Is it normal not to talk to bf everyday?

[girl18]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 months now and we just become "official" 2 weeks ago. I am 27 and he is 35. We live about an hour away from each other so I'm not sure if one would consider that a long distance relationship or not but we usually see each other every weekend. Lately, I have been taking off work Friday's and Monday's due to unused vacation days so we have been spending Friday-Monday together. I will either drive to him and stay the weekend or he will come here. Either way, we both work at it and put in the effort. However, I have not been in a relationship in 3 years and am used to talking on the phone to someone every single day. The past 2 days, we have not spoken on the phone but have communicated via text. He is a police officer (detective) and was working last night until about 11:30pm. I missed a text from him while I was sleeping from him that said "ru up" so i'm assuming he was going to call me. Then today he texted me "morning baby" this morning and we texted all day basically. But he didn't call me at all tonight and instead I get a text from him around 10pm just saying "night baby". So my dumbass texts back and says "night, ru mad at me". I felt stupid after I sent that. He didn't even respond. I'm assuming he put his phone on silent and went to bed. I know I am probably over reacting but I guess I am just used to talking to someone on the phone everyday when I am with them. Especially us being a sorta long distance relationship, the phone is really all that we have. This weekend coming up I am going to a wedding that I have to travel about 3 hours for and he is coming as my date and driving up alone on saturday. Do you think maybe he just thinks we are spending too much time together and is maye getting sick of me or maybe he just is secure and doesn't feel the need to talk to someone everyday? I'm sure I'm going to get a text in the morning asking why I think he's mad at me. What can I say to not make myself look stupid? I am still getting to know him I guess and I just need some guidance. Thanks!

[january2011]

Welcome to the world of long-distance relationships + BFs and SOs who have demanding jobs/work odd hours.

 

From experience, LDRs are fraught with insecurity and miscommunication issues. It is just the nature of the beast. And when one partner also has a tough job with odd hours, it makes it even more of a challenge. I'd imagine that he can get very stressed and tired and when he gets a chance to sleep/unwind, he needs to take it.

 

To mitigate your insecurity and catastrophising, I think that you need to make the most of the time that you have with him and also the most of the time you don't spend with him. The former ensures that you aim for quality when you're together and the latter ensures that you don't feel lonely in the relationship and also have something to talk about when you are with him.

 

In LDRs, open and honest communication is also very important. You also need to be very patient and not be too sensitive, especially if you spend much of your time communicating over electronic media. It is much easier to miscontrue the written word than speech when the person is right in front of you and you can read body language and facial expressions.

 

Try not to project your own fears onto him. If he thinks that you're spending too much time together, then he most likely will tell you and suggest that you cut back. But from what you've written, he has taken the time to text you, which suggests that he is at least thinking of you. Unless you've actually had an argument, there's no need to assume that he's mad at you nor to ask him.

 

Continue to get to know him, so that you can read him better rather than letting your own fears fill in the gaps. And due to his job and hours, I'd imagine that there may be periods of time when you won't hear from him. You could ask him to text you if he thinks he's going to be in late or out all night, etc. but it may be that he might not know until the last minute. You could also ask him if it's possible for you both to have a quick good night/good morning phone call every day just so that you know he's okay. Otherwise, I think that being able to see each other every weekend is a luxury that most LDRs don't have.

 

Edit: As an aside, it's probably best to post your thread in just one forum as duplicate threads in multiple forums can come off as spamming to other posters, which can put them off responding to even one of your threads.

Edited August 30, 2012 by january2011

[bluegreen]

Ah someone of us just as gentleman above said wish to be blessed to be so close to our loved one some of us like you its a victim of his job it all depends is it just a job for him or who he is is.

If it is a second one then you will have to be strong like mountain and have a patience of the saint then some more cop marriages and relationships crumble like papers under pressure of long nights last minute calls stress long hours and back breaking all day all night work plus danger of the job.

 

You will have to really think about this how much do you care and are willing to put up with then share your concerns with him even if it sounds little bit early better that then bitter break up ...

[HeavenOrHell]

I personally wouldn't call it an LDR, it takes some of us an hour or more to travel to work, and spending every weekend together must be wonderful, you don't have time to miss them like you do in an LDR where you don't see each other for weeks/months, and all the difficulties that arise from hardly every being with them, the lack of physical contact/sex/cuddling/hanging out together, it can make you depressed.

 

Even local couples who are working don't necessarily see each other every day, some meet at weekends, or two or three times a week.

 

Yes you over reacted, just because he didn't call one evening, maybe he was tired, maybe work is stressing him, maybe he doesn't feel the need to talk every day as you see so much of each other.

 

 

I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 months now and we just become "official" 2 weeks ago. I am 27 and he is 35. We live about an hour away from each other so I'm not sure if one would consider that a long distance relationship or not but we usually see each other every weekend. Lately, I have been taking off work Friday's and Monday's due to unused vacation days so we have been spending Friday-Monday together. I will either drive to him and stay the weekend or he will come here. Either way, we both work at it and put in the effort. However, I have not been in a relationship in 3 years and am used to talking on the phone to someone every single day. The past 2 days, we have not spoken on the phone but have communicated via text. He is a police officer (detective) and was working last night until about 11:30pm. I missed a text from him while I was sleeping from him that said "ru up" so i'm assuming he was going to call me. Then today he texted me "morning baby" this morning and we texted all day basically. But he didn't call me at all tonight and instead I get a text from him around 10pm just saying "night baby". So my dumbass texts back and says "night, ru mad at me". I felt stupid after I sent that. He didn't even respond. I'm assuming he put his phone on silent and went to bed. I know I am probably over reacting but I guess I am just used to talking to someone on the phone everyday when I am with them. Especially us being a sorta long distance relationship, the phone is really all that we have. This weekend coming up I am going to a wedding that I have to travel about 3 hours for and he is coming as my date and driving up alone on saturday. Do you think maybe he just thinks we are spending too much time together and is maye getting sick of me or maybe he just is secure and doesn't feel the need to talk to someone everyday? I'm sure I'm going to get a text in the morning asking why I think he's mad at me. What can I say to not make myself look stupid? I am still getting to know him I guess and I just need some guidance. Thanks!

[justwhoiam]

I agree with HeavenOrHell, that's not a LDR.

 

No, I don't think calls are compulsory every day. But sure, contact every day is quite a must for me. I could go without, in case there were no options, but it's not our case this day and age.

 

You don't have to feel stupid about your message. I would see myself writing something like that or with the same purpose. If he asks, just say he seemed in a hurry all day... He will understand, hopefully. And then the first time you get a chance to talk in person, discuss such details with him and try to understand how his job really works.

 

I wouldn't think he's not interested. His texts were nice, and he seems to drop one whenever he's got a chance.