The fact that you got so angry that you took revenge on him 6 months after the breakup...says that it was your ego, not love. When you really love someone, yes you can get hurt and feel angry and upset...but not to the point where, after only 1 year...you take revenge 6 months after the breakup. It also sounds like you never really saw this person. Was it internet only? I was in love with him for a very long time, I call it infatuation like you would with a celebrity but it was an abusive one-sided relationship where he never really cared one bit about me. I always called him back. He called me a Jerk, only talked about sex, and would ignore a lot of my texts and called me names that were shallow, that lead me to cry a lot after having conversations with him. I always very nice to him. I was always confused as to why he couldn't just be a nice guy especially when he knew so little of me and we never really mounded to an actual relationship. Mainly it was internet, phone calls, text messages. The reason I liked him was because the first time we met was so wonderful. He would frequently try to support me, care about me, and for a month or two it seemed like he was deeply interested but it was just so fast. He was the only guy I ever met that was aggressive in pursuing me like that, and I wanted that in a guy. I didn't think he'll turn on me and was hoping he would change. Yes I guess I took revenge on him, because he hurt me so much and I didn't think I deserve to let this happen to someone like me and let someone like him get away with it. I was working so hard to move on. He was just a mean guy. It helps me to write this out. I now realize how terrible the relationship was. But I just don't know how to move on from it. Edited August 30, 2012 by youls
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