KANSAN Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 YEA... LET HER EAT HERSELF SILLY... IMO MENTION IT NOW BEFORE IT GETS OUT OF HAND. BEING YOUR WIFE I'M SURE YOU TRIED TO TELL HER IN A NICE WAY ABOUT HER WEIGHT AND MABY IT CAME OUT WRONG SO YOU'RE NOT THE WHORST GUY IN THE WORLD, YOU LOVE HER AND WANT THE BEST FOR HER TO LOOK HER BEST ECT.. AND IF ANYONE DOESNT THINK SEX IS IMPROVED WITH WEIGHT LOSS, GO AND DATE A 300+ POUNDER AND COMPARE THE SEX! TO SOMEONE THAT WEITHS LESS. TO ME IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE AN HONEST GUY THATS STATING WHAT HE WOULD LIKE HONESTLY AND TRUTHFULLY WITHOUT FOOLING ARROUND. I THOUGHT THATS WHAT MOST EVERY WOMAN WANTED HONESTY. SURE IT MIGHT OF CAME OUT INSENSITIVE BUT HE DID'NT MEAN IT THAT WAY GIVE THE GUY SOME CREDIT. STAY UP (NO PUN)
Leikela Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Originally posted by KANSAN AND IF ANYONE DOESNT THINK SEX IS IMPROVED WITH WEIGHT LOSS, GO AND DATE A 300+ POUNDER AND COMPARE THE SEX! TO SOMEONE THAT WEITHS LESS. That's quite the extreme example there and has nothing to do with what I was saying. I was referring to only HIS wife, not some 300 pounder. His wife is only "slightly" overweight so, IN THAT CASE, I don't see what the difference would be if she lost 10 or 15 pounds. ::shaking head::
Girlie Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 I don't think you're a jerk for not liking her weight gain. I love my bf to death, but that still doesn't mean that I'd be doing cartwheels if he started packing on the pounds. I wouldn't go anywhere...I adore him. But that doesn't mean I'd be ecstatic or happy. However, do keep in mind that you're both going to be old, wrinkley, and saggy someday. Looks aren't forever, you know, so putting so much emphasis on whether or not she looks like she did when you married is not such a hot idea. And it's not like she's sitting around all day eating bon bons and watching soaps. She's trying. It takes time, especially if you're losing weight the healthy way and not starving yourself. Tell her she looks fabulous and that she's doing a great job at the gym. I think compliments are more likely to keep her motivated than criticsm.
wutwereUthinking Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Originally posted by Girlie I don't think you're a jerk for not liking her weight gain. I love my bf to death, but that still doesn't mean that I'd be doing cartwheels if he started packing on the pounds. The thing is she was "fat" when he got with her. She was "fat" when he gave her the ring and walked down the aisle. Knows her 3 months, proposes, marries and then suddenly he's unattracted. Wuts up with that. Where's the common sense?
Jacksin Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 I think those of you who are criticising 'usedtobefun' are a bit harsh. I can relate to this guy as my wife was a very similar story. She piled on the weight and the heavier she got the more my interest faded. When I was at work she never got out of bed till midday, sat at the computer or infront of the TV all day stuffing her face. I tried everything with her, Jenny Craig, expensive weight reducing tablets, exercising/walking with her, encouragement, hired a treadmill, but she soon lost interest. She also developed a revolting smell from her fun parlour and with her putting these two problems in a too hard basket, the marriage failed after a few months. Some you win, some you lose Jack
Leikela Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Originally posted by Jacksin I think those of you who are criticising 'usedtobefun' are a bit harsh. I can relate to this guy as my wife was a very similar story. She piled on the weight and the heavier she got the more my interest faded. When I was at work she never got out of bed till midday, sat at the computer or infront of the TV all day stuffing her face. I tried everything with her, Jenny Craig, expensive weight reducing tablets, exercising/walking with her, encouragement, hired a treadmill, but she soon lost interest. She also developed a revolting smell from her fun parlour and with her putting these two problems in a too hard basket, the marriage failed after a few months. Some you win, some you lose Jack Jack, the weight was a symptom of a bigger problem. People don't sleep all day and sit around and stuff their faces if they're happy. So there were deeper issues at hand in your situation. This other woman was like this when "usedtobefun" met her. I highly doubt you would have married your ex-wife if she acted the way she did before you tied the knot. So your situation really isn't the same.
FolderWife Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Stop looking at porn, and you're wife will look better. This is all your fault, not hers. You are not honoring your wife, when you "look" at other women. I'm average hight, thin, hourglass body, but when my husband whacked off to airbrushed porn stars all day, he didn't get turned on by me, and nagged me to DEATH to lose weight, even though he's gained 20 pounds in the year we've been married, and I've lost 10. Once I got the nasty "slime" women out of the house, my husband can't keep his hands off me. Again, this mess is your fault. Hurting your wife, is your fault. Not being attracted to your wife is YOUR fault. She doesn't need to lose weight, you need to stop pretending that porn stars are goddesses. Take the makeup off them, and you wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole.
honey2005 Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 AND IF ANYONE DOESNT THINK SEX IS IMPROVED WITH WEIGHT LOSS, GO AND DATE A 300+ POUNDER AND COMPARE THE SEX! TO SOMEONE THAT WEITHS LESS. Kansan, have you ever had sex with a woman that weighs 300 lbs or more?
KANSAN Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Leikela, did you read the original post, usedtobefun said when he first met his wife she was 30 pounds hard to believe or not she was NOT always overweight and as far as my comment on dating a 300+ and the sex you said Originally posted by Leikela Sorry but I don't understand how her losing more weight is going to make your sex better... How do you figure? In my past experiences, when you have sex with someone you love and have a deep connection with, sex is mostly mental. Obviously there are physical aspects to it but it's about 90% mental and emotional. Sorry, but her insecurity stems from you telling her that you think she's too overweight. You're not exactly helping her self-image... you did not mention his wife and only his wife and say what if his wife was 300+ would it make a difference. THEIR IS NO WAY!!! YOU CAN TELL ME SEX IS NOT IMPROVED IF YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT BY LOOSING A FEW LBS, FOR BOTH PARTIES sure your love is not based on looks alone but loosing a few lbs cant hurt the sex life. WHAT?
KANSAN Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 HONEY, yes I have and I loved her for her but sex is verry limited
KANSAN Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 If anyone does'nt think being grossly overweight hinders you sexually THEN GAIN A FEW LBS it hinders people everyday doing everything their is to do in life even sitting, and sex fits right in there.
Adunaphel Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 kansan, AND IF ANYONE DOESNT THINK SEX IS IMPROVED WITH WEIGHT LOSS, GO AND DATE A 300+ POUNDER AND COMPARE THE SEX! TO SOMEONE THAT WEITHS LESS. I find that sort of offensive. probably because I am dating a man who is around 350 pounds. well, not really offensive. But it might hurt 300+ pounds people who happened to read it. I don't think the quality of sex is related to body size. I agree that weighing so much is not unhealty. But the quality of sex has nothing to do, IMO, with being able to try even the most acrobatic positions in kamasutra. Besides, I know 300 pounders that can swim like dolphins, or dance (classical dance) extremely gracefully. used2bfun, I have just realized that 148 lbs = 148 pounds. My fault, I'm ignorant about measure system that are not metric. I have just realized that your wife is overweight but not obese.... it does not sound as an unhealthy weight. I wish I could change something in my previous post. I guess you wanted to write that she used to weigh 130 lbs before coming to the US, is that correct? I'd love to hear some background. Did you hear it from her that she used to weigh 130(30) lbs? Or did you met her and fell in love with her before she came to the US? If she was already her current weigh, did you find her attractive at the time? Or did you marry her hoping she would lose some weight? I hope not....it would have been craziness! Changing your mind about her looks after you married her, sad as it can be, would be very different from having rushed into marriage hoping she'd get thinner. Were there a precise moment when you actually started to be bothered by her weight? You said I got married just this last January and my wife has always been heavy and over time it has started to bother me more and more. There ever was a time when you actually found her beautiful exactly as she was? Or in the beginning you didn't like how much she weight but you thought it would not bother you *that* much because you liked a lot her personality, her face, her hair, her brains, her voice, ... ?
KANSAN Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 I,d like to see a 300 pounder do a head stand or run a marathon i'm not trying to be offensive i'm simply saying sex is bett less restricted. I'm sure big people can do many fun and exciting things but when someone 300+ gets on top and you cant breathe THAT MAKES YOU THINK.
honey2005 Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 If anyone does'nt think being grossly overweight hinders you sexually THEN GAIN A FEW LBS Number 1, his wife is not "grossly" overweight. If anything she is mildly overweight, not even enough to call obese. Number 2, if his wife does get back down to 130 (which is what I hope he meant), 18 lbs is not going to make a great difference in their sex lives.
KANSAN Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 YOU'RE RIGHT, HIS WIFE IS NOT, SHE IS NOT OVERWEIGHT AT ALL IMO BUT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING WEIGHT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT THE 300+ REF WAS FOR THEM.
Leikela Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 Originally posted by KANSAN YOU'RE RIGHT, HIS WIFE IS NOT, SHE IS NOT OVERWEIGHT AT ALL IMO BUT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING WEIGHT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT THE 300+ REF WAS FOR THEM. Now you're twisting words around. I NEVER said that sex with a 300 pounder would be the same as someone who is only a few pounds overweight. You went the extreme route and I said that extreme's have nothing to do with what we're trying to say. The wife isn't overweight by THAT much so I don't see how HER losing 30 pounds would make that much of a difference. Listen, to each his/her own. I know there are some people on this board who have significant others who are in the 300 pound range and have satisfying sex lives. I see the point that you're trying to make that someone who is 300 pounds doesn't have as much range/flexibility as someone thinner, but what does that have to do with the original discussion?
honey2005 Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 Being thinner doesn't necessarily mean being sexier. Have you seen some of those plus size models? They are GORGEOUS! She can wear plenty of sexy clothes the size she is now. I don't understand what you want. If she's only 148 lbs. now, how small do you want her to be? You marry someone for who they are to begin with, you don't marry someone and then try to turn them into something else.
KANSAN Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS DISCUSSION, USTOBEFUN WANTED HIS WIFE TO LOOSE SOME WEIGHT AND A FEW PEOPLE JUMPED ON HIS CASE AND I SIMPLY AGREED WITH HIM. IF HE WANTS HIS WIFE TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT THATS ON HIM AND HIS WIFE AND NO SHOULD CHASTISE HIM FOR BEING HONEST, I GUESS HE COULD FOOL AROUND ON HIS WIFE, WOULD THAT BE BETTER THAN TELLING HIS WIFE THAT HE WANTED HER TO LOOSE SOME WEIGHT, I DON'T THINK SO. SO LET USTOBEFUN HANDLE HIS LIFE SITUATION HIS WAY THEIR IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT HE'S ASKING FOR
Leikela Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 Originally posted by KANSAN IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS DISCUSSION, USTOBEFUN WANTED HIS WIFE TO LOOSE SOME WEIGHT AND A FEW PEOPLE JUMPED ON HIS CASE AND I SIMPLY AGREED WITH HIM. IF HE WANTS HIS WIFE TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT THATS ON HIM AND HIS WIFE AND NO SHOULD CHASTISE HIM FOR BEING HONEST, I GUESS HE COULD FOOL AROUND ON HIS WIFE, WOULD THAT BE BETTER THAN TELLING HIS WIFE THAT HE WANTED HER TO LOOSE SOME WEIGHT, I DON'T THINK SO. SO LET USTOBEFUN HANDLE HIS LIFE SITUATION HIS WAY THEIR IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT HE'S ASKING FOR Yeah, but his wife isn't 300 pounds. The example you used about the 300 pounder isn't relative to his situation.
KANSAN Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 IT MIGHT BE EXTREME, BUT TO PROVE MY POINT TO THOSE WHO SAY WEIGHT DOES'NT MATTER IT IS VERY RELATIVE. MANY MARRIAGES FAIL DUE TO LACK OF COMMUNICATION, USTOBEFUN IS JUST TRYING TO SAVE HIS BY GETTING HIS ISSUES OUT THERE IN THE OPEN. IF YOU Leikela DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT IT DOES'NT MATTER HOW MUCH HIS SPOUSE WEIGHTS, IT IS IS ENOUGH FOR USTOBEFUN TO WANT A CHANGE, HE HAS STATED HIS WANTS AND I COMMEND HIM FOR LETTING HIS WIFE KNOW RATHER THAN CHEATING ON HER. COMMUNICATE PEOPLE LET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS KNOW YOUR FEELINGS AND WANTS IT MIGHT HURT THEIR FEELINGS BUT IMO IT'S BETTER THAN DIVORCE.
Leikela Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 Originally posted by KANSAN IT MIGHT BE EXTREME, BUT TO PROVE MY POINT TO THOSE WHO SAY WEIGHT DOES'NT MATTER IT IS VERY RELATIVE. MANY MARRIAGES FAIL DUE TO LACK OF COMMUNICATION, USTOBEFUN IS JUST TRYING TO SAVE HIS BY GETTING HIS ISSUES OUT THERE IN THE OPEN. IF YOU Leikela DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT IT DOES'NT MATTER HOW MUCH HIS SPOUSE WEIGHTS, IT IS IS ENOUGH FOR USTOBEFUN TO WANT A CHANGE, HE HAS STATED HIS WANTS AND I COMMEND HIM FOR LETTING HIS WIFE KNOW RATHER THAN CHEATING ON HER. COMMUNICATE PEOPLE LET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS KNOW YOUR FEELINGS AND WANTS IT MIGHT HURT THEIR FEELINGS BUT IMO IT'S BETTER THAN DIVORCE. You're funny. You've disregarded everything I've said and just repeated yourself over and over. Your extreme example is too extreme to make a point. 300 pounds is a lot different then only needing to lose 20 pounds. While a majority of the population would have a problem with 300 pounders, a very SMALL part of the population would have a problem with someone only 20 pounds over weight. Therefore, you're comparing apples and oranges. They are both fruit but different shapes and sizes. There's nothing wrong with "usedtobefun" expressing himself to his wife. However, my only point was that I don't see how her losing only 20 pounds (not some 300 pounds) would make a difference in their sex life. You're dragging other people's responses into mine and those are views that aren't mine. I have already said that severly overweight might be a problem (re-read my previous posts) but 20 pounds? How does 20 pounds make that much of a difference? Answer me that. Forget the 300 pounders. I agree with you on that, but tell me how 20 pounds ruins a sex life?!? That was only my original question. Nothing else.
hottie26 Posted July 23, 2004 Posted July 23, 2004 I think it is great you bought her gym passes and you work out with her. That is a great motivator. I believe you should tell her how much you lover her help her plan and eat meals that are healthier try to avoid eating junk food around her. Tell her how beautiful she is everyday and comment her "wow, you look great" " have you lost weight" tell her how proud you are of her when she goes to the gym and works out. At least she is going to the gym and working out, a lot of women never go. I am 118lbs and I am 5'3"; when i met my husband I was 105lbs (under weight) my husband has made comments of how I am putting on weight and that he hopes I do not get fat. The size I am now is perfect for my height I work out maybe not everyday but I work out and I am toning my tummy and butt (all my weight goes to my butt). When he made those comments it hurt rather than motivate me to work out. So, do not put her down encourage her and tell her how much you love her and how proud you are of her. Hope this helps![color=blue][/color]
dangel Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 If she seems open to losing weight, talk to her now about it. Those people who point out that she is only 20 pounds overweight don't know what this can lead to, and a 150 lbs, she is more like 40 lbs over the ideal. My wife is originally from Latin America too and she started to gain 10-20 pounds a year. I didn't say anything and now she is more than 100 pounds over what she weighed when we got married. The weight made her less active and her appetite grows the bigger she gets. It's a slippery slope.
glittergurl Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Dangel, the original post is from July 2004!!!
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