ShyOne82 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 My standards are VERY high, but who am I? I'm no way near perfect but I want a guy that is(in my eyes). The sad part is that I go through phases of liking high profile men. I fantasize and daydream about pursuing them to see what happens, forgetting about evryone around me. I have a relative who is in the entertainment industry who knows and works with celebrities and is in contact with many high profile people... so whenever I have an interest in someone I cant personally reach out to, I think about calling my cousin. For some odd reason, regular guys dont interest me and I barely find them attractive. I havent told my cousin about this one particular guy I really like.. not yet at least.. only because I dont want to come across as a groupie to him. I know I focus way too much on looks because my mother tells me LOL. But my goodness no one where I've lived (3 diff states) have sparked my interest. The only time I experienced some kind of love or infatuation was in HS.. and that was almost 10 years ago..had a child with him and hes a loser now. But anyway, idk what to do with myself. I always seem to fall for guys I may not even get a chance to meet. Am I crazy? This has been going on for so long and I feel like I will be very much alone if I dont snap out of it. I'm not sure if any of you will be able to relate. Should I try to pursue this guy? A date wouldn't hurt, if he's interested, right? Am I really being unrealistic? Do you think my cousin will be upset if I use him to get in touch with this guy? ughhh the agony. :Prepares for negative comments:
mesmerized Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Ask your cousin to set you up with him, nothing's wrong with that. But Keep in mind that high profile men also have a lot of women just like you running after them. So it's always going to be a battle. 1
Author ShyOne82 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Yea, I figured other women would be doing the same thing..which is why I need to hurry up.. the worst thing he can say is "no" or not interested.. So I guess I will try.. need to get some liquid courage.. anyway thanks for reply
irin Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 the problem with high status men is they have many woman after them, they can be arrogant, they may have trust issues. etc... the advice i give girls that are interested in the life is to actually pursue it your self other then getting it through a man. theres nothing wrong with being ambitious, if your attracted to a fancy lifestyle work hard for it yourself. 2
pteromom Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 So you have a 10 year old child, and you want to go out with some hot guy in the entertainment industry? I'm confused. Why? What is it about being "high profile" that attracts you to him? Do you think you would gain some kind of worth by being with a "high profile" guy? I don't think there is anything wrong with having high standards. But you do need to make sure that your standards line up with the life you have. A mom of a 10 year old with a guy who (I assume?) travels all over the world for shows or movies just isn't a good match. I think you need to think about what it is that attracts you to this man. And find out how you can attain that in a realistic way.
pteromom Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 The sad part is that I go through phases of liking high profile men. I fantasize and daydream about pursuing them to see what happens, forgetting about evryone around me. Reading through your initial post again, this stuck out to me. Do you think you focus on unattainable men because you are afraid of being hurt again? If you give your attention to someone who is unlikely to be interested, you never have to be vulnerable and risk being hurt, but if you become attracted to a "regular guy", he is able to get close to you and hurt you.
Author ShyOne82 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 So you have a 10 year old child, and you want to go out with some hot guy in the entertainment industry? I'm confused. Why? What is it about being "high profile" that attracts you to him? Do you think you would gain some kind of worth by being with a "high profile" guy? I don't think there is anything wrong with having high standards. But you do need to make sure that your standards line up with the life you have. A mom of a 10 year old with a guy who (I assume?) travels all over the world for shows or movies just isn't a good match. I think you need to think about what it is that attracts you to this man. And find out how you can attain that in a realistic way. Its actually been 9 years since HS, but my daughter is 5 as I was with her dad for a couple years before I got pregnant. Men with higher statuses to me, have more confidence. Well it seems that way on the outside. Ive been with to many lames.. its just makes me feel good about myself and my attraction for them is very high. I have a very hard time falling for guys because of my standards so I gotta take it to the next level to feel something
Author ShyOne82 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 the problem with high status men is they have many woman after them, they can be arrogant, they may have trust issues. etc... the advice i give girls that are interested in the life is to actually pursue it your self other then getting it through a man. theres nothing wrong with being ambitious, if your attracted to a fancy lifestyle work hard for it yourself. Makes sense.. and thats one of the reasons why I bail out on my pursuit because I am no way near what these guys are so I am a bit insecure. U are right though.
Author ShyOne82 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 Reading through your initial post again, this stuck out to me. Do you think you focus on unattainable men because you are afraid of being hurt again? If you give your attention to someone who is unlikely to be interested, you never have to be vulnerable and risk being hurt, but if you become attracted to a "regular guy", he is able to get close to you and hurt you. My goodness, I never thought about it that way. I have a hard time explaining myself and interpreting my own thoughts and feelings so seeing your perspective really makes me think. One thing I have to admitt, idk if I already did, is that men that are better than me helps my self esteem. It gives me that boost to better myself physically and mentally. It's more challenging. And I am sure it will be more exciting if I get the prize. Im not a model, but I find it too easy to attract regular guys and they come off as desperate which is a turn off for me.
SushiX Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 You sound like a gold digger. I hope you have the looks to back that up.
Author ShyOne82 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 You sound like a gold digger. I hope you have the looks to back that up. No, not a gold digger, just want better for myself than what I am used to. Well I'm not all that.. look at my Avi, what do u think? lol im joking dont hurt my feelings.. thanks
Author ShyOne82 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 You're shooting for men way way way out of your league. High status men want extremely attractive women and generally prefer them to have no baggage and you do have a child. I'm not saying you're ugly or anything but I doubt you're in the same league as the men you're lusting after Just being honest here. You're never going to get one of these men to commit to you when they have options of women who are far more attractive and higher status I appreciate ur opinion. I dont include my daughter in my relationships unless I know it will be long term and that hasnt happened yet. I know Im not in the same league as him..in certain areas.. cant argue with that. BUT, I think im a good catch. Ive seen a few high status folks with regulars lol..
Author ShyOne82 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 Why not go for a regular guy who is cute and has a nice personality? Plenty of those around and you won't have to fight through women better looking than you/higher status than you to get them Please believe me I have. The ones I come across turn out to be controlling, desperate, needy. They seem confident at first but then their true colors come out when they start looking through my cell, checking emails etc.. I just feel like I deserve better. Its too easy to get a guy, whats hard is getting what I want. I am extremely picky. I havent made any moves yet. Whats ironic is that the guy I like isnt that attractive.. all the things i like about him makes him sexy to me. He's beautiful in my eyes. Ive been with pretty boys with ugly personalities that I just couldnt take after awhile.
Eve Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I say go for it but from the perspective that you find this person interesting. Successful people have their faults as well as not so successful people so keep your eyes open. Personally I can understand your interest as I dated exclusively wealthy men for a time (back in the day). It was their ability to 'make things happen' which I found attractive.. but in the end I married someone with little money and we made our fortunes together. I was a single Mummy at the time. So, work on yourself (always) but explore what you find attractive with a view that you also must be what you are looking for. That's how I think these matters work in real terms. I would ignore comments made about you having a child being something to make you less attractive to someone who is very successful. Personal choice is one matter BUT this is not the case for all men. Keep your chin up! Such views may serve as an indication of negative characterisics which often people try to keep hidden; an inability to care for others unconditionally, etc. All the very best, Take care, Eve x 2
Author ShyOne82 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 I say go for it but from the perspective that you find this person interesting. Successful people have their faults as well as not so successful people so keep your eyes open. Personally I can understand your interest as I dated exclusively wealthy men for a time (back in the day). It was their ability to 'make things happen' which I found attractive.. but in the end I married someone with little money and we made our fortunes together. I was a single Mummy at the time. So, work on yourself (always) but explore what you find attractive with a view that you also must be what you are looking for. That's how I think these matters work in real terms. I would ignore comments made about you having a child being something to make you less attractive to someone who is very successful. Personal choice is one matter BUT this is not the case for all men. Keep your chin up! Such views may serve as an indication of negative characterisics which often people try to keep hidden; an inability to care for others unconditionally, etc. All the very best, Take care, Eve x Well said, thanks for the reply and wish me luck!
Eve Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Well said, thanks for the reply and wish me luck! You will be fine. Would LOVE to hear how it all goes! Things may work out, or it may just be another way for you to look at your core beliefs about yourself and others. Keep an open heart. I found wealthy men to be a bit too concerned about their money in the end and got tired of waiting for this and that. In the end it trickled down to me understanding that I wanted someone with a bit of fire to them. I found that that was what my initial attraction to the whole 'success' thing was about... that special spark. Whatever you do, don't give up and start generalising men by status etc... you may miss a diamond in the rough. Success is subjective in many respects. There are many good men out there who could love you up (and care for your daughter) who are just normal men. Don't lose sight of this. Fantasy is fine though! I am sure we all jazz things up a bit when we daydream! At the same time a dick is a dick, regardless of status. Watch a good film or something and don't bother with that sort. Walk on. No excuses. Take care, Eve x
strongnrelaxed Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I think that your love life will improve when you learn to undo the damage that has been done to you (men are damaged in similar ways). You should really dig deep and find out what you want most in a man. The problem is that you are not likely to find it all in one man. There are very few men who can be sexy, badass, smart, high profile, and faithful. You can get a few of these things in one bundle, but good luck finding it all. That is a fairy tale. If you dig down deep and think about your ideal man. Rate his character and physical traits. Then look for a man who possesses the top 5-10 traits. Remember that in 5-10 years your needs will change and so you should expect this to be a challenge later. But don't try to deal with that now. Find the best man for you for now and deal with the rest later. I would highly recommend that you do NOT get married. Stay single and free. Never get into a marriage situation ever. You have a baby and she should come first. When she moves out, THEN you can think about getting married.
Author ShyOne82 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 I think that your love life will improve when you learn to undo the damage that has been done to you (men are damaged in similar ways). You should really dig deep and find out what you want most in a man. The problem is that you are not likely to find it all in one man. There are very few men who can be sexy, badass, smart, high profile, and faithful. You can get a few of these things in one bundle, but good luck finding it all. That is a fairy tale. If you dig down deep and think about your ideal man. Rate his character and physical traits. Then look for a man who possesses the top 5-10 traits. Remember that in 5-10 years your needs will change and so you should expect this to be a challenge later. But don't try to deal with that now. Find the best man for you for now and deal with the rest later. I would highly recommend that you do NOT get married. Stay single and free. Never get into a marriage situation ever. You have a baby and she should come first. When she moves out, THEN you can think about getting married. hmm everything made sense until u told me to stay single LOL. I have 2 half siblings one was on the Harlem Globetrotters team.. hes on another team now and the other, **** idk what she does.. accounting or something. They turned out pretty good i dont understand why I should wait. Ive never introduced my daughter to anyone i was dating or in a relationship with. My personal life is separate and I know how to prioritize my life so I dont think i will wait till shes grown I am 26 years old.. i cant waste time like that. I respect ur input though..
SushiX Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I would ignore comments made about you having a child being something to make you less attractive to someone who is very successful. Personal choice is one matter BUT this is not the case for all men. Keep your chin up! Such views may serve as an indication of negative characterisics which often people try to keep hidden; an inability to care for others unconditionally, etc. It's not the case for all men, but most men. Most men want kids of their own. It's just a lot of baggage to handle and most men wouldn't want to get involved. I just find it a little ridiculous that some people have such high standards when they have so much baggage. And high profile men know they can do much better than this.
Author ShyOne82 Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 It's not the case for all men, but most men. Most men want kids of their own. It's just a lot of baggage to handle and most men wouldn't want to get involved. I just find it a little ridiculous that some people have such high standards when they have so much baggage. And high profile men know they can do much better than this. ONE kid tho? come on.. I want more kids myself. Not all single mothers are looking for a father figure. I just dont see it as baggage.. because my life isn't a complicated mess.. But do you really think its about doing "better"? I mean a high status guy can be with a top model with no kids and be unhappy.. We see celebs get married and divorced in like 2 days. The guy I like at the moment isnt that high profile.. he is known but he's not a brad pitt so let me clarify that.
Eve Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I would highly recommend that you do NOT get married. Stay single and free. Never get into a marriage situation ever. You have a baby and she should come first. When she moves out, THEN you can think about getting married. H'mmm.. would expectations be different if it was a man who was the single parent? Nah, I have heard of some people staying single once they have a child and their relationship ends but the case is usually that life goes on and they find someone else. Ce la vie. Single men are single for like two weeks anyway. Being a good single Dad is HOT! (ok, HOT to some women) OP, a little inspiration.. 17 Celebrities Who Married Normal People: I Took Notes « HowAboutWe – Date Report I like the fact that the meetings between these couples were just so.. normal. Maybe the idea of being with someone who is successful can get mixed up with it being a fantasy type meeting and this is what people find hard to comprehend? As far as I am concerned, people are people, successful or not. OP if you have a vision of something and it really resonates with you, listen to it. It may be your future calling. You never know how these things will work out! .. but I am a risk taker and eternal optimist by nature. Don't doubt yourself. Take care, Eve x
Pirouette Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I am pleasantly surprised that this hasn't descended into a mudslinging fest! I agree with Eve in that there is nothing wrong with daydreaming about celebrities, or dating them, but that if you find yourself fixating on it too much, you really need to look inside and figure out why. Celebrities, being forefront in the public eye, represent a myriad of things to society: power, status, wealth, beauty, adulation, success, etc. Their image and persona often looms much larger than their actual self. You said yourself that there is a bit of an esteem issue here, in that if you got one of these high profile men, it would elevate your own sense of self that such a man would choose you. This, to me, is a bit of a warning sign. If you met a man similar to yourself, in attractiveness, salary, values, and who also had a child and a loving family, would you disdain him because he is not a high profile man? If the answer to this is yes, that's another warning sign. Going after someone that you perceive as better than you, so as to make yourself better, is a losing strategy. If you feel inadequate about yourself, you need to address those feelings head on and work to resolve them yourself, either by improving your life until you feel satisfied with yourself or embracing your reality as it is. That will provide you and your child with more lasting happiness than landing a celebrity ever will.
Hawaii50 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Yeah.. I'd definitely recommend you come back down to Earth and live your real life, not the fantasy one.
Author ShyOne82 Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 Maybe the idea of being with someone who is successful can get mixed up with it being a fantasy type meeting and this is what people find hard to comprehend? I think so. I genuinely like this guy, no fantasy here. The fact that as a reg person I may have easier access to him is great for me. I don't know how to tell my cousin...he takes his job pretty seriously.. he's def not a match maker.. but we shall see. Someone already called me a gold digger and I am far from that. I like higher quality guys that is all. I dont care about his money.. he's not THAT famous no disrespect to him. I like what I like. Thats all I can say about it.
Author ShyOne82 Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 I am pleasantly surprised that this hasn't descended into a mudslinging fest If you met a man similar to yourself, in attractiveness, salary, values, and who also had a child and a loving family, would you disdain him because he is not a high profile man? Of course not. The problem is that I havent found him yet. There are alot of guys out there that have wonderful qualities but the attraction isnt there. I dont feel anything. I know im not gay so I dont understand why no one around here is catching my eye..It has been this way for years and i just settle. Even when I meet attractive guys something about their personality ruins it and I start to find them less attractive.. I mean I dont know how else to explain it.
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