aanderson088 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Two days ago, before I went to bed, I prayed to God to help me move through this break up. I'm a cheater and recently my ex and I broke up because we were trying to work it out, I got impatient and angry and selfish again so she got tired of it and left. A week passed and I contacted her. She said she met an old friend and they clicked and she wanted to see where that ended up. I was hurt but if she wanted to move on, I knew I should let her. A few days passed again and I emailed her saying that I will continue to grow and change and if she decides that this break up is not what she truly wants then I'll be waiting. Through the days after that, I would check her Facebook, I don't see much because it has very high privacy settings. Now, this isn't healthy and I know that. I'd gone two days since I promised God that I wouldn't look at her profile anymore (that was in the prayer I mentioned above) and this morning I broke it. I saw a video of her with the new guy she's seeing and it hurt a lot. Nothing was going on, they were in a kitchen and he was doing dishes but her friends were narrating it and they seemed ecstatic and called him a good man and things like that. I am saddened by seeing them together, yes. But I know that the pain was only brought on by myself. I am not angry and I am not jealous, which feels good. I am sorry that I saw this video for a few reasons. I feel like I invaded her space and privacy, which I did. But I feel like it's worse than that. I did it in a sneaky way and I know that it was wrong. I also betrayed, yet another promise. I promised God that I would not look in to her life anymore, no matter how little I can see. I made a promise and I broke it. I believe that God was showing me that I should keep my promises and hold true to the things I say. I am grateful that I am not in tears. I stopped shaking a few minutes after I saw this footage and my breathing has calmed down. I prayed for forgiveness and made another promise that I will not look at her page again. This was a swift lesson among many of the harsh ones I've had lately. I wish she wasn't seeing someone but if she is happy, then I am happy for her. She is an incredible woman, the one that showed me to God, in fact. She deserves kindness and a tender heart, one that I was unwilling to give. I am paying for my mistakes and I know that. I'll continue to pray for strength and insight to how I should move past this portion of my life. I still hope that she'll recognize the changes I've made, but this is now just incentive to continue on my own path and not make her such a deep concentration of mine. I prayed to God for a sign last night, too. Something to tell me whether or not I'm doing the right thing. I think this indicates that I need to move on and truly leave her alone. I know that I do not have the urge to dig deeper or contact her. That is the truth. I understand that not everyone is a believer. I have only recently taken up faith. It helps tremendously to have faith, I will say that. However, this is not aimed only at believers. This is a lesson to anyone that did what I just did. Do not look at their Facebook, Instagram, e-mail, ANYTHING. You will NOT see what you are looking for. You will see things that hurt and you will be sorry you looked. Take it from me. Thank you for reading.
flitzanu Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 much easier to just block her on fb. takes away the ability to see someone's page. 2
coltsfan1 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 You have to move on for the time being. You cheated on her did you not think her friends would do what they are doing. Girls have each others back especially when it comes to matters such as this. Quit contacting her!!! Change for you then word will get out or she will run into you and see it first hand. You are only prolonging your own pain. I turned my fakebook off over a year ago and I haven't missed it yet. 1
Author aanderson088 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 You have to move on for the time being. You cheated on her did you not think her friends would do what they are doing. Girls have each others back especially when it comes to matters such as this. Quit contacting her!!! Change for you then word will get out or she will run into you and see it first hand. You are only prolonging your own pain. I turned my fakebook off over a year ago and I haven't missed it yet. I know. I have one because I want to use Spotify. I can't use Spotify without one. I don't have pictures or anything on there. I just keep it for that sole purpose. My old one has been gone for almost two weeks, so she doesn't (nor do her friends) know that I can see these things. Either way, I just blocked her a few minutes ago.
coltsfan1 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Have a friend change your password then you can use spodify and never worry about checking her page.
Author aanderson088 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Radu - No, this was the first significant other that I cheated on. I was one of the guys that told everyone how despicable it was and that I'd never do it.
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