irc333 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I am usually pragmatic when it comes to relationships, but I think I'm coming to know the difference. I refer to it more as "clicking" than chemistry, but it could be one in the same. I "clicked" with this one woman at a POOL party. A lot of people there, a lot of friends. I was actually comparing her to another woman I was talking to....and I noticed an EXTREME difference in the flow of conversation. One woman, it was more of a forced conversation, she was reserved, pleasant, she did laugh, but it just seemed relatively formal/casual. Her body language was a bit stiff, sat matronly....but 'okay'. Another woman, same party, I get to talking to her...and she seemed to feel more comfortable in her own skin, very loose, joking around....and we were firing off zingers back and forth with jokes that we just "got" each other. Yes...I LOVE it when a woman "gets me"!!!! Most women, do not. It's like we were on the same wave length at all times. She said she had to get up and get a drink, and asked me if I would like one....I complied and she brought one back, and we had drinks together by the pool. Then....we continued our conversation at the jacuzzi. And she followed me there. I told a male friend this, and he said her bringing you a drink speaks VOLUMES! Then after talking a while there, about music, the 80's, 80's music, and 80's movies. Even the styles of that era. SHe said she was more of a 70's music fan though. Anyhow, she wanted to show me pictures of her pets at home, but she had to go to her car to do so, so we went to her car, and she got it out of her vehicle and she sat in the car, while she thumbed through the pictures and showed me her pets and other photos. After that.....we went back into the party, and there was a ping pong table, and asked me if I wanted to play...and we played a bit. No joke, this felt like some kind of Mini-date! LOL I mean, everything flowed easily with her. She said she had to go home to let her pets out, but she was still kinda hanging around me to talk....I said, "Well, you better get home to your pets....their eyeballs maybe floating. I don't want to keep you." I even said I had to be running as well. This definitely a unique experience compared to my other experiences with women lately. I got her phone # before I left, and contacted her this weekend about a Labor Day party if she'd like to go...and she agreed to it! And I'm looking forward to it. Anyhow, that being said, is that what is known as chemistry? When you simply jsut "get" each other and you're clicking? Nothing is forced, everything flows naturally, and it usually just feels nice, emotionally? 2
madjac74 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 That is exactly it, my man. When there are no awkward silences and you just find yourselves giggling together. But like Chemistry, that **** can blow up 3
Author irc333 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 That is exactly it, my man. When there are no awkward silences and you just find yourselves giggling together. But like Chemistry, that **** can blow up Right....I had a friend of me say, "Now, don't get yourself all wrapped up in this one, just play it cool."
Author irc333 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Good for you. That is the way dating should be. One meets a person and the chemistry is there, the conversation flows, and it takes off from there. This concept of OLD is completely different and it takes away all the fun. I will say it again. OLD is for people that have no friends or social skills. OLD also works for folks that are awkward about meeting men as women as you just did in the pool party. Have you ever discusses online dating with people face to face and got their opinions on it? You know what's really funny, my mom's name is the same first name as hers. LOL I didn't tell her that....yet.
Author irc333 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 I have heard many horror stories from friends. I have also seen success, but disappointment seems to be the rule. Depends if you're a half glass empty/half glass full kinda guy/gal.
Imajerk17 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Nice man!! Although I'd rather you do something one-on-one with her instead of a party. What can possibly happen at a party? You want to focus just on her.
Author irc333 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Nice man!! Although I'd rather you do something one-on-one with her instead of a party. What can possibly happen at a party? You want to focus just on her. I'm working my way to that, I'm trying a new method. Getting to know someone in a group setting, see what they're like , perhaps one more time, maybe after said party I'll ask her out one on one. This seems to be a common method some of my male friends have used, and it's been working out for them. That way you're gettingto know each other in a group setting,b efore you consider dating them or asking them out on a date. 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) The party is just the excuse to ask her out. It is much easier to ask someone out to a party than to a formal date. They can always leave the party and go somewhere else. I get that is what irc is trying to do, but often it backfires. If you have friends who will make you (irc) look good in front of the girl, it could work out great for you. Also, if the party turns out to be boring, then you look good in comparison, and yes, you can leave. But what if you go and some other dude moves in and connects with her? irc333: You spent all this time hanging out with her when you met her. She is definitely up to spending one-on-one time with you. Call her TONIGHT and tell her you have another idea instead. Edited August 30, 2012 by Imajerk17
grkBoy Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 GOOD FOR YOU IRC333!!!!!!!!! I think there is some chemistry. My only advice...go with the flow. Be a gentleman, but don't push for too much too quick. Be relaxed, have fun, let loose, and don't spend too much time worrying "where we stand". The Labor Day party should seal the deal in your head if she's only being friendly or if she would date you. If things go as well there as it did at the pool, then toss out going to a movie or dinner or something. I personally think things happened with my fiancee and I mainly because I didn't go into it trying hard to get her to like me and such. I lived as if she would flake on me at any moment. Strangely enough...this made her suddenly work to get my attention. Funny how that happens.
Silly_Girl Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Good for you. That is the way dating should be. One meets a person and the chemistry is there, the conversation flows, and it takes off from there. This concept of OLD is completely different and it takes away all the fun. I will say it again. OLD is for people that have no friends or social skills. OLD also works for folks that are awkward about meeting men as women as you just did in the pool party. You make me chuckle Pierre. Such a curmudgeon, you are! I went OLD because I live in a smallish town, work long hours, and most of my friends are coupled up and don't do much socialising at the moment as they have demanding jobs and young kids. OLD is merely an introduction service, it just puts you in touch with people that you'd otherwise have no chance of getting to know. I've made a couple of nice friends from OLD who weren't for me, but are great guys.
colombiana28 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I get that is what irc is trying to do, but often it backfires. If you have friends who will make you (irc) look good in front of the girl, it could work out great for you. Also, if the party turns out to be boring, then you look good in comparison, and yes, you can leave. But what if you go and some other dude moves in and connects with her? irc333: You spent all this time hanging out with her when you met her. She is definitely up to spending one-on-one time with you. Call her TONIGHT and tell her you have another idea instead. sorry, but i have to disagree. OP i think you're handling this perfectly. as a woman who is awkwardly asked out/hit on a few times a week, i think it would be AWESOME if i had great chemistry with a guy, and he decided to do a few group things before going on an official "date". doesn't mean i'm going to go out looking for other guys. I just appreciate it when a guy moves slow, is friendly, and gives me my SPACE--he just comes off as a much cooler guy. it's NOT MIND GAMES when you just want a guy who has his own stuff going on, *MIGHT* have other options...etc. we may not all say it but that's what we want. 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) Very interesting. That said, I wish all the women who disagreed with me would say how their last relationships *really* started. And not how they *think* they would like a relationship to start. Anyway irc, if you are taking her to this party, I hope you thought about whether the party is really a good one to take a first date, whether things are likely to work in your favor. I'm hoping that the party --has your friends who like you and will reassure her (through your interactions with them at the party) that you're indeed a cool guy --turns out to be some sort of adventure that brings the two of you closer together (maybe you play some sort of game and you partner up or something) --or even is so lame that bailing to do something else quickly is natural. See, my concern is that she will become bored or even that she will connect with someone else. If it's the typical meet-up event where everyone pretty much came by themselves, why bother. If it is a party that's like the one that the two of you met at, why bother. You already did that and went through that. Why do it again. It's a bit like when a guy meets a girl at a bar and for the next date he takes her to (!) the same bar, or almost as bad, a bar just like that. What is this guy thinking? That almost never turns out well for the guy, and if it does, it definitely would have if he had done something different. The guy just made life difficult for himself. Think of introducing this girl to a new experience with you. Edited August 30, 2012 by Imajerk17
crosswordfiend Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I don't mean to be too much of a downer here, but I'm a pretty chatty guy and have had many experiences like this that amounted to nothing - often because the woman in question was married or otherwise attached. What you are describing here sounds like a good "connection" that without any sexual tension can quickly earn you a one-way ticket to the friend-zone. That said, I'm pulling for you dude...
Author irc333 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 But what if you go and some other dude moves in and connects with her? If that happens, then I'd just chalk it up as "It wasn't meant to be." It can probably be a true test if it is meant to be or not. Plus what made it different with me and her at the first party, was the fact that she initiated some thing as well, it didn't seem I had to cater to her all the time. She brought ME drink. Which is funny, because it's usually the MAN that offers a woman a drink. The experience did not at all feel one-sided. Plus , there will be Volleyball at the party. She's kind of into a certain interest that she likes, and at that party I might suggest we do something that she has interest in, but do it together. My male friend tends to get to know women a few times at group outings because he wants to find it out first if this is the kind of woman he'd even ASK OUT on a date. If by the 2nd get together, she acts like a drunk fool or does something caustic, at least he'll know not to ask her out. Usually you can find out MORE about people at group events, than a straight out date. 1
grkBoy Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 If that happens, then I'd just chalk it up as "It wasn't meant to be." It can probably be a true test if it is meant to be or not. Good attitude. I wish more men would do the same. For all the men who complain that "women have all the power in dating", here's one way to take back the power - don't become a drooling desperate dog. I wish you luck. 1
Author irc333 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 Good attitude. I wish more men would do the same. For all the men who complain that "women have all the power in dating", here's one way to take back the power - don't become a drooling desperate dog. I wish you luck. Thanks man! Here have some OIKOS!
Imajerk17 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) I don't get the responses on this thread. You all really think a party is a good first date? Especially after the girl made it pretty clear she wanted to be alone with irc? That's nuts. irc333: Do you even play volleyball? Are you good? Things don't happen due to them "meant to be". Things don't happen due to you having "a good attitude". Things happen because you make them happen. Or at least, because you do your part for things to happen. Anyway, you currently are setting yourself up for a one-way ticket to the Friend-Zone at best. You already did the party thing last time. Time to do something different! Edited August 31, 2012 by Imajerk17
GirlontheLam Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I don't get the responses on this thread. You all really think a party is a good first date? Especially after the girl made it pretty clear she wanted to be alone with irc? That's nuts. irc333: Do you even play volleyball? Are you good? Things don't happen due to them "meant to be". Things don't happen due to you having "a good attitude". Things happen because you make them happen. Or at least, because you do your part for things to happen. Anyway, you currently are setting yourself up for a one-way ticket to the Friend-Zone at best. You already did the party thing last time. Time to do something different! Yeah I don't really like the whole "group date" thing either. Especially where one person is in their "comfort zone" with their own social circle, and the other one is a stranger to the group. It can be nerve racking, or lead to people not putting their most genuine foot forward. It is a good date if you travel in the same circles, but not great for getting to know each other. I think the one on one time is good early on so you can test out your chemistry. To see if it is friend chemistry, sexual chemistry, all of the above and none of the above.
Author irc333 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 irc333: Do you even play volleyball? Are you good? I don't get your point here, I can hold my own, it's casual volleyball at someone's BBQ. LOL. I played pool volleyball when I was at that last party. It's not the World Championship Volleyball Backyard V-ball. Lighten up dude.
Author irc333 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 Things don't happen due to you having "a good attitude". Things happen because you make them happen. Or at least, because you do your part for things to happen. Anyway, you currently are setting yourself up for a one-way ticket to the Friend-Zone at best. Well, I'm trying something different, the way you guys described it has never worked, so I'm trying another method. Besides, people have met, dated, and even got married by these group outings.
It's Just Me Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Congrats, and have fun! When you really like someone, it doesn't matter what you choose to do or where to go. It's all about the company.
Imajerk17 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Well anyway, I hope it works out for you and you have a good time!
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