xra Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 So apparently I have the worst luck with men, or maybe just the worst taste. I just want to place to vent, but maybe someone can offer a piece of advice to make this painful lesson sting a little less. Long story made somewhat shorter: I met a guy on an online dating site a month ago. He is in his mid/late 20's (I'm 23), he messaged me first and we immediately hit it off. He was incredibly charming, well-spoken, and polite, complimented me tastefully, and just generally came off as a mature and interesting individual. We agreed to meet up for drinks on Saturday evening, and ended up chatting late into the night. He was definitely a confident and good-looking guy, and a very smooth talker. I should have picked up the first warning sign when he recommended that I read "The Game", which is a very popular book/how-to manual about the world of pick-up artists... :/ Anyways. There was definitely mutual chemistry, and we made plans to meet up the next day for dinner - which we did, and he politely told me that night how very attracted to me he is. We flirted like crazy, discovered a lot of mutual interests, etc. He lives a couple hours away and is only in town on the weekends, so we didn't see each other again until next weekend - but he started texting me daily and openly expressed interest in me. I enjoyed talking with him, and felt a connection like I haven't with anyone in a long time. The following weekend we met up again, he took me out for a nice dinner at an expensive restaurant, and then barhopping. That night was our first kiss. The following night we went out again (4th date), and at the end of it I ended up going back to his hotel room and spending the night. No, we didn't hook up - I told him that I have a rule of only sleeping with a guy if I'm in a relationship with him. He then asked me if I'd like to date him exclusively (this is the 4th date, remember) - and I agreed. Over the following week, we still texted but he responded less quickly and frequently than before - and this past weekend (the 3rd one since we met) he invited me to visit him instead. I agreed, drove 3 hours to his town to stay for 2 days, and ended up sleeping with him that weekend (5th date). It was great, and we had lots of fun just hanging out together. Since I returned home on Sunday, though, he has suddenly been responding to texts a lot less - he no longer texted me first or asked how my day was, and yesterday he didn't answer at all and later just wrote "Sorry...phone problems...." The next day, no texts again - and when I messaged him int the evening, he replied with a very short message saying that he's tired. While normally a day without texting wouldn't bother me, his sudden change from frequent thoughtful and flattering texts to short answers (or no answers at all) is hard to ignore. The things that should've been the biggest signs that I have, indeed, been played hard: - He told me that he has a type, which is basically "beautiful women" (and yes, he did tell me that I fall into that category - but really?? How shallow does that sound???) - His knowledge of pick-up routines and previous success using them. (Of course, he told me that I'm too good for them and I'd see right through them - and I would have if I had read that book before meeting him...) - His change from texting me "Good morning, gorgeous :)" to "Hey there" the day after we became 'exclusive'. - I asked if he'd like to add me on FB, and he replied that he never adds anyone he's dating until after 10 dates. - He has a very well-paying job, is handsome and fit, young, intelligent, and has a pretty dominant personality...too good to be not-an-A**hole? Now for the bomb: Today, one of my best friends opened an account on the same dating site. Within literally 5 minutes, she gets a message from.... Well, who else but my 'exclusive relationship'! She told me about this, and decided to message back and forth with him while showing me the conversation. He just sent her his phone # and currently inviting her to meet up during the weekend (incidentally, I am going out of town)... The whole situation is so sad I just want to laugh. So here is what I think happened: a). He wanted to score, did score, and now is off chasing another piece of tail. I got played. OR b). This is completely just wishful, self-delusional thinking on my part: Maybe he is still interested in me but doesn't feel like he has to try hard anymore since I 'gave it up' and we're now "exclusive", whatever that means (though he certainly doesn't act like it..pretty sure hitting up other girls on a dating site is considered cheating by anyone's standards). So please help me...How should I proceed now? Wait and see what happens in his online conversation with my friend? She's playing along and keeping me posted on every message... Call him out on this whole bull**** and break things off? Ignore the many warning signs and give him the benefit of the doubt? My consolation is... well, the sex was great, and I got treated to a few fun dates. But I really, really liked (and still like) this guy. And that's why this hurts so much. Morals of my sad story: For the girls - If he seems like he's too good to be true.... he probably is. It's so hard to not lose faith in the goodness of people and still believe that there are nice, genuine guys out there.... But with every heartbreak, it gets harder and harder to keep telling myself that. Looks like I'm a bit jaded for a 23 year old... And for the guys - Firstly, don't 'exclusively' date multiple people from the same dating website. It's a small world. And secondly...please, please, please don't be an douchebag/player and go around breaking girl's hearts. 'Cause Karma is a bitch.
SJC2008 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Guy is a loser scumbag for what he did. He led you on and is fading after getting his fix. I would of been weary though after him asking you so fast to date exclusive right after you wouldn't sleep with him. Sorry this happened to you. 3
SJC2008 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Also to protect yourself in the future on OLD sites if a guy messages you and is better looking than men who have hit on you IRL keep your head on a swivel. Many women get pumped and dumped on OLD sited bc these hot guys will message women who are a couple clicks below them looks wise but still attractive and pump and dump them. Not saying he's out of your league but it's a possiblity this is what happened to you. 1
AlexCross Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Hey sorry you got played. Let your friend set up a date with him, you should crash it (plan it with your friend) and show him the chat printouts, leave him with the bill and leave. 3
irin Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 what ever happend to really getting to know a person, waiting a few months finding out their intentions, learn about their lives, they could be convicted criminals for all we know. 4
MrCastle Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 You're asking if you should give him the benefit of the doubt? Please tell me that wasn't a serious question. Anyway, sorry you got played. Time to learn and move on. Even failures can serve as positive lessons. 1
the ill-made knight Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 The following night we went out again (4th date), and at the end of it I ended up going back to his hotel room and spending the night. No, we didn't hook up - I told him that I have a rule of only sleeping with a guy if I'm in a relationship with him. He then asked me if I'd like to date him exclusively (this is the 4th date, remember) - and I agreed. Flag all over the play. This one especially should've been the deal breaker. You had only been on four dates and he asked you to be exclusive with him obviously because you told him you didn't sleep with guys you weren't in a relationship with. Yes, he played you, but for your own sake dear wise up a bit. 3
todreaminblue Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 So apparently I have the worst luck with men, or maybe just the worst taste. I just want to place to vent, but maybe someone can offer a piece of advice to make this painful lesson sting a little less. Long story made somewhat shorter: I met a guy on an online dating site a month ago. He is in his mid/late 20's (I'm 23), he messaged me first and we immediately hit it off. He was incredibly charming, well-spoken, and polite, complimented me tastefully, and just generally came off as a mature and interesting individual. We agreed to meet up for drinks on Saturday evening, and ended up chatting late into the night. He was definitely a confident and good-looking guy, and a very smooth talker. I should have picked up the first warning sign when he recommended that I read "The Game", which is a very popular book/how-to manual about the world of pick-up artists... :/ Anyways. There was definitely mutual chemistry, and we made plans to meet up the next day for dinner - which we did, and he politely told me that night how very attracted to me he is. We flirted like crazy, discovered a lot of mutual interests, etc. He lives a couple hours away and is only in town on the weekends, so we didn't see each other again until next weekend - but he started texting me daily and openly expressed interest in me. I enjoyed talking with him, and felt a connection like I haven't with anyone in a long time. The following weekend we met up again, he took me out for a nice dinner at an expensive restaurant, and then barhopping. That night was our first kiss. The following night we went out again (4th date), and at the end of it I ended up going back to his hotel room and spending the night. No, we didn't hook up - I told him that I have a rule of only sleeping with a guy if I'm in a relationship with him. He then asked me if I'd like to date him exclusively (this is the 4th date, remember) - and I agreed. Over the following week, we still texted but he responded less quickly and frequently than before - and this past weekend (the 3rd one since we met) he invited me to visit him instead. I agreed, drove 3 hours to his town to stay for 2 days, and ended up sleeping with him that weekend (5th date). It was great, and we had lots of fun just hanging out together. Since I returned home on Sunday, though, he has suddenly been responding to texts a lot less - he no longer texted me first or asked how my day was, and yesterday he didn't answer at all and later just wrote "Sorry...phone problems...." The next day, no texts again - and when I messaged him int the evening, he replied with a very short message saying that he's tired. While normally a day without texting wouldn't bother me, his sudden change from frequent thoughtful and flattering texts to short answers (or no answers at all) is hard to ignore. The things that should've been the biggest signs that I have, indeed, been played hard: - He told me that he has a type, which is basically "beautiful women" (and yes, he did tell me that I fall into that category - but really?? How shallow does that sound???) - His knowledge of pick-up routines and previous success using them. (Of course, he told me that I'm too good for them and I'd see right through them - and I would have if I had read that book before meeting him...) - His change from texting me "Good morning, gorgeous :)" to "Hey there" the day after we became 'exclusive'. - I asked if he'd like to add me on FB, and he replied that he never adds anyone he's dating until after 10 dates. - He has a very well-paying job, is handsome and fit, young, intelligent, and has a pretty dominant personality...too good to be not-an-A**hole? Now for the bomb: Today, one of my best friends opened an account on the same dating site. Within literally 5 minutes, she gets a message from.... Well, who else but my 'exclusive relationship'! She told me about this, and decided to message back and forth with him while showing me the conversation. He just sent her his phone # and currently inviting her to meet up during the weekend (incidentally, I am going out of town)... The whole situation is so sad I just want to laugh. So here is what I think happened: a). He wanted to score, did score, and now is off chasing another piece of tail. I got played. OR b). This is completely just wishful, self-delusional thinking on my part: Maybe he is still interested in me but doesn't feel like he has to try hard anymore since I 'gave it up' and we're now "exclusive", whatever that means (though he certainly doesn't act like it..pretty sure hitting up other girls on a dating site is considered cheating by anyone's standards). So please help me...How should I proceed now? Wait and see what happens in his online conversation with my friend? She's playing along and keeping me posted on every message... Call him out on this whole bull**** and break things off? Ignore the many warning signs and give him the benefit of the doubt? My consolation is... well, the sex was great, and I got treated to a few fun dates. But I really, really liked (and still like) this guy. And that's why this hurts so much. Morals of my sad story: For the girls - If he seems like he's too good to be true.... he probably is. It's so hard to not lose faith in the goodness of people and still believe that there are nice, genuine guys out there.... But with every heartbreak, it gets harder and harder to keep telling myself that. Looks like I'm a bit jaded for a 23 year old... And for the guys - Firstly, don't 'exclusively' date multiple people from the same dating website. It's a small world. And secondly...please, please, please don't be an douchebag/player and go around breaking girl's hearts. 'Cause Karma is a bitch. Unfortunately dating is like this there are guys who just want sex for free so they sign up for online dating they don't want commitment or dont you dare say the word......LOVE.........this goes for girls too then there are the genuines the disillusioned the heart broken and the heart breakers heart broken people find heart breakers the majority of the time....because they wan tto belive they can fix their heart....not going to happen anytime in one or two dates......i could have been played and i played with soem players for a while tryign to find out why?????? still none the wiser because i dont have that mentality let alone understand that mentality..... rather write poetry instead more productive.....deb
Andy_K Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 So, how long was his last relationships and why did it end? How long has he been single for? Where does he want to be in 5 or 10 years time? What kind of things does he want in a partner besides looks? What things can't he stand? You've had 5+ dates, slept with the guy, and agreed to be exclusive. I don't think that's moving too fast. However, if you did it without already knowing all of the above and more about the guy, then it was too fast for this relationship. Also, 10+ dates before being willing to add you on FB screams 'I date a lot of girls' or 'I don't expect this to work out'. Does it not seem stupid that he'd be exclusive before adding you to facebook? It's because saying you're exclusive means nothing, but everyone can see what you're up to on facebook. Especially the other girls who are dating him at the same time... 1
MercuryMorrison1 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) He wanted to score, did score, and now is off chasing another piece of tail. I got played. OR b). This is completely just wishful, self-delusional thinking on my part: Maybe he is still interested in me but doesn't feel like he has to try hard anymore since I 'gave it up' and we're now "exclusive", whatever that means (though he certainly doesn't act like it..pretty sure hitting up other girls on a dating site is considered cheating by anyone's standards) This is what caught my eye...You have got to be kidding me...That's how ''players'' get laid as often as they do. They make a girl feel like she's the most special thing in the whole world and they would do anything for her...Basically they cater to her emotional desires and fantasies so the can achive their physical desires and fantasies. Being played sucks and its unfortunate that there are people out there who are willing to toy with others feelings and emotions just get fu*ked, but the world is a cruel unfair place. So in essence, as everyone else has already said...This guy is a total douche bag and just wanted some easy sex. You need to void any feelings you have for him right now...Otherwise you'll mindfu*k yourself into oblivion. Best of luck. Edited August 30, 2012 by MercuryMorrison1 3
vanek26 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. You seem like a really smart girl from your post and you definitely didn't deserve this. But this guy did the same old song and dance that we all do. First of all, it seems like you are still holding out some hope that things with this guy will work out. That's understandable, but you need to let go of that. He absolutely played you and at this point the most you could be with him is an occasional hook-up buddy. And I know you don't want that. There were definitely some warning flags along the way with this dude. I can't believe he admitted reading that 'The Game' book with you, which is basically a blueprint for desperate guys to try and seduce women. Not the type of guy you want a relationship with. Giving him the sex essentially completed his conquest of you, and now he's in the phase where he treats you like you are an annoyance until you get the hint and disappear from his life. Try to chalk it up to a learning experience. If a real relationship is what you want, don't give the guy sex until you are 100% certain that he is exclusive with you. The facebook 10-date thing is ridiculous too btw As far as what you should do now, I'd call him out on his BS. Or get your friend to set up a date with him somewhere and then have her bail. He messed with your head, why not give him a taste of your own medicine. 2
Leigh 87 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Plenty of men will want to be exclusive easrly on, and not want to chase other girls. If they have a good enough feeling about you, they will not want other women. There is no game playing. Then there are men who actively seek casual fun; unfortunately, not all of them are honest about it! They will go online under the false pretence that they want to " date", when really they want to have sex with as many good looking girls as possible! Then there are cases where men who are not looking for relationships WILL change for the right girl; they like a girl enough to want to only be with them. Unfrotunately though, even meeting the right girl will not always change these types of men! They are just too self interested and focused on getting laid as much as possible, and by the hottest girls they can "get". Please do not even consider giving a guy like this the " benifit of the doubt". Your have not compelled him to want to be exlusive with you, hence why he is still online dating; and worse of all, he LIED to you about wanting to be exlusive just so he can get laid. Because you did tell him your no sex rule, so he asked to be exclusive, and then stopped showing interests to you after he got what he wanted. Yes, tapering off with the texts when he once texted " good morning beautiful"IS a red flag. Guys do NOT change or get too busy to maintain the same type of texts they send a girl they are really into. But do not despaire! He did think you were good looking! He heck, he probably did like you! Just not enough to be with, although he might really like you but just be too selfish to be able to have a relationship right now. Like I said, guys who meet the right girl do not always change for them! It is not always because your not good enough, some guys can find a girl who is the one for them, but be too stupid and selfish to bother with her, if she is not model material; they just want the hottest girls to get laid with.
Emilia Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 The guys here are being very nice to you but I'll probably come across less kind. As Andy_K has hinted, you didn't get to know him at all. You fell for the smooth talk, his saying what you wanted to hear, feeding your ego, etc. I bet anything in the world that you made no effort to find out who he is and what he wants long term. Even just asking those questions Andy_K listed would have helped you to 'catch him out' because most people that try to play you are terrible liars. It's hard to be consistent with a person who asks the right questions and watches reactions. You got played because you weren't smart enough girl. If you view sex as 'giving in' or 'giving it up' then you have to make sure you get cleverer at working out who the man is rather than just allow him to ply you with expensive drinks and smooth talk. 4
Leigh 87 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I agree - you were not smart enough in this case. If a guy is into you, he will almost ALWAYS maintain some sort of contact, that he will initiated. If a guy is truly interested in getting to know you, he will initiate a text if you don't. He will want to see you as much as he can, outside of the things he is passionate about doing; and likely invite you along when he can to BBQ's, and events he loves ( rather then missing out on seeing you while he partipates in fun activities he enjoys). You should watch for the hey behaviour a guy demonstrates, and make SURE he is into you before you show ANY sign of wanting to be exclusive. It is hard, guys will tell you what they want to hear, so it helps to spend time before thinking it is genuine; you know, after a month or two of casually seeing you, initiating texts, and clearly not being interested in other girls, and maintaining his interest in you ( good moring texts, sees you most weekends, etc). Dating is hard. Even the guys who DO act into you, sometimes just want someone they love being around, until a better option comes along. It is easily to tell if a guy is into you, however, there are just as many guys that will PRETEND to be into you just to get what they want. My advice would be: keep things casual, to not get too involved even if it is a lot of fun throwing it all in because " it is fun to go fast with a guy who gives you butterflies, why not". No. Make them show time after time, that they ARE into you. I wish you the best of luck, clearly your clever and apparently at least mildly attractive - to very attractive! Or he would not have bothered with you, seeing as he is super hot himself; guys like that normally will not just have sex with anything that moves, seeing as attractive girls are willing to put out and sleep with im. So, take your clever and attractive self away and perhaps go for guy that are not really good looking, fit, and clever! Unfortunately, guys who have many options tend to have fun as much as they can before finding " the one" for them. Because they can. You know.. one of those UBER confident, hot, fit, and charismatic characters, are not the best known people to settle down with any girl they meet.... they tend to make girls feel good, are great fun to be around, and many girls get attached once they are intimate. You know the personality type I am referring to? Why not avoid this type, and go for good looking, but more reserved guys, who do not play all the cards right and say what you want and act like the typical guy every girl dreams about? I have just found that the guys who are too good to be true ARE; even if they like you, they are out for something better and better until they come across the one, and only then settle down. Sometimes. 1
KatZee Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Yeah you definitely were played, big time... and no, he doesn't get the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he likes you much at all, he's a classic PUA, he's only into the game for himself, and how much as$ he's able to get. He definitely thinks you're good looking, but that's about it. These guys are way too egotistical, and narcissistic to love or generally like anyone but themselves. There are also websites for these people and after every score they get, they get right on it, just like a forum like this, to exploit their conquests, go into detail about their game, and teach aspiring PUAs their "tricks of the trade." He's good. He played the game well... HOWEVER if you had been smart you WOULD have seen right through it. He also manipulated you very subtly which is why I think a lot of this flew right under your radar. He said, "You're too good for this, and you would see right through this." He tweaked your way of thinking, to make you believe you were too smart for his games--thus, falling for everything. Bad move telling him your "rule" of never sleeping with someone unless you're exclusive. You NEVER tell a man your rules. Whether it be how long until you kiss, how long until you have sex, how long you're friends until moving into a relationship... that is NOT for him to know because if he does know these things, he WILL use them against you. He'll be EVERYTHING he needs to be just to get in your pants. When you have rules, stick to them, but keep them to yourself. I know all us women like to believe that when we feel a strong connection with someone, it must mean they really like us, and it's meant to be... but a lot of that is fabricated by the man. He'll charm the pants off any woman, saying what she wants to hear, being what she wants him to be, and he'll have her eating right out of the palm of his hand. These smooth talkers... watch out for them. They don't get that smooth without the practice. 2
ChatroomHero Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Sorry, you got played. It was really sh*tty on his part to throw it in your face by telling you about his successes etc., he's a loser. Text him 1 final time and say, "Sorry about the Herpes. Might want to put that on your dating profile."
Janesays Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Here's a good rule of thumb: if you haven't met his friends/family, you aren't exclusive. Next time, don't sleep with them until after you shake his Mom's hand. 1
veggirl Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Well, the thing is you told him your rule of not having sex if you are not in a relationship...so he responds "wanna date exclusively?" and you have sex...so he was/is your boyfriend then? I'm guessing not. So what happened to you wait til you are in a R? I think you should send me a text telling him what you know and goodbye. and then don't respond to anything he says. You can't take a guy spending money on your or complimenting you as signs. He has tons of money you say, so him spending it on your is meaningless. Compliments are rhetoric and anyone can throw them around w/o actually knowing the other person..again most of them are meaningless until he really knows YOU.
rocketman122 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Here's a good rule of thumb: if you haven't met his friends/family, you aren't exclusive. Next time, don't sleep with them until after you shake his Mom's hand. this is nonsense..in every relationship ive been in, meeting family members came way later. he could have waited till he met a friend/family member, gave her the kielbasa and walked away..so it makes no difference. you have a feeling that the relationship is going the right way whether you meet the family members or not. something that is stable and long term.
Radu Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 So apparently I have the worst luck with men, or maybe just the worst taste. I just want to place to vent, but maybe someone can offer a piece of advice to make this painful lesson sting a little less. Long story made somewhat shorter: I met a guy on an online dating site a month ago. He is in his mid/late 20's (I'm 23), he messaged me first and we immediately hit it off. He was incredibly charming, well-spoken, and polite, complimented me tastefully, and just generally came off as a mature and interesting individual. We agreed to meet up for drinks on Saturday evening, and ended up chatting late into the night. He was definitely a confident and good-looking guy, and a very smooth talker. I should have picked up the first warning sign when he recommended that I read "The Game", which is a very popular book/how-to manual about the world of pick-up artists... No it's not, Style wrote that to cash in on the trend, it's basically mostly fiction right now, though it has good ideeas. But yeah, be weary of those that tell you they read that. :/ Anyways. There was definitely mutual chemistry, and we made plans to meet up the next day for dinner - which we did, and he politely told me that night how very attracted to me he is. We flirted like crazy, discovered a lot of mutual interests, etc. He lives a couple hours away and is only in town on the weekends, so we didn't see each other again until next weekend - but he started texting me daily and openly expressed interest in me. I enjoyed talking with him, and felt a connection like I haven't with anyone in a long time. The following weekend we met up again, he took me out for a nice dinner at an expensive restaurant, and then barhopping. That night was our first kiss. The following night we went out again (4th date), and at the end of it I ended up going back to his hotel room and spending the night. No, we didn't hook up - I told him that I have a rule of only sleeping with a guy if I'm in a relationship with him. He then asked me if I'd like to date him exclusively (this is the 4th date, remember) - and I agreed. I'm actually not sure if asking you for exclusivity immediately after you said that is a good sign that he was a player or not. Part of me wants to say yes, and part of me wants to say no. Over the following week, we still texted but he responded less quickly and frequently than before - and this past weekend (the 3rd one since we met) he invited me to visit him instead. I agreed, drove 3 hours to his town to stay for 2 days, and ended up sleeping with him that weekend (5th date). It was great, and we had lots of fun just hanging out together. Since I returned home on Sunday, though, he has suddenly been responding to texts a lot less - he no longer texted me first or asked how my day was, and yesterday he didn't answer at all and later just wrote "Sorry...phone problems...." The next day, no texts again - and when I messaged him int the evening, he replied with a very short message saying that he's tired. While normally a day without texting wouldn't bother me, his sudden change from frequent thoughtful and flattering texts to short answers (or no answers at all) is hard to ignore. He started responding less frequently because he was setting up other dates [my guess]. His change was because he got what he wanted. I think he's just trying to increase his numbers. The things that should've been the biggest signs that I have, indeed, been played hard: - He told me that he has a type, which is basically "beautiful women" (and yes, he did tell me that I fall into that category - but really?? How shallow does that sound???) Translation is shallow, but i would guess that many would fall for the compliment. - His knowledge of pick-up routines and previous success using them. (Of course, he told me that I'm too good for them and I'd see right through them - and I would have if I had read that book before meeting him...) I think he's the type that can't keep his mouth shut about it, has to brag, and the part in paranthesis was his save. - His change from texting me "Good morning, gorgeous :)" to "Hey there" the day after we became 'exclusive'. I don't know ... maybe that's how he acts in a normal relationship too. - I asked if he'd like to add me on FB, and he replied that he never adds anyone he's dating until after 10 dates. Big red flag, but keep in mind that there are guys who don't have FB. - He has a very well-paying job, is handsome and fit, young, intelligent, and has a pretty dominant personality...too good to be not-an-A**hole? Oh, c'mon ... i know you're hurt but pls don't assume that if a guy strives to achieve these things or is these things he's a jerk. Watch his actions. Now for the bomb: Today, one of my best friends opened an account on the same dating site. Within literally 5 minutes, she gets a message from.... Well, who else but my 'exclusive relationship'! She told me about this, and decided to message back and forth with him while showing me the conversation. He just sent her his phone # and currently inviting her to meet up during the weekend (incidentally, I am going out of town)... The whole situation is so sad I just want to laugh. I think he's doing what is known as 'online game' in PUA circles. Some of these guys are very good at it, they build entire fictitious lives for this. So here is what I think happened: a). He wanted to score, did score, and now is off chasing another piece of tail. I got played. OR b). This is completely just wishful, self-delusional thinking on my part: Maybe he is still interested in me but doesn't feel like he has to try hard anymore since I 'gave it up' and we're now "exclusive", whatever that means (though he certainly doesn't act like it..pretty sure hitting up other girls on a dating site is considered cheating by anyone's standards). If this was a real relationship [sorry for the dagger i'm plowing in right now], what he did was cheating [the online bit]. So b] is unacceptabe. So please help me...How should I proceed now? Wait and see what happens in his online conversation with my friend? She's playing along and keeping me posted on every message... Call him out on this whole bull**** and break things off? Ignore the many warning signs and give him the benefit of the doubt? No, tell your friend what he did [if she doesn't have the full picture yet], and remove any trace of him from your life. My consolation is... well, the sex was great, and I got treated to a few fun dates. But I really, really liked (and still like) this guy. And that's why this hurts so much. It was all a veil, i'll explain lower. Morals of my sad story: For the girls - If he seems like he's too good to be true.... he probably is. It's so hard to not lose faith in the goodness of people and still believe that there are nice, genuine guys out there.... But with every heartbreak, it gets harder and harder to keep telling myself that. Looks like I'm a bit jaded for a 23 year old... And for the guys - Firstly, don't 'exclusively' date multiple people from the same dating website. It's a small world. And secondly...please, please, please don't be an douchebag/player and go around breaking girl's hearts. 'Cause Karma is a bitch. I don't buy into the whole Karma thing, you can call it 'you reap what you sow' [i hope i spelled it right]. --- I'll be honest with you, i've been reading PUA stuff for close to 2yrs now. Taken with a grain of salt and dealing only with the improvement of the core self, or overall self-improvement, it is a wonderfull movement. However the book 'The Game' is not about that, and this guy was not about that. Most ppl who are into this methodically test what works on girls, and adapt, improve, with the sole purpose of sleeping with as many girls or keeping as many girls at their fingertips. So take this as a major warning flag. He was not mister wonderfull, he probably can't sustain the image he projected to you forever. In the whole PUA community the older guys know this, and because of this the older guys are either happily married and choose to improve that aspect of their lives [marriage, work, family] or choose to manufacture this ideal image of them and project it on gullible women [sorry]. If a guy seems to true to be real, make him wait for sex, to make sure that's not what he is after. You made him wait, so pls don't beat yourself up for it. It does not reduce your value to the world in reality, so don't allow it to affect you. Have a night out with friends, get drunk in a private party with wine, associate any negative thoughts with this guy that you have. You want ideally to see the true him, the guy who is scared to show his inner self and prefers to just get lays. Also, read that book, it might help you spot them later on. 1
SJC2008 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Another victim of SEX TOO SOON. Agreed but if he waited longer it would if done a 180 to "Is he a virging?" or "He's not interested" and he would have to EXPLAIN to her his reason for waiting. See my thread in my hist.
Maeva Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I'm sorry this happened to you... I agree he's a douche and probably not so smart either. I mean, couldn't he, AT LEAST, pick another website to meet up other women? Anyways, that's not the issue. I don't believe you should "give him another chance", he doesn't deserve one. He is the one who asked you to be exclusive and now he acts like that? He's not worthy of your time. I know it hurts (a lot), but even if you'd give him another chance, would you ever be able to trust him without going crazy and wondering if you two are 'really' exclusive?? I don't think so. Something like that happened to a friend of mine. She was seeing a guy (they were exclusive as well) and he contacted me on a dating website, I told her and she kept dating him anyways... well she could never trust him and was always wondering/trying to find out if he was messaging/dating other women from that website. Not a great relationship.
Emilia Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 BTW, women that love attention and admiration get played all the time. Yes that's the gist of my response
RedRobin Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 My thought was when I read the OP... Sh*t happens. In the future... Do your best to take criticism and praise with equal doses of skepticism... until you get to know them and they get to know you. ... and... if you are going to do OLD, you will have to find some other way to sus men out other than their 'word'. These men are complete strangers. I suggest taking at least as much time getting to know these men as you would... oh... a job search, buying a used car... or many other important decisions... before you have sex with them. Otherwise, go ahead and have sex under the facade of looking for a relationship... and 'enjoy the ride' and not worry about being 'played'... because two can (and do) play at that game. You were 'played' no more or no less than any person gets 'played' out in the real world who doesn't do their homework.
Recommended Posts