michaelat Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I am in need of major help here. I don't want to bother my friends with this stuff, so i'm hoping people on here can help me out. So, I've had my current job since July 2011 and it's the best job that I could ever ask for because of the people that I work with. I'm really good friends with most of them in and out of work. Well, I started to gain a friendship with my one of three managers. We got close and talked for a couple months. Then a month or two after him and his girlfriend broke up (he talked to me about that) we started to talk to each other. It was so sweet. He was adorable and we talked about everything. He learned so much about me and I learned so much about him. We were texting non-stop and he always wanted to know about my day and how I was and just listen to all the stories I had, like I did with him. I supported him, he supported me. Well, in June, we had our first date. He brought me on a hike through the woods to a water fall up in the woods. After that, we went back to his house to watch Scooby Doo (it was a joke) but we cuddled, joked around, and ended up kissing.. I spent the night, but there was no sexually active done. Well, after that, he got even cuter. He was always texting me, saying that he missed me, wishes I was there, and when he was in work, he'd beg me to make time go quicker so that I could come in for my shift and he could see my face. No one in work knew about us.. we could get fired. But then I had sex with him and things changed. We still were all lovey dovey for a bit, but then he didn't text me as much, and then he didn't listen to me as much or have conversations with me about my stories, just about his. Then he didn't act the same. Now, I know this is wrong, but I went through his phone. He had a girlfriend that he dated for three years and he was so in love with her, he said that he wanted to marry her, but they broke up and since then, he's been so broken and that she tore him apart. He has so many issues now because of her and all his songs (he's in a band) are about her. This is stuff that I found out before we started to talk. This ex-girlfriend is the reason that him and the girl before me stopped dating. Well, let's put it this way. After our second date, we stopped going on dates. Since then, it's been his bedroom all the other times that we hung out. He doesn't take me out, I've never met his friends/family. He's making this whole secret relationship a REAL secret... he lives an hour from our work and my town, no one knows who I am and we discussed this.. he could take me out. Well anyways, I found out why.... I went through his text messages the last time I slept over while he was in the shower and found ones that he sent to his ex-girlfriend. The one that he loved so much that "broke" him. Well what I learned from reading these messages: 1. They secretly text. Her boyfriend watches who she texts so she doesn't text him when they are together, and deletes his messages. So if he sends her a message, she sometimes doesn't read them but deletes them. 2. He invites her to his band concerts. The August 10th one, she was invited too but didn't go. (He invited me but then I found out I wasn't able to go) He has another one September 7th, and he invited her there, telling her that he would love to see her. She said that she is going to try. (He hasn't invited me to this concert, probably because I have a wedding the next day and have to rehearse the night before). 3. There are two pictures that he sent to me, that I found out he also sent to her. Not pictures of himself, but ones where it's him and a bird that I joke around is my buddy, not his.. yeah, he sent that picture to her with a caption of "my little buddy". 4. He tells her all updates about himself. Some that I never even knew myself.. like he was getting a tattoo done this week. Yeah, he still hasn't mentioned that to me. 5. For his friend's wedding, she thinks that she is invited and if she is, she's probably gonna be dateless, so he said that he doesn't think he is bringing anyone and invited her to sit with him, which she said for dinner she would and they could be the dateless losers. 6. It's not huge but I let him borrow one of my Supernatural DVDs and I forgot that he stopped watching that show because that was her favorite show and I seen in the text message that he brought up watching it and tried to get a convo in about that. 7. Lastly, I found out my reason why things have changed. In one long message that he sent to her, that she didn't read because of her boyfriend being there so she had to delete it, he told her that she is the reason this band is what it is because of their break up, he has great songs and ****. But he wishes each day that none of that ever happened and that he would've fought the day that she said she wanted a break because he didn't want her to go. He still wishes that they were together, and that he gets bored easily of girls now because they aren't her. He says that even strangers can tell how broken he is and it's all because of her and he just wants to be back with her. So that was long and boring, I'm sorry. I had to get this out somewhere, and I'm hoping someone on here cares to read.... that'd be great ahaha. But, see we work together, and my sister works with us. From the beginning, it wasn't about the sex. We were having a good time and I honestly think that he wasn't playing me, that he was actually in for it. I would think he's smart enough to not play a girl that 1. he's deathly afraid that my sister would kill him when she found out that not only one were we seeing each other but two that he took my virginity, and also the fact that we work together so it's not gonna be an easy "hit and quit". So from reading this text message between him and her, I got so hurt. I cried all day and night from this and I still am crying. I've worked with him twice since than and I can feel the difference. He doesn't kiss me unless we're having sex or about to depart from each other. It's only late night hang outs and we don't talk every minute... he hasn't texted me in two days now, even though we've seen each other all night. I know that I need to end things. I can't do this with him. I refuse to be a sex buddy. That's all I am feeling like I am. We have sex each time that we hang out. Now that I know he's "bored" and he's into another girl still, I want out but I want to make it in a way that he knows he really hurt me and that he can actually realize it. But how? I just need advice. I want to get it out in a text message. (I wanted to do it in person but there's no way I can. He lives an hour away for one, and two we don't hang out unless it's his house and that would be setting me up for another sex night... not good. Work is not an option. So the phone is my last resort). We've always had deep conversations better in text messages since we're both shy to express things out loud... so I need help. I want to do this tonight, but I'm scared. Most importantly, I just don't want to lose him. But I know that I can't live like that and I'm not a sex buddy, I deserve better. I'm not a second choice either, I refuse to be.
Anastar Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 You're his rebound...plain and simple. Don't overthink it. He clearly has unfinished business with his gf. All the rationalizing in the world isn't going to change that. I'm truly sorry for you, and I know how terrible you must feel. Stop all contact with him, unless you want more pain. -A
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