Hit hard by gf betrayal

[heartbroken1357]

HI all, dont know if you'll come across a worse end to a relationship then this, ive tried everything i can, what i really want to know is there any hope and will she still think of me? and i just cant stop thinking about everything.. sorry if this is all over the place its on my phone!

 

ill start from the beginning,

its June 2012 my gf of a year and 10 months has just finished college and i decide to book us a week away in barcelona in July before she goes away to uni, weve had a fantastic relationship, i was her first, she is just 18, 16 when i met her, im 22, id had an ex screw me over and wasnt really looking for a relationship, and out of fate im driving down my local seafront and this beautiful looking girl starts talking to me and tells me she knows my brother, i add her on msn and we go on cam chat and decide to meet up, i remember every exact detail of the day i met her from what she was wearing to the moment when i hugged her goodbye and we had our first kiss, i was blown away, i hadnt felt so happy in ages! the next few days passed we went for walks on the beach, down the park, i took her shopping and the cinema weekly as it was something we enjoyed doing, so in the next two years we share christmases birthdays valentines u name it we spoiled eachother, i rented out a house for valentines and cooked her a meal and we had a fantastic night, weve been on two holidays together to canary islands and the recent one in spain, we could tell eachother anything, she was self concious about herself and not really confident in her body though, i loved her for who she was, caring loving, she had a unique smile voice and laugh, her family was great and i went to watch football with them weekly, maybe im just thinking that as i only ever spent time with her, mistake i made was not seeing friends and dropping everything for her, she would allways tell me how i was the love of my life and she wouldnt change me for anything, she was literally obsessed with me, i couldnt talk to any other girls, if i did she would get her friends to give them abuse, i split up with her over this once and she did self harm, i blamed myself and took her back because i loved her, ive since been told since shes never trusted me in the last year...! yet it was fine for her to dance, flirt, hug and message other boy's difference was i wasn't jealous.

 

we would allways have our unique relationship things like no odd number of kisses when leaving and id allways phone her to let her know i got home safely, and she would allways say love you, id say i love you too, and then it would be a race to say "i love you more then youll ever love me".

 

so back to the holiday, only 8 weeks ago now we fork out over a grand too go, we have a great time, beach, pool, meals she says how she is having such a great time and im the love of her life, we even talk about kids, i remember the day in the pool like it was yesterday, it feels like it was, id give anything to go back granted we had a argument where she thought i was looking at other girls at the waterpark... i wasnt i was looking in front of me, but she wouldnt take it for an answer, slammed the door in my face and said we were finished, i said a few heated things i regret, that night she threw herself at me, practically raped me, i pushed her off as i was tired and angry - wish i hadnt!!

we woke up like nothing had happend and we were fine! we enjoy the rest of our holiday and land home on the weekend.

 

we have a huge party at mine that weekend 100s people there i find her sitting on the lap of a "mate" of mine he says ill look after her, and she says shes just chatting and will come find me shortly, later on i confront her about it and she tells me she can see where im coming from but end of the day shes with me, i accept that!

 

midweek comes by i see my mate at work he thanks me for the party, i take her out to the cinema and she stays round and sleeps with me like normal everything seems fine! the next morning i have to take my car off too the MOT garage and it fails so i send her home so i can fix my car, i call her that night she tells me she loves me and watched dvds all day and soaps..

2 more days come by and she lets me down last minute to see her family, the next day i get that dreaded text, "babe i know you don't like me texting you this but we need to talk". she tells me she wants space and will talk to me in a few weeks, comes round to collect her stuff, put herself single on FB.. wow. and keeps in touch via text for the first week saying to stay strong and shes there for me and i must understand she wants space, i accept her decision and go out with friends and hit the city a week goes by and i start missing her i call her text her huge essays ****ing idiot!!-.- was my natural reaction, she tells me to leave her alone wont answer calls and replys later each day, i drove to her place to try talk to her she meets me a couple of times but wont listen to anything i say and says im scaring her, i start getting paranoid more and more i go online and see she was seeking attention on there and flirting with him 2-3 days before she ended it and ever since, i then find out from another group of her friends that she met up with him the same day she woke up in my bed and when i was fixing my car she was having a lush night "chat" with him, i confronted her about it and she tried hiding it by deleting the tweets...?? she then uploaded pictures of a cake she took him round a birthday card and went shopping with him, only 2 weeks after she had finished with me.

i had a breakdown and took a couple of overdoses, she continued posting pictures of her out with other boys and nearly kissing them with no respect to our relationship, another week goes by of them "being there for eachother" she starts turning nasty and sends me abuse over twitter because i sent her flowers on what would have been our anniversary, yet when she phoned me, she was thankful and said they were nice wtf??

my family start getting involved and so do my friends as they are trying to help me through everything and my parents simply phone hers to try and resolve things, shes been telling them that its over, whereas shes been leading me on for 3 weeks saying shes not ready, im not sure yet, it wouldnt feel right and she doesnt want too see me...

 

4 more days go by and she contacts me to tell me she is seeing "my mate" and tells me she didnt leave me for him, and shes sorry her feelings changed about a month ago before the holiday.. i didnt give her space and she was faking her feelings and got ahead of herself, she then continues to say and tell everyone that i treated her like **** and took her for a mug and came out with aload of crap to make herself to look better and justify her decision.

for the next couple of days im shocked not upset just numb, i continue to text her about us trying again and that its not to late, and she doesnt reply no im with someone else, its i dont know, i cant, not after everything, blah blah blah it wouldnt seem right...? then she starts asking me what im doing tonight and that she will let me know about her results tommorow

 

i go out get a bit drunk and send a few more messages, in the morning i bite the bullet and say ok f*k this i think this is for the best good luck at uni.

 

its been 10 days i havent contacted her since, but since i stopped contacting her shes been writing **** about me and sending abuse and trying to rub my face in everything by saying how awesome her new fella is and how happy she is? its been 3 weeks and within days they have slept with eachother have planned holidays and are telling each other they love each other, it makes me feel like ****, i cant sleep, eat, or concentrate on a thing other then her, i have alot of mates around and ive been out every night to keep my mind off stuff but its not helping.

they went to a party of a mutual friend of mine and everyone ignored them and she started crying and having a go at me for turning people against her and getting them involved, but thats thier own choice and opinion..

 

I want to try and move on but i cant even begin to think of looking for someone else because my head says f**k her, but my heart literally bleeds for her. how could someone so close to me do this? is it a rebound :/

i was so looking forward to visiting her at uni, i even took her around the damn place, he's since been threatening towards me, she's started turning bitchy and smoking, its completely out of characther, she has said things like, "you are a waste of space, glad you are out of my life", etc etc.

i have since removed twitter and blocked her FB although she keeps stalking me through friends trying to re-add me and turns up at my work, wtf is trying to do or proove its driving me nuts!!

 

i could of understood if she wanted a bit of time to do her own thing at uni, i started to accept that under the thought i could sit down with her at uni and try again, but now shes with him.. he's nothing like me, tattoed up, Biker lad, known for sleeping around and a arrogant ****, he's already texting his ex behind her back and some of the stuff he has said, i would never say about my gf, he's off buying her stuff and taking her to places and it makes me feel like i was a crap bf!

 

i know i got a bit laid back, and maybe took our love for granted, but i never ever raised my voice to her, hit her or, done anything to hurt her..

 

I just dont get it, and heres the worst bit, my own brothers GF knew and said nothing, my own cousin knew and said or did nothing about it, and they still friends with her... i just dont understand some peoples morales!

 

despite all this i just want her back, i want to hate her but i cant, i care about her still i dont know why, i want to sit down and talk to her in the future, surely all her feelings cant just dissapear like that? and how can you hate someone you loved? if anyone i should hate her...

 

I think thats everything, thanks in advance

Edited August 30, 2012 by heartbroken1357

[heartbroken1357]

Bump sorry for the format, please help me with this

[Mint Sauce]

Hi there,

 

Understandably you're heartbroken, but it sounds like you deserve much better than the context you're living in (your ex, but also some of the other people around you).

 

Know this: you are not the only one to be shocked by this kind of behaviour. For many of us, that is not ok.

 

For the long term: I'd say try to move to a part of society closer to your beliefs. You're still young.

 

Good luck.

[Tally123]

Hearbroken, I am really sorry for what you are going through. My heart goes out to you.

 

But this ex of yours really is "something else" and I dont mean that in a good way. How could she treat you like that? I dont get some people, I really dont. I dont see how you can finish a two year rship with someone at the drop of a hat when she starts "seeing" this guy. Do you think it maybe went on longer than she has told you?

 

She sounds like the most selfish, immature, snide person....basically, you sound like you deserve better. She obvioulsy has self asteem issues, as it sounds like she wanted you to walk around with your eyes closed and not even look in the direction of another female.

 

Its one thing what what she has done to you, but quite another to drag your name through the mud. Your only option here? Is to rise above it. I know it's easier said than done, but dont get into slagging matches with her, dont entertain anything whatsoever where she is concerned. People will realise what she is about sooner or later. The only ppl that matter are your friends and family and if they believe you and realise with an absolute tool this girl is then thats all that matters.

 

Dont contact her!!!! Let her new guy put up with all her insecurities, her rubbish! And how this guy could have called himself a "mate" - well who knows.

 

Sorry i cant be more help, but just to let you know that you are not alone, there are loads of ppl here to help if you want to vent etc and it will get better. You deserve so much better than her and this! remember that!!!

[heartbroken1357]

so many people have rallied around me during this and taken me out been there and supportive it is getting easier i just hate the ups and downs as i dont have the motivation to do much.

 

i dont believe it was going on beforehand i knew they text but didnt think nothing of it, for sure his intent was allways there, she reassured me nothing was going on but, i quess maybe she started having feelings for him, and ended it with me before she cheated and asked for space to test the water as such.

 

i just never saw this side to her, even after spending 2 years with her i just dont understand it, we have already had the huge slagging matches a couple of weeks ago, with both familes involved, although ive seen people come over worse.

 

funny thing is alot of my friends and even her friends have turned round and said we never liked her anyway it was only because you were with her etc..

 

she's a beautiful girl dont get me wrong, but every other side seems to be making up for that, i just hope they screw up as they are rushing everything, and im sure she cant just switch off her feelings.

 

while i was in touch with her, she was still emotional up and down, maybe thinking she had made the wrong decision, since ive cut ties shes suddenly all happy and being abusive to me, who know's they've already had several arguments so she'll soon realise the grass isnt greener, when he stops throwing his money at her and the honeymoon period ends, who knows, but im sure she cant really love him yet, unless shes falling hard, but if she does, then she's surely just an idiot!

 

i really hope karma does come round

[heartbroken1357]

so i just found out at the party her and her friends were saying she done nothing wrong

and that i treated her like ****, and controlled her and i finished with her on holiday, well thatsal news to me makes me angry, noone believes it, hardest temptation is to reply but im NC and think rising above it is best!

 

also i just found out he's got her initials tattooed on his neck, theyve been together

2 weeks, she thinks its amazing i dunno i would have alarm bells ringing myself!

[Joaquin]

Yeh know, you gotta get a better handle on this.

 

The girl is f..ing your "mate" and your still obsessing over her and what she is doing.

 

Tell whoever is feeding you the info that you don't wanna hear what **** she is up to.

 

I understand your hurting etc, but you need to stop involving yourself with a girl that is clearly messing with you for sport.

 

I met an ex's friend out last weekend. I didn't ask how the ex was, or anything. Why? I don't need to know who or what she is doing. It's OVER.

[heartbroken1357]

thankyou for your responses guy,s especially yours tally, hit in on a nail head!

[Sebastian76]

Agree on what is being said. You need to rise above her bulls... She is insanely insecure, selfish an immature, and there is nothing sweet or cute about that.

 

If it was me I'd be very p1ssed off and go 100% NC on her indefinately. Not ever speaking to her again or allow her to speak to me. The new thing will end soon for sure, and she will likely come crawling back for support, only to ditch you later on. Don't go down that alley mate. You will be in for another year or two of pain. And screw whatever BS she is putting out there. Nobody will believe her anyways and you shouldn't sink to her pathetic childish level.

 

F... her! The crazy drama queen is out of your life and you should be thankful.

 

And I would cut my brothers sister and that cousin of yours out of my life too (not in a drama way, but just keeping any contact with them at an absolute minimum). You don't need such people in your life. It is family for christ sakes, where the f... is their loyalty?

[heartbroken1357]

Dont i know sebastien, im coming to realisation now that ive had a lucky escape

I mean holy **** its like i never knew her, for the last month ive regretted

How i pushed her away and the way i chased her, but...

I think i may have done myself a favour by analyzing and realising

How much her true colours have come out and how selfish

And horrible she is, she has completely changed!! My head hates her

But i still miss her like mad deep down, i care for her and to her

This new romance is probably great but it's completely against

What she ever stood for, probably a phase, i hope it hits her hard

Because when she contacts me for reconcilation she is going

To be sorely dissapointed with the response she gets!!

 

As for my family members i have done exactly that disgusting!!

[Chi townD]

4 more days go by and she contacts me to tell me she is seeing "my mate" and tells me she didnt leave me for him, and shes sorry her feelings changed about a month ago before the holiday.. i didnt give her space and she was faking her feelings and got ahead of herself, she then continues to say and tell everyone that i treated her like **** and took her for a mug and came out with aload of crap to make herself to look better and justify her decision.

 

 

 

You hit the nail on the head. Deep down, she knows she did you wrong, but she has to convince herself that everything was entirely your fault to ease their own guilt. To demonize you to others so the can deflect blame of the demise of the relationship off themselves.

 

They didn't break up with you because of the OM....That's classic and straight out the the text book. It total bullsh*t because of what you saw at the party. Her coming to your work is a bit disturbing. What the hell did she want?

 

Well, you need to go completely dark on her. She's not your problem anymore, and from the sound of it, she was turning into a BIG problem. Start healing and moving on. Continue to travel. See the world! You meet some awesome people along the way, too!

 

The only problem I see, she will start being a problem when she discovers that you started dating again. She contact you, inquire with other people about the girl you're seeing. Just be aware that this might happen. Because....well, to put it bluntly, she's bat sh*t crazy.

[heartbroken1357]

oh i have gone completely dark, it's hard as hell! i dont know why i want to speak to her after all this, i quess part of me doesn't want to give up on that person she was, a month today exactly since i last messaged her, wishing her luck at uni and us parting ways was for the best, i should of been more blunt and called her a c**t tbh, a few arguments have arouse on twitter and FB since with friends of mine, some not even close, that have pointed out what a horrible person she is, and whats she's done is wrong, i didnt get involved in any of it, deleted her number, she deleted me off FB has tried to re-add me since a few times I've declined, she's asked to be friend's I've declined, she still add's me in rant's on Twitter, and iv'e been told she tweets about me saying, im a waste of space, and she's so proud of what shes got lol! it actually makes me laugh! iv'e not bitten to anything..

[Mike_d]

great job! it is hard as hell, crazy hard, really rough - but you did it! that's awesome. now, no biting at breadcrumbs, come post here instead k? k! nice job

[Chi townD]

oh i have gone completely dark, it's hard as hell! i dont know why i want to speak to her after all this, i quess part of me doesn't want to give up on that person she was, a month today exactly since i last messaged her, wishing her luck at uni and us parting ways was for the best, i should of been more blunt and called her a c**t tbh, a few arguments have arouse on twitter and FB since with friends of mine, some not even close, that have pointed out what a horrible person she is, and whats she's done is wrong, i didnt get involved in any of it, deleted her number, she deleted me off FB has tried to re-add me since a few times I've declined, she's asked to be friend's I've declined, she still add's me in rant's on Twitter, and iv'e been told she tweets about me saying, im a waste of space, and she's so proud of what shes got lol! it actually makes me laugh! iv'e not bitten to anything..

 

 

Wow! This chick is text book classic. She wants to draw you into a fight. So, she can ease her guilt saying, " See, this is why I dumped you. Now, I don't feel so bad for sleeping with this guy because your a complete asshat. You deserve it!" And it's pissing her off to no end that you aren't biting. She tells people that you're a waste of space and that you're a terrible person. But, people aren't believing her, because quite frankly, they don't see it in you. And you're not responding and it's backfiring on her. She's trying to demonize you, but with your silence, she's just demonizing herself.

 

You're winning a prize fight without even throwing a punch.