starla33 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 This has happened to me a few times now with guys. They will ask me out on multiple dates (and will ask me for a day), but most of the dates I have to follow up before the date to ask what time they want to meet and sometimes where. I'm not one to chase after guys, is this considered chasing? Does this mean they are not that interested? (would be weird since they are the ones doing the asking just not the planning).
Greznog Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 It's only a bad sign if you were under the impression this was the 1950s 1
Author starla33 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Yeah I get what you are saying, but wouldn't someone that is trying to impress you make sure to PLAN for a time without you having to ask 1
Greznog Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Maybe you're not the only one that wants to feel desired and wanted.
yongyong Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 No it means you have a weird ego. have you ever had a hump and dump?
Author starla33 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 No it means you have a weird ego. have you ever had a hump and dump? To be honest I have no problem asking, but ALL of my girlfriends say the guy needs to impress you and chase you and theres no way he is going to do that if you are checking in on plans. And yes of course, who has not had the hump and dump :/
Author starla33 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Man 120 views and only a few responses come on now!
yongyong Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 To be honest I have no problem asking, but ALL of my girlfriends say the guy needs to impress you and chase you and theres no way he is going to do that if you are checking in on plans. And yes of course, who has not had the hump and dump :/ well I knew it exactly about hump and dump thing. So they asked you out first then what's the deal? Guy: hey you wanna grab some drinks? you: sure, I have time on this day, does it work for you? do you have a good place in mind? Guy: sure it works for me. how about 9pm at johnny's? you: cool, see you there then. That's it. Is that hard for you???? Why did I talk about hump and dump......because if you play with guys, they would change their intention from treating you right to f-ing you and disappear. (If you were not attractive enough in the beginning, he would still hump and dump you btw)
todreaminblue Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 This has happened to me a few times now with guys. They will ask me out on multiple dates (and will ask me for a day), but most of the dates I have to follow up before the date to ask what time they want to meet and sometimes where. I'm not one to chase after guys, is this considered chasing? Does this mean they are not that interested? (would be weird since they are the ones doing the asking just not the planning). I am clueless feeling like you too i guess.Who knows havent really dated out of a friendzone......I know i if organised a date it would be a perfect one for the person i was dating..i get to know what they love and plan it that way..but when i chase guys which i dont ever.....it makes me feel aggressive and a bit sick in the stomach reminds me of a time of my life i would rather have gone done and dusted. I had to be competitive and super aggressive...and it was not fun....i would rather be soft and feminine and i am a bit old fashioned.....my dad......influenced me that way he was always the dominant...i respect him mor enow than i did then call that wisdom with aging...i fought like a wild cat in my teens against male domination.....but as a woman.....i want a respectful considerate and passionate man.....the key is i want a man.......and men step up....i shouldnt have to.......if he wants to date a woman and especially a woman like me....who wants nothing but to be able to be a woman....so i know i am not actually clueless.....but feel clueless if that makes sense.......deb 1
Author starla33 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 well I knew it exactly about hump and dump thing. So they asked you out first then what's the deal? Guy: hey you wanna grab some drinks? you: sure, I have time on this day, does it work for you? do you have a good place in mind? Guy: sure it works for me. how about 9pm at johnny's? you: cool, see you there then. That's it. Is that hard for you???? Why did I talk about hump and dump......because if you play with guys, they would change their intention from treating you right to f-ing you and disappear. (If you were not attractive enough in the beginning, he would still hump and dump you btw) Yes I get what you are saying but in some cases we don't plan a time ahead of time just the day. This is the issue I have. When the day rolls around I have to reach out to ask what time, instead of a guy reaching out to confirm. This makes me feel pretty crappy for some reason, I don't know if I expect too much or what, but how hard is it for a guy to plan and confirm?
Imajerk17 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I make firm plans for things when I make plans, which includes day+time of day, and place. So it's hard for me to relate. What type of guy online do you write back? (I remember you do online dating.) The backwards-baseball-cap wearing dudes tend to be a lot more lax. I also hear that the "laid-back" way of making plans is a lot more common in SoCal. 1
todreaminblue Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 well I knew it exactly about hump and dump thing. So they asked you out first then what's the deal? Guy: hey you wanna grab some drinks? you: sure, I have time on this day, does it work for you? do you have a good place in mind? Guy: sure it works for me. how about 9pm at johnny's? you: cool, see you there then. That's it. Is that hard for you???? Why did I talk about hump and dump......because if you play with guys, they would change their intention from treating you right to f-ing you and disappear. (If you were not attractive enough in the beginning, he would still hump and dump you btw) no comment
Author starla33 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 I make firm plans for things when I make plans, which includes day+time of day, and place. So it's hard for me to relate. What type of guy online do you write back? (I remember you do online dating.) The backwards-baseball-cap wearing dudes tend to be a lot more lax. I also hear that the "laid-back" way of making plans is a lot more common in SoCal. Interesting, this would make sense. And this is not first dates this is 2nd, 3rd and going onwards. So not some random dude I've never met before.
Author starla33 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Well it is a bit weird in my opinion, because who makes solid plans to take someone out on a date without actually setting a date, time and location? Well they do say what day and around what time of day. Like after work etc. It just drives me crazy. I find it annoying and rude to be honest. Is it just lazyness or what? They are used to the girls asking what time and confirming the plan? Am I just not laid back enough or what?
Author starla33 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 It could be negligence on their part or perhaps they're testing your willingness to follow up on their suggestion. Sometimes men want to see that the woman is committed too, but then they're playing that in the form a of a game, which isn't a very graceful way to find that out. Could be for multiple reasons, it's also possible that they're not very into you and therefor might not care too much to chase you down like they could have, so perhaps they let you do part of the work. It also doesn't have to mean anything. It's possible that they can't give you an exact time until shortly before the date. It is strange. Most of these guys don't ask me last minute (so I know I'm not a backup plan). They will ask days ahead....but not plan a time and sometimes not even a place. Annoying!!! Not really sure what to do about this or how to tell them it bugs me.
LoverOfDance Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I met a guy 2 years ago and he acted very similar. He sent me poems telling me how beautiful he thought I was. Confessed he liked me and then asked me out on a date. Of course he only picked a day and completely left out where and when(time) he wanted us to meet. I saw him the next day. He said hi but barely said anything else after that. Maybe he was shy. I don't know. There was another girl there and he was talking and playing with her so I thought - if he was shy how come he was bold enough to talk to the other girl but not me. He later left without saying bye. Our date came and passed and we never went on it. I never heard from him. Weird much? lol. He contacted me 3 weeks later saying he was sorry, he didn't know why he did that, bla bla bla. He didn't seem interested enough to act mature so I just left him behind and kept it moving. If your guy is acting like my guy acted, don't waste your time.
FitChick Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I am used to hearing back with the confirmation the night before. However, since most young men are clueless and ill mannered these days because most have grown up without fathers, the night before, call him and ask "What time are you picking me up tomorrow? Where are we going because I need to know what to wear."
StrangeBehaviors Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 If they give you what you want, you won't want it.
Emilia Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 It is strange. Most of these guys don't ask me last minute (so I know I'm not a backup plan). They will ask days ahead....but not plan a time and sometimes not even a place. Annoying!!! Not really sure what to do about this or how to tell them it bugs me. There was one guy recently that tried to pull this on me. He suggested meeting on a certain day, I said yes but he only tried to confirm plans the evening before. I told him I had assumed the plans were cancelled so I arranged something else. He then suggested another day and again when I said yes he did the same thing. I never bothered to respond. It's not whether it's the man's or woman's job, it's just that it's a game they play and I'm not willing to participate. When I ask someone out for a drink I will agree on the day and what it is and we usually say let's confirm the exact time the day before as we both work etc. I don't just disappear until the last minute to play it cool and pretend I'm not interested THAT much 1
Author starla33 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 A multi dater may do that. They are juggling several people and need flexibility. Anyway, it reflects Neanderthal manners. Oh no maybe you guys read that wrong. These guys defintely set the DAY and where (what area) and around what time like evening or after work etc. So it's not THAT flexible to be honest, but still extremely annoying.
Author starla33 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 There was one guy recently that tried to pull this on me. He suggested meeting on a certain day, I said yes but he only tried to confirm plans the evening before. I told him I had assumed the plans were cancelled so I arranged something else. He then suggested another day and again when I said yes he did the same thing. I never bothered to respond. It's not whether it's the man's or woman's job, it's just that it's a game they play and I'm not willing to participate. When I ask someone out for a drink I will agree on the day and what it is and we usually say let's confirm the exact time the day before as we both work etc. I don't just disappear until the last minute to play it cool and pretend I'm not interested THAT much HA these guys try to confirm day of in the early evening of all things.
strongnrelaxed Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 is this considered chasing? Does this mean they are not that interested? One of the things we humans get hung up on, and screwed up by, is trying to determine the intentions of others. I avoid this at all costs. I look at people's behaviors. Even if I could prove with almost mathematical accuracy what the person's intentions were, they could always say "no, that's not true" and you are left scratching your head. So don't waste too much time trying (notice I did not say that you should NEVER do it). Look at their behaviors. Match their behaviors against what you should reasonably expect. If there is a gap you can now have a conversation. So, the next time a guy does this, you can say something like - "I like when my man plans things out. Give me a shout when you have a solid plan with the details. I am available two weeks from now on ___night. See ya!" If he responds, then you are in good shape. If not, then he isn't serious and not worthy of your time and attention. The dating thing is way more complicated than this, but it is a good practice to start setting reasonable expectations early and communicating them effectively. Life will go much better for you if you do this in every aspect of life. Good luck! 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 When you are discussing the topic of setting up a date, you can try to immediately ask what date, time and location they have in mind. Then you'll nudge them to be clear or for them to tell you why they can't be sure about the exact time just quite yet. Yes. Definitely set a day and time. Personally, I'm flexible on exactly what we do, but I need to know when so I can block out the time in my schedule. I would never accept a date "on Saturday". "Saturday evening around 7:00" is great - but not just Saturday. 1
yessy21 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 i think that if they ask is because they are interested. Now why wouldnt they plan it out? there i can say im clueless. just go with the flow. if they ask you and dont call you to tell you anything then forget it. if they ask you and say meet me here or what time do i pick u up then thats them planning.
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