I got played :/

[xra]

The guys here are being very nice to you but I'll probably come across less kind. As Andy_K has hinted, you didn't get to know him at all. You fell for the smooth talk, his saying what you wanted to hear, feeding your ego, etc. I bet anything in the world that you made no effort to find out who he is and what he wants long term. Even just asking those questions Andy_K listed would have helped you to 'catch him out' because most people that try to play you are terrible liars. It's hard to be consistent with a person who asks the right questions and watches reactions.

 

You got played because you weren't smart enough girl. If you view sex as 'giving in' or 'giving it up' then you have to make sure you get cleverer at working out who the man is rather than just allow him to ply you with expensive drinks and smooth talk.

 

So, how long was his last relationships and why did it end? How long has he been single for? Where does he want to be in 5 or 10 years time? What kind of things does he want in a partner besides looks? What things can't he stand?

 

 

I realize this is a logical assumption to make from reading my opening post...However, you are wrong in this case. I asked all those questions to find out who he is and what he is looking for, and many more. The main reason I felt such a strong connection with him is exactly because I felt that we has being really open and genuine with me.

 

His last relationship was 8 months and it ended when he moved to my state (the girl broke it off). He has been single for a month, and claims to be ultimately looking for "Mrs. Right for Him". He is very active and wants a girl who's smart, confident, adventurous, and has mutual interests with him - which include rock climbing, traveling, wine, horseback riding, etc. We share most of these hobbies and also happen to work in very similar, high-risk career fields. He told me a lot about his family life and past relationships, and it turned out that we also have similar upbringings.

 

The thing is - I really don't go for guys who just try to do the whole 'wine and dine' routine. The main thing that attracts me someone is connecting on an intellectual and emotional level. Compliments are nice and good looks are a plus, but that's really not what is important to me. That's the problem with him - he simply must be is an incredibly refined and talented liar. In fact, gaining people's trust and infiltrating their defenses is a major part of his job description (another huge red flag, I know).

[Emilia]

I realize this is a logical assumption to make from reading my opening post...However, you are wrong in this case. I asked all those questions to find out who he is and what he is looking for, and many more. The main reason I felt such a strong connection with him is exactly because I felt that we has being really open and genuine with me.

 

His last relationship was 8 months and it ended when he moved to my state (the girl broke it off). He has been single for a month, and claims to be ultimately looking for "Mrs. Right for Him". He is very active and wants a girl who's smart, confident, adventurous, and has mutual interests with him - which include rock climbing, traveling, wine, horseback riding, etc. We share most of these hobbies and also happen to work in very similar, high-risk career fields. He told me a lot about his family life and past relationships, and it turned out that we also have similar upbringings.

 

The thing is - I really don't go for guys who just try to do the whole 'wine and dine' routine. The main thing that attracts me someone is connecting on an intellectual and emotional level. Compliments are nice and good looks are a plus, but that's really not what is important to me. That's the problem with him - he simply must be is an incredibly refined and talented liar. In fact, gaining people's trust and infiltrating their defenses is a major part of his job description (another huge red flag, I know).

 

That's much better, guess we did assume a lot

 

I suppose I'm usually on my guard when someone has been single for only a month - although the only time I had to deal with that the person had been in a 3 year relationship so it was obvious that it was too soon for him. This guy dated that girl for 8 months, he is looking for Ms Right.... It does sound like he is a candidate for shopping around.

 

Not everyone can be found out though, fair enough. Good liars like him are very rare though.

[xra]

My advice would be: keep things casual, to not get too involved even if it is a lot of fun throwing it all in because " it is fun to go fast with a guy who gives you butterflies, why not". No. Make them show time after time, that they ARE into you.

 

So the only way to avoid getting played is basically...always playing hard to get??

 

Pretty sad world we live in, isn't it. I want to believe that if I feel mutual chemistry and interest with a guy, I can open up to him and let my walls down... But that's apparently 'being not smart enough' and just asking to get burned. I'm getting weary of this game. So should I avoid good-looking, smooth, and confident guys altogether?? Or maybe just stay indefinitely celibate, huh.

 

I just came across the perfect quote in this pick-up artist book "The Game":

 

"Women actually like sex as much as--if not more than--men; they just don't want to be pressured, lied to, or made to feel like a slut."

[RedRobin]

Pretty sad world we live in, isn't it. I want to believe that if I feel mutual chemistry and interest with a guy, I can open up to him and let my walls down... But that's apparently 'being not smart enough' and just asking to get burned.

 

Yep, that is what it means, unfortunately.

 

Why would you let your walls down with a complete stranger?

 

I'm getting weary of this game.

 

Join the club.

 

So should I avoid good-looking, smooth, and confident guys altogether??

 

No, just get better at sussing out someone's character. It takes longer than 4 dates.

 

If you have sex with a near stranger you met online, these are the risks.

 

Or maybe just stay indefinitely celibate, huh.

 

Depends. If you want a relationship, you will have to do what it takes to get one...

 

a) that means holding off on sex until you get to know the guy...

 

Or

 

b) being ok with multi-dating and 'players'...

 

I pick a)

 

I just came across the perfect quote in this pick-up artist book "The Game":

 

"Women actually like sex as much as--if not more than--men; they just don't want to be pressured, lied to, or made to feel like a slut."

 

He didn't do any of those, did he? Pressure, lie, or make you feel like a slut?

[Radu]

The thing is - I really don't go for guys who just try to do the whole 'wine and dine' routine. The main thing that attracts me someone is connecting on an intellectual and emotional level. Compliments are nice and good looks are a plus, but that's really not what is important to me. That's the problem with him - he simply must be is an incredibly refined and talented liar. In fact, gaining people's trust and infiltrating their defenses is a major part of his job description (another huge red flag, I know).

 

 

What was his job ?

 

PS: The best lies are the ones you can believe yourself, or that are at least half-lies.

[It's Just Me]

Pretty sad world we live in, isn't it. I want to believe that if I feel mutual chemistry and interest with a guy, I can open up to him and let my walls down... But that's apparently 'being not smart enough' and just asking to get burned. I'm getting weary of this game. So should I avoid good-looking, smooth, and confident guys altogether?? Or maybe just stay indefinitely celibate, huh.

 

Don't feel bad, xra. I got played too - but only once. And I learned from it. As time went on, my built-in BS detector got better and better, and I was even able to weed out these losers as soon as I read their profiles, or after our first interaction.

 

Read "Why Men Love Bitches," and internalize what resonates most with you. Carry on, and keep your eyes forward! You sound like a very smart girl.

[yongyong]

If he seems like he's too good to be true.... he probably is. It's so hard to not lose faith in the goodness of people and still believe that there are nice, genuine guys out there....

 

I am laughing right now. I want to give this guy a big high ten.

 

First of all, you said he was incredibly charming. let me ask you this. why a guy like that should commit to you?

 

Do you know how the relationship works in this country? they usually bang for several months and one should bring up the exclusivity.

 

you thought you could have him by giving it to him? oh no it doesn't work that way.(it could work if you were charming like him. obviously I know it's not) since women controls sex but men controls commitment.

 

I am sure there are a lot of nice guys you rejected online because they didn't fit in your standard.

 

I know what's going to happen. you are going to go after the same type of guys (charming guys out of your legue. guys with traits you just met) , get used for sex and you will cry again here.

 

you said you had the worst luck with men. did your parents arrange it for you or did you choose to go out with them and spread your legs at the end???

[xra]

Why would you let your walls down with a complete stranger?

 

 

Yea, RedRobin. You know what, you're totally right. 5 dates is clearly not enough to learn about someone. Maybe 10 dates, or 50, or 5 years - of course, until one day you come home and find your husband in bed with another woman. Ooops, guess you should've learned more about him before letting your walls down!

 

I see what you're trying to say, but I disagree with your logic. The point remains, I wasn't smart enough to see through his game and got taken in by it. It's not a matter of the number of dates, it's a matter of certain people being manipulative a**holes through and through - and if their game is good enough, women will fall for it.

 

He didn't do any of those, did he? Pressure, lie, or make you feel like a slut?

 

Umm....yea, I'm pretty sure that claiming to be in an exclusive relationship with a girl and then immediately going off chasing others counts as lying. And yea, dropping a girl right after sleeping with her for the first time counts as making you feel like a slut. All of his sweetness, emotional/intellectual connection with me, and interest in me as a person went out the window immediately after I slept with him. Another notch on the bedpost and on to the next one!

[xra]

What was his job?

 

Undercover police agent. Can't make this s*** up lol!

[RedRobin]

Yea, RedRobin. You know what, you're totally right. 5 dates is clearly not enough to learn about someone. Maybe 10 dates, or 50, or 5 years - of course, until one day you come home and find your husband in bed with another woman. Ooops, guess you should've learned more about him before letting your walls down!

 

I see what you're trying to say, but I disagree with your logic. The point remains, I wasn't smart enough to see through his game and got taken in by it. It's not a matter of the number of dates, it's a matter of certain people being manipulative a**holes through and through - and if their game is good enough, women will fall for it.

 

hmm... you saw the signs... you posted them here...

 

You chose not to read the signs...

 

... and wait longer to see how to connect the dots.

 

Seriously. When you see a red flag (and you did), just stop and slow down.

 

TBH, the main reason I don't do OLD anymore is because I really believe there are more of these a-holes per square mile there than anyplace else.

 

This is why I suggested you change your strategy when you are meeting guys online.

 

Umm....yea, I'm pretty sure that claiming to be in an exclusive relationship with a girl and then immediately going off chasing others counts as lying. And yea, dropping a girl right after sleeping with her for the first time counts as making you feel like a slut. All of his sweetness, emotional/intellectual connection with me, and interest in me as a person went out the window immediately after I slept with him. Another notch on the bedpost and on to the next one!

 

Sadly, if you stick around LS long enough, you'll observe that many people have different versions of what constitutes 'exclusivity'.

 

He could have meant just sexual exclusivity... ie he only has sex with you but dates other women.

 

... or, as one other frequent poster claims... maybe he was 'working towards' exclusivity (that's my ALL TIME FAVORITE!!).

 

... as far as feeling like a slut...

 

Noone can make you feel inferior without your permission.

 

Your intentions were noble, straightforward, and relationship-oriented. That makes you NOT a 'slut'.

 

I really can't stand that word... I'll say this though... the fact that he bragged about reading that book shows he thinks about women in two categories... 'slut' and 'good girl'.

 

This would be my #1 reason for not continuing.

 

I don't hold off on the sex because I'm playing any 'game'...

 

I hold off on sex because I want the best chance of real intimacy and care to develop.... and I don't want the fallout (in any form) of being around jerks.

[O'Malley]

His knowledge of pick-up routines and previous success using them. (Of course, he told me that I'm too good for them and I'd see right through them

 

A big red flag right there, but more importantly his actions didn't match his words. Just my take, but four dates doesn't generally provide you enough of the filtering process to determine if you would want a serious relationship with someone -- you're mutually still scratching the surface. I think the timeline you had with this guy is unfortunately where your perceptions are your reality, you're typically focusing on chemistry and the rush of your feelings. Someone who is interested will increase their contact and investment in you, not throw you some texts here and there. Learn to observe the consistency of a man's actions and words, and adhere to your boundaries better while gaining an understanding of who he really is -- not just the surface attributes.

 

There's nothing wrong with having sex early on, but you do need to change your expectations of it -- it doesn't signify exclusivity or an actual commitment. Don't be hard on yourself, just take his behavior as a learning experience in the type of individual to avoid.

[veggirl]

OP, RedRobin is correct is what she is telling you. Might be stuff that is hard to hear, but it's pretty much spot on.

 

So the only way to avoid getting played is basically...always playing hard to get??

 

You don't need to play hard to get perse, but you also don't want to count your chickens before they hatch...as far as this:

 

Yea, RedRobin. You know what, you're totally right. 5 dates is clearly not enough to learn about someone. Maybe 10 dates, or 50, or 5 years - of course, until one day you come home and find your husband in bed with another woman. Ooops, guess you should've learned more about him before letting your walls down!

 

There is a middle ground. No one is saying you can't ever trust but the fact is 4 dates is just NOT enough time to know someones character.

 

Why would you let your walls down with a complete stranger?

 

Exactly.

 

I suggest approaching romantic relationships with the same speed you may approach a new friendship. You don't immediately think this new person is your best friend, you get to know them and let it build up to that.

 

Umm....yea, I'm pretty sure that claiming to be in an exclusive relationship with a girl and then immediately going off chasing others counts as lying.

 

True. And I would confront him about that and then never speak to him again.

 

Seriously. When you see a red flag (and you did), just stop and slow down.

 

best advice in this thread.

 

... or, as one other frequent poster claims... maybe he was 'working towards' exclusivity (that's my ALL TIME FAVORITE!!).

 

OMG I loved that one. :laugh:

[youngnlove89]

what ever happend to really getting to know a person, waiting a few months finding out their intentions, learn about their lives, they could be convicted criminals for all we know.

 

 

Whatever happened to getting to know a person? The fact that it would lead us to wasting our time! At least she figured it out now rather than later!

 

Good riddance!

[MrCastle]

Another victim of SEX TOO SOON.

 

Bull****. There is no such thing as "sex too soon". The problem is when people use sex as a weapon. Women who hold back and dangle it over a guy's head to get other things they want, men who say whatever a girl wants to hear so they can get in her pants.

 

Sex should be a fun, intimate experience between you and someone you're attracted to. Whether it's a one night stand, or a long term relationship, sex should be fun.

 

He manipulated her emotions, not her vagina.

 

Sex was just the end result of his manipulation. He was going to play her all along whether she slept with him now or a month from now. He would have just kept her on the side while he banged other chicks.

[Kofybean]

... 'Cause Karma is a bitch...

 

All too true. Some men recognize that many women, especially online, are looking for the type of man who doesn't really exist.

 

These women blow off a lot of really good and honest guys because they aren't Prince Charming.

 

In the end, you reap what you sow.

 

All of his sweetness, emotional/intellectual connection with me, and interest in me as a person went out the window immediately after I slept with him. Another notch on the bedpost and on to the next one!

 

I know it is likely you will blame him for his behavior, or maybe you will reevaluate your own choices one day. If you choose to be honest with yourself you will admit that there was never any real connection there. You were looking for something that didn't exist.

Edited August 30, 2012 by Kofybean

[sweetheart5381]

Sorry for what happened.

 

It will teach you to keep your guard up, as you should if you don't really know someone.

 

A man that moves too fast, makes too many false promises, etc is a big red flag.

 

I got played by my last ex. He did the same thing, rushed into a "relationship" only wanting the sex. It hurt pretty bad. The best part though is that we work together and have mutual friends. They all knew of his character (they knew him for many yrs before me) and tried to warn me subtly but I was too in love with him to understand at the time.

 

Turns out that all of his "so-called" friends think he is the most egotistical man of all time. They laugh at how he treats beautiful, good-hearted women like me, always looking for a nicer trophy. They have also told me that he has absolutely no dating prospects now, that he lost the best thing he ever had. I just smile.

 

I am now dating his "best" friend (quite ironic) and he is the complete opposite of a player. Funny how 2 friends can appear similar, but be polar opposites on the inside.

[xra]

Bull****. There is no such thing as "sex too soon". The problem is when people use sex as a weapon. Women who hold back and dangle it over a guy's head to get other things they want, men who say whatever a girl wants to hear so they can get in her pants.

 

Sex should be a fun, intimate experience between you and someone you're attracted to. Whether it's a one night stand, or a long term relationship, sex should be fun.

 

He manipulated her emotions, not her vagina.

 

Sex was just the end result of his manipulation. He was going to play her all along whether she slept with him now or a month from now. He would have just kept her on the side while he banged other chicks.

 

I agree with literally every word of your post. There is absolutely nothing wrong with one-night-stand sex, casual friends-with-benefits sex, or waiting-till-after-marriage sex - all can be equally enjoyable and fulfilling. The key is that both parties have to be on the same page, mutually respectful of each other's wishes, and looking for the same thing. When one person manipulates another into beginning a sexual relationship under the pretense of it being something else, is when the problems begin. That's the definition of 'being played'.

[RedRobin]

Sex was just the end result of his manipulation. He was going to play her all along whether she slept with him now or a month from now. He would have just kept her on the side while he banged other chicks.

 

Maybe...

 

One just needs to know where to look... A few more dates without 'success' he would have kept moving or she would have seen through his junk.

 

Guys like him are amazingly easy to see through... Problem is, lots of people want to believe this 'fairytale'... lust at first sight stuff....sucks lots of people in... Men AND women.

[Kofybean]

Sorry for what happened.

 

It will teach you to keep your guard up, as you should if you don't really know someone.

 

A man that moves too fast, makes too many false promises, etc is a big red flag.

 

I got played by my last ex. He did the same thing, rushed into a "relationship" only wanting the sex. It hurt pretty bad. The best part though is that we work together and have mutual friends. They all knew of his character (they knew him for many yrs before me) and tried to warn me subtly but I was too in love with him to understand at the time.

 

Turns out that all of his "so-called" friends think he is the most egotistical man of all time. They laugh at how he treats beautiful, good-hearted women like me, always looking for a nicer trophy. They have also told me that he has absolutely no dating prospects now, that he lost the best thing he ever had. I just smile.

 

I am now dating his "best" friend (quite ironic) and he is the complete opposite of a player. Funny how 2 friends can appear similar, but be polar opposites on the inside.

 

lol Hearing these stories is like a record playing the same ole song...

Man bad. Woman good.

 

Taking pleasure in another person's misery, not so good. Doesn't exactly paint you as the kind hearted person you are claiming.

 

I feel pity for men like that. Sometimes they really do think they like the girl... at first, and then there is a sad insecurity they have about themselves. I don't smile knowing that they are alone, or call it the "best part." As if their misery somehow means you won.

 

I had a great many of my ex friends were like that. And their exgf's did indeed reach out to me after being played. I don't know why that happens, I couldn't even guess. idk, never bothered to figure that one out. I never took that mantle. I was not interested.

 

This is no different then the so called "nice guys" victim mentality. That women pass good hearted men over for jerks. So either it is true in your two cases that you passed over nice guys to be with a jerk, or you both (you and the OP) are pulling the same bs victim card "nice guys" pull.

 

As if somehow you ended up answering his calls, dating, and sleeping with a bad person, yet you had nothing to do with it.

 

Any reasonable person knows that there are two people to account for in a relationship. So the fact that you two put it all 100% on the guy claiming pure innocence raises many rhetorical (and laughable) questions.

 

And I think most everyone, guys and girls a like, have known these charming "player" guys, and know full well the type of women they go after.

 

So you aren't doing yourself any favors saying he was that guy... and you were that girl.

[RedRobin]

OP, couple of questions... (you don't need to answer)

 

When you two had sex, who brought up the topic of condoms?

 

Who initiated the discussion about STD's?

 

Here's a trick that works for me EVERY SINGLE TIME...

 

A guy says he wants to be exclusive, say GREAT!!, then tell him that you have just one more eensy-weensy request... you insist on getting STD tests together. (This works best when you do it in person. You can see the look on his face.)

 

That takes a minimum of a week... even when you do the walk in clinic. There are schedules/times to arrange....

 

It takes effort. It also shows you what his knowledge is of testing and responsible sexuality.

 

During that week or two while you are waiting for your test 'date', watch his reaction closely... is he excitedly awaiting your 'bonding-over-tests' day?? Or is he coming up with excuses not to show?

 

You'll be having other dates and conversations during the week or two before the tests... perfect time to check his 'exclusivity'....

[mesmerized]

You absolutely got played. I would say at least 80 percent of men using online sites are using it to play around. Sorry hon but you have to be a little smarter with men.

[Kofybean]

The guys here are being very nice to you but I'll probably come across less kind. As Andy_K has hinted, you didn't get to know him at all. You fell for the smooth talk, his saying what you wanted to hear, feeding your ego, etc. I bet anything in the world that you made no effort to find out who he is and what he wants long term. Even just asking those questions Andy_K listed would have helped you to 'catch him out' because most people that try to play you are terrible liars. It's hard to be consistent with a person who asks the right questions and watches reactions.

 

You got played because you weren't smart enough girl. If you view sex as 'giving in' or 'giving it up' then you have to make sure you get cleverer at working out who the man is rather than just allow him to ply you with expensive drinks and smooth talk.

 

I love this btw... what I don't get... is what makes the OP so special? I see nothing in the post that makes me think this is anything but an ego trip.

 

If a guy and girl was in a relationship for years, and the girl suddenly stopped texting, and no longer wanted to be with him, what would you ladies tell him?

Man up? Move on? Deal with it? She doesn't want to be with you anymore?

 

The OP hasn't even known this guy for a month! What end result are we expecting here?

 

Here is what the OP said before the kissing, etc started:

1. I met a guy on an online dating site a month ago.

2. He is in his mid/late 20's (I'm 23),

3. he messaged me first

4. He was incredibly charming,

5. well-spoken

6. polite,

7. complimented me tastefully

8. came off as a mature and interesting individual.

9. He was definitely a confident

10. good-looking guy,

11. a very smooth talker.

12. he politely told me that night how very attracted to me he is.

13. We flirted like crazy,

14. discovered a lot of mutual interests, etc.

15. he started texting me daily and openly expressed interest in me.

16. he took me out for a nice dinner at an expensive restaurant,

17. then barhopping.

 

I don't see what they big fuss is about.

ALL of that is superficial.

Any man on the street could do that.

The op mentions NOTHING about this guy she found special, or any reason I (if i were him) would feel special. I don't see anything in the OP post that makes me sympathize that she was giving something special to him.

 

Its not like he was picking out a ring, a house, and painting a picket fence.

All he did was: Don't be a bumbling idiot, say you like whatever she likes, tell her you like her, and take her to an expensive restaurant.

 

Can someone explain how its a good case for yourself if you are claiming his level of interest didn't match yours. Or exceed yours?

 

He drove four times to see her, she drove once, and wrote it like it was a burden.

He paid, he initiated, he did a lot. wtf... all she does, based on what she wrote is text and expect him to respond.

 

All the reasons she had for liking him don't really seem all that deep. And she doesn't mention anything she did outside of drive up there that she had to invest in.

 

I don't believe she is broken hearted, because nothing in what she wrote makes me think she was emotionally invested in this guy. I just think her ego is bruised.

[xra]

A guy says he wants to be exclusive, say GREAT!!, then tell him that you have just one more eensy-weensy request... you insist on getting STD tests together. (This works best when you do it in person. You can see the look on his face.)

 

You'll be having other dates and conversations during the week or two before the tests... perfect time to check his 'exclusivity'....

 

I like this idea a lot, I've never even thought of this before! It's a responsible and logical way to test exclusivity and actual emotional investment...

Edited August 31, 2012 by xra

[Emilia]

I like this idea a lot, I've never even thought of this before! It's a responsible and logical way to test exclusivity and actual emotional investment...

 

Lots of good advice on this thread I think in terms of how to keep your guard up a bit but mutual STD test? Don't you think that would be an absolute passion killer?

[xra]

lol Hearing these stories is like a record playing the same ole song...

Man bad. Woman good.

 

Taking pleasure in another person's misery, not so good. Doesn't exactly paint you as the kind hearted person you are claiming.

 

I feel pity for men like that. Sometimes they really do think they like the girl... at first, and then there is a sad insecurity they have about themselves. I don't smile knowing that they are alone, or call it the "best part." As if their misery somehow means you won.

 

I had a great many of my ex friends were like that. And their exgf's did indeed reach out to me after being played. I don't know why that happens, I couldn't even guess. idk, never bothered to figure that one out. I never took that mantle. I was not interested.

 

This is no different then the so called "nice guys" victim mentality. That women pass good hearted men over for jerks. So either it is true in your two cases that you passed over nice guys to be with a jerk, or you both (you and the OP) are pulling the same bs victim card "nice guys" pull.

 

As if somehow you ended up answering his calls, dating, and sleeping with a bad person, yet you had nothing to do with it.

 

Any reasonable person knows that there are two people to account for in a relationship. So the fact that you two put it all 100% on the guy claiming pure innocence raises many rhetorical (and laughable) questions.

 

And I think most everyone, guys and girls a like, have known these charming "player" guys, and know full well the type of women they go after.

 

So you aren't doing yourself any favors saying he was that guy... and you were that girl.

 

Uhhh remind me again, at which point did I 'claim pure innocence'? I'm kickng myself over sleeping with a guy without being certain of his intentions first, not claiming to be a deflowered virgin over here.

 

And please, do tell, what kind of women do they go after? Dumb sluts? Pathetic, desperate types with low self-esteem? Or maybe egostistical, superficial hot chicks? Just so I know which kind of self-help books I need to go buy.

 

I love this btw... what I don't get... is what makes the OP so special? I see nothing in the post that makes me think this is anything but an ego trip.

All the reasons she had for liking him don't really seem all that deep. And she doesn't mention anything she did outside of drive up there that she had to invest in.

 

The op mentions NOTHING about this guy she found special, or any reason I (if i were him) would feel special. I don't see anything in the OP post that makes me sympathize that she was giving something special to him.

 

I don't believe she is broken hearted, because nothing in what she wrote makes me think she was emotionally invested in this guy. I just think her ego is bruised.

 

Maybe you should go back and actually read my post first. First of all, at no point did I claim to be special or remarkable - my situation is so stereotypical, it borders on cliche.

 

Secondly, what kind of deep reasons for me liking him would you like to hear? The fact that he and I had similar upbringing/backgrounds/family situations, career fields, hobbies/interests, etc. are clearly far too superficial for you. And of course, God forbid that I am physically attracted to him, that would just make me a non-emotionally-invested/superficial/egostical slut.

 

Thirdly, please don't go assuming about investment in the relationship after (very poorly) reading my one abbreviated post about it. If you're talking about purely money, I actually initiated several of the dates and insisted on paying for the drinks half the time (which he wasn't too happy about but agreed to let me do). He also didn't drive to my city specifically to see me, he spends almost every weekend here regardless because he lives in a tiny town with nothing to do - while I did make the drive just to see him. But in fact, by your logic, I should have the next guy I date build me a house and paint me a picket fence before getting physically involved with him.

 

Sounds like you might have some sort of major case of sour grapes yourself, Kofybean. Going around making rather rude judgements about me or my past/personality/ego/etc. only makes you sound ignorant.