Does my husbands friend want more from me?

[southgal]

Okay, here goes. I wrote last year with the same delimma. My husband and I have not had sex in approximately 5 years. I am a breast cancer survivor and have gone through a lumpectomy and chemo and radiation. I at that time didn't want sex . I was never very amorous with my husband because i didn't find him sexually attractive even though I loved him.My hormones have been screwed up for years. I am now on bio-identical hormones and am wanting sex BUT not with my husband. I wish he would find someone else. I care for him but I am not in love with him.

Well anyway this friend of his has been attentive to me everytime we see him and his wife which is every so many months.I have known him for many years as he used to come to our house for suppers if he was working in the area. I never met his wife til a few years after the fact. It has only been the last three years that he has started hugging me and kissing me on the cheek when we see him and when we depart from their company.I NEVER had feelings for him until I felt like these attentions were an act of him finding me attractive.I am lonely and have discussed this with my husband and he says he cannot do 'it ' anymore due to not having done 'it'for so long. He does watch porn though, so he is getting his rocks off that way.

Anyway last weekend the 'friend' and his wife visited and we went on a road trip for two nights. nothing ontoward happened but he was always helping me out of the club cab and once protected my head from hitting the roof and pushed my butt up into the seat or putting his arm across my back for me to go first. He just couldn't help touching me it seemed. Then as we were parting compant and they were leaving he hugged me tightly and for alongeer length of time than a quick 'friend' hug and kissed the side of my mouth.

For HEAVENS SAKE am I reading more into this that is there????? His wife is sweet though I know they are having troubles of their own and he doesn't hide the fact that there is something amiss though he hasn't come out and said so.PLEASE HELP ME!

[anne1707]

Is this the same man who you were posting about in March 2011? If so, I thought you had decided to not mess with him and his marriage. It just feels to me that you are trying to see something in his actions that is not there. An affair will provide no answers, just pain.

[losingmyground]

You need to see if maybe they have a "open" relationship. I find it odd that you do not mention that it bothers his wife. Before you decide to pursue a "relationship" you might want to try and seduce your husband. He is probably used to taking things into his own hands...no pun intended. He has suffered rejection for some years now. I am sure he is wanting you to take the lead. If he cannot perform, have him get a check up. If he won't, visit an adult store....a toy can do more for you than some random dude. Remember that it took years for you to get to this place in your marriage. If you cannot live like this, than divorce him. DO NOT become the MOW. Leave with respect and integrity.

[southgal]

I did mention I don't have it for my husband anymore as he has been rejecting me yet says he loves me. I am lonely and I am sure this 'friend' is the same way as he lets little things slide out. I really do feel he has feelings for me. I don't think I am imagining it.

[yongyong]

So he stayed with you during your cancer treatment and now you want to bang another guy?? ROFL

 

I made a comment in other thread 'I would leave her if she gets a serious disease' and some people got offended. now I feel awesome about saying that. he should've left you alone as soon as you got diagnosed with a cancer.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

It sounds like you are trying to solve a problem, with another, perhaps bigger problem.

 

If possible, you should get therapy, just so you will express the full of your feelings to an impartial audience.

 

You don't hint at anything truly unrecoverable about your marriage, and yet you are trying to get it to become unrecoverable.

 

Why not address the problems instead of trying to enjoy something unrelated to them.

 

Even if you bang this guy, and have the greatest time doing so, you still have to go home to your husband at some point (while he goes home to his wife).

 

Cancer is certainly regretable, and the biological impacts thereof are understandable, but neither you nor your husband are applying yourselves appropriately to your relationship. Until you BOTH do that, it simply doesn't make sense to look 'elsewhere' for comfort that is well short of a solution.

[losingmyground]

Okay, here goes. I wrote last year with the same delimma. My husband and I have not had sex in approximately 5 years. I am a breast cancer survivor and have gone through a lumpectomy and chemo and radiation. I at that time didn't want sex . I was never very amorous with my husband because i didn't find him sexually attractive even though I loved him.My hormones have been screwed up for years.

 

So he has suffered from rejection for a minimum of 4-5 yrs. I do understand the part about the hormones and cancer being the cause. I am sure that is part of the reason he is still around.

 

I am now on bio-identical hormones and am wanting sex BUT not with my husband.

 

Is this do to him not being attractive or not initiating?

 

I wish he would find someone else. I care for him but I am not in love with him.

 

Then let him find someone that does love him.

 

Well anyway this friend of his has been attentive to me everytime we see him and his wife which is every so many months.I have known him for many years as he used to come to our house for suppers if he was working in the area.

 

Is this your husband's friend first?

 

I never met his wife til a few years after the fact. It has only been the last three years that he has started hugging me and kissing me on the cheek when we see him and when we depart from their company.I NEVER had feelings for him until I felt like these attentions were an act of him finding me attractive.

 

So what. I have customers at the bar that hug me and find me attractive. That does not mean we are going to jump in the bed together. It also does not mean they are wanting to leave their wife to be with me.

 

I am lonely and have discussed this with my husband and he says he cannot do 'it ' anymore due to not having done 'it'for so long. He does watch porn though, so he is getting his rocks off that way.

 

Bet you ten bucks that is how he keep from having an affair while you denied him access.

 

Anyway last weekend the 'friend' and his wife visited and we went on a road trip for two nights. nothing ontoward happened but he was always helping me out of the club cab and once protected my head from hitting the roof and pushed my butt up into the seat or putting his arm across my back for me to go first. He just couldn't help touching me it seemed. Then as we were parting compant and they were leaving he hugged me tightly and for alongeer length of time than a quick 'friend' hug and kissed the side of my mouth.

 

Again, they may have an open relationship. Or you are seriously reading to much into it.

 

For HEAVENS SAKE am I reading more into this that is there????? His wife is sweet though I know they are having troubles of their own and he doesn't hide the fact that there is something amiss though he hasn't come out and said so.PLEASE HELP ME!

[southgal]

I needed this kick in the pants. It doesn't solve the problem that it isn't there anymore.You are so right about the consequences if we were to go further,not a good thing. I have got to move on once again and stay completely clear of this guy!