Hobbit Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Ive been writing down a lot of feelings / emotions / reasons behind my split and Ive come to understand that Im not the victim. In fact Im probably as much to blame in the BU as she is. The problem is I want to address these with her, but I dont know if she'd think in her mind that Im still trying to fix the old relationship. All I want to do get everything out in the air because a) we never spoke honestly (we actually never argued, which Ive read is a bad thing) and b) I think it would help me to move on. Has anyone done a lets be "honest with ourselves" conversation with the ex, or is it best that I just keep these things to myself?
kindest Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 If I could I would. Like you, we never had a big fight, we had arguments, sure but they were more like discussions. The bad thing was we never dealt with them. I think the main reason why I am having such a hard time moving on is because I was told by my ex that I had no fault. I am sure I had faults, but he was never upfront about them. But we're on NC and I know that I have to stick to this. I feel a pain in my heart at even just the sight of his name so I still don't think we should talk.
Author Hobbit Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Im on LC because we have kids. I tried to have this conversation on Tues but I dont think she's ready so I didnt push (she still quiet when I try and speak about our relationship). I suggested that when she is ready to talk, months ahead perhaps, to come for a quiet coffee with me. She agreed which I s'pose is a start She still wants to be friends with me, which I too would be quite happy with further down the line (I cant at the mo because I still want more), but I feel in order for this to happen she has to gain my trust again (she dumped me, ILYB... syndrome). Perhaps Im trying to do things too quickly?
todreaminblue Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Ive been writing down a lot of feelings / emotions / reasons behind my split and Ive come to understand that Im not the victim. In fact Im probably as much to blame in the BU as she is. The problem is I want to address these with her, but I dont know if she'd think in her mind that Im still trying to fix the old relationship. All I want to do get everything out in the air because a) we never spoke honestly (we actually never argued, which Ive read is a bad thing) and b) I think it would help me to move on. Has anyone done a lets be "honest with ourselves" conversation with the ex, or is it best that I just keep these things to myself? I had a final talk with my ex we argued quite frequently but never rowdy if he was drunk i learnt not to approach....he has grown up over the years is a commitment phobe though and a cheat he is in another relationship but he isnt happy in it financially yes responsibility wise yes but he still wants contact with me......he is not satisified in an intimate way....i used to write him letters little things i would do make him miss me i think so i had to end it as i am in love with someone else i could have left it open but i am not liek that so i closed it with a tying up loose ends convo....i even told him that he would really like the guy i am interested in which he would he said he was glad i was happy, but has been a bit strange with me lately.....i really cant worry about that got more important things on my mind ......have your last convo and move on....its for the best..for both of you...deb
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