schoolmate Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Is it odd that my H wont add me as his friend on facebook...have asked him many times but he always comes up with some reason like 'I dont really use it as much', or 'whats the point---what will that prove to you etc etc'. Does this seem normal --- I would like to have him as my FB friend as most other couples I know. but he just wont....what do you think is going on here and is there a way I can get him to add me! :confused::confused:
NotCamelot Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Be very suspicious. There has to be a reason. Even if he does not user FB, or use it much, why not accept ther request.......hmmm....suspicious. I really hope it's nothing. 5
mercy Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Is it odd that my H wont add me as his friend on facebook...have asked him many times but he always comes up with some reason like 'I dont really use it as much', or 'whats the point---what will that prove to you etc etc'. Does this seem normal --- I would like to have him as my FB friend as most other couples I know. but he just wont....what do you think is going on here and is there a way I can get him to add me! :confused::confused: It's more than odd. It's a social network, right? Who more than your wife should you be 'social' with? When you have something to hide, you hide. 5
the ill-made knight Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I'm sorry, but there is almost definitely something going on here that he doesn't want you to know about. Have you tried getting one of your friends to try and add him to see what he's up to or even create a fake profile yourself and see what he's up to? I discourage all sneaking around and lying, but it's obvious your husband isn't going to tell you the truth here.
TigerCub Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Yeah it seems pretty fishy. You can test it: Create a fake profile with a hot girl's pic, have her request to be friends. If accepts (not knowing who she is, and just because she's hot) that will tell you something - but anyways, by then you're in and you can see what's on his FB. **obviously don't do it RIGHT now, because he might get suspicious, maybe, so do it in a few weeks and be sure not to mention wanting to be fb friends with him till then. **oooh, I just got beat to the brilliant idea. Good thinking the-ill-made-knight 2
Minnie09 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 That's a weird idea to create a fake profile. Why would he friend someone he doesn't even know? That won't work. If he does that, then he is really ****ed up in his head. Jesus. Teenagers do that. Maybe I give him too much credit..... Not that I'm condoning illegal activities, but I would just try to hack his account. This way, you can see who he's chatting with and messaging with. I'm sure he's got something to hide, though. You'll find a ton.
losingmyground Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 This would be a huge red flag for me now. My husband EA started on facebook. Find someone to friend him on facebook and then take look. It could be totally innocent, but now that I am a little jaded I would be worried.
jwi71 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Is it odd that my H wont add me as his friend on facebook...have asked him many times but he always comes up with some reason like 'I dont really use it as much', or 'whats the point---what will that prove to you etc etc'. Does this seem normal --- I would like to have him as my FB friend as most other couples I know. but he just wont....what do you think is going on here and is there a way I can get him to add me! :confused::confused: If it hasn't been an issue for X number of years why is it one now? Is this your attempt to reconnect after your affair? If so, I would suggest forgetting online interactions and attempt activities IRL. Would there be any evidence of your MM in your FB?
TigerCub Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 That's a weird idea to create a fake profile. Why would he friend someone he doesn't even know? That won't work. If he does that, then he is really ****ed up in his head. Jesus. Teenagers do that. Maybe I give him too much credit..... Not that I'm condoning illegal activities, but I would just try to hack his account. This way, you can see who he's chatting with and messaging with. I'm sure he's got something to hide, though. You'll find a ton. I don't have a FB account, but some of my friends say they get friend requests from guys they don't even know at all, and I'm guessing its just because they look hot in their pictures. So if someone is just interested in that - they would still friend someone they don't know as long as they are attracted to them.
Author schoolmate Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 If it hasn't been an issue for X number of years why is it one now? Is this your attempt to reconnect after your affair? If so, I would suggest forgetting online interactions and attempt activities IRL. Would there be any evidence of your MM in your FB? No, TBH this is not my attemt to reconnect after my so called EA! I have been asking my H to accept my friend request on FB for a very long time - its one of those things that add upto his having little emotional connection with me. And again, no you wouldnt really find anything about the MM on my FB - I unfriended him after he initially told me that his wife might have a problem with us being in touch. Post that we only chatted on another site. Dont you smell something fishy - and my H not giving emotional attention to me just makes me think somethings not right!
GorillaTheater Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 No, TBH this is not my attemt to reconnect after my so called EA! I have been asking my H to accept my friend request on FB for a very long time - its one of those things that add upto his having little emotional connection with me. And again, no you wouldnt really find anything about the MM on my FB - I unfriended him after he initially told me that his wife might have a problem with us being in touch. Post that we only chatted on another site. Dont you smell something fishy - and my H not giving emotional attention to me just makes me think somethings not right! Is he aware of your EA, or suspects it may have happened? He may be in the process of disconnecting entirely from you. It would likely be my reaction as I was figuring out what I wanted to do.
Author schoolmate Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Is he aware of your EA, or suspects it may have happened? He may be in the process of disconnecting entirely from you. It would likely be my reaction as I was figuring out what I wanted to do. No he doesnt know,,,,now I dont want to start a debate on the fact that I am in denial but it wasnt even a proper EA. And his emotional indifference towards me started many years before I even bumped into this OM. Does that make you look at it differently!
MissBee Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Is it odd that my H wont add me as his friend on facebook...have asked him many times but he always comes up with some reason like 'I dont really use it as much', or 'whats the point---what will that prove to you etc etc'. Does this seem normal --- I would like to have him as my FB friend as most other couples I know. but he just wont....what do you think is going on here and is there a way I can get him to add me! :confused::confused: Yes that is very strange...if it's "no big deal" then why wouldn't he add you? For transparency sake, if I were married, I'd add my husband and tag him as my husband so that it is clear to all looking or thinking of fishing around. Social media is a new terrain that affects all kinds of relationships and I think couples should have their own policies about how they will conduct their social media lives. For me, transparency would be the order of the day and my husband would definitely be my friend and be able to see everything. If my husband was defensive about his page and didn't add me as a friend, that would be a HUGE HUGE HUGE red flag! His behavior is suspicious IMO. I don't think your focus should be on "getting him to add you" but on communicating with him about why it is disconcerting for you and how you can rectify that. Because even if you get him to add you...so what? It doesn't change the way he was acting and why, and IF he is doing suspicious things or using FB for less than noble reasons, him adding you just means he's decided to hide those things so you can shut up and not that he actually has now become truthful and transparent.
GorillaTheater Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 No he doesnt know,,,,now I dont want to start a debate on the fact that I am in denial but it wasnt even a proper EA. And his emotional indifference towards me started many years before I even bumped into this OM. Does that make you look at it differently! Trust me when I say I had no preconceived notions, just throwing out something that occurred to me. Yeah, generally-speaking, I agree with the other posters. Although I visit FB about once a month, if that, the fact that he won't "friend" you should be very troubling. Any way to get his password? There's always a keylogger, if all else fails, but you probably want to have a look as to what he's up to on FB.
pink_sugar Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Yeah, I agree. I'd definitely be wary if my H didn't want to add me as a facebook friend. What's the big deal? He's taking more time to make excuses than adding you.
GorillaTheater Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Trust me when I say I had no preconceived notions, just throwing out something that occurred to me. Though I will say that if you want honesty from your husband, you should extend that same courtesy to him. 1
jwi71 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Though I will say that if you want honesty from your husband, you should extend that same courtesy to him. This is where I was going. Does it seem fishy to me about his not adding you as friend? I guess. I'm not on FB so I know nothing about it aside the fact I find utterly superferulous. There are real communication issues here. You would both benefit from MC because this whole FB stuff is simply distraction. You aren't reconnecting because you are still enmeshed, maybe recovering, from your A. And his not allowing you as A FB is maybe suspicious, maybe it's not. We can't rule out projection from you either. My advice is MC. Learn to communicate and be honest. Maybe then your M will improve. Otherwise, honestly, you really don't have much complaint about his online activities given yours.
Later82012 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Maybe he doesn't want to see you and other men flirt with each other? Maybe he doesn't want you to keep an eye on him?
Miss Olivia Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Considering lawyers are getting richer and richer due to divorce caused by Facebook "reconnections," I'd be highly suspicious.
RiverRunning Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I would definitely be wary. However, maybe for him that's his private little area on the Internet (how many of your significant others a.) know that you post here and b.) know your username?). Still, he has to know that for many people, Facebook is a place where you commonly 'friend' your significant others. Is he friends with any others that you know, OP, or are they also shut out of that area? I agree - make a fake profile and test him. Wait it out, don't bring up the Facebook issue for maybe a week. Then, make a profile and start testing away.
JamesM Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I would be concerned too. It is weird because if he wanted to have an affair, then he could do it while you are a friend too. Or he could have a separate profile. The fact that he doesn't can indicate he is hiding something or simply that he wants to keep some part of his life private so that he can. It is hard to say if he is having an affair or flirting with women, but since he travels alot and definitely has another life besides when you are with him, then you have a right to be concerned. My wife and I are friends and anyone who connects to me or her will see the other's profile and can click on it. She can see all of my friends and anything they post. And I can hers. As I said on your other thread, if I wasn't her friend, then she would be very concerned and angry. Besides, it goes both ways.
yessy21 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Oh man. My ex used to do that and it was cause he didnt want girls to know that we were together.... he cheated on me with so many that i lost count... and i didnt find out until after Ha. you should worry. thats a huge RED FLAG.
Ninja'sHusband Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 It was by searching through my wife's FB messages that I discovered her affair was actually 4 months and not just 1 night. Every chat you have is logged and saved.
g450 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 My wife and I are friends and anyone who connects to me or her will see the other's profile and can click on it. She can see all of my friends and anything they post. And I can hers. As I said on your other thread, if I wasn't her friend, then she would be very concerned and angry. Besides, it goes both ways. That's true James but you cant see each others private email so just because you and I can see our wives FB postings doesnt mean we can read what was sent to them privately. I think its ironic that my own Wife asked me to delete all single females off my FB page before we got married and now she has something like 90 people on hers with tons of single guys. I try not to let that bother me but it is kind of hypocritical. Anyway, sorry for the thread hijack.
g450 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 It was by searching through my wife's FB messages that I discovered her affair was actually 4 months and not just 1 night. Every chat you have is logged and saved. Logged and saved? I dont see an option for that in FB. Is it hidden?
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