Jump to content

A little more than 2 wks after breakup she's hanging out with another guy

fray5

By fray5
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

  • Author
fray5 Established Member

fray5

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
I won't go into detail but I had a similar situation. The way I look at it now, the guy she is with now has to deal with all of her crap, and believe me, it was a load. I am happy he is the one that has to deal with it, not me.

 

Fray, one thing from your original post is that you said she was basically being an a**hole to you on purpose and then judging you negatively because you were nice to her in return. Look at it like this, if you were still with her 5 years from now she would still be playing that game. You'd have spent 5 years with someone that purposely acted like an a**hole toward you to see if you would fight with her. So in a word, if you liked knock-down, drag-out, fights all the time, she would have stayed. Fun!

 

One day you'd get your fill and see that all the things that made you want to be with her would annoy the hell out of you. Think of someone that just rubs you the wrong way, they are not attractive to you and things they do ALL annoy you whether justified or not. Years of resentment would add up and if you were still together, one day you would wake up and realize you just wanted her to go away. you'd feel embarrased to be with someone you no longer found attractive.

 

You dodged a bullet.

 

Could you explain more of what happened with your ex? What the heck is it that make women of this sort like this? I wonder if our exes will do the same thing with their current bf.

 

Man, your words really help A LOT to read; to know you were in a similar situation. There were so many times she rubbed me the wrong way and I brushed it off because I didn't want any drama... just things from her past and some of the things she said. While she was extremely physically attractive, I'm sure if I was with her 5 years down the road, I'd be an extremely unhappy person. My whole family told me I'd end up miserable if I got stuck with her. They actually said the same exact thing you did- "You dodged a bullet".

Edited by fray5
MW93i Member

MW93i

Posted
Posted (edited)
Pal, there isn't any shame in sitting up at 3am crying. There for the first couple weeks, I would just feel like randomly crying most of the day. Hell, just sitting at work, I'd all of a sudden get tears in my eyes. This is just the grieving process, and I'm still going through it 3 wks later but it has gotten better. And here's another thing that makes it harder- you're doing all of this crying and moping around while she's just fine and happy (or at least she thinks she is). Here's the deal... when you have to cry let it out, when you want to scream, scream as loud as you can. You'll get your normal sleeping habits back with time. Mine are much better but I still have trouble when I want to nap in the middle of the day. Keep in mind that tons of others are going through what you and I are right now too. You can PM me anytime you want! Talking is one of the best things you can do right now.

 

I just have a horrible sense she doesn't feel nearly as upset as I am. She told me she hadn't loved me for a while but stayed with my to not hurt me, she also told me how she stayed awake at 3am with her mother crying. I think her grieving is over and mine has just begun. I still need to get a few things off her, we talked this morning she seemed upset when I told her I need to stop contacting her so I told her to just contact me when I can get my things. Currently the thought of her seeing another guy/having sex sickens me.

 

Thank you for the opportunity to PM you, I'm sure I will take you up on it too. You help :D

 

 

I would just like to say as well, my family re-acted the same, they told me how they didnt like her at times 'Her face was up her backside' and it was. Most of the time, In a way I am glad the relationship ended there was far too much drama and arguments involved. We are also both going different directions in life. I just dont want anyone to have her and the good memorys are only appearing right now.

Edited by MW93i
rejected_lost Member

rejected_lost

Posted
Posted

you see bro... there are girls and then there are bitches... I'm afraid the one you fell for is a bitch. From the way you've described things, it's evident that she's now happy cause she has found a new arm candy while you've not... and that she was not serious about you like you were and that no matter what you do, she won't come back. You're right that you shouldn't have asked her so many personal questions but now that you have, atleast you know where you stand.

 

You have 2 ways of dealing with another low blow down your self-esteem... the first one would be to keep hurting and cursing yourself by wallowing in self pity and thinking too much over it...the second way is to stand up and tell yourself in no uncertain terms to stop thinking about someone who doesn't give a **** about you anymore... and be a man and convince yourself that you're more than what a bitch makes you feel... I know it hurts and it's natural to feel the pain of knowing someone who is so dear to you going out with someone else... and believe me I have been through this ****... but for your own good I would strongly advice to stay strong and take a bold stand... that to not give so much importance to someone who hurt you so much... I know inspite of keeping yourself strong for most of the day, there will come a time when nothing will stop you from feeling sad... that is the time when you can cry, whine and do whatever you want to feel lighter... but always remember while you're doing that, DO NOT CONTACT HER!!!

 

So what this will do is you keep doing your stuff for most of the day and when that time comes you can let your emotions flow... don't let it last for very long though... I'm sure everything will be normal again :)

ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

Posted
Posted
Could you explain more of what happened with your ex? What the heck is it that make women of this sort like this? I wonder if our exes will do the same thing with their current bf.

 

Man, your words really help A LOT to read; to know you were in a similar situation. There were so many times she rubbed me the wrong way and I brushed it off because I didn't want any drama... just things from her past and some of the things she said. While she was extremely physically attractive, I'm sure if I was with her 5 years down the road, I'd be an extremely unhappy person. My whole family told me I'd end up miserable if I got stuck with her. They actually said the same exact thing you did- "You dodged a bullet".

 

Well we got engaged and moved in together and as soon as we did, everything I did she had a problem with. I did everything I could but she would not put forth any effort.

 

I paid for everything and took on her kids, bought her a car, bought her a phone, paid legal fees from because of her "abusive" ex, and she ignored me, talked bad about to me mutual friends, neighbors, people I didn't know but met later and told me lots of fun things she said... every chance she had...all the while made it seem like i was the source of all the problems.

 

All along she would hide texts and phone calls from her ex, 30-40 per day, and said i was a crazy a**hole to think anything was behind it because they had a kid together. Until the day she moved out she said there was nothing going on between her and her supposedly abusive ex and i was wrong to even think that...then a week later they were engaged.

 

I didn't want to hate her but when i found out after she left that she was engaged again I just realized what a hell my life could have been. I used to think she had good qualities, somewhere was a decent person, bla,bla,bla...had I not pushed for it to end i am sure she would be living free off me today and sleeping with her ex.

 

The very best part is a few weeks after she left she really needed a check that was sent to me and called and texted multiple times and was shocked I never answered. :confused:

 

When you look back and realize what you lost, before long I guarantee you will realize you gained twice as much. Don't hate her, she's not worth your energy. When you look back without the relationship goggles on, you'll realize she didn't bring much to the table and never would.

  • Author
fray5 Established Member

fray5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I just have a horrible sense she doesn't feel nearly as upset as I am. She told me she hadn't loved me for a while but stayed with my to not hurt me, she also told me how she stayed awake at 3am with her mother crying. I think her grieving is over and mine has just begun. I still need to get a few things off her, we talked this morning she seemed upset when I told her I need to stop contacting her so I told her to just contact me when I can get my things. Currently the thought of her seeing another guy/having sex sickens me.

 

Thank you for the opportunity to PM you, I'm sure I will take you up on it too. You help :D

 

 

I would just like to say as well, my family re-acted the same, they told me how they didnt like her at times 'Her face was up her backside' and it was. Most of the time, In a way I am glad the relationship ended there was far too much drama and arguments involved. We are also both going different directions in life. I just dont want anyone to have her and the good memorys are only appearing right now.

 

 

Hey man, what's the update on your situation? Sorry I've been MIA, had a lot of stuff going on. Hunting season is almost here too so I've pretty much been living in the woods :D haha.

 

It sounds like you're much better off with this girl out of your life. Sounds similar to my ex in a lot of ways. I think you'll start feeling relieved after a month or so. Anyways, give me the update! Hope you're doing well!

  • Author
fray5 Established Member

fray5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Well we got engaged and moved in together and as soon as we did, everything I did she had a problem with. I did everything I could but she would not put forth any effort.

 

I paid for everything and took on her kids, bought her a car, bought her a phone, paid legal fees from because of her "abusive" ex, and she ignored me, talked bad about to me mutual friends, neighbors, people I didn't know but met later and told me lots of fun things she said... every chance she had...all the while made it seem like i was the source of all the problems.

 

All along she would hide texts and phone calls from her ex, 30-40 per day, and said i was a crazy a**hole to think anything was behind it because they had a kid together. Until the day she moved out she said there was nothing going on between her and her supposedly abusive ex and i was wrong to even think that...then a week later they were engaged.

 

I didn't want to hate her but when i found out after she left that she was engaged again I just realized what a hell my life could have been. I used to think she had good qualities, somewhere was a decent person, bla,bla,bla...had I not pushed for it to end i am sure she would be living free off me today and sleeping with her ex.

 

The very best part is a few weeks after she left she really needed a check that was sent to me and called and texted multiple times and was shocked I never answered. :confused:

 

When you look back and realize what you lost, before long I guarantee you will realize you gained twice as much. Don't hate her, she's not worth your energy. When you look back without the relationship goggles on, you'll realize she didn't bring much to the table and never would.

 

Man, reading this helped more than you could know. You're situation sounds like it was even worse than mine with all the other factors such as the kids and then her getting married. I bet you're wayyyy happy to be out of that. How long ago was all of this and about how long did it take you to start moving on to where you could be with other girls?

 

You're absolutely right that I have a whole lot more to gain now. It's been about a month now since the breakup, and I find myself thinking about her less and less. It's crazy but she took me out of being myself so much. It's like it took so much energy trying to put up with her, I neglected my own needs. This is where I went wrong- I should've just gotten rid of her bc anyone that makes you feel like less of a person or who you are has got to go. It's so nice to be able to sit here a little more clear-minded and reflect on things with a better degree of accuracy. This is gonna sound kind of silly, but I talked to her on the phone. I got super paranoid I might've had an std from her or something so I had to make sure she didn't have anything (for some reason, the thought that she might've given me something overwhelmed my mind). She said she didn't have anything, blah blah blah. I told her "ok, good, I just wanted to make sure. I hope you're doing well" and as I was about to say bye she said "thanks for deleting me from facebook". I replied back "uhhh, you're welcome?" haha she then told me how immature it was and i told her I wasn't arguing with her and it was nothing personal then got off the phone. Being able to hear her from the perspective of being without her for about a month let me hear her in true form. What I mean is that she sounded like such a condescending, snobby b****. My sister always told me she thought she seemed this way and she was right all along. I got off the phone and started to kinda laugh about the fact that she was still trying to cause an argument or poke at me in some way. I'm also starting to have those thoughts you mentioned about being glad she's another guy's problem now.

 

The only trouble I'm facing now is that of being hard on myself. I'm disappointed I stayed with someone like her for so long as I was lowering my standards big-time. I should've left her in the dust a long time ago, but I'll try to look at this as a good learning lesson. Also, I think my hair has started to thin through all of this with her haha! Hopefully girls don't mind bald guys or maybe it'll grow back without the stress of being in a relationship with such a mean girl.

  • Author
fray5 Established Member

fray5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
you see bro... there are girls and then there are bitches... I'm afraid the one you fell for is a bitch. From the way you've described things, it's evident that she's now happy cause she has found a new arm candy while you've not... and that she was not serious about you like you were and that no matter what you do, she won't come back. You're right that you shouldn't have asked her so many personal questions but now that you have, atleast you know where you stand.

 

You have 2 ways of dealing with another low blow down your self-esteem... the first one would be to keep hurting and cursing yourself by wallowing in self pity and thinking too much over it...the second way is to stand up and tell yourself in no uncertain terms to stop thinking about someone who doesn't give a **** about you anymore... and be a man and convince yourself that you're more than what a bitch makes you feel... I know it hurts and it's natural to feel the pain of knowing someone who is so dear to you going out with someone else... and believe me I have been through this ****... but for your own good I would strongly advice to stay strong and take a bold stand... that to not give so much importance to someone who hurt you so much... I know inspite of keeping yourself strong for most of the day, there will come a time when nothing will stop you from feeling sad... that is the time when you can cry, whine and do whatever you want to feel lighter... but always remember while you're doing that, DO NOT CONTACT HER!!!

 

So what this will do is you keep doing your stuff for most of the day and when that time comes you can let your emotions flow... don't let it last for very long though... I'm sure everything will be normal again :)

 

 

Thanks for your post man. It's crazy how much a girl can bring you down, and this whole situation has made me see that. However, it's my fault for letting it happen. I finally feel like I'm getting to the point where I can "be a man" about the whole thing. Now, looking back at how emotional and messed up I was after the breakup, I'm pretty pissed that someone could make me get that way. I hate it that I have bad feelings towards her right now, but I just feel that someone like her isn't worth a second more of my time. These harsh feelings are starting to subside and I've started saying things like I wish her the best. It's nice to be moving to that bc it shows I don't really care at all anymore. I haven't cried about the whole thing for a while now too. Anytime a thought of her does come to mind, I actually feel a sigh of relief. I see a lot of things I did wrong in the relationship as far as giving too much, but as mickleb has said before "the giver is stronger than the taker" is totally true. This girl has some issues within herself, and I'm glad I'm not the one that has to suffer with her anymore!

mickleb Established Member

mickleb

Posted
Posted

Hi fray. Really good to hear how much stronger you sound. :)

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...