Reg Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 [sIZE=3]My wife and I have been married for 23 years this past winter, and two kids. I have been in an ongoing argument with my wife over her relationship with her boss. I began to feel that their relationship was becoming inappropriate last year (15 months ago). They take many business trips together each of the last two years. They were talking to each other constantly via work Blackberry, and work laptops, and personal laptops (e-mail). I even mentioned to her that this seemed to be a little too much. Then one day last summer after we spent a day together I felt uneasy about the way she was acting, for instance having me take a picture of her while we were visiting a winery (something she would almost never do). That night after she went to bed I did the unthinkable, I looked at her personal e-mail. I was so convinced that their might be something going on I couldn’t resist the temptation to look. Then I saw it. While we were watching a move together that night she had emailed him pictures form our winery outing that day. The subject line said “Pics – you can’t share J”. In the message she wrote about the dress she wore that day and mentioned that it made her look like she had assets that she didn’t really have. Her boss responded back by saying something like this “my goodness...the twins were acting a bit rambunctious today and showing off. You should have a talk with them about behaving responsibly. ;-) Then they went back and forth about how she was blushing then. [/sIZE] [sIZE=3] [/sIZE] [sIZE=3] I was absolutely horrified when I saw this. I went to see a counselor about it to make sure I wasn’t misreading it. The counselor advised that it might be best if I confronted my wife about this in a couple therapy sessions. I convinced my wife to go to couples therapy, and that’s when I told her about me seeing the e-mail. As you can imagine this went over like a lead balloon.[/sIZE] [sIZE=3] [/sIZE] [sIZE=3] Fast forward: Now after not succeeding with two different couples therapist things are not changing. I feel like neither of us really opened up in the therapy sessions. She insists that he is just a friend, in fact her best friend. When I ask her if she loves him, she says as a friend.[/sIZE] [sIZE=3] [/sIZE] [sIZE=3] Is it possible that I have been falsely accusing her of cheating? Could I have been overeating the last 15 months?[/sIZE] [sIZE=3] [/sIZE] [sIZE=3] Things came to a head this past weekend after another business trip, which she failed to mention he would be on until after she got home. I told her that I thought it was time to separate our finances. To which she responded with the question of “is this a prelude to one of us moving out”. [/sIZE] [sIZE=3] [/sIZE] [sIZE=3] Did I mess up? I never had physical proof that something was going on, but I do believe that their relationship has at least been an inappropriate emotional affair of some sort...[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT]Now I’m talking about splitting our finances, and I’m seriously considering separating...[/sIZE]
g450 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Not to be cruel but WTH do you think “Pics – you can’t share J” means exactly? It would be obvious to a blind man that she is having at least an EA and from the sounds of it, probably a PA with him. You did absolutely the right thing. No doubt about it. But you didnt go far enough. File for divorce. Simple as that.
summerdowling87 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 What ever she's doing with him seems very inappropriate. How would she feel if you commented on another woman's boobs? I say go with your gut and try to find out what going on w/your wife and her boss.
standtall Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) No, you are not overreacting, and her relationship with her boss is completely inappropriate. Her best friend should be a woman, and not another man. She is flirting and engaging in an EA with this guy, and he is pressuring her into a PA if it isn't already there. If I were you, I would lay it down..him or me, and mean it. ....no more talking or counseling anymore...tell her that you will serve her if it doesn't end, and then do it. While doing that, I would realize that she most likely is seeking from this dude something that she is not getting from you..find out what it is, then man up and provide it. Edited August 31, 2012 by standtall
Scott68 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Seperate your finances, get an attorney and discuss custody (if you have kids), talk with YOUR family, and get your head together the next 2 years are going to suck-accept that and embrace it, it will make it easier in the long run. Sorry for what you are going through today and what you will go through tomorrow.
Recommended Posts