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Is it time to call my marriage quits as my husband is in loves someone else?

Blaire

By Blaire
in Separation and Divorce

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Blaire New Member

Blaire

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I am 31 and married my husband in 3yrs ago after 4 years of dating and i am so happy, my husband is 32.He has known this certain female friend of his for 18yrs and she is 26 and i feel very intimidated by her, they have a lot of mutual friends, she is so beautiful looking and almost all my husbands friends say they have a thing for her. When my husband found out she was engaged he became very pissed off with everybody and would turn on me for the littlest things, her engagement has since ended. I've always sensed off him that he had feelings for her when we dated, they were very close until she moved away to be with her fiance. My husband confessed to me 3 months ago that they dated in her teens and that he was her first sexual partner, but they kept their relationship quite. She is back here visiting family and friends at the moment & i catch my him staring her all the time, he always near her & when she does something 'silly' he keeps telling her she adorable its like he's so happy shes back. When i talk to him about her he gets very aggravated about it. My MIL adores her and she is such a outgoing person and my husband never lets say anything about her, she was always a very popular girl and has many friends. She is a professional dancer, When she is dancing with family/friends at a party my husband just stands or sits there watching her and always has a certain look in his eye, He barely touches me anymore, Yesterday i overheard his male best friend asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday he 'joked' that he wanted a marriage & non-stop sex sessions with her. When we all went out for dinner she was in a dress and im surprised my hubby could control himself, he kept smiling at her and standing almost on top of her at, when she would walk past him i could clearly see him checking out her ***. When we had sex that night im convinced he was thinking about her. She's so nice to me which makes it hard for me to really hate her, She always involves me with her girlfriends etc. My hubby got very drunk over the weekend and i overheard him say to his friends that 'he may get a divorce'. Any advice on how i deal with this?

GuyInLimbo Established Member

GuyInLimbo

Posted
Posted

sheesh. This is a tough one. Sounds like a total lack of respect from him. And, yeah, who would want to be with someone who seems more into someone else all the time. The resentment is only going to grow if something isn't done now.

 

You said you are so happy now, but you're not if you're posting in here.

 

I'm more of a pessimist, so I would tend to say say dump his ass now before he does cheat on you. If it's not her, then it will be someone else. If you guys are having all these issues after only 3 years being married, that's almost impossible to overcome in my eyes. The things he's doing are going to eat away at your self-esteem, at the very least. No one is worth that.

  • Like 1
SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted

Why don't we cut to the chase here?

 

Is your husband a criminal? Or is he not?

 

 

He was 14, she was 8... Now it is possible that she was an adult teen of 18, and he 24, when they "dated"... but short of that, she could have been 15 and he 21, which would have been illegal in most places.

 

Once we learn the answer to that critical question, then we can better suggest your best course of action.

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willowthewisp Established Member

willowthewisp

Posted
Posted

Your husband sounds extremely disrespectful of you and your relationship.

 

If it was just your perception of how he acts when she is around I would be questionning whether your fears are founded but the two comments you overheard, about him wanting sex with her and thinking about divorce rule this explanation out.

 

While a man may think about another women, or look at other women a man who loves and respects his wife and also one who has been raised properly with decency, will not outwardly show any thoughts he may be having, to you or to anyone else

Steen719 Established Member

Steen719

Posted
Posted

I think you should tell him that you heard what he said and that he has 2 choices. He can either put his eyeballs back in his head and shut the hell up about her or he can go pursue her. Be prepared though, because if he does stay with you, I think you may be facing more of this in your future with him and is this what you want for the rest of your life?

 

He is being extremely disrespectful of you and of your marriage and this should stop immediately and he should act married and faithful if he wants to keep you and his marriage. He should immediately stop seeing her, but my guess is he will not.

 

AND YES, SincereOnlineGuy has a good point about the age. 6 years difference and he is a teen? She is 13 and he is oldest "teen" he can be is 19. Sheesh, what a guy!

  • Like 1
Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
Why don't we cut to the chase here?

 

Is your husband a criminal? Or is he not?

 

 

He was 14, she was 8... Now it is possible that she was an adult teen of 18, and he 24, when they "dated"... but short of that, she could have been 15 and he 21, which would have been illegal in most places.

 

 

Depends on the state....states minimum age goes anywhere from 14-18.

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted

You guys need to sit down and talk about this. Could your marriage be over --quite possibly. You have to get all cards on the table about this. Go to counseling if you need to.

 

In some ways I think he needs to go with her...if he doesnt and marital problems resurface say 10 years from now he will be still thinking about you and comparing things to how things should have been.

shiftman Established Member

shiftman

Posted
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I have a thought, and I caution you that this only a thought!

 

This girl may represent the "one that got away". This would certainly explain why her pending engagement got him ticked off. This would also explain why he desires her company.

 

Deep down, he may full well recognize that she is not the person for him, but the "fantasy" aspect of this certainly appeals to him.

so_difficult Established Member

so_difficult

Posted
Posted
Why don't we cut to the chase here?

 

Is your husband a criminal? Or is he not?

 

 

He was 14, she was 8... Now it is possible that she was an adult teen of 18, and he 24, when they "dated"... but short of that, she could have been 15 and he 21, which would have been illegal in most places.

 

Once we learn the answer to that critical question, then we can better suggest your best course of action.

 

Really? That's the issue? I don't think it is at all. The issue is that her husband is openly and blatantly wanting to be with someone else, telling his friends he might divorce, and treating both her and their marriage with total and utter disrespect.

 

Okay, this is coming from someone who's tried like hell to keep a marriage going for 20 years despite very bad behaviour on the part of my H, but I say run for the hills. If he treats you like this while you're still in your honeymoon period, then I would not want to see what's coming. It hurts like crazy but believe me it only hurts more and gets more complicated the longer you wait. My only real regret in life is not seeing the signs for what they really were and getting the hell out when it would have been so much easier (pre-kids, pre-other entanglements that become thicker and thicker the longer you stay together). He's waving a great big huge red flag right in your face.

  • Like 1
Kelemvor Established Member

Kelemvor

Posted
Posted

I dunno... guys "say" a lot of things to each other that wives and girlfriends would gasp and slap them for...but they don't really mean what they say. The buddies know that too. It's like going to play golf and sitting around with the guys talking about how you don't let your wife tell you what to do, and talk about the latest SI swimsuit issue, etc.. then go home and "Yes, dear...I'm sorry honey...ok, I'll do that tomorrow...make that tonight..."

 

That doesn't mean that mentioning "divorce" to his buddies was right, because it wasn't, but guys can say a lot of things that they don't mean. I'd just sit him down and talk about it and tell him that you can't live like this anymore being constantly threatened by his relationship with this girl.

 

There's always two sides of the coin, but if your observations are correct then there are clear warning signs and I would bet that he would eventually sleep with this girl if he hasn't already. I'm sorry to tell you that, but it's the reality.

 

Better to nip it in the bud, perhaps get some counseling now... and see if anything can be resolved. Some men just need a "wake up call" to figure out the things of value in their life that they take for granted. On the other hand, this can also backfire and he may determine that the marriage is not valuable enough to him and indeed was a divorce. Either way, better to know it now than later. I'm sorry.

yessy21 Established Member

yessy21

Posted
Posted

I hate to be the bearer of bad news...but... your right. He is madly in love with her.

Im sorry as i know that this is painful. I have been in similar shoes. except that i didnt know until later. at least you can see it happening. Get out of that marriage. you deserve someone that will look at you how he looks at her. you can ignore it, you can deny it to others... but I know that you know. guys do talk a load of garbage together but the way that i imagine him acting by your description tells me that these are not fully lies.

 

he is disrespectful, he doesnt have to act that way. he could have been a respectful man and said "hey, i cant do this to you. its not fair."

If you dont stop whatever is happening now... i guarantee you that an affair will arise out of this... and if its not with her... it will be with someone else. He just doesnt love you the same way that you love him. its something that we all have to go through eventually. it will take lots of time... but i promise you that you will be ok...usually its the best of us who can find happiness in our misery. :)

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
Really? That's the issue? I don't think it is at all. The issue is that her husband is openly and blatantly wanting to be with someone else, telling his friends he might divorce, and treating both her and their marriage with total and utter disrespect.

 

Okay, this is coming from someone who's tried like hell to keep a marriage going for 20 years despite very bad behaviour on the part of my H, but I say run for the hills. If he treats you like this while you're still in your honeymoon period, then I would not want to see what's coming. It hurts like crazy but believe me it only hurts more and gets more complicated the longer you wait. My only real regret in life is not seeing the signs for what they really were and getting the hell out when it would have been so much easier (pre-kids, pre-other entanglements that become thicker and thicker the longer you stay together). He's waving a great big huge red flag right in your face.

 

 

 

O-Kaaaaaaaaaaay, is YOUR husband a criminal???

 

 

Alrighty then...

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