Mariana345 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Ok... I'm having a bad day. Until yesterday I didn't confirmed that he left me for another girl, just suspected, but today it seems that he is with someone else after 5 year relationship and almost living together, he claiming I'm the love of his life and all (we are 26) and just like it is over and he is with someone else. I want to know what are the differences between a rebound and another love, to identify what the h*ll happened here. We were having troubles and he may found someone who can ease this, but I don't know what to think...
Car10e Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Ok... I'm having a bad day. Until yesterday I didn't confirmed that he left me for another girl, just suspected, but today it seems that he is with someone else after 5 year relationship and almost living together, he claiming I'm the love of his life and all (we are 26) and just like it is over and he is with someone else. I want to know what are the differences between a rebound and another love, to identify what the h*ll happened here. We were having troubles and he may found someone who can ease this, but I don't know what to think... Hi, when someone jumps into another relationship quickly after leaving another one, it is a rebound. They don't allow for themselves to heal, which after leaving someone after a long relationship is important! I was also with my ex bf for 5 years, he left me, and literally had a new gf the same week we broke up. I'm sure while he's with his new gf, he still thinks of me. Nobody can just forget someone that fast, its impossible. About your question, a rebound could lead to another love, but in the beginning, they may be looking for someone to make them happy. For some people this is their way of coping. They don't want to face their feelings, so they find another distraction. I have heard that most rebound relationships don't make it past a couple months, but it is possible it could last. It's hard to grasp the fact that your ex is seeing someone new. I know the feeling and believe me, I have been struggling with it for the past 2 months. I hate to say it, but I want nothing more than for their relationship to fail. You just have to tell yourself, "Good things come to those who wait." You will find someone better, and in the end your ex is the one who will miss out. 2
Author Mariana345 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 So, if they left you for someone else it will be consider as rebound? Or they just found another love and changed you for them... This is hard, but I wish I could have some perspective... 1
Tree_Salmon Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 They usually don't work or are massively flawed down the line. My ex already cheated on her rebound with me.
Tree_Salmon Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 So, if they left you for someone else it will be consider as rebound? Or they just found another love and changed you for them... This is hard, but I wish I could have some perspective... At first i was confused also. She claimed to be "in love" with this person. And i thought this couldnt be a rebound and went NC. I was surprised when my ex was begging me to have sex with her 2 months later. Saying shes not in love with him. So chances are they just need some kind of relief from the pain. Where you or I would deal with it on our own, they need to have someone there. People say that this always comes back to bite you but I haven't seen that part of it yet.
Car10e Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 So, if they left you for someone else it will be consider as rebound? Or they just found another love and changed you for them... This is hard, but I wish I could have some perspective... I wouldn't necessarily call it another love. It could mean they got bored with the relationship, and want excitement again. All relationships start out great, thats why its called the honeymoon stage. He may be with someone else right now, but who's to say he won't do it to this girl too. Also, sometimes it takes being with someone else to realize what they had with you.
VanillaTinkie Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I wouldn't necessarily call it another love. It could mean they got bored with the relationship, and want excitement again. All relationships start out great, thats why its called the honeymoon stage. He may be with someone else right now, but who's to say he won't do it to this girl too. Also, sometimes it takes being with someone else to realize what they had with you. Guilty as charged! However my ex was a rebound and we dated for 3 years and I fell deeply in love with him, unfortunately me being damaged goods ruined the relationship
lovehurts5 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 My first boyfriend I dated from 16-20 and he was really crappy to me. So when I met my last bf right after he wasn't a rebound, I legitimately loved him and wanted to be with him. Now 4 years after being with him he moved on 3 weeks after our relationship. He told me she means nothing to him but as far as I know they're still together. I've been NC for 3 months so i'm not positive. I think it always depends on the circumstances. We can only hope it IS a rebound and that it winds up failing...
smint Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 After very painful BU,I started reading so many threads on this and other forums. So when the dumper leaves dumpee,because of some reasons,when dumpee go to NC,dumper miss the dumpee and there are maybe more chances for reconciliation. But when dumper leaves for someone else(like my ex did),that's most painful kind of BU,because that hits dumpees self esteem even more.In that case NC can help dumpee to heal,but the dumper is not going to miss dumpee.My ex never admitted his new gf,he acted like I am annoying him,and when I first went on NC he felt some relief of getting rid of me.That's what most of them do in"grass is greener syndrome"or whatever.In that case is maybe the best to let them go,wish them luck,and never ever have anything with them.Another thing they like is attention of dumpee,so their signals have to be totally ignored.And best revenge if dumpee ever run into dumper,just indifference. My opinion.
witmadskilllz Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) I know it's hard to sink in this but there are better days to come by still. And for the rest of the dumpee's(including myself), I have found it much better by embracing the pain, everything that comes after the BU. Part of everything becomes experience for you, makes you stronger and more prepared for the next one. For the time being, do what makes you happy, spoil yourself till no end. If one day you feel like looking back at photos while crying your eyes out, it will become less and less painful each time you do so. Let me say this once more, for the sake of this entire thread. ***PLEASE STAY NC NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE!*** Chances of reconciliation are risky to take, as you don't want to fall back again to this 'false hope'. It's all bull**** anyways, and besides, do you really need to feed your ego/attention and to be rejected again like nothing? **** that ****, they could go **** themselves, right? I'm better off streaking in public than to reminisce with ex. Edited August 31, 2012 by witmadskilllz 1
smint Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 You are right!!!No contact!Even if they contact you,stay strong,don't respond to ANYTHING!!!
Author Mariana345 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 Jejejeje I'm sorry if I confused you, I am in NC for... 2 and maybe and a half months since he break up. I just begged him the day he broke up with me and just a little contact to get my stuff and that's all. And I don't intend to break it, I have nothing to talk to him nor the intention. He hurt me badly and I have so much pride to let him have more power over me that he already had, is just that it bothers me that after so much "love" so many promises we made, and after biggest problems we went through and he just left me for the routine, the fights, some of his friends and another girl... I'm really upset and at this momento really hate him. But with time I hope to reach indifference towards him, since he doesn't deserve this attention from me... And I'm just wondering...
smint Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Mariana,again you and me here It is even easier to share our thoughts with some people we are never going to meet,then to keep it in ourselves,I know how you feel,I pray this stadium to pass,and I think that we are handling it very well,especially you,I begged and cry a lot,and you didn't,and yes,how many promises we exchanged...God please punish them,karma thing please happen!!! 1
Tree_Salmon Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 It's not "Karma" that's going to get them its their own personality and the bull that comes out of their mouths. Eventually your crappy personality screws you over in some way. Don't think about getting even or revenge. These are things that will keep you from moving on. Chances are they will pay anyway.
heartbroken26 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 sounds like we are in the same situation. I am also 26 and dated my bf for 10 years. I snooped around too and noticed he was dating a new girl and it did nothing, but hurt me. I don't think you should care if it is a rebound or new love. All that matters is he's not with you and you should move on. All this digging into things will only drive you crazy. Who cares what he is doing? He isn't yours anymore. I know it sounds cruel, but I was there and am still kind of there. It really hurts to see them move on so quickly, but you just have to accept that it wasn't working with you two and if its meant to be then it would be.
heartbroken26 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 After very painful BU,I started reading so many threads on this and other forums. So when the dumper leaves dumpee,because of some reasons,when dumpee go to NC,dumper miss the dumpee and there are maybe more chances for reconciliation. But when dumper leaves for someone else(like my ex did),that's most painful kind of BU,because that hits dumpees self esteem even more.In that case NC can help dumpee to heal,but the dumper is not going to miss dumpee.My ex never admitted his new gf,he acted like I am annoying him,and when I first went on NC he felt some relief of getting rid of me.That's what most of them do in"grass is greener syndrome"or whatever.In that case is maybe the best to let them go,wish them luck,and never ever have anything with them.Another thing they like is attention of dumpee,so their signals have to be totally ignored.And best revenge if dumpee ever run into dumper,just indifference. My opinion. Agreed! The worst BU is to be left for someone else. It hurts so bad and its hard to get over because it affects our self-esteem. I spent days comparing myself to her and driving myself crazy. 1
Author Mariana345 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 The good thing is that I don't know who she is. As I said, I cut all contact with him since the third week after the BU and I have so much pride that I would not goint to broke NC. The worst thing is that I am not digging... someone just send me a message by facebook, someone that I don't know. Obviously I blocked he/she and not showed that It aftected me, just came here and vent with you guys, because you can understand me I don't know why I want to know, right now I am so mad that wouldn't want him back, I think is about my ego being hurt... So, yeah, I want revenge, but I think the best revenge is served cold, so right now I'm going to enjoy my single life! I already have a lot of dates and people interested in me (I already received a bouquet, something that he never did) and next weekend having a trip with a "friend" of mine... I also lost a lot of weight and I'm more beautiful than ever and I can tell, and enjoy the attention and the opportunities that live is giving me I still want to make him suffer though XD
smint Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Go ahead Mariana,date,have fun,travel,we deserve to be happy,and those selfish jerks will be jealous on our freedom,while they will be stuck,or their new"loves"will kick them out!!!Let them have what they want!My ex wanted widow with child,and her husband died in less then 6 months,and she is already with my ex.He wanted woman like that?Let him have it,until she finds something better!
Joaquin Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 If he had emotionally moved on from you when he started with her, it is not a rebound for him. It's not about x days or months, it's not a timeline, it's about what he feels. Often when people breakup they started moving on before the final curtain comes down. They are good to go straight away. You will never know what the situation is, and really, you should not need or want to know, you need to move on.
lovehurts82 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 If he had emotionally moved on from you when he started with her, it is not a rebound for him. It's not about x days or months, it's not a timeline, it's about what he feels. Often when people breakup they started moving on before the final curtain comes down. They are good to go straight away. You will never know what the situation is, and really, you should not need or want to know, you need to move on. I agree, and I don't think that we dumpees can ever really know. I don't trust my ex at all at this point and am pretty sure that my ex had already been moving on to his new fiance before we ever actually split up. He swears up and down to me that there was absolutely nothing before we broke up.. that he never cheated.. that he hadn't been talking to her. It just so happened that a week after we break up he's already engaged to someone else? I think not and I wouldn't believe it for a minute. I don't think that you can go from looking at apartments together and making wedding plans with someone.. sleeping in their bed one week to being engaged to someone else a week later. It just doesn't make sense to me. Rebound? Maybe. But really, I don't care what it is.. because I know in my heart I could never and would never trust him again. We would both be miserable. I would constantly be wondering who he was talking to, who he was texting, what he was doing when he "went out with the guys". I don't want to live like that and put someone through that. Plus, it would be too stressful on me. After 7 years, I still love the guy so so much and am so sad that things came to what they did, but faith and moving forward is healing. I've found a new job (after being in my former one for 11 years) and am moving in to a new place.. out on my own again (after staying with parents for 2 years while waiting for X to figure things out.. was LD). But.. OP. As others have said. Don't stress yourself out by worrying what this new relationship is. Don't lower yourself to the level of wishing people unhappiness. I go through this sometimes as well.. and have said numerous times I hope their beautiful little fairy tale comes crashing down. But.. then again. I really don't. I know for a fact that my ex would come crawling back. He's already texted me things about signs in different places reminding him of me.. Sending me a "treasure map" to my hoodie (which is at his house.. hmm.. wonder what she'd think of that idea). At the end of the day though, I don't WANT him to come crawling back. Not until I'm stronger and can stand my ground. I don't want to be faced with the pain of having to turn him away.. seeing him cry... hearing his pain. He's my biggest weakness and knows what buttons to push to get me to do what he wants. I couldn't deal with that right now. I love him too much and it would tear me in two. So.. I'm careful what I wish for and lean on my faith (though I know not all share the same beliefs and that's a-okay). I trust that the the vengeance my higher power could deal would be stronger than any revenge I could ever take up. Romans 12:19 King James Version (KJV) 19 "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."
Author Mariana345 Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Thank you all for your responses... I am still struggling with this thoughts, and today is the 3 months mark... so I'm kind of depressed. Yesterday I went to the movies with my friends and it was really hard!! That is what my ex and I did most of the time... It was hard not being with him, and even harder knowing that he went to the movies with his new "I-don't-know-what" and didn't care like I did. Harder and harder... I am really mad, angry, sad... In the morning I was shaking in anger.... He still affects my feelings and I don't want him to have this power over me... I am moving on... And I'm going abroad... I think that until I am at the plane I will not let this go completely... I'm tired...
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