Why did she do this?

[DanChi]

I just need to vent, and this seems to be a good place for it. So here is my story.

I have been happily married for 12 years. I married my high school sweetheart. The marriage was great! We loved each other very much. We had everything. Nice house, good jobs, cars, vacations at least twice a year. Two beautiful boys. Great friends. Everything to wish for. American dream!

Well, about two years ago my wife got involved in one of those MLM pyramid schemes. I did not think of it much. She had a full time job and I was thinking she is going to realize that there is too much work involved with nothing in return. I was even supportive. She said she finally found herself. She was really into it. Meeting at least three times a week. I even went to couple of those with her, just to show my support. Then about six months ago she went to a different state over a weekend to attend one of the conferences. When she came back I noticed she was a different person. All she talked about was her side business, how we are going to be rich in a few years…and all other crap they were feeding her. She became involved in it too much, to the point where I withdrew a little bit. I tried to get close to her, but she was not into it. Then one night we went out to dinner when she dropped the D word on me. Wow…I was in shock! I did not expect that. I was expecting that we would be talking about how our marriage is in trouble and trying to fix it. But she would not have any of it. No second chance…nothing. She said to me that I killed all feelings in her?! WTF?! I was devastated…lost 30 pounds, cried a lot…just a living mess.

About a week later I found out she was seeing another guy. The guy whose guts she hated. I found messages on her phone, emails…When I confronted her (very calmly, which surprised me) she said it was my fault! That I wasn’t there for her. First she told me there was no sex, just kissing…but later she denied there was even kissing. It was just emotional affair. Well, I told his wife about it and he was not happy about it, nor was my STBX. The next day she moved out to her parents’ house. He is still married. I am getting a divorce.

We did try to reconcile, twice…after I gave her a cold shoulder…but again she was not into trying to fix it. Tried marriage counseling, but she only went once and said she can’t go on. But was not ready to file for divorce. Which is what I did. Sometimes I wonder if it was a mistake, but there was no other way. I did not want to live in limbo. We are on good terms, friendly. But do not communicate much. Email and text messages only. After all we have two kids we both love very much and care about. We are doing the divorce ourselves, no lawyers involved. The house is on foreclosure (I still live there), I just could not afford the payments any longer. I see kids whenever I want and almost every weekend. She is almost never home, still dreaming and doing her pyramid thing. Which is good for me because I get to be with the kids.

I was thinking about trying to reconcile again, but I know that would just boost her ego and she would say no and I would end up hurt again. I still do love her very much, but realized that once the glass is broken you can not fix it. Even if you do the scars will be visible. I can tell she still cares about me, maybe I am wrong. But after every text message she would send me a smiley face…just confusing me.Now I am working on myself. Hitting the gym, reading, even joined a support group. Slowly healing, but still wondering “what if”. I feel bad for my kids. They had everything…and lots of love. They are not as happy as they used to be. I am giving them a lot of love and attention.

We never argued or fought. No name calling…there were some minor things, but there are some in every marriage. I was not going out and drinking or gambling or anything that could hurt my family. I gave myself for them. Guess they are right when they say good guys finish last. I know there is whole life in front of me (I am 36) and that I will find love again. But it’s just so hard. My dreams have been crushed and I feel like I’m starting all over again.

Thank you for reading and sorry for random rambling. I needed to vent.

God bless and keep on keeping on!!!!

[karnak]

As you can see from this forum, there are TONS of guys standing where you are right now. Some even in worst places.

 

And they survived to tell the tale.

 

You say you're a decent guy. And if that's true, then plenty of people think the same about you.

Not your wife, though. If she's trash then she'll treat you like ****, regardless of if you're the most wonderful man alive. Scumbags do that.

 

Don't delude yourself, mate. Your wife has shown her true colours. She never did when she was youger because she was trying to fulfill her "american dream" as well (the marriage, kids and perfect housewife package).

 

Well... guess what: her fantasy has been fulfilled. Now she probably wants to fulfill some fantasy of whore banging several men.

Sorry for putting it so bluntly, but most never realise at which point the sexual fantasy of women play a large role on their emotional life.

 

Hang in there, buddy. You have kids. Live for them and with them and show them that you're the MAN!

[DanChi]

Thanks! I have been browsing the forum for over a month and finaly decided to join today.

I know who I am. I know I deserve better, and I am positive that I will find it when the time is right. She on the other hand feels worse than I do right now. I know it, I have seen it. But she did it to herself. And what's worse to my kids. I am pissed...I still love her and hate her at the same time. I know she is not the one for me any more. Just kills me how hurt I am...I know I was not stupid. I do feel good for trying to save the marriage...twice. I can now look my kids and everyone else in the eyes and say that I did my best and wasnt enough. Cant wait for the day when I am not hurting or thinking about her.

Thanks for your support! God knows I need it.

[karnak]

Take things cool.

 

Onde day at a time. Spend some quality time with your kids and family and try to keep all dark thoughts at bay.

 

You're going through a storm now. But, sooner or later you'll reach the safe harbour.

 

I've gone through some nasty **** in my life. Seriously considered suicide.

 

Now, I'm glad I never killed myself. I enjoy life.

 

You know you will too.

[Ninja'sHusband]

It's not your fault man. Did her decision to get involved with a *married* man have anything to do with you??? Hell no. It would be wrong and disgusting even if she were single. People live in unhappy marriages and not cheat. If she wanted out, the right thing to do was tell you what was wrong and if you didn't respond then leave the relationship. Leaving the relationship and moving on without telling you is just wrong all over the place. You are still tied financially and yet she's not really with you. It's completely dishonest and there's no excuse in the world. Even if you were physically abusing her (which I don't think you were) she could just leave. Adultery is wrong, ALWAYS. People are responsibile for their own actions, don't let her or her family tell you any different.

[JD1977]

You have to think, she didn't just cheat on you, she cheated her kids out of great family life! And she did it with a MARRIED man! That man and his wife might still be together for the moment, but that doesn't mean the damage they caused won't come to a head in the future! It's the definition of selfish!!!

 

You said you feel some what guilty not still trying. But you have to remember, even if you stayed together now, it would always haunt you, when ever she got a text, or had a late night meeting, or God forbid something out of town. It would make you crazy!!! And most people can't get past it, they end up divorcing down the line.

 

Sorry you have to go through this!

[DanChi]

JD, you are so right about cheating on children. And I did tell her this.

I am well aware that even if we did get back together it would be hell for me. That's why I am not going back or trying. My heart wants me to keep trying but my mind does not. And I am going with the second one. Road to recovery is going to be a lot easier than going thru hell of being with her and wondering every day if she is with someone else.

The other day she even had the balls to ask me to borrow her some money?! Yeah, sure...anything you need honey. But I am staying a gentleman and taking a high road. I told her that I will and later forgot about it. She never mentioned it again.

I am still on very good terms with her family. The other day it was her dad's B-Day...I even bought him a little present, which brought tears to his eyes. This man was a good friend of mine for 12 years, more than a father in law. I even welcomed them in my house when he lost a job and a house years back. They stayed for over two years. I didnt mind. But it hurt when he didnt care about his daughter's cheating and destroying a family. I was 100% sure that he was going to say something to her...but he never did. I know my dad woul kill me if I did anything like that.

Another hard thing for me is that I have no family here...they all live in overseas. My support network was pretty much nonexsistant. All the friends were "our" friends and they wanted to stay out of it. So I went thru all this by myself. It wasnt easy, but I made it. Just like Karnak, I had suicidal thoughts too...but I was stronger than that.

I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. And pretty soon I will walk out and start a new book. Not chapter, a book. I am closing that door forever. I will not allow her to make a fool out of me for the second time.

One day I will be glad I went thru this hell.

[JD1977]

Well it's good to hear that even though you're being crushed emotionally, you're playing it smart logically. As far as her Dad not saying anything, are you sure it went down that way? Judging by the way he responded to the gift, I bet he is deeply hurt about what she did. And likely said something to her without you around. That being said, she will always be his daughter and he won't turn his back on her, (as would you for your kids) but I would be willing to bet he has told her what he thinks of this mess! Regardless, you are doing the classy thing, showing love and respect for your kids grandparents! Unlike your STBXW, you are putting them first! They will learn by YOUR example!

The great thing about this forum is that you get honest feed back from others, not bias because of friendship/family. And you hear from many people going through the exact same or at least similar trials and heartache, which most people don't have even from the best support system.

[Gunny376]

IMHO she's living a fantasy life in la~la land! And its going to be Hell when the chicken's come home to roost.

 

Songwriter: OSLIN, K. T.

 

I'm overworked and I'm overweight

I can't remember when I last had a date

Oh, I didn't expect it to go down this way

 

I used to love and I used to be loved

And now loves a scary thing to think of

Oh, I didn't expect it to go down this way

 

I been dating for years, honey, that ain't natural

I thought by now I'd find my man and settle down

Ain't a good one left in town

I'm lonely, how in the world did I end up lonely?

 

I knew life would be hard, but I didn't know how hard

I thought by now I'd be happy

Who's happy? Honey, not me

I'm lonely, how in the world did I end up lonely?

 

Oh, I didn't expect it to go down this way

No, I didn't expect it to go down this way

Oh I, I didn't expect it to go down this way

[Radu]

Someone above said something about her living fantasies, i think they are spot on.

 

Have you talked to a lawyer ?

See if there is any way for you to ensure that any future man is not presented to her children before they have been together for a certain period of time.

 

Because when her fantasy breaks [and she is living one], she will try to use you or the kids for her next knight in shining armor.

 

Do you have boys or girls ?

What ages ?

[DanChi]

I did not talk to a lawyer. We decided to go pro se. To save us from the emotional and financial disaster.

I have two boys age 4 & 6. I honestly do beleive that she is smart enough not to introduce them to anyone new unles its serious.

But yes, she is living in fantasy land. Broke and dreaming of riches. Dumb

[worldgonewrong]

First of all, DanChi - I'm sorry. But what is encouraging is that you DO have a clarity of mind about all this horrible stuff. I wish, when my nightmare started, that I had my wits about me one-tenth as much as you do. So keep going strong. You're doing great, even though I know you have private moments of deep sadness.

 

Secondly - regarding no lawyers at this point: WATCH YOUR BACK.

Everything seems friendly now and all, but remember - she already stabbed you (and the family) in the back once. It means she is capable of doing it again. And walk-away's tend to be a pretty nasty bunch in general when their fantasy life is disturbed. So don't be surprised if she turns the tables yet again.

[DanChi]

Trust me when I say that it took me a while to get this clarity. And regarding the moments of deep sandes, I do have to admit I still have those. But they are lot less frequent. If somehow I could have my brain overpower my heart that would be the greates thing. But, I am just your regular guy with emotions, good days and bad days. And very proud of who I am and not loosing my dignity thru this ordeal. There were times when all I was thinking about is revenge. But time will bring that. When she sees me happy and all her dreams come down crushing down. She is already miserable. I mean, after all that she is asking me to borow her money. To help her with her car breakes and other crap. Hell no!

I did talk to a lawyer, and have him pretty much on standby. If she tries to pull anything I am going to give her a fight of a lifetime. She knows she would regret it, and i told her that. She just wants the kids (50/50) and me to pay for CS. I do not have problem with either. They are my kids and its my moral obligation to pay for CS. I have no family here who could help me with the kids so I had to give them to her.

Her life is already starting to slowly go down the drain. I see it every day...it does not bring me happines to see that. But it is satisfying in away. :-). But this is just a begining for her.

[Tallblueyed]

Curious, can you outline your timeframes? I aspire to be where you are (emotionally).

[DanChi]

Curious, can you outline your timeframes? I aspire to be where you are (emotionally).

 

D-bomb dropped beggining of March. She moved out mid March. Reconciliation yryout begining of April and filed mid July.

 

It was not easy...still isn't. I still have a long road of recovery in front of me. But it does get easier I guarantee you that. I did cry a lot...felt like i hit the bottom. Two weeks after she left I lost my job. I used that time to visit my family. When I came back I found a new job in a week. It doesnt pay as much as the old one, but I had something. I had to put my house on foreclosure. I was behind with payments.

When it rains it pours.

I started reading books about relationships, breakups, divorce...I think I read at least ten books in last five months. That did help a little. I joined a divorce support group I found on meetup.com. Spent a lot of quality time with my boys. Started taking care of myself...buying nice clothing, going to nice restaurants. Pampering myself. Had a few massages. Flirted with girls at bar (that gave me a huge boost in confidence). I met new people. Became close friend with one of the guys I met at the support group amd we started hanging out regulary.

I try to get out of my comfort zone. It wasnt easy in the begining, but more you do it the better it feels. I am constantly thinking about future, without her. Bright future...starting my own business...traveling...planing. Just keeping my mind busy at all times. One thing keeping me currently busy is thinking about starting some kind of charity/support group for men going thru the same issues as I did. There is a ton of stuff like that for women, but none for men. Even if nothing ever comes out of that at least I spent time thinking about something else rather than about her. I try to tell myself that I never loved her. Started meditating too, and to be honest I was very sceptical abou meditation but it helped tame the monkey in my brain. I highly suggest you to try it. Dont give up right away. Try downloading some meditation apps on your phone. Even binaural beats. Try going to church, or budhist temple (which is what i did a couple of times). Try anything and everything until you find what works for you the best. Get out of the house as much as you can. Go to the mall...gym...for a hike...swim. Try to find yourself in something...new hobby...whatever it is. Explore different possibilities. Its a big world out there with a lot of stuff to do.

One more thing. Start a journal. I wish I did it sooner.Write in it as much as you can...how you feel...write about her...to her...to your kids...parents...friends...family. Dont worry, no one will ever read it. I found a journal app for my phone and write in it whenever I have time. I never go back and read it...but I feel better after writing.

There are a lots of ways to help you get out of the rut. Try them all, be open to any suggestion...if it doesnt work move onto the next one.

Go find a homeless person and take them to lunch and let them tell you their story. Thats what I did...and was I shocked and surprised to learn how good I have it.

I went and apologized to my neighbor to whom I didnt talk in years, that was a good feeling. We both cried. Apolgized to few other people who I wronged in the past.

Started with a clean slate.

So as you can see there are a lot of vessels to help you thru the stormy waters, and you do not have to stick only to a single one...jump around. Have fun doing it.

Sorry about typos and my writing style but I am doing it from my phone :-).

Oh, and one more thing...cut down on TV. I havent watched it in over five months. But do go out to a movie theater...or even watch a play.

Good luck to you and remember we are all here for you.

[DanChi]

Curious, can you outline your timeframes? I aspire to be where you are (emotionally).

 

D-bomb dropped beggining of March. She moved out mid March. Reconciliation yryout begining of April and filed mid July.

 

It was not easy...still isn't. I still have a long road of recovery in front of me. But it does get easier I guarantee you that. I did cry a lot...felt like i hit the bottom. Two weeks after she left I lost my job. I used that time to visit my family. When I came back I found a new job in a week. It doesnt pay as much as the old one, but I had something. I had to put my house on foreclosure. I was behind with payments.

When it rains it pours.

I started reading books about relationships, breakups, divorce...I think I read at least ten books in last five months. That did help a little. I joined a divorce support group I found on meetup.com. Spent a lot of quality time with my boys. Started taking care of myself...buying nice clothing, going to nice restaurants. Pampering myself. Had a few massages. Flirted with girls at bar (that gave me a huge boost in confidence). I met new people. Became close friend with one of the guys I met at the support group amd we started hanging out regulary.

I try to get out of my comfort zone. It wasnt easy in the begining, but more you do it the better it feels. I am constantly thinking about future, without her. Bright future...starting my own business...traveling...planing. Just keeping my mind busy at all times. One thing keeping me currently busy is thinking about starting some kind of charity/support group for men going thru the same issues as I did. There is a ton of stuff like that for women, but none for men. Even if nothing ever comes out of that at least I spent time thinking about something else rather than about her. I try to tell myself that I never loved her. Started meditating too, and to be honest I was very sceptical abou meditation but it helped tame the monkey in my brain. I highly suggest you to try it. Dont give up right away. Try downloading some meditation apps on your phone. Even binaural beats. Try going to church, or budhist temple (which is what i did a couple of times). Try anything and everything until you find what works for you the best. Get out of the house as much as you can. Go to the mall...gym...for a hike...swim. Try to find yourself in something...new hobby...whatever it is. Explore different possibilities. Its a big world out there with a lot of stuff to do.

One more thing. Start a journal. I wish I did it sooner.Write in it as much as you can...how you feel...write about her...to her...to your kids...parents...friends...family. Dont worry, no one will ever read it. I found a journal app for my phone and write in it whenever I have time. I never go back and read it...but I feel better after writing.

There are a lots of ways to help you get out of the rut. Try them all, be open to any suggestion...if it doesnt work move onto the next one.

Go find a homeless person and take them to lunch and let them tell you their story. Thats what I did...and was I shocked and surprised to learn how good I have it.

I went and apologized to my neighbor to whom I didnt talk in years, that was a good feeling. We both cried. Apolgized to few other people who I wronged in the past.

Started with a clean slate.

So as you can see there are a lot of vessels to help you thru the stormy waters, and you do not have to stick only to a single one...jump around. Have fun doing it.

Sorry about typos and my writing style but I am doing it from my phone :-).

Oh, and one more thing...cut down on TV. I havent watched it in over five months. But do go out to a movie theater...or even watch a play.

Good luck to you and remember we are all here for you.

[Tallblueyed]

D-bomb dropped beggining of March. She moved out mid March. Reconciliation yryout begining of April and filed mid July.

 

I joined a divorce support group I found on meetup.com.

Flirted with girls at bar (that gave me a huge boost in confidence).

starting my own business

Started meditating too...Even binaural beats.

Start a journal. write about her...to her...

find a homeless person and take them to lunch and let them tell you their story.

Oh, and one more thing...cut down on TV.

 

Okay...this is kind of creepy.

 

The items quoted are all close to me:

 

(I'm 37)

D-day was in March (immediately separated)

Reconcile attempt made from April-June (I asked for divorce at the end of June)

I joined a D support group that I found on meetup.com (I also do IC)

Had some ego boosting experiences (but I have no desire for a woman)

I have owned my own business for years, but I have made a re-commitments to bettering it

Started meditating again using binaural beats (use to do it years ago)

I journal - mostly letters to her (but should consider writing to others)

I started volunteering at a homeless shelter - makes me very grateful for my life

TV: didn't even realize I am not watching much until you noted it

 

Pretty weird - too bad we aren't in the same city, we'd probably get along

 

I also joined a local acoustic guitar jam group. I have played for about 20 years, but am really pushing my skills as of late. I also rejoined a bowling league (but I SUCK, big time!!!).

 

I am getting better, just takes me looking back to realize it. It gets frustrating when I hear/read about people being in a rut for 1-2 years - I don't look forward to putting in that kind of time...I want the little blue pill to go back to ignorant bliss; but unfortunately I followed the white rabbit

(bonus points if you get the references)

[worldgonewrong]

DanChi and Tallblueyed - you both are terrific. I truly mean that.

[worldgonewrong]

Oh, also - as you both alluded to finding other women, flirting or not, etc. - I can only offer my 2 cents and say wait until you really feel ready.

I had brief, intense fling with a woman earlier this Spring. It was lovely for what it was, and she's a friend, but it left me VERY unsatisfied. It made me realize that - if you're strong or at least self-aware - that the intoxication of sex that makes one feel a bonding is extremely ethereal if there aren't other things there. It wasn't cheap, mind you, as I respect her enormously, but the experience made me see myself in sharper clarity. If I had to reduce it down, I realized that I was a guy who craved love and just a pure simple plain hug from a woman; I hadn't been touched, felt (emotionally), by a woman in so damn long. When we hugged (the day after our kanoodling), I realized it was THE HUG I'd really been after and I practically broke down in tears from that.

Too much information?

Anyway, I'm just sharing it...brother-to-brother, if you will.

[DanChi]

Wow tallblueeyed, that is creepy. I used own my own business and was thinking about giving it a cpr....but no. Where do you live?

I do not mind following a white rabbit. I can say it is a very interesting journey. Would I go back to the ignorant bliss? Never! There are so many better things waiting for me that I would have never experinced if I took the blue pill. I am the One!!! ;-)

 

Worldgonewrong, not too much info. I know how you feel brother. I did not take it any further than flirting...didnt even want to exchange phone numbers. Not ready for a woman yet. I would not be able to give her my best. And even after what I went thru because of a woman I still want to be a gentleman. Our time will come. We will love and be loved (again?). But first I have to find happiness, alone. Then find someone to share it with. And then mail my ex a postcard from Fiji :-).

Btw, I used to spend a lot of time thinking how she is going to regret it, how she'll never find happiness...i realized I was harboring too many negative feelings and focusing too much on her. Then I started thinking about myself, about my future....describing to myself what my perfect future is. Making a bucket list...having fun with my mind.

 

Wow, I really like to talk. Its good to vent :-)

Edited September 1, 2012 by DanChi

[Steen719]

Wow tallblueeyed, that is creepy. I used own my own business and was thinking about giving it a cpr....but no. Where do you live?

I do not mind following a white rabbit. I can say it is a very interesting journey. Would I go back to the ignorant bliss? Never! There are so many better things waiting for me that I would have never experinced if I took the blue pill. I am the One!!! ;-)

 

Worldgonewrong, not too much info. I know how you feel brother. I did not take it any further than flirting...didnt even want to exchange phone numbers. Not ready for a woman yet. I would not be able to give her my best. And even after what I went thru because of a woman I still want to be a gentleman. Our time will come. We will love and be loved (again?). But first I have to find happiness, alone. Then find someone to share it with. And then mail my ex a postcard from Fiji :-).

Btw, I used to spend a lot of time thinking how she is going to regret it, how she'll never find happiness...i realized I was harboring too many negative feelings and focusing too much on her. Then I started thinking about myself, about my future....describing to myself what my perfect future is. Making a bucket list...having fun with my mind.

 

Wow, I really like to talk. Its good to vent :-)

 

One of the best quotes I have ever heard about this is that resentment and anger towards someone is like taking poison and expecting them to die. I thought about that a lot when I was in my extreme resentment phase and it helped me. It was true. He never suffered when I thought angry thoughts, but I sure did. And, it wasn't much fun when it didn't bother him!!

[Tallblueyed]

resentment and anger towards someone is like taking poison and expecting them to die.

I like that thought process - it makes perfect sense.

[Tallblueyed]

Where do you live?

Tried sending you a PM - you can't receive them yet (or your settings don't allow them)...

[DanChi]

Tried sending you a PM - you can't receive them yet (or your settings don't allow them)...

 

I am not established member yet...lol

[health]

I just need to vent, and this seems to be a good place for it. So here is my story.

I have been happily married for 12 years. I married my high school sweetheart. The marriage was great! We loved each other very much. We had everything. Nice house, good jobs, cars, vacations at least twice a year. Two beautiful boys. Great friends. Everything to wish for. American dream!

Well, about two years ago my wife got involved in one of those MLM pyramid schemes. I did not think of it much. She had a full time job and I was thinking she is going to realize that there is too much work involved with nothing in return. I was even supportive. She said she finally found herself. She was really into it. Meeting at least three times a week. I even went to couple of those with her, just to show my support. Then about six months ago she went to a different state over a weekend to attend one of the conferences. When she came back I noticed she was a different person. All she talked about was her side business, how we are going to be rich in a few years…and all other crap they were feeding her. She became involved in it too much, to the point where I withdrew a little bit. I tried to get close to her, but she was not into it. Then one night we went out to dinner when she dropped the D word on me. Wow…I was in shock! I did not expect that. I was expecting that we would be talking about how our marriage is in trouble and trying to fix it. But she would not have any of it. No second chance…nothing. She said to me that I killed all feelings in her?! WTF?! I was devastated…lost 30 pounds, cried a lot…just a living mess.

About a week later I found out she was seeing another guy. The guy whose guts she hated. I found messages on her phone, emails…When I confronted her (very calmly, which surprised me) she said it was my fault! That I wasn’t there for her. First she told me there was no sex, just kissing…but later she denied there was even kissing. It was just emotional affair. Well, I told his wife about it and he was not happy about it, nor was my STBX. The next day she moved out to her parents’ house. He is still married. I am getting a divorce.

We did try to reconcile, twice…after I gave her a cold shoulder…but again she was not into trying to fix it. Tried marriage counseling, but she only went once and said she can’t go on. But was not ready to file for divorce. Which is what I did. Sometimes I wonder if it was a mistake, but there was no other way. I did not want to live in limbo. We are on good terms, friendly. But do not communicate much. Email and text messages only. After all we have two kids we both love very much and care about. We are doing the divorce ourselves, no lawyers involved. The house is on foreclosure (I still live there), I just could not afford the payments any longer. I see kids whenever I want and almost every weekend. She is almost never home, still dreaming and doing her pyramid thing. Which is good for me because I get to be with the kids.

I was thinking about trying to reconcile again, but I know that would just boost her ego and she would say no and I would end up hurt again. I still do love her very much, but realized that once the glass is broken you can not fix it. Even if you do the scars will be visible. I can tell she still cares about me, maybe I am wrong. But after every text message she would send me a smiley face…just confusing me.Now I am working on myself. Hitting the gym, reading, even joined a support group. Slowly healing, but still wondering “what if”. I feel bad for my kids. They had everything…and lots of love. They are not as happy as they used to be. I am giving them a lot of love and attention.

We never argued or fought. No name calling…there were some minor things, but there are some in every marriage. I was not going out and drinking or gambling or anything that could hurt my family. I gave myself for them. Guess they are right when they say good guys finish last. I know there is whole life in front of me (I am 36) and that I will find love again. But it’s just so hard. My dreams have been crushed and I feel like I’m starting all over again.

Thank you for reading and sorry for random rambling. I needed to vent.

God bless and keep on keeping on!!!!

 

Don't go back with her. This is all funny - she tried to doa quick get rich quick fix - fantasy - then had an emotional affair? Sounds like she messed up her life and is trying to go for quick fixes all the way. Forget her. You sound like a good man. Leave your wife if indeed she cheated, then heal and welcome to your new life. No one deserves this. You deserve love and respect!