Gaprofitt Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Hi All, I'm doing much better lately and this board has been hugely helpful. First and foremost I want to thank everyone for all the advice. I've come a long way from beating myself up, vomiting in bed nightly, unable to work, no sleep to accepting things as they are. I still love my wife dearly and i'm becoming stronger everyday. As mentioned we have been married for 8 years before she left July 1st with our child. I still have yet to come to terms with her cruelness toward me and how she lie's to herself about things. She will tell friends half truths so they will bad mouth me but leave out details that she took visitation away, cussed out my sister-in-law during visitation, continues to call me crazy and is just plain cruel in how she has treated me the past two months. She has played with my heart like a yoyo and has been extremely mean about my relationship with my son. Once she left a note in the diaper bag that she wants everything back she supplied, three bottles with caps, the clothes he is wearing, just horribly rude. I paid for all the stuff anyway as she was a stay at home mom. When she left she took all his toys, all his clothes, bibs and left me nothing of my son's stuff. It was crushing. It's been 2 months later and she is finally emailing me every couple days about the status of my son, I currently only see him every other weekend via the temporary order. I just don't understand how someone I love so much and have did and shared so much with can be so cruel. I haven't did anything but try to better myself via counseling and ask her to save our marriage and try for our 11 month old son. Is it her way of dealing with the pain, to tell herself half truths and lies about me to justify not coming back or finalizing the divorce? I just don't get it. I can accept the fact she doesn't believe how hard I will try but why keep my son from me, lie to herself about facts. It's almost like she knows how passionate I am about fixing the marriage but it's easier to tell herself i'm crazy to deal with it. I just don't get it. I wouldn't treat a stranger like she has treated me. She wasn't happy in the relationship even before we had our son apparently, I knew things were not great but never thought she would leave. Now that she has I have reflected and made a lot of changes for bettering myself. I think it's wrong to have a child when you know the relationship needs work and then bail on your husband because you now have a different feeling about the relationship because of the child. I don't think that's fair to me or my son. I don't deserve to be treated the way she is treating me, maybe someone can explain why she so cold, calculating and is ignoring me, my feelings and using my son against me. I think that's beyond wrong.. I know she knows badly I want to try to save our marriage, maybe she's unable to accept things could be fixed so she lies to herself as a way of moving forward. It's almost like she is a robot only thinking about herself. What about the future? What about dad being the tooth fairy, soccer games, teaching him how to throw a baseball, christmas, coloring eggs at easter. I just don't get it. Greg
M30USA Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Hi All, I'm doing much better lately and this board has been hugely helpful. First and foremost I want to thank everyone for all the advice. I've come a long way from beating myself up, vomiting in bed nightly, unable to work, no sleep to accepting things as they are. I still love my wife dearly and i'm becoming stronger everyday. As mentioned we have been married for 8 years before she left July 1st with our child. I still have yet to come to terms with her cruelness toward me and how she lie's to herself about things. She will tell friends half truths so they will bad mouth me but leave out details that she took visitation away, cussed out my sister-in-law during visitation, continues to call me crazy and is just plain cruel in how she has treated me the past two months. She has played with my heart like a yoyo and has been extremely mean about my relationship with my son. Once she left a note in the diaper bag that she wants everything back she supplied, three bottles with caps, the clothes he is wearing, just horribly rude. I paid for all the stuff anyway as she was a stay at home mom. When she left she took all his toys, all his clothes, bibs and left me nothing of my son's stuff. It was crushing. It's been 2 months later and she is finally emailing me every couple days about the status of my son, I currently only see him every other weekend via the temporary order. I just don't understand how someone I love so much and have did and shared so much with can be so cruel. I haven't did anything but try to better myself via counseling and ask her to save our marriage and try for our 11 month old son. Is it her way of dealing with the pain, to tell herself half truths and lies about me to justify not coming back or finalizing the divorce? I just don't get it. I can accept the fact she doesn't believe how hard I will try but why keep my son from me, lie to herself about facts. It's almost like she knows how passionate I am about fixing the marriage but it's easier to tell herself i'm crazy to deal with it. I just don't get it. I wouldn't treat a stranger like she has treated me. She wasn't happy in the relationship even before we had our son apparently, I knew things were not great but never thought she would leave. Now that she has I have reflected and made a lot of changes for bettering myself. I think it's wrong to have a child when you know the relationship needs work and then bail on your husband because you now have a different feeling about the relationship because of the child. I don't think that's fair to me or my son. I don't deserve to be treated the way she is treating me, maybe someone can explain why she so cold, calculating and is ignoring me, my feelings and using my son against me. I think that's beyond wrong.. I know she knows badly I want to try to save our marriage, maybe she's unable to accept things could be fixed so she lies to herself as a way of moving forward. It's almost like she is a robot only thinking about herself. What about the future? What about dad being the tooth fairy, soccer games, teaching him how to throw a baseball, christmas, coloring eggs at easter. I just don't get it. Greg Ouch. Sorry to hear about your raw deal. Unless you are a molestor or serious criminal, she is only harming your children by denying them access to you. 1
tojaz Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I don't deserve to be treated the way she is treating me, maybe someone can explain why she so cold, calculating and is ignoring me, my feelings and using my son against me. I think that's beyond wrong.. I know she knows badly I want to try to save our marriage, maybe she's unable to accept things could be fixed so she lies to herself as a way of moving forward. It's almost like she is a robot only thinking about herself. What about the future? What about dad being the tooth fairy, soccer games, teaching him how to throw a baseball, christmas, coloring eggs at easter. I just don't get it. Greg Its the rewriting of the history. Shes not going to allow any of those positive memories in right now. There is a long process that goes into someone leaving that you never get to see, their taking action is the last part of the process even though it is the first part of yours. She has already decided all the excuses she has to leave and edited out all the positive parts of your marriage, to hear her version of things, she was likely chained to a radiator the whole time. Now that your in on it and trying to stand for your marriage she is doing everything she can to be resolute in her decision and doing everything she can to combat anything that tarnishes her new version of events. Those times just don't exist for her right now. TOJAZ 2
Greznog Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I just don't understand how someone I love so much and have did and shared so much with can be so cruel. I haven't did anything but try to better myself via counseling and ask her to save our marriage and try for our 11 month old son. Is it her way of dealing with the pain, to tell herself half truths and lies about me to justify not coming back or finalizing the divorce? I just don't get it. I can accept the fact she doesn't believe how hard I will try but why keep my son from me, lie to herself about facts. It's almost like she knows how passionate I am about fixing the marriage but it's easier to tell herself i'm crazy to deal with it. I just don't get it. I wouldn't treat a stranger like she has treated me. You've now served your purpose by providing her with offspring, with the assistance of the court system she no longer has any business with you that can't be handled by a collection agency.
K Os Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I'm sorry you are in such pain. It's almost like she is a robot only thinking about herself. I'm afraid this is spot on. She is, and as others have said, she will shut out any positive memories or feelings because they don't help consolidate her emotional position. She won't be able to do this forever, though - we all dream at night, for one thing, and memories often come unbidden. My wife has been through this, I know, and the result when enough positive memories came through was just confusion. That's when she told me she still loved me, for the first time in a year. It hasn't changed her mind about leaving, though... I think there's a tendency to be very hard and cruel in order to 'get the job done'. Then when it's accomplished, there can be a softening, but not enough to warrant getting back together. Mission accomplished. Sorry, man. I feel for you. 1
notbroken Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Sorry for your troubles though this is very common with 'dumpers'. You are 'all bad' in her mind. The worse you are then the easier it is to justify her actions to herself and others. She will badmouth you so others will agree she is doing the right thing because she needs reassurance from herself and others. You can do no right now or in the future and everything you ever did was bad somehow. Look out for yourself. For once in your life you have to put yourself first. No one else will.
LadyGrey Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I have asked you this in 2 other threads and you don't respond, you ignore the question and I think you are not telling the full story here because you've alluded to you having issues. You are painting yourself as the victim and I'm not buying it. I think there is so much more to this story than you are telling because you aren't giving any details at all about what you did wrong. So again, why did your stbx get a no contact order against you? Were you abusive? 1
Author Gaprofitt Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 I have asked you this in 2 other threads and you don't respond, you ignore the question and I think you are not telling the full story here because you've alluded to you having issues. You are painting yourself as the victim and I'm not buying it. I think there is so much more to this story than you are telling because you aren't giving any details at all about what you did wrong. So again, why did your stbx get a no contact order against you? Were you abusive? Bump.. Because she was emotionally unstable and couldn't handle communication, this thread is about her anger, don't threadcrap..
LadyGrey Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Bump.. Because she was emotionally unstable and couldn't handle communication, this thread is about her anger, don't threadcrap.. Now that doesn't make sense......lol. She got a no contact order against you because she couldn't handle communication?? Why don't I believe you? I bet the judge didn't see it that way.
2sunny Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Her anger? She couldn't handle communication? What did that look like? If the court outlines custody all you need to be doing is following the guidelines. If she chooses not to communicate with you - that's HER right. It's best if YOU follow the court guidelines. She may view any contact as harassment...
tojaz Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Bump.. Because she was emotionally unstable and couldn't handle communication, this thread is about her anger, don't threadcrap.. LadyGrey asks a valid question. Your asking for people to interpret her actions, that can only be done with proper, unbiased information. What you state here is a viable reason for her to choose to seek an order, but not a reason for one to be granted. TOJAZ
2sunny Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Maybe she's angry you wouldn't leave her alone? Who knows... But if you don't know - there's a bigger problem than you think. You must know! Either way - leave her alone!
Author Gaprofitt Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) Maybe she's angry you wouldn't leave her alone? Who knows... But if you don't know - there's a bigger problem than you think. You must know! Either way - leave her alone! I don't have all the answers, now the no contact is apparently lifted and she's emailing me now, I don't get it either. What i mean by her not being able to handle communication is I think it was tough for her to move on because I was contacting her a lot. That was over a month ago. Edited August 31, 2012 by Gaprofitt
2sunny Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I don't have all the answers, now the no contact is apparently lifted and she's emailing me now, I don't get it either. What i mean by her not being able to handle communication is I think it was tough for her to move on because I was contacting her a lot. That was over a month ago. What exactly did YOU do that made her get a protective order. Be specific.
Author Gaprofitt Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 What exactly did YOU do that made her get a protective order. Be specific. The honest answer is I don't truly know. I think it was the amount of emails I sent, I went overkill when she left with begging, pleading, etc. I was even going to her parents home to see my son, talking to her etc before she did this. I think it was just easier for her to deal with not seeing me, talking to me etc to move on. She knows I still want the marriage and hearing all the positive things she can't accept was tough on her which I understand.
Radu Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 What did you do from a legal pov ? Did you talk to a lawyer ? How much are you on the hook for alimony for ? How did you end up with 14.2% custody ?
Author Gaprofitt Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 What did you do from a legal pov ? Did you talk to a lawyer ? How much are you on the hook for alimony for ? How did you end up with 14.2% custody ? It's just a temporary agreement for now between us, obviously seeing my son 4 days a month isn't something i'm happy with. Greg
2sunny Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 So - sheMAY bead that you kept at her over and over whenSHE WASN'T participating in communication! Do not communicate with her unless SHE starts it - only hen ---> ONE WORD answers to her:yes, no and maybe should suffice.
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