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Girl with mixed signals + double standards - wants me, but doesnt!?

oldskl

By oldskl
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oldskl Member

oldskl

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4.5 month relationship on the rocks already.

 

Highly emotional rollercoaster girl, constantly high then low, all the time. Possibly depressed. I know its early stages, but I'm a decent bloke, shes opened up already to being a bit depressed about all sorts of things, but also quickly shuts me out if the conversations get deeper.

 

I can understand that she'd be less chatty with me, being a bit depressed. I can accept that. But she has been giving me very effortless txt replies, short answers etc and generally reads as being not interested. However, she has told me her sadness is because I apparently do not make enough effort to see or be with her; and the affection just isn't there.

 

This comes as a shock, because she also has proclaimed she doesn't like attentive, touchy feely guys, that I should be more 'manly' and act a bit more into myself. Isn't that an absolute contradiction? She wants me to do my own thing more; but also craves more attention?

 

This girl is friggen cold as ice to me when we are together now, I have never known someone who makes me feel bad for just as much giving her a hug bye. Sure, sex in the beginning was fantastic, everything was flirty and full of innuendos but something in the middle turned sour and and she shut down.

 

After an argument a few weeks ago she removed me from her relationship status. Didn't bother me. Until I did the same today, because she wouldn't answer me directly as to what we were doing or where we were heading.

 

Within MINUTES this girl noticed, I mean WTF!? Why on earth would a 23 year old who should be slightly mature here make such an ordeal out of facebook?

 

She asked me for space earlier in the week (red flag for me) which I gave with ZERO contact. It lasted a day before she asked why I was ignoring her. I didn't understand that. She's also been away for a week on holiday, has barely made any effort to reply to anything I send asking how she is; and now claims for the one day I ceased all contact that I am ignoring her generally.

 

All signs point to eject, but there was a side to this girl I really liked. If this is just the stress, maybe underneath all that is the girl from the beginning?

 

I'm meant to be seeing her tonight, usually right after work, but tonight shes asked for it to be later (ie, after dinner which I usually have with her) and to be somewhere not at her house. I asked to see her, to work out whats going on. But she is adamant that the reason we have turned sour lies on my part, for not being interested.

 

I am fully prepared that this is the 'game over' meetup tonight, but is that not just utterly full of contradictions and double standards!?

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

Posted
Posted

Those aren't mixed signals. Those are very clear signals. She is not emotionally mature or healthy, she sounds like a child and frankly kind of mean. I think you should just dump her. I wouldn't go through the formalities of a big dinner and s.hit. Just go over to her house and tell her.

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oldskl Member

oldskl

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Tell you what, that is bloody interesting to read!

 

She really does got from black to white with no grey area. She had a period of very bad depression before me followed immediately by a shocking promiscuous stretch, followed by a quiet, almost solitary period of not going anywhere.

 

What is more striking is the smallest little disagreement or thing I do that she disproves of has on occasion been labelled as 'the worst thing that anyone has said or done to her'.

 

Strewth!

 

I know for a fact it isn't, as she has told me far worse things people have done. I just get penalised for the things that bother her at that moment and they get blown WAY out of proportion.

 

The whole 'hyper alert to rejection and negativity' is scary. She gets VERY jealous if I accidentally word something that COULD come across wrongly, and jumps on the bandwagon right away. Yet she is FAR more cold in a blunt and direct way to me, outright physical rejection.

 

Hmmm. I wonder how to play this tonight then.

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oldskl Member

oldskl

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Those aren't mixed signals. Those are very clear signals. She is not emotionally mature or healthy, she sounds like a child and frankly kind of mean. I think you should just dump her. I wouldn't go through the formalities of a big dinner and s.hit. Just go over to her house and tell her.

 

Thanks :) I am not doing any whole big dinner thing. Usually I'd see her at her house (with her parents). But this is the first time she doesn't want me around with her parents, so I already know its over.

 

She has given me all signs this chat we will have is pointless, she says shes said what she has to.

 

But I have got zero answers for her behaviour, it has come on all of a sudden like a switch. I suspect there is another guy involved, hence her lack of interest; but then why be so emotionally reactive if shes pushing me away and I do actually go away!?

 

I just don't get it!?

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oldskl Member

oldskl

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Sorry for the triple post, I just got a message from her after the depressive meetup arrangement texts.

 

'I'm so excited lol xxxx'.

 

I think that was a blatant text to someone else; or absolute sarcasm.

 

Either way, it proves her black and white personality; or she is actually super happy with someone else!

 

BUSTED!

 

Will fill you in later :)

Greznog Established Member

Greznog

Posted
Posted
Thanks :) I am not doing any whole big dinner thing. Usually I'd see her at her house (with her parents). But this is the first time she doesn't want me around with her parents, so I already know its over.

 

She has given me all signs this chat we will have is pointless, she says shes said what she has to.

 

But I have got zero answers for her behaviour, it has come on all of a sudden like a switch. I suspect there is another guy involved, hence her lack of interest; but then why be so emotionally reactive if shes pushing me away and I do actually go away!?

 

I just don't get it!?

 

You don't get it because you're not mentally ill.

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

Posted
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I don't think you should waste your time trying to figure out her behavior. It seems futile because she is so all over the place.

 

She will try to suck you back in once you break up, just so you know and are prepared. Do you think you'll be strong enough to go no contact and not respond when that happens? I hope so. Read through LS a bit, there are lots of posts from guys and girls who spend YEARS with people like this, and it never gets better they just get sucked in over and over again.

Titanwolf Established Member

Titanwolf

Posted
Posted
Sorry for the triple post, I just got a message from her after the depressive meetup arrangement texts.

 

'I'm so excited lol xxxx'.

 

I think that was a blatant text to someone else; or absolute sarcasm.

 

Either way, it proves her black and white personality; or she is actually super happy with someone else!

 

BUSTED!

 

Will fill you in later :)

 

Lol or it could be genius. Texting you that, knowing how you would interpret it and get jealous, thus giving her more attention. Though, not even I have an answer for this one man lol I look forward to the update.

 

Also, strong scorpio tendencies are strong. Jus' sayin'.

runningfar Established Member

runningfar

Posted
Posted

Not into third person Internet diagnoses but this description screams borderline.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

It's a miss. Sorry.

 

BTDT. It's a black hole, man. Nothing escapes. Let her go.

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